Seventeen
The tour was going great. The tabloids still talked about Artificial Suicide’s ex-vocalist, but it was barely a murmur these days, and that was largely thanks to Noah. As much as it irked Kaj to admit, the man had charisma and many talents, including making Kaj feel like a fucking weather vane. One day he was all smiles and obnoxious humor, and the next he was off.
Kaj didn’t know what was going on in the vocalist’s head, but something was clearly wrong.
For several days after San Francisco, everything had been alright. However, Noah had been distracted since the concert in Atlanta two weeks ago. It was easy to see in the way he’d interacted with the crowd, like he was sick and didn’t want to be there. He was more serious and irritated, too. Although he tried to conceal it, sometimes his tone sounded curt or his nostrils would flare as he clenched his jaw. And strangely enough, those days coincided with the ones he’d said he was too tired to fuck.
Kaj hated when people blew hot and cold like that. A part of him wanted to grab Noah by the shoulders and shake him until he spoke, but right now… right now…
“Fuck!” Kaj sagged on the plush mattress, closing his eyes as he ran his fingers through dark, silky hair.
Despite the warm atmosphere in the room, Kaj’s skin was covered in goosebumps. A combination of the pleasure he was receiving and the contrast in temperature with his own body. He was going to fucking implode.
Sighing a moan, Kaj stared down. Noah’s lips wrapped around his girth were fucking alluring.
“Jesus, S?rensen,” he groaned, his fingers fisting in his hair. “You’re gonna be the fucking end of me.”
Heavy with mischief and lust, Noah’s eyes never left Kaj’s as he took him deeper. He rarely ever gagged. It was amazing to watch. Kaj was no pornstar with a massive ten-inch cock, but he was more than decent length-wise and thick . Still, Noah somehow always managed to relax his throat enough to take him all the way, nose brushing against the neatly trimmed hair at Kaj’s base.
Wet sounds filled the space as saliva coated his dick and dribbled down his crotch. Kaj’s back arched. The tightness of Noah’s throat was devastating, a sinful paradise that had him trembling from head to toe.
“Fuck, right there,” he hissed, pushing Noah lower as his hips bucked. He was about to snap and lose control. “Don’t stop.”
There was a knock on the door, but they ignored it and kept going at it.
Then another.
Shit. Fuck. Go away.
“Kaj! Are you planning to get up today?” Ivar said, his voice muffled through the door. “You have an interview in less than an hour.”
Kaj opened his mouth to respond, but Noah chose that moment to pull away. He traced the underside of his cock with his tongue before swirling it around the crown with practiced precision, effectively short-circuiting his brain.
Noah released Kaj with an obscene pop and brushed his lips over the engorged head of his cock as he said, “Not gonna answer?”
“Little shit.” Kaj panted.
“Kaj? You awake, dude?” Ivar called again, exasperation clear in his voice. “You’re going to be late.”
Making sure they arrived on time for interviews and other scheduled media engagements was part of the tour manager’s job, though he probably hated having to chase after them like this.
“Should I stop?” Amusement danced in Noah’s eyes as he moved his hand up and down Kaj’s length, thumb spreading his precum in teasing circles.
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Kaj whisper-growled as he pushed Noah’s head down on him
Fuck…
“Yo, asshole,” Ivar said as the door of the room clicked open. Kaj’s eyes widened, and he rushed to cover Noah with the duvet—Buenos Aires was cold at this time of the year. “What are you—” The tour manager stood at the door, key card in his hand and a look of exasperation on his face. “Seriously, Larsen?” He gestured at the bulge under the bedding, then facepalmed himself. “It’s like I’m working with a pack of hormonal teenagers.”
Kaj fisted the sheets, knuckles turning white as he tried to keep his composure. “If you didn’t go around barging into people’s rooms… You—” His voice hitched as Noah, undeterred by their visitor, swirled his tongue around the overstimulated head of Kaj’s cock. “You wouldn’t see things you don’t wanna see.”
