BACK IN THE BIG CITY
ADDISON
W hen we landed back in New York, my whole body felt heavy from the inside out. All the love I’d been consumed with in Sugar Mountain felt like it was melting away with each passing moment. I truly did not belong here. No matter how much I’d learned, how many people I’d met, or how many incredible offers I’d received, this wasn’t my home, and it never would be.
“You okay?” Sarina’s voice broke through my internal thoughts as we made our way through the massive airport, our luggage in tow.
“Just a little homesick already,” I admitted, and she reached for my hand and held it as we continued walking toward the exit.
“Want to know something?” she asked, and I wasn’t sure that I did, so I just looked at her instead of answering. “I know the answer to your dilemma.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked with a smile that I didn’t mean.
“Yep,” she announced, popping the P with flair as someone stopped her.
“Are you Sarina Whitman?” a teenage girl asked, her voice shaking. It was adorable.
“I am. What’s your name?”
“Oh my gosh! It’s really you,” she said as a couple, who I assumed were her parents, stood off to the side and watched the interaction. “My name’s Raley. I can’t believe it’s you. My friends are going to be so jealous.”
I’d almost forgotten that Sarina was as well known in New York as any local celebrity was. Maybe even more so, depending on the person’s age.
“What a cool name. Do you want to take a picture together?” Sarina asked with a smile. “Make your friends even more jealous?”
“Yes, please,” Raley said as she started looking around, and I stepped in.
“I can take it,” I offered, and the girl practically dropped her phone into my hand.
I took a ton of photos, from multiple angles, knowing that if Raley was anything like Sarina, then she would need around fifty pictures to find one she deemed acceptable.
“Thank you so much,” Raley said as she retrieved her phone. “Oh, you’re the sister, right? The chef?”
“I am,” I said, laughing to myself. I’d forgotten that Sarina’s fans memorized everything she ever posted.
“This is so cool. Can I get a selfie with you too?”
“If you want?” I shrugged, but happily obliged.
After a few selfies, Raley ran toward the waiting couple, who gave us both a wave as they headed off, all three heads peering down at Raley’s phone as they walked.
“Oh, I’ve missed that,” Sarina cooed.
“Being recognized?” I clarified.
“Yes. I absolutely love it,” she said before spinning around with her arms spread wide.
“It does suit you,” I agreed.
My little sister handled her fame effortlessly.
She did another little twirl, her hair flying around her shoulders. “It does, doesn’t it? God, I love it here!”
Sarina was in her element. The second we stepped out of the airport doors and into the East Coast air, Sarina lit up like a Christmas tree, and I did the exact opposite, most likely looking like someone who’d just lost their dog.
It was surreal how downright opposite Sarina and I could be.
“There’s the car.” She pointed at a black town car idling in front and the handsome driver holding a sign that had her name on it.
We sped up our pace before being stopped once more for another photo. I offered to take it again, and I thought the teenage girl might pass out on the spot. She was shaking so hard, standing next to my sister, and the more Sarina tried to make her feel at ease, the more the girl shook. It was surreal to witness her reaction. And entirely sweet.
“Afternoon, ladies,” the driver said as soon as we neared. He took our bags, popped them into the trunk, and promptly held the door open for us to slide inside.
Once we were in, I buckled myself in. “Sarina, put on your seat belt,” I demanded.
She grumbled and hesitated as I shot her a look that told her I’d reach over her body and fasten her in myself if she didn’t do it. “Fine, fine.” She threw up her hands before pinching the belt between two fingers and snapping it across her body. “Happy?”
“Yes. Why is that so hard?”
“It ruins the outfit,” she mocked, and I rolled my eyes.
“Being dead would ruin it more,” I countered and heard the driver chuckle under his breath as the car lurched forward quickly.
I stared out the window as the city rolled by. Brick homes lined the streets as far as the eye could see, with older buildings that matched. Sucking in a long breath, I turned away from the scenery and toward Sarina.
“So, what’s your decision on my life?” I asked, and she jumped slightly, like she’d forgotten she’d ever mentioned it.
“Oh, right!” She smiled. “It’s obvious, Addi. I think you should turn down Frederique’s offer and go back to Sugar Mountain ASAP.”
I felt my jaw go slack with her words. Mostly because they were so blunt and to the point. And exactly what I’d needed to hear. Like I’d needed her permission to leave somehow. Or maybe it was her approval that I craved.
“You do?”
“I totally do.” She enunciated each word.
“You won’t miss me?” I felt sadness creep in.
Sarina was the one person I’d grown the closest to during these past few years while I’d been here. I would definitely be beside myself without her, and that fact weighed on me because we’d missed so much time together already.
