4. Four
Four
Jake
“ L ook who’s finally decided to grace us with his presence?
” Bobby, one of my subcontractors, booms in his deep, obnoxious voice.
“Too late to help with the prep work, but somehow always just in time to reap the rewards.” It’s the day of Megan and Carter’s annual BBQ, and I have both dreaded and looked forward to the event all week.
Attending a get-together with the girl you’re currently dating while also facing the one you’ve loved and pined for most of your life is nerve-wracking, to say the least. Hence why I’d stalled until I couldn’t stall any longer without missing the whole thing altogether.
So, when Alicia and I arrive—fashionably late—it doesn’t come as a surprise that everyone else is already gathered around the picnic table on the patio.
A horde of kids are running wild in the sizable backyard while Carter’s dog, Boomer, chases after them, dragging what appears to be a small tree across the manicured lawn.
“I’m late because I wanted to make sure you assholes get paid on time,” I grumble, throwing an envelope in Bobby’s general direction before handing out the rest. “You’re welcome, by the way,” I add and suppress the smile threatening to break free at the contrite look on his face.
I gesture for Alicia to take a seat before sliding onto the bench beside her.
“I also made a salad and dessert. Pretty sure that’s twice as much as you brought. ”
“I brought a salad,” Bobby shoots back, looking genuinely offended.
“I think what you meant to say was Jane brought a salad. We all know you didn’t lift a finger to help her, so quit bitching and make yourself useful while you’re sitting next to the keg.
” Jane covers her snort with a cough, earning herself a disgruntled look from her husband before he grudgingly complies.
Filling a glass, he hands me the foaming beverage with a low grunt and moves on to bust someone else’s balls.
I try my best to get comfortable, settling in and conversing with the rest of the group while avoiding Tessa’s gaze like she’s Medusa.
That we called a truce doesn’t seem to make the situation less awkward, and I find myself feeling more and more tense as the afternoon progresses.
When I can no longer fight the strange pull between us, and Alicia gives me the side-eye more than once, I excuse myself to search for Carter, feeling like an asshole.
I find my friend in the kitchen, preparing snacks and simultaneously entertaining Ariana in her high chair, who seems content sucking on a mushy piece of banana while her father makes faces at her.
He takes one look at me and immediately knows something is up.
“Heads up, man. Food is almost ready to be taken out, and it will look a tad strange if you keep hanging out in here by yourself, so why don’t you nut up and tell Uncle Carter why you’re being such a weirdo?
” Rolling my eyes, I grab a baby carrot off the veggie tray and pop it into my mouth, giving myself a few extra seconds to get my head straight.
“I just needed a breather. I swear you can cut the tension out there with a knife.”
“Or maybe you’re just being paranoid.”
“I’m serious, man. I don’t know how to act around Tessa. There’s this uncomfortable energy between us that was never there before, and I’m here with Alicia, and things are just—different.”
“Why?” Carter asks, taking a break from his cucumber butchering to wipe the baby’s runny nose. “It’s not like you guys broke up yesterday. It’s been years, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t been living like a nun. So, what’s the big deal? ”
“I know it sounds ridiculous,” I say in hushed tones, even though no one is within hearing distance.
“But every time Alicia touches me, I have to physically stop myself from flinching. It’s like I feel guilty or something.
Like I’m somehow cheating on Tessa right under her nose.
” Carter stops cooing at his baby girl long enough to hit me with a knowing look.
“That’s because you still have feelings for her.”
“What?” I scoff, shaking my head in denial. “That’s absurd. I can barely look at her without wanting to shake her. I still can’t believe she thought I was fucking Jessica.”
I told Carter about our long overdue heart-to-heart, and he didn’t hold back when he flat-out told me we were both complete morons for not communicating better. Then he predicted that Megan would have a cow once she found out the real reason her best friend avoided coming home for so long.
“That may be, but you also want to kiss her and throw her onto the next available surface. Nothing hotter than a little hate sex to work off all that lingering resentment.” Carter thrusts his hips like we’re still in middle school.