“If you’d answered, I wouldn’t have needed to enter to check if you were alive.”
“Mm-hmm… Okay.” Kaj’s brain was barely functioning.
“Anyway.” Ivar strode inside and opened the curtains, flooding the room with bright light. He was so used to seeing this kind of crap he didn’t even flinch. “The interview with Modern Drummer is at ten. We’re setting up the laptop for the video call in the lounge area.”
Kaj bit his lip so hard he tasted copper when Noah moved lower on his dick and stayed there, deliberately tightening the muscles in his throat around him. The control he had on such a small part of his body was ridiculous. It was so overwhelming Kaj involuntarily dug his nails into the vocalist’s scalp.
“Are you listening?”
“Y-yeah, yeah… Modern Drummer. Ten. Lounge.” Kaj’s face burned hot from the need to shoot his load. “Now fuck off.”
Ivar narrowed his eyes, then glanced pointedly at the moving duvet. “When you’re done feeding Noah breakfast, come down so you can go over the questions with Niels one last time.”
“What—” Kaj gritted his teeth, tensing all over to avoid moaning out loud in front of the manager.
“I know everything.” Ivar rolled his eyes and scoffed. “You have ten minutes.”
The door clicked shut, and Kaj immediately threw the covers back. Noah’s face was flushed, his hair tousled and mouth glistening with saliva, with no signs of surprise that their tour manager knew about their naughty adventures.
“Ten minutes? Now, that’s offensive,” Noah said with a devilish grin. “I can make you come in two.”
“You’re unbelievable.” Kaj laughed, scrubbing his palms over his face. “Though I think you have some explaining to do-uuh—Fuuuuck!” His words and every brain synapses in him melted the moment Noah wrapped his lips around his cock again.
The morning light streaming through the opened curtains bathed Noah’s skin in golden hues, highlighting the flex of muscles in his shoulders as he moved.
“Eyes on me,” Kaj commanded, seizing Noah’s jaw and fisting the hair on top of his head.
Noah’s gaze flicked up. There was hunger in it, a silent plea that scraped deep into Kaj’s bones. It was so intense that Kaj’s rib cage cracked, admitting defeat without putting up a fight. Was this what a real connection felt like? He wouldn’t know, didn’t remember. But it was warm and so overwhelming he couldn’t breathe. Maybe it was just a mirage created by the haze slowly taking over his consciousness.
In awe, Kaj grazed his thumb over the stretched seam of Noah’s lips. One of his hands was gripping his cock firmly, working in tandem with his mouth, while the other cupped and gently rolled his balls. Electricity sparked through Kaj’s body, twisting his soul like it was smoke.
“I’m close.” His hips began moving of their own accord in shallow thrusts that Noah happily welcomed, taking him deeper. “God—yes, yes… That’s it.”
Kaj’s voice vanish into a strangled moan as his orgasm crashed through him like a tidal wave. He squeezed his eyes shut, tensing and shuddering in uncontrollable spasms. Time stretched and compressed all at once.
Breathing heavily, Kaj opened his eyes and looked down, only to find Noah staring up at him. A trickle of cum escaped the corner of his mouth, trailing down his chin when he slowly pulled off Kaj’s softening cock.
Noah crawled up the bed like a predator stalking his prey. Before he knew it, the warm, salty essence of Kaj’s release flooded his own mouth, mixing with the traces of Noah’s cum as he’d sucked him before. Kaj groaned at the filthy intimacy of it, a hand coming up to grip the back of Noah’s neck as their tongues slid together, sharing one messy, carnal kiss that left them both panting.
When they finally pulled apart, a thin strand of saliva and semen connected their mouths for a moment before breaking. Noah licked his lips, looking thoroughly debauched and entirely too pleased with himself.
“You’re fucking dirty.”
“And you love it.” Noah pecked Kaj once more before rolling off of him.
“Never said I didn’t,” Kaj replied, ogling him as he disappeared into the bathroom. “By the way, how come Ivar knows?”