She swatted my shoulder. “Are you kidding? I’ll miss you like crazy, but I’ll come see you. And Dad. Just because I don’t want to live in Sugar Mountain doesn’t mean I didn’t like it there. It’ll be the perfect escape when the city becomes too much and I need a break.”
“You’d really come out? You’re not just saying that?” I asked the question because a part of me knew that if I moved out of Manhattan, I most likely wouldn’t ever come back.
“I definitely want to go back there at some point. I have a room now, you know?” she said, and it reminded me instantly of little Clara and Patrick. “Plus, we’ll still talk every day. Maybe more than we do now with the time difference.”
That was actually a good point. Neither one of us had typical work hours, and the time difference would work in our favor. She’d be up at the same time I was.
“So, you think I should turn the offer down? I mean, it seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. I’d have my own restaurant, and I could choose my staff and I could give some of the people I’ve worked with a chance to rise in this industry.”
People that I didn’t really know. It wasn’t like I was overly close with anyone here in New York; no matter how much time we’d spent together in a kitchen. I had a handful of acquaintances who I admired and respected and did feel somewhat guilty about letting down, but to be truthful, I didn’t owe anyone anything and their success wasn’t my responsibility.
“Yes. One hundred percent.” She waved her hand like that was a nonissue. “Because if you take that offer, you’ll only be disappointing yourself,” she said before continuing, “You’ll be miserable, Addi. Sacrificing and compromising your own happiness for what? More experience? Who cares? Do you really need it? If you don’t see yourself staying here or moving to another big city, then what’s the point?”
I’d been thinking the exact same type of things, but I’d been afraid to give those thoughts a voice . Almost like they were too selfish to say out loud. If I admitted them to someone else, they could no longer be ignored. Once they were out in the universe, there were no take-backs.
“Not to be mean, but you don’t belong here. I always knew it, but I never realized just how much until now. And the longer you stay here, the more time you’re wasting,” she added for extra emphasis. “For no good reason.”
That subject had also been the theme of my thoughts lately. Time. How quickly it passed. How you had absolutely no control over it. How easily it was wasted. Time moved without any regard for your feelings. It didn’t stop or pause because you wanted it to. No, it kept ticking by, hour by hour, minute by minute, until you looked back and wondered where it had all gone.
“And the way Patrick O’Grady looks at you and loves you? My God, Addi, it’s what fairy tales are made of. I want someone to love me like that. Like, truly love me.”
My heart felt like it jumped up in my throat before settling back in place. Then, it started to ache.
I sucked in a steadying breath before grasping my sister’s hand and interlocking our fingers. “Thank you. I needed to hear all of that.”
“It wasn’t too harsh?”
“Not at all.”
“Mother’s going to be so pissed.” She laughed.
Instead of dreading that confrontation, I found myself not caring in the slightest. This was my life, and I wasn’t going to live it for anyone else. Not my mother. Not Frederique. And not for a staff of people that I barely, if even, knew.
“Nah. Her favorite daughter will still be here, so she’ll be fine.”
“She does like me best,” Sarina said, and that made me chuckle out loud.
“You can have her,” I said almost gleefully as a small flicker of hope started to blossom inside of me.
The two of us rode the elevator up to our mother’s floor and wheeled our luggage down the hallway. I opened the front door, and when we entered, the first thing we saw was her face as she sat in the kitchen, looking bored.
“You’re back!” She jumped up, hustled over to Sarina, and pulled her into a hug before spinning her around to look her over. “Ugh. Was it awful?”
Sarina flinched and removed herself from our mother’s grip. “Was what awful?”
“That Sugar Mountain. Isn’t it the tiniest, most backward place you’ve ever seen?” She sounded so disgusted, and I felt myself growing more than a little angry.
“No. It’s really charming. I loved it,” Sarina said, and my mother’s face instantly soured.
“And I’m moving back,” I said before I could change my mind.
“Of course you are.” Her eyes raked the length of my body like the disappointment I clearly was to her. “I knew this trip was going to ruin your future.”
I sucked it up. My mother was someone I didn’t really know and never truly had. Whatever her deep-rooted issues were, they weren’t about me, and I refused to take responsibility for her behavior. If she wanted to hate on Sugar Mountain or my dad, she could do it alone. I would never be a part of that.
“Thank you for all you’ve done for me. I really do appreciate it. But I want to go home now. I want to be happy. And I can never be that as long as I stay here.”
“You saw that boy, didn’t you?” The absolute disdain was written all over her face.
“Patrick?” Sarina asked with the world’s biggest grin on her face. I knew she had done it to make our mother even further enraged. “What a gem of a human. He’s probably the best guy I’ve ever met,” she continued, and I thought our mother might blow a proverbial gasket.
Mother growled, “Those O’Gradys think they’re so special.”
“They are if you ask me,” Sarina continued. “Hot as hell too.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up and came out of my mouth. They were hot. Patrick especially.
