ALWAYS BE FAMILY
PATRICK
I was already tossing my work gloves into my toolbox when I heard my brother’s voice shouting for me in a panic. I really needed to get out of here and over to the hospital. Addi had sounded so distressed and worried. Her emotions had spilled over the phone and mixed with my own.
The first year after she’d left town, I still visited her dad a lot. Part of it was out of habit, but most of it was because I just plain loved the guy, and he still felt like family, regardless of whether or not his daughter and I were together.
“Patrick?” Thomas’s voice echoed throughout the barn.
“Back here,” I shouted as I headed out to see what he needed.
He rarely came all the way out here since he was usually buried in his office with numbers and financial shit.
“Hey.” He was out of breath.
“What’s up? What’s wrong?”
The last time he’d run out here all flustered, Clara had gone missing, and I found myself instantly panicking.
“It’s Jeremiah.” He ran his hand down his face, and I was thankful I was already aware.
“I know already. How’d you hear about him?” My tone was a little perturbed.
If anything had happened to that man, I should have been the one delivering the news, not the one hearing it.
“Brooklyn knows one of the nurses at the hospital,” he said before he threw his head back a little. “Wait. How’d you hear?”
My jaw clenched slightly. “Addi called me.”
“She did? Damn. We’ll talk about that later. You’d better get over there.” He pushed me, and I growled.
I was always fucking growling nowadays.
“I don’t need you to tell me what to do when it comes to Jeremiah. I was on my way to the hospital when you ran out here and stopped me.”
“Go then. Get a haircut while you’re at it. And maybe shave your face,” he said, sounding more like Matthew than himself. “You look like shit.”
“You look like shit,” I fired back, flipping him the bird on my way out.
I slapped my thigh for my dog to follow as I hustled to my truck, my mind filling with memories and guilt.
Jeremiah had been around when I lost my mom, and there were days when I was at his house more than I was anywhere else, especially my own. For a long time, it was really hard, being at home. The pain was palpable. It was in the air we all breathed, slowly choking the life out of us. I was grateful to Addi and for her dad. Not sure how I would have survived without them.
But the more time that passed and the longer Addi had stayed gone, the more I felt like seeing Jeremiah only caused us both pain. A different kind, but still, it hurt nonetheless. He did me a favor one day when he gave me permission to stop coming over. I thought he had seen how stepping inside their home caused my breath to catch in my throat and my legs to falter.
The memories always slammed into me a little too hard. I’d lost my balance on more than one occasion.
“You don’t have to keep coming by, Patrick. I’ll be fine. Burying myself in work helps, just like I know you’re trying to do. I’m always here if you need me. I always will be. But don’t keep hurting yourself on my account.”
It was a blessing and a curse. But I’d taken him up on his offer and avoided him for so long that I’d lost count.
I started mentally beating myself up over that decision. Jeremiah had always been a second father to me, and when Addi left, he had no one. And then selfishly, I’d gone and left him too.
When I pulled into the hospital parking lot, I cracked the windows on both sides and gave Jasper a pat on the head. “Be right back, buddy. Stay here. Be good.”
I hated leaving him in the truck, but I couldn’t bring him inside a hospital.
Rushing in, I headed straight for the check-in station and asked for the status on Jeremiah. To my surprise, I was listed on his emergency contact sheet, so apparently, I was allowed to get all the information I needed, including what had happened to him and how. I had been preparing for at least a little bit of a fight, so I was happy it hadn’t come down to that.
“When can I see him?” I shifted on my feet, and the nurse picked up the phone before hanging it back up.
“I’ll go check. Be right back.” She gave me a flirty smile that I wasn’t in the mood for. Not that I ever was, but I was especially unreceptive in this moment.
I knew that everyone in Sugar Mountain considered me single, but the truth was that I didn’t have a heart anymore. And girlfriends typically required that. I’d already given mine away, and there was no getting it back.
The nurse reappeared. “The doctor is just finishing up casting his leg, and then you can go back there and get him. You’ll give him a ride home, yes?”
“Of course.”