Noah didn’t answer, so Kaj followed him into the en-suite. Crossing his arms, he leaned on the door frame while Noah took a leak.
“You knew he knew,” Kaj noted.
“Yeah.”
“How?”
“He saw me walking out of your room one day.”
“Why am I only hearing about this now?” Kaj frowned.
“I-I… I wasn’t sure how you’d react. He promised not make a big deal out of it as long as we kept working well and it didn’t affect your recovery. But said he’d inform Niels so he can stay ahead any potential backlash.”
“Niels knows, too?”
“I guess.” Noah shrugged.
“But he hasn’t scolded us or anything.” Which threw Kaj off. Niels was usually breathing down their necks with these kinds of things, always warning them to be extra careful with their image to avoid unnecessary complications.
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you. You know them better than me.”
Kaj shook his head. Their managers knowing about their relationship wasn’t what bothered him. “Is that why you’ve been so fucking weird lately? You were avoiding me so I wouldn’t find out?”
A part of him was mad at Noah for lying. He wasn’t the bad guy here. Just wanted to keep his private life private, at least while he figured out what it meant or where it was going—if anywhere. He didn’t need melodrama added to the internal conflict he was navigating. Like, why did he prefer that Noah had lied than him second-guessing their arrangement? Kaj had never felt like this toward any of his hookups, not even the long-term ones.
“No.” After flushing the toilet, Noah moved toward the sink to wash his hands.
Concern flared in Kaj’s chest as he straightened and took a step forward. “Is Trine okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, she’s perfect. Considering.”
“Then what the hell is wrong with you, dude?” Kaj asked, realizing just now how unserious this entire conversation might look from the outside, since they both had messy hair and flaccid dicks hanging there. “I didn’t want to ask since it’s probably none of my business, but you’re acting strange.”
A brief lull swayed in the air.
“Remember when we talked about online trolls?” Noah finally said.
“Yeah.”
“It’s gotten worse.” Noah turned around, resting his ass on the countertop as he crossed his arms. “It’s not just my socials. Someone somehow found both my personal and professional email accounts, and… it’s sickening. I’m not reading anything anymore—Niels advice—but every time I get a notification, I freeze. It’s stupid because it’s not even a physical threat, just emails, but it’s making me feel so unsafe. Like I’ll find that person somewhere without knowing who they are and they’ll hurt me or something.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It’s not your problem.”
“But—” Kaj stopped himself, unsure of what he was going to say. He was actually worried, and it felt so bizarre. “Have they tracked who they are?”
“Whoever they are, they’ve been using a proxy or some shit. Niels explained what the private investigator he hired has been doing, but I don’t understand the jargon. All I know is that it could be one person or several people.” Noah sighed, hands gripping the countertop. “Though Niels is convinced it’s just one because everything revolves around me being a weak, untrustworthy little shit that’s stealing your spotlight.”
“That…”
Their gazes locked in a silence broken by the buzzing of the exhaust fan above them. Kaj had behaved like a bully toward Noah in the beginning, and practically until a few weeks ago. But someone else doing this felt wrong. More so since it seemed they were doing it on his behalf, which meant it was a Kaj fanatic. That was creepy, to say the least.
Only their bandmates, Val, and Mads knew about their past. Was there someone out there so obsessed with Kaj they found out about their history? A former hookup? A stalkerish asshole who never got their chance and was trying to get the drummer’s attention? Could it be the same one who harassed him years ago making their big comeback?
“I’m sorry.” Kaj cut the distance between them and stopped right in front of Noah, his bare feet flanking Noah’s as he cupped his face. “Niels can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he knows what he’s doing. It’ll be okay.”
“Hope you’re right.” Noah closed his eyes and leaned against Kaj’s touch, deflating.
For reasons unknown, Kaj felt the need to get even closer and comfort him. And so, he kissed him—gently, slowly, warmly.