“Would you grow the fuck up?” I snap, getting irritated. Mostly because his assessment hits a little too close to home. Carter cups Ariana’s ears and shoots me a warning look.
“Watch your language, for fuck’s sake. ”
I raise a brow. “You’re the one talking about throwing women onto flat surfaces.
Don’t start things you can’t finish. Besides, it’s not like she understands what I’m even saying.
Right, babygirl?” I coo, tickling her round belly and drawing the most adorable giggle out of her.
“You wouldn’t know the first thing about the naughty f-word, would you?
I hope, for your daddy’s sake, that it stays that way for a very long time. ”
Carter rolls his eyes and swats my hand away before steering the conversation back on topic.
“Listen, man. I think it’s natural for you two to tiptoe around each other.
You haven’t laid eyes on Tessa since she told you she screwed someone else and ran for the hills.
In her defense, she thought you’d dipped your pen in her arch-enemy’s inkpot, or she never would have given Shane the time of day in the first place.
Come to think of it,” he says with a thoughtful expression.
“I know someone who’s gone through a similar situation.
The dude was obsessed with this girl he’d known since they were kids, but she never gave him the time of day.
Fast forward a few years, and she goes through a real ugly divorce.
Loses everything. Her job, her home, half her friends, you name it.
So, she’s down on her luck, and as fate would have it, she runs into Mike, who’s the CEO of a pretty successful company now.
They start dating shortly after.” Carter shakes his head like he feels genuinely bad for the guy, and even though I have no idea who this dude is, I find myself getting invested.
“So, Mike is over the moon, right? I mean, why wouldn’t he be?
He finally got the girl of his dreams. Treats her like a goddamn queen and ends up offering her a high-paying job, which she graciously accepts.
Everything is fine and dandy. Things are going great.
Or so he thought, because a few months later, Mike found out she started banging his secretary the second her benefits kicked in. Pretty damn convenient, if you ask me.”
I give him a slow blink and we stare at each other for a prolonged moment before I have to ask. “How the fuck does that even remotely apply to my situation?”
Carter looks as confused as I feel. “You know, now that I’m hearing it out loud, I’m also noticing a lack of similarities.
But never mind all that,” he rambles on, dismissing my incredulous look in favor of arranging celery stalks like it’s a lost art.
I take a calming breath and dig deep, mustering up some much-needed patience.
I have a feeling I’ll need it for whatever comes out of his mouth next.
“The point is,” he continues. “You’ve been holding on to this all-consuming anger for years, and then you thought you were finally over her.
Suddenly, she’s back—looking better than ever, I might add—and it becomes glaringly obvious that you’re not.
I mean, dude, you haven’t been able to keep your eyes off her since you got here, and I know you’re beating yourself up over it.
You took a step in the right direction by clearing the air and getting some answers.
Now, give it some time. Let it marinate.
Stop overanalyzing, get back out there, and enjoy yourself.
I promise everything else will sort itself out. ”
I huff out a breath, observing Tessa through the big bay window overlooking the yard as she shares a carefree laugh with the new woman in my life.
Lost in my own head, I watch them interact for a few moments, cursing under my breath when I realize it’s not my girlfriend holding all my attention.
Dammit, maybe Carter’s right. Maybe it’s time to stop trying so hard.
Maybe I simply have to let go and just let things fall where they naturally want to go.
If I’ve learned one thing through my many years of therapy, it’s that control is an illusion.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and there’s no point in lying to myself.
I haven’t moved on; frankly, I don’t think I want to.
What I want is to go out there, throw Tessa over my shoulder, and show her that she’s still the only girl that sets my blood on fire.
I want to lock us in a room and give her all the orgasms she’s missed out on for the past seven years until she understands that this thing between us will never be over.
And doesn’t that make me feel like a real dick, considering I’m here with someone else.
Someone who’s kind, and fun, and way too good for me.
Someone who doesn’t deserve her date to eye-fuck his ex while she’s sitting right beside him. Ugh, I’m the worst.
Once I grow a pair and rejoin the party, following Carter outside and heeding his advice to ‘get back out there and enjoy myself’, it doesn’t take five minutes for me to regret my choices.