“You can wait in the lobby, and I’ll call you when he’s ready.” She smiled again before adding, “Or you can give me your number and I can call you.”
I swallowed hard, trying my best not to come off like a jerk. “My dog’s outside in the truck. I’ll be right back.”
She batted her eyelashes, or maybe there was something in her eye. I honestly couldn’t have cared less.
I turned around, reached for my phone, and instantly called Addi.
“Patrick.” She sounded out of breath.
“Hey, Addi. So, listen, your dad’s going to be okay,” I said first and foremost. I wanted to ease her worry.
“What happened?” she interrupted, and I knew she must have been dying for the details.
“He was on the roof, taking down the Christmas decorations. He fell and broke his foot. He’s getting a cast right now.”
“He was on the roof?” she shouted through the line.
“You know how stubborn he is,” I said.
Talking to Addi had always been easy, and this was starting to feel just like old times.
“He always over-decorated.”
“Because you loved it.”
“I did love it,” she repeated, and I ached to hold her in my arms, where she belonged.
“Don’t worry. I’m going to yell at him as soon as I see him.” I laughed.
“That would be helpful.” She laughed, too, and the sound made my chest literally fucking ache. “I’ll be home tomorrow.”
I thought I might start choking. Addi was coming home. To Sugar Mountain. After almost four years.
“You’re coming home?” I asked around my surprise, even though I shouldn’t have been at all.
Her dad had broken his foot; of course she’d come home and see him.
Hell, I should have broken my foot years ago.
“I’m bringing Sarina too.”
There was a long pause before either one of us spoke again.
But when it was me who talked first, I couldn’t believe what I asked. “Do you want me to pick you guys up from the airport?”
I smacked myself in the face after the offer. Having Addi back in my truck would be pure torture, but not asking would have felt wrong. I’d loved her for so long, and I didn’t know how to stop.
“Thank you, but we’re flying in, and then we’ll just take a cab,” she said, her voice soft and shaky.
Confliction ran through me at her words. I almost started arguing, insisting that she let me be the one to drive her. The large airport was over two hours away by car, but Sugar Mountain had a small landing strip that you could fly into, and it sounded like that’s what they were doing. The road between the bigger airport and Sugar Mountain could close at any time during the winter.
“How’s the weather?” Addi asked, interrupting my internal battle and reading my thoughts.
“There’s about a foot of snow on the ground, but it’s not supposed to storm in the next few days,” I said, sounding like a damn weatherman.
“We should be okay then,” she breathed out. “Thanks again, Patrick.”
“You’re welcome. I’m going to head inside and grab your dad. I hope you and Sarina have a nice visit.”
What a stupid thing to say.
I didn’t know how to handle this. At fucking all.
Did I want Addi to come see me? Hell yes. Did I want her to see the home I’d built with my bare hands for the two of us? Yes, again. But something stopped me from asking her or even telling her what I’d done while she’d been away. I hated the way everything made me feel, unsure and insecure—when I’d never been either of those things when we were a couple.
After ending the call, I stared at the phone in my hand. Her voice still haunted me daily, but nothing compared to how it sounded in real time. I’d thought I had every inflection of her tone memorized, especially after watching videos of her on those nights when I really enjoyed torturing myself, but none of it was even remotely the same. Old videos and voice mails all paled in comparison to hearing the way her voice rose and fell in time with her emotions. She’d sounded older somehow, her tone maturer with age. I hated it.
Sucking in a calming breath, I took Jasper for a quick walk, gave him some water from my truck, and put him back inside of it. I figured that Jeremiah had to be close to getting released now.
When I stepped through the doors, the nurse stood up.
“He’s ready. Room 239, just through those double doors.” She pointed and handed me a visitor sticker.
I slapped it on my shirt and hustled toward his room. My nerves started taking over when I spotted the doorway up ahead. Before I could stop myself, I reached for the doorknob and turned it, stepping inside and seeing the man I’d been avoiding for far too long.
Jeremiah Whitman sat on the edge of his bed, his leg in a cast that went halfway up his calf, a scowl covering his usual grinning face. Being in a cast like that had to piss him off. The man was a force. Six foot tall and more muscles than any person his age should still have. His skin was dark, and his curly jet-black hair had far more gray in it than I remembered seeing the last time.
When his eyes met mine, his entire expression softened. “Patrick.”
“Hi, Jeremiah. Dumbass,” I said with a grin, trying to break the ice that really didn’t exist, if I was being honest.
“Who do you think you’re talking to, son?” he snapped, but it was harmless.
“Some old man who apparently broke his foot from being stubborn and can’t chase me for saying it.”
He waved me off like I was making a big deal out of nothing. “I can still chase you. And my foot slipped on the rung of the ladder. Could have happened to anyone.”
He wasn’t technically wrong, but he was too damn old to be climbing up some shitty ladder by himself. We both knew it, but I’d have to say it out loud so that his stubborn ass would actually listen for once. The man never asked for help. Always claimed he didn’t need it. I knew the feeling well actually.
“Next time, you call me. I’ll take the decorations down for you. You don’t need to be climbing up and down ladders in the damn winter anymore.”
“What are you trying to say, Patrick? That I’m too old to do things for myself? Do you let your dad climb ladders?”
“I don’t let my dad do anything.”
He grumped. “Figures. Who told you anyway? Am I in the gossip mill already? Stupid small town.”
“Your daughter called me.” I stopped him from going on a rant about the way Sugar Mountain got up in everyone’s business and spread it around before you even realized it. It had happened before when Addison’s mom left him, and Jeremiah decided that he was not a fan of being talked about behind his back.
“How’d she find out?” He shook his head, irritated.
“She’s your emergency contact.”
“Damn,” he said. “Don’t tell me. Don’t say it, Patrick,” he warned.
“She’s coming out,” we both said at the same exact time before we started laughing uncomfortably.
“I’ve missed you, son,” he said with a smile that pulled at his cheeks. A smile I had memorized.
“I’ve missed you too.”
“Now, get over here and help me up. I’m not supposed to put any weight on it, and I don’t feel like hopping around like a flamingo.” He looked down at his broken foot and started yelling at it like it was the problem. Like his foot had betrayed him somehow by breaking.
“You’re going to love this.” I laughed once more, and he faked a snarl as I handed the crutches toward him.
“I might be old, but I’m still stronger than you, and I can still kick your ass. Don’t forget that,” he said as he flexed his left arm and a massive muscle appeared.
“You’d have to catch me first,” I teased, taking the crutches back and pulling them out of his reach.
“Or I can just knock you upside the head with one of these.” He grabbed one of the crutches and pretended like it was a bat before placing it underneath his arm. “It’s been too long.”
I knew he was talking about the last time he’d seen me. But I’d done what he’d suggested all those months ago and buried myself in work the same way he’d told me that he was doing.
Jeremiah used to stop by all the time when I first started building the home I lived in, his brown eyes always misting over at the sight of it. He knew exactly who I’d built the house for, even if neither one of us ever said it out loud. Eventually, he’d stopped coming by. I never held it against him. Only dug my heels in harder when it came to work and my trying to get through the days.
The wedding barn at the resort was so close to being completed that we were actually on schedule for our spring opening. And the chalets my brothers and I had convinced my dad to build on the property, instead of adding another hotel building, were all in various stages of being framed and built out. The Sugar Mountain Resort was going to be even more beautiful, if it was possible.
There had been a handful of times when I wanted to call Jeremiah and show him what I’d done, but I always stopped myself from reopening that door, like a fool.
I’d needed him. He’d needed me. And we’d both abandoned each other for reasons we pretended were more important. Being around him now reinforced that.
“Do you need to sign discharge papers or anything?” I asked as we walked slowly down the hall.
“Already done,” he responded.
We walked in silence through the waiting room and past the check-in station, where I tore off my visitor sticker and dumped it into the trash, ignoring the looks from the nurses gathered there. When we got outside, I pointed at my truck in the distance.
“I’ll go get it and bring it to you,” I said.
He huffed out an annoyed sound. “I can walk. Been doing it for a lot of years.”
Stubborn old man.