It had been two days since that… impasse. Kissing like that and outside of sex was a distant memory for Kaj, so foreign he didn’t know how to feel about it. He’d been shrugging the image out of his mind every time it tried to sneak in. Didn’t have the energy to analyze what it meant. Neither did he want to give it space in his head. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that things were slowly changing between them and within him.
Good thing they’d been out sightseeing and always in a group, so it wasn’t like he’d been alone with his thoughts that much.
“Fuck, this is so good,” Hilde said while chewing her ham and cheese croissants. “Can I stay here forever?”
“In Argentina?” Ben asked with a chuckle. “Or in this hotel?”
“If I had to choose, I’d rather live inside this deliciousness. I could marry it.”
“You already married me,” Ben said with a dramatic pout.
“I’d leave you for it in a heartbeat.”
“And no one would blame you.” Giulia laughed. “It’s so good.”
Kaj sipped his coffee, smiling at the comfortable scene unfolding around the table. Breakfasts since they’d arrived in this country had been so relaxed, like a rare Sunday in the middle of winter when the sun shone up bright in the sky. It wasn’t like they rushed everywhere and were stressed. Touring was frantic, but it was part of their routine. However, days off were undeniably cozy when they all spent time together like this.
“Anyone want more coffee?” Val offered as he walked over to the table lined with various beverages.
Before anyone could answer, Niels strode in and stopped beside them, his normally composed demeanor fractured. His face was pale, his jaw tight, and he was clutching his phone so hard his knuckles had gone white.
“Noah, Kaj,” he said, his voice strained. He didn’t sit down, didn’t even acknowledge the others. “I need you both outside.”
The table fell silent, the earlier laughter evaporating like morning mist. Kaj felt his stomach drop, cold dread washing over him.
“Everything alright?” he asked the manager, already pushing his chair back.
Niels merely shook his head, a subtle movement that sent alarm bells ringing in Kaj’s mind. “Just... outside, please.”
“What have you done this time?” Val asked the drummer in a whisper.
“Nothing.” Kaj frowned. “That I know off.”
He could feel the entire crew’s eyes on him and Noah as they followed Niels out of the restaurant. The marble floors of the lobby gleamed under the abstract chandeliers. A few hotel guests milled about, some lounging in plush armchairs with newspapers or laptops, others crossing the space with purpose.
Kaj and Noah exchanged a few worried glances as Niels led them to the private lounge room reserved for the team. The air felt dense around them, the pressure building with every step they took. The manager had known about their relationship for a couple of weeks, so it couldn’t be about that.
Once the three of them were alone behind closed doors, the manager ran a hand through his hair, letting out a bleak sigh.
“What’s going on?” Noah asked.
Niels took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at them again. “Photos of you two together have been leaked.”
The words hung in the air, heavy as lead. Kaj’s mind reeled, trying to process what Niels just said.
“What photos?” Noah asked, his voice unnaturally calm.
Niels swiped at his phone screen, then turned it toward them. Kaj leaned in closer to Noah, their shoulders touching as they stared at the screen.
There were three photos of him and Noah sitting on the cozy veranda in Atlanta’s hotel. Everyone else had already gone to their rooms as they were flying early the next morning to Mexico, but Noah and Kaj stayed longer. They’d been talking about music mostly. Then things escalated with stupid innuendos that ended up with both of them getting horny as fuck.
The pictures themselves didn’t depict anything extremely inappropriate—a dirty glance Kaj flashed Noah while biting his bottom lip, his hand possessively splayed on the vocalist’s thigh, and Noah whispering in Kaj’s ear—but they looked… intimate. There was no other word for it.
“Fuck,” Kaj whispered, his heart hammering against his ribs. The room suddenly felt too small; the air too thin.
“Who’s this asshole?” Noah asked.
“A photojournalist who runs this trashy music site where he exposes private moments of public figures and talks about all kinds of scandals… I’ve had several run-ins with him before.” The disgust in Niels’s voice was palpable.
