16. Sixteen #2
A stretch of uncomfortable silence settles around us before Jake gently lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes.
“If you’re worried I might relapse, don’t be.
I promise I have this under control. Besides, alcohol was never my vice to begin with.
I won’t deny that I’ve used booze to numb myself in the past. But I never craved it the way I did drugs.
Maybe it was because I watched my dad go down that road, and I was very determined not to be anything like him.
” He pauses, sinking deeper into the pillows while he gathers his thoughts.
“When I did coke, or molly, or whatever else I could get my hands on, it made me feel invincible. Like nothing could touch me. As long as I rode that high, my problems didn’t matter.
I didn’t think about all the shit happening at home or about how fucked up my life was.
What I’d lost or the many ways I was letting people down.
I just felt…elated. At the time, I craved that feeling of weightlessness more than anything, and I couldn’t seem to get it any other way. ”
He glances down at me, eyes flaring when he notices the single tear tracking down the side of my face. It hurts hearing his heart-wrenching description of just how desolate he felt back then.
“Don’t cry, Tessa,” he murmurs, wiping at my damp cheek with the pad of his thumb.
“I haven’t felt that way in a long time.
When my old man died, things got a lot easier.
And I know that sounds horribly insensitive and pretty damn heartless.
But it’s the truth. He was the root cause of my problems, and when he passed, it was like he took that fucking noose around my neck with him.
Once I accepted that you and I were through and realized I could still find happiness in my life, even without you in it, I could finally stop chasing that high.
Work gave me a feeling of accomplishment once I was free to run the company the way I saw fit.
Raising my siblings gave me purpose. The fact that Megan and Carter trusted me enough to pick me as godfather for their children, even after all the worry I’ve caused them.
” He huffs out a breath before a wistful smile settles on his face.
“I still remember the day Nathan was born, and I got to hold him for the very first time. It changed a lot for me, you know? Falling in love with them and having little ones around was pretty damn awesome. My life wasn’t that never-ending cycle of dread and hopelessness anymore.
And now that I have you back, and the last missing piece fell back into place, I truly feel content.
I don’t need drugs to create that illusion anymore.
I have the real thing now, so you don’t have to worry about me, okay? ”
“Okay,” I croak, pressing a soft kiss to his pec before I go back to listening to the steady beat of his heart.
“Now, I can only hope my little sister never feels the need to escape her reality. I’m so far out of my comfort zone when it comes to raising a teenage girl, and I worry sometimes that my inability to deal with my shit has fucked Anna and Jude up more than they even realize.
I put them through the wringer for a while, and I can’t ever take that back. ”
I prop my chin onto the back of my hands, giving him my most sincere look.
“You may have put them through the wringer, but you had your reasons. You didn’t drink or do drugs because you thought it was cool or even out of curiosity.
It was a cry for help, Jake. A cry no one fucking answered until it was almost too late, and that’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.
Yes, Anna has lost both her parents, and that’s tragic.
But she’s had a stable childhood thanks to you, and she’s always been treated well.
She’s never suffered abuse because you kept her safe.
Your siblings have been given every opportunity in life because of you.
That she called you tonight when she realized she was in trouble proves she trusts you.
” I cup his cheek, letting him see every ounce of admiration I hold for him before saying, “Just be honest with her. Talk about your experiences and make her understand that you know about these things because of the mistakes you made. Do as I say, not as I do, remember? It doesn’t make you a hypocrite.
You struggled with addiction, and you clawed your way out of it, growing into an incredible, loyal, successful, and caring man, I might add.
Anna should be damn proud of you. I sure as hell am. ”
“Wow,” he breathes, staring at me with a mix of adoration and amusement. “Quite the speech, Miss Davidson. You must really like me. That, or you’re just hoping to get lucky.”
Rolling my eyes, I deliver a playful smack to his chest. Here I am, speaking from the heart and trying to make him feel better, and all he can think of is sex. Typical man. Jake rubs at the sore spot and gives me the most adorable pout.
“First, my sister verbally assaults me, and now my girl gets physical. You know, after the night I’ve had, I could really use some lovin’.”
I pull back, taking in his mischievous expression and that sexy little smirk I love so much. I’m well aware he’s milking it, but damn if he isn’t hot when he’s laying it on thick.
“Guess I have to keep my man happy, don’t I?
” I say, blowing out a mock sigh before I swing a leg over to straddle him.
Jake’s pupils dilate as he watches me pull my tank top over my head to expose my heavy breasts.
He gives a rumble of appreciation, cupping them in his large palms, and slides the pads of his thumbs over my hard nipples with a featherlight touch.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, Tessa.” He pulls me down by the back of my neck, nuzzling the sensitive skin just below my ear before he bites down on a tendon, sending a shiver through me. “Look at that. I’m already feeling quite a bit better,” he whispers against my skin.
“Well,” I rasp. “Let’s see if we can’t make you forget about that rebellious sister of yours for a little while.” With that promise in mind, I place a trail of open-mouthed kisses down his throat and over his chest, taking my time to lavish special attention on his dark nipples.
I continue my journey south, nipping at his ribcage as I go and swirl my tongue around his hipbone.
When I blow a hot breath over the tip of his hardened length, his cock twitches in anticipation, and Jake wraps a hand around the back of my neck to guide me where he needs me most. I meet his burning eyes and lick my lips before taking him deep.
“Shit,” he says on a hiss. “You are so fucking good at this, sweetheart. Don’t ever stop.”
I chuckle around him before I draw back, flashing him a smug smile. “Let’s see how long you can last, shall we?” I say, issuing a challenge I know he’s eager to meet.