Eighteen
“I have no idea what I’m going to order,” Val said as he sprawled in the armchair. “Everything looks so good.”
“What does?” Kaj asked without taking his eyes off the TV screen. “Fuck you, Markus.” He tossed the controller on the coffee table as the tech literally finished him , ripping the front of his skull, impaling his brain, and eating it.
“Baraka will always beat your Scorpion skinny ass.”
“Dishonor on you. Dishonor on your cow.”
After spending the day sightseeing, the crew had come back to the hotel to freshen up a little before going to dinner, and now they were here, hanging out in the lounge room. The same place Niels, Noah, and he had been talking that morning.
The two musicians agreed to tell everyone about their relationship, like Niels had suggested, but he was nervous about it. They hadn’t decided when or how, and Kaj doubted anyone would take it wrong, but they weren’t serious. Telling them would make it official, make it real.
He wasn’t afraid of the jokes or being teased, but of the pressure if something went wrong. So being busy for most of the day and beating the crap out of someone in this virtual scenario took off the edge of the anxiety he was feeling.
“The Milanese is awesome,” Frederik told Val. “Also, the Spanish tortilla and the desserts. Fuck, those are great.”
“In short, we’re gonna roll back to the hotel later.” Xander laughed.
“Basically, yeah.”
Frederik had made a reservation at a place he’d gone to the last time he vacationed in Argentina; he said it was one of the best he’d ever tried, and that man knew what he was talking about when it came to food. So, of course, they let him lead the way.
“Oh, look who’s finally here,” Ben, the pyrotechnics guy, exclaimed when the lounge door opened.
“When you grow as much hair on your head as you do on your beard and balls, you come talk to me,” Aksel clipped as he entered. “It takes time to look like this.”
“Like a princess?”
“You’re just jealous.” Aksel shrugged, his brow slightly furrowing when he scanned the room. “Where’s Noah? I thought you’d all be waiting.”
“With Niels,” Xander said.
“Is everything okay?” Aksel wondered as he sat on the arm of the couch beside Kaj.
“I think it’s just related to the interview he has tomorrow.”
“Oh, okay.”
“This time I’m gonna try the steak, though,” Frederik continued in his parallel conversation with Val, leaning forward on the couch. “I’ve heard they’re a religious experience. Like…” He scrolled on his phone and faced the screen toward the photographer. “Look at this beauty. Cooked to perfection, seasoned just right.”
“I’m salivating like a dog,” Val groaned, squeezing his eyes dramatically as he clenched the chest of his hoodie. “Stop torturing me.”
“Anyone want another drink before we head out?” Xander asked, moving toward the small bar in the corner of the lounge room.
As the crew fell into easy conversation, planning their last day off before the concert in Buenos Aires, Kaj found himself checking the time on his phone for the tenth time. He knew that conversation had nothing to do with the interview.
“I wanna go to that street market,” Ben said, grabbing a beer from Xander.
“El Mercado de San