Kaj sank into the nearest chair, legs suddenly unable to support him. His hands were trembling, and he wasn’t sure if it was from anger or the need to have a drink to calm his nerves. “How did we not notice someone following us?”
“He’s good at what he does,” Niels simply stated. “Uses telephoto lenses, keeps his distance. He uploaded these to his blog a week ago—”
“A week?” Noah’s voice rose.
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kaj asked, voice steadier than he expected because, honestly, he was burning with rage on the inside.
“Part of my job is putting out fires you don’t ever hear about. You need to stay focused on what you do, these matters are mine to handle.” Niels sighed, the lines around his eyes deepening. “I had the private investigator we hired for your case track him down. I’ve already had several heated arguments with him and his lawyer, but there’s nothing we can do. He’s not using the images for commercial purposes or infringing on any copyright laws since he took them himself. Freedom of speech protects this kind of shit.”
“What about our privacy?” Kaj snapped.
“You were in a public place,” Niels deadpanned. “No laws were broken in taking the photos.”
“This is bullshit.” Noah frowned, looking angrier than Kaj had seen in a while. Last time was when the drummer purposely pressed his buttons by telling him he’d done everything in his power so he didn’t join the band.
“What do we do now?” Kaj wondered.
Niels shook his head. “This is not why I wanted to talk to you. The biggest issue is that someone has posted about it on a forum. The thread has over eight hundred comments already.”
The weight of this revelation felt like Kaj had been hit with a bag full of bricks.
“Eight hundred comments,” Noah mumbled, blankly looking down at the floor, or his feet, Kaj couldn’t tell. “What are they saying?”
“It’s mixed. Shock, hate, praise… You know how this goes. There’s a hashtag trending in some circles—#Koah.”
Noah made a strangled sound, something between a laugh and a grunt. “They’ve already given us a couple’s name?”
“The internet moves fast,” Niels said grimly.
“Show us,” Kaj demanded. He wasn’t a fan of reading this kind of bullshit, but something in his brain still refused to believe what was being said in this room. He needed to see it for himself.
Niels handed over his phone reluctantly. Kaj scrolled through the forum thread, Noah leaning over his shoulder, their bodies unconsciously mirroring the closeness captured in those damn photos. The comments ranged from supportive to viciously homophobic, with countless speculations about their relationship status.
Kaj's thumb froze mid-scroll. There it was—a comment that made his blood run cold. “ I’ve warned you several times, S?rensen. If you play with fire, you can get burned, ” he read out loud. The username was obscured by asterisks, marked as flagged by moderators like a few others, but the message remained.
Kaj handed the phone back to Niels as if it were contaminated. His fingers felt numb, his mind a whirlwind of confusion and anger. He glanced at Noah, whose face had drained of blood.
“What concerns me the most,” Niels said, looking at Noah, “is that this is probably what triggered your... admirer .”
Noah’s head snapped up, his eyes widening slightly before narrowing. “What do you mean?”
“The timing of the recent emails you’ve been getting... They started getting more aggressive right after these photos were posted. I should have made the connection sooner.”
“If that’s the case, then this is not some crazy fan’s bullshit harassment or someone wanting to get noticed,” Kaj said. “This is pure fucking cyberstalking.”
“It actually is, yeah.” Niels’s jaw twitched, something the drummer had learned happened when he was holding something in.
“What?” Kaj narrowed his eyes on him.
“After going back and forth with the private investigator and Finn, we noticed that the prose in the messages is awfully similar to the one your obsessed, psycho fan used… Which makes it all make sense. In whatever delusional world this person lives in, they believe you belong to them”—Niels pointed at Kaj—“hence why you’re the enemy,” he concluded, gesturing toward Noah.
The room fell silent, the gravity of the situation settling over them like a heavy blanket. Outside, the sounds of the city seemed to mock the tension in their private sanctuary.
