3. Three #4
“Everything happened. You left, and my dad got sick, and I just kept falling deeper and deeper into this pit of despair I couldn’t seem to dig myself out of.
I was already teetering on the edge when you guys first tried to intervene, but I wasn’t ready to admit it then.
Things went downhill fast after my dad got diagnosed,” he admits, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I don’t know why it affected me the way it did.
I should’ve been glad to be rid of the guy.
But when it came to my old man, things were never black and white.
One day, I was telling myself I had things under control, the next I was flirting with a bag of heroin, wondering if it’d give me the relief the pills no longer provided.
” He breaks off, cheeks flushed with a hint of shame.
“I hate to say it, but I was a full-blown addict for a while. I had no intention of quitting. I simply didn’t care anymore.
But one night, I took it too far and woke up in the hospital, hooked up to a bunch of machines and feeling like death warmed over.
They told me I was lucky to be alive. Carter was there when I first opened my eyes, looking like he’d aged about ten years overnight.
I’d never seen him cry before, and it shook me to see him so distraught.
And then Anna barged into the room, throwing herself at me and begging me not to leave her like mom did, and that’s when I realized what a selfish asshole I’d been.
” His sigh is heavy, as he relays what was most likely a pretty eye-opening moment.
“I was the one constant in my sibling’s lives.
The one person they could depend on, and I knew my dad wouldn’t be around much longer.
He’d been given a life expectancy of less than six months, and the end date hung over my head like a fucking guillotine.
So, I detoxed. Worst five days of my life.
A few hours into it, I actually wished I’d died; it was that awful.
” The grimace on his face confirms this to be true, and even though I hate the thought of him suffering, I hope it left a lasting impression because I never want him to experience it again.
“But once the drugs were out of my system,” he goes on.
“And I could think clearly again for the first time in forever, things got easier, and I started counseling. Hit a couple of bumps over the year that followed, but I fought through it and I’m doing okay now. ”
I was aware he’d gone through a rough patch but hearing him relay his struggles in his own words somehow makes it seem that much more real, and a whole lot more frightening. Things could’ve easily taken a different turn, and I can’t even imagine a world in which Jake Nelson doesn’t exist.
“I want you to know that I would’ve come home in a heartbeat had I thought you wanted me there.
I almost did, both then and for your father’s funeral.
But I was afraid being confronted with me would only make things harder for you.
I took the easy way out, and I’m sorry for being such a coward. God, you must really hate me, huh?”
His soft smile is wrapped in sadness. “I don’t hate you, Tessa.
Believe me, things would be a hell of a lot easier if I did.
And I want to make it clear that I never once blamed you for my addiction.
I take full responsibility for my actions, and to this day, I’m still ashamed I let it get as bad as it did.
I let my friends and family down. Hell, I let myself down.
Truth be told, it was the wake-up call I needed.
When I woke up that morning and realized that my self-destructive behavior almost turned my siblings into orphans, I was suddenly painfully aware of just how low I’d fallen. ”
He winces, like even just talking about this dark chapter in his life causes him physical discomfort .
“Anyway. That’s in the past. My life is good now.
The business is thriving. My sister has turned into an amazing young woman.
Jude received a football scholarship at UNT and is living the dream, and I finally met someone worth considering a relationship with and then—bam.
You whirl back into town like a damn tornado, and suddenly everything is just so fucking complicated.
It took a lot of hard work and years of therapy to get me to a good place.
So, if you could please not mess with my head just when I’m beginning to find my footing again, I’d appreciate it. ”
“I didn’t come back here to mess with your head, Jake. I’m here because my mom is sick.”
“Fuck, Tessa,” he exclaims, looking sheepish, and despite the seriousness of the situation, I can’t help but smile.
“You always did have a way with words.”
Jake barks out a laugh before his expression turns serious.
It feels like he’s staring into the very depths of my soul when he says, “Your mother is one of the strongest people I know. She’ll pull through.
You’ll see.” The words are delivered with such conviction that it’s almost impossible not to believe him.
“Your dad didn’t,” I blurt out and immediately want to slap myself for being so insensitive. Jake doesn’t seem bothered, waving my callous remark off with a swipe of his hand .
“My dad didn’t have it in him to put up a fight.
He gave up on life when Mom passed and never got back on his feet.
He refused life-prolonging treatments, no matter how much I begged and pleaded with him.
Staying clean was still a daily struggle for me then.
I didn’t think I’d be able to handle the business and my siblings on my own.
He didn’t care. Who knows what went through his head?
I certainly never understood the man. Maybe he didn’t think we were worth the effort.
Or maybe he thought a slow, painful death was a just punishment for being such a miserable piece of shit,” he adds, shrugging his shoulders like losing both parents and leaving him sole provider to his family at such a young age isn’t a big deal.
But I know better. Underneath the tough guy facade lives a gentle and sensitive soul, and I’d never make the mistake of forgetting it again.
“It’s different for your mom,” he continues.
“She knows she has a hell of a lot to fight for, and she won’t give up easily.
She’ll make it. There’s no doubt in my mind.
” Satisfied with his prediction, he stretches his arms over his head before he slaps his thighs with both hands, startling me and bringing an abrupt end to our chat.
“Alright, I’d love to sit here and talk the day away, but I gotta hop in the shower and get some work done. ”
“I’m guessing that’s not an invitation to join?” I ask, wiggling my brows and flashing him a sly smile .
“Don’t push it,” he scolds with a stern expression, but the crinkles around his eyes give him away.
“Get out of here,” he orders, notching his chin toward the porch steps. “Let’s end things on good terms for once.”
I give a long-suffering sigh and reluctantly rise to my feet. “Guess I’ll see you Saturday.”
Jake escorts me to my car and waits for me to fold myself into the driver’s seat. Resting his forearms on the roof, he dips his head, looking at me through the open window like he, too, isn’t quite ready for this meeting to end.
“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but it’s damn good to have you back. I missed you like hell.”
“I missed you, too,” I croak, emotion thick in my voice while my heart performs a little jig in my chest. “I can’t tell you how good it is to be able to talk to you again.
” I wait for him to push off my vehicle and start the engine before I do something I might regret.
Like throw myself into his strong arms and kiss him until we both run out of breath.