“Stubborn ass,” I breathed out, and he lifted up a crutch and swatted me on the back of the legs with it. “That hurt, dammit.”
“Good.”
When we got to my truck, I’d almost forgotten that Jasper was inside. He started wagging his tail and barking excitedly at the passenger window, where both Jeremiah and I were standing.
“Who’s this?”
“That’s Jasper.”
“You got a dog?” he asked, like it was a crazy notion somehow.
“He kind of got me,” I said, as if that explained anything when it literally explained nothing.
“Seems like a good boy.” Jeremiah didn’t ask for clarification, just opened the passenger door. “Can you scoot over so I can get in, buddy?”
Jasper was too busy wagging his tail and sniffing at Jeremiah instead of moving. I wondered if I was going to have to put him in the bed of the truck, but I really didn’t want to. It was cold out, and I’d never thrown him back there before. What if he hopped out at a stoplight—or worse, while I was moving?
“Let’s throw your crutches in the bed and get Jasper to sit between us. Sorry. He’s not used to having anyone else in the truck,” I explained.
Jeremiah handed me his crutches before using the handle above the seat to pull himself inside.
“It’s okay. I think we can manage sharing the space for five whole minutes,” he said before petting Jasper, and my dog instantly sat down and laid his head on Jeremiah’s lap.
I walked around to the driver’s side, tossing the crutches in the bed before opening the door, and hopping in, rubbing my hands together. “It’s damn cold out,” I said as I revved the engine and turned on the heater.
“Can’t believe you’re still driving this thing.” Jeremiah ran his fingers across the pink nail-polish stain on the glove box.
Addi had spilled it one time when she was painting her toes. I never had the heart to remove it. Never wanted to really. It had always made her smile whenever she saw that it was still there. It used to make me smile too.
“It still runs. No reason not to.” I shrugged.
“And when it stops running, you’ll bring it to me to fix,” he said, his tone dead serious.
Jeremiah ran the largest repair shop in town, like his dad before him. He had a shop filled with mechanics who were good at their jobs. He never overcharged and worked hard. There were other shops in Sugar Mountain, but Whitman’s Garage was by far the best and the most reputable. You only went somewhere else if they couldn’t fit you in.
“Rebuilt anything good lately?” I asked because his favorite thing to do was rebuild old cars.
He stayed busy with the normal wear and tear, things like brakes, replacing tires, and engine stuff, especially during tourist seasons, but his passion was in the projects. The kind that took months to complete and even longer to get the parts in.
“No one buys old cars anymore, Patrick. They’re all driving the ones you plug in. I haven’t had a good rebuild in the last couple of years.” He sounded sad.
“Maybe I’ll buy some old junker just to give you something to do,” I suggested, half meaning it.
“You already have an old junker,” he teased, smacking the console of my truck and making Jasper’s head pop up.
“You know I’m never getting rid of this thing.”
“I know, son. I know.”
He didn’t have to say more. We both knew that I kept this truck because of the memories it held. I wasn’t ready to let them—or her—go. At least not quite yet.
“Mind if I call her real quick? She’s been blowing up my phone,” he asked.
I nodded, holding my breath while he pressed some buttons on his cell.
I stayed quiet, my hand petting Jasper absentmindedly as I drove the familiar streets toward Jeremiah’s house. While I could only hear what he was saying, the sound of Addi’s voice filtered through the cab, even though I couldn’t make out any of her words.
The call ended, and Jeremiah breathed out a sound I couldn’t quite discern. “I guess she and Sarina will be here tomorrow. No talking her out of it.”
I laughed. “That sounds about right.”
When we pulled into his driveway and I cut the engine, Jasper instantly jumped up and stepped onto my thigh. There was no use shoving him away, so I opened the door instead. He hopped out and started sniffing at the new environment, his tail pointing straight up in the air. I grabbed the crutches from the bed of the truck and handed them to Jeremiah, who was already halfway out, standing on one foot.
“You can wait two seconds,” I chastised.
“Just give me those damn things,” he grumbled as he took the crutches from me and tucked them under his arms. “Why haven’t they figured out a way to make these comfortable yet?”