The worst part? There was nothing they could do. Reporting cyberstalking to the police was pointless—it was “ difficult to prosecute and a low priority .” In Kaj’s case years earlier, even when things escalated and law enforcement got involved, they kept hitting dead ends. The stalker was a nutcase but undeniably tech-savvy, using VPNs, burner phones, randomized usernames and emails, and avoiding public Wi-Fi entirely. The police were confident they’d eventually catch them—after all, even the most skilled cybercriminals slip up—but the stalker vanished before that could happen.
“This is fucked up.” Kaj stood up suddenly, unable to sit still any longer. He paced to the window. “So, what do we do? Issue a statement? Deny everything?”
“That’s why I brought you two in here,” Niels said, touching his grey beard. “We have options, but ultimately, this is your lives we’re talking about.”
Kaj turned from the window. “What are those options?”
Niels settled into one of the armchairs, gesturing for them to sit on the couch across the coffee table. Noah complied, but Kaj remained standing, his nerves too wired to function properly.
“There are several approaches.” Niels’s voice took on the measured tone he used when navigating difficult situations. “We could issue a formal denial, claiming the photos have been misinterpreted on purpose. We could go with a ‘no comment’ strategy and let it die down naturally. Or…” he hesitated, exchanging glances with the two musicians, “we could acknowledge it, which would allow us to control the narrative.”
The silence that followed was deafening. Kaj finally moved from the window, dropping onto the couch next to Noah. Their knees almost touched, and Kaj found himself aware of the few inches between them in a way he wouldn’t have been before those photos surfaced.
“So basically, we’re fucked,” Kaj said, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.
“Not necessarily,” Niels replied. “But we need to be strategic about whatever we decide. This isn’t just about your privacy anymore. It’s about your safety.”
Noah exhaled. “What do you think we should do?”
“Professionally speaking, I’d recommend the second option. In a different decade, homosexuality would have been an issue, but not anymore. Getting on the defensive and denying it doesn’t make much sense.” He paused, his expression softening. “But personally? I think you both deserve to live authentically, however that looks for you.”
Kaj let out a humorless laugh. “The thing is, we’re not a couple.” He glanced at Noah, their eyes meeting briefly before both looked away. “We just…”
“Fuck occasionally?” Noah supplied, a bitter note in his tone.
Niels didn’t even blink. “The nature of your relationship isn’t relevant to how we handle this. My biggest concern is managing the public fallout and ensuring your safety—especially yours, Noah, given this stalking situation.”
Tension hung in the air like a poisonous cloud.
Knowing someone was watching your every step was a nightmare. You literally feel like a hunted animal. You go outside and your mind is hyperactive, scanning every face you see. Every sound makes you react and turn toward it. Then, when the initial shock starts to wear off, your body is still under stress, but it’s not nearly as high as in the beginning, which allows logical thinking to return in full force. What would be an entry point to my home? Could that corner be a potential place for someone to ambush me?
“I think we need time to process this before making any public statement,” Kaj said, measuring each word as he looked at Noah, seeking confirmation.
Noah nodded. “Rushing into anything would be a mistake.”
“Okay. I’ll tell the PR team that we’re going with a silent strategy for the time being.”
“What do you need from us in the meantime?” Kaj asked.
“There’s not much you can do.” Niels stood, straightening his leather vest. “I already told Ivar, who’s alerted the head of security and his guys to be wary of the situation. You just… be extra careful from now on. And Noah”—he fixed the vocalist with a serious look—“forward me any new messages you get, no matter how insignificant they seem.”
Noah nodded.
“Also, I think you should consider telling the crew so they can also keep an eye out for anyone suspicious coming around.”
After Niels left, the two musicians sat in silence for several long moments. The plush couch seemed to swallow them, the elegant room suddenly feeling like a cage.
“What a shit show,” Noah said after a while.
Kaj ran a hand through his hair, letting out a long breath. “Yeah.”
“Are you okay?” Noah asked, turning to face him.
“Yeah. I mean, this sucks, but it’s not my first rodeo. You?”
“I’m okay. This is fucked up and intrusive, but I guess this is part of the deal.”
“Sadly.”