“Well, I’m glad you’re back home, where you belong, Sarina. I’m sure there’s a lot you need to catch up on. I noticed you barely posted while you were gone, and I’m sure that’s not good for business. You’re a social media influencer. You need to actually post on it.”
“I know how to do my job, Mother,” Sarina snapped.
“Well, you’d never know it, if these last few days were any indication.”
Sarina looked more annoyed than I’d ever seen. “Do you want me to help you pack?” she asked, directing everyone’s attention back toward me and the statement I’d made about leaving.
“No, thank you. I need to make a couple of phone calls and give notice at the restaurant. I don’t have that much stuff here anyway.”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” Sarina stepped toward me and pulled me in for a quick hug before whispering, “I’m so happy you are,” low enough that our mother couldn’t hear.
“She doesn’t belong in this city, Sarina. She’s not like you and me,” my mother stated with zero emotion in her voice, and I winced slightly with her words before steadying my emotions.
Her reaction was only further reinforcement that I was doing the right thing. If my decision had impressed her, then it would have been proof that I’d fallen too far from the person I used to be.
“Thank you again, Mother. For letting me stay here and for pulling whatever strings you pulled to get me into cooking school. I know you didn’t have to do any of that, but I’m grateful for your help.”
She interrupted before I was finished, “If I’d known you weren’t going to use any of it, I wouldn’t have done it. What’s the point of giving you this training if you’re just going to run back to Sugar Mountain with it? No one there can appreciate the skills you’ve acquired. So much wasted talent.”
I could have argued each statement she’d made, but there was no point. And honestly, I didn’t care to. Mother wouldn’t stop talking until she had the last word. And she needed to feel like she was right, so I let her.
“I have a couple of phone calls to make,” I said before turning my back to them and heading toward my bedroom, where I could have some privacy.
Once inside, I closed the door behind me and glanced around, my mind already racing with what I wanted to pack up and bring back to Sugar Mountain and what could go in the trash. Plopping down on my bed, I pulled up Frederique’s phone number. I pressed Call and held my breath. He picked up quicker than I could gather my thoughts, and I found myself stumbling a little at the sound of his voice.
“Hi, Frederique. It’s Addison.”
“I hope this phone call is the answer I’ve been waiting for.” His accent filtered throughout the line as my nerves started kicking into full gear. Even though I wanted to tell him no, saying it out loud was still nerve-racking.
“I’m afraid it might not be.” I tried to sound delicate, but was sure I’d failed; my voice was shaking with no way to stop it.
“That’s unfortunate.” His voice took on a stern and incredulous tone. “You’re actually saying no?”
I cleared my throat and tried to refrain from sounding emotional. This was business, and I strived to be professional, even though I was currently struggling. “I am. Thank you so much for your offer. It’s incredibly flattering. And if I were a different person, I would have said yes without even having to think about it.”
“So, what kind of person are you, Addison Whitman?” He sounded a little less angry now and slightly amused at my response.
“The kind who wants to go home to her small town.”
“Ah,” he breathed out, as if understanding completely. “I see. We’re not all cut out for big-city life. I’d rather you say no to this offer than tell me yes, crash and burn, and take us all down with you.”
Okay then.
“I know a few people who I think would be really great chefs for you to get behind if you’d like me to text you their names,” I offered, hoping he’d say yes.
“I’d appreciate that. Text them over to me. And good luck to you, Miss Whitman. Your small town will be lucky to have you back home,” he said before abruptly ending the call.
I stared down at it to make sure we hadn’t gotten disconnected or muted somehow, but, nope, the call was over. Firing off a text message, I gave him the names of three chefs who I believed were extremely talented and hardworking and deserved this kind of chance before deleting Frederique’s contact information altogether.
I wouldn’t be needing it.
Patrick filled my thoughts, and before I could talk myself out of it, I pulled up the Messages app and sent him one.
I made it back to NY safe and sound. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you.
The three dots danced, and his response came through almost instantly.
I’m always thinking about you. Glad you’re safe.
I miss you. I’m sorry I left without saying goodbye.
I never want to hear another goodbye from you again, Addi.
What are we going to do?
Come home, and I’ll show you.
I almost started packing my things after that message, but then I remembered that I still had a job. A job I needed to give notice to. It was funny how once I’d decided that I didn’t want to be here anymore, I no longer wanted to spend another minute in this city.
I was antsy. Agitated. Felt like I was crawling out of my skin. But I couldn’t leave my restaurant high and dry without any notice at all. The least I could do was give them two weeks and hope they’d let me go earlier since I was bailing on my verbal contract before my time was up.
As for Patrick, well, I didn’t want to give him any false hope or a timeline that I couldn’t stick to. So, I said nothing after his last message and went to work doing what I needed to do in order to get back home to the only man I’d ever loved.