A gruff laugh escaped from deep in my throat. “Probably focused on more important things.”
“They don’t care, is what it is,” he said, and I figured that he was most likely right.
“Do you need me to take you to the shop? Or will you actually take a few days off and stay put?” I asked while he dug into the pocket of his pants and pulled out his house keys.
Even though there was no real reason to lock our doors, most of us still did.
“Haven’t decided yet,” he announced as he hopped inside the threshold.
I followed behind, shutting the door and locking it after Jasper ran in.
The hallway walls were still filled with framed photos of me and Addison and Jeremiah from over the years. He hadn’t taken a single one down. I would have known that if I hadn’t stopped coming over.
I watched as he headed into the living room, Jasper following close behind. When Jeremiah took his usual seat in his old, worn-out recliner, Jasper sat down next to it and laid his head on top of the armrest, begging for some attention.
I started pacing a hole in the carpet, unsure of what to do or how long to stay.
“I know it’s hard. With her being gone and all,” Jeremiah said before gesturing for me to stop pacing like a caged animal and sit down on the couch.
I did.
My heart squeezed inside my chest. I couldn’t breathe as I looked at all the framed photographs, the memories that surrounded me at every turn. Four years ago, this had been the most natural thing in the world, being inside this home. But now, I felt like an outcast. Did I still belong here?
“Can I ask you something?” I willed myself to calm down, but I was freaking out and questioning everything I thought I always knew.
“Of course, Patrick. You can ask me anything. You know that.”
I watched as he leaned forward and tilted his upper body in my direction.
“When Addi’s mom moved away, did you think she’d come back?”
I couldn’t help but compare the similarities of what had happened back then to what seemed to be happening now. Was the past repeating itself? I dared to let myself insinuate.
“You know, at first, I thought she just needed to get it out of her system. That she’d go to New York, see it, do whatever it was that she needed to do, and then come back home, where I always thought she belonged.”
“But that wasn’t what happened,” I added somberly because I knew how their story ended. And it wasn’t happily.
I started dreading that Addi might be more like her mom than I’d ever thought possible. But how could I know that really? I didn’t know her mom at all; I had never once even met the woman.
“No, it wasn’t. I was wrong about that.” He shook his head, but didn’t seem bothered or upset by it in the least. “It wasn’t New York that she needed to get out of her system, but Sugar Mountain. I realized pretty quickly that she wasn’t ever coming back here.”
He and I had never talked about this before. Sure, Addi and I had had conversations, but they were from Addison’s perspective—how she’d felt as a child whose mother chose to leave her behind and take her little sister away. She’d never once wished that she’d gone to New York with them, but it was still something that had affected her nonetheless.
“Do you think Addi won’t come back either?” I finally bucked up the courage to ask the question out loud to someone who wasn’t myself or my dog.
“To be honest, son, I never thought she’d stay gone this long,” he breathed out before leaning back in his recliner.
“Me neither.”
“I know how bad you’re still hurting.” He wasn’t judging me or acting like I should be over it already, the way I figured other people did. Jeremiah had always understood me.
“I just never thought we wouldn’t be together,” I admitted, feeling a little more emotional than I wanted to.
“Me neither.” He grinned as he repeated my words back to me.
“What the hell am I going to do when she gets here tomorrow?”
Knowing that Addi was going to be here was making me feel like I could crawl right out of my skin and leave it behind, like a snake. I knew I’d want to run straight to her, take her in my arms, and beg her to stay in Sugar Mountain.
But I also wanted Addi to be the one who came running to me. I needed her to choose me over New York. To want me more than she wanted anything else, the same way I wanted her.
Was that selfish? Cruel? Naive?
I wasn’t sure.
“Let her come to you,” Jeremiah suggested, breaking through my thoughts.
“But what if she doesn’t?” I swallowed hard as I stared at him.
“You let me worry about that part.” He gave me a wink, and instead of asking him what he was up to, I let his statement go.
Jeremiah had always been on our side, rooting for me and Addi to make it. Knowing that he still felt that way made me feel less crazy for still wanting her the way that I did. After all, who found their other half in high school and still felt that way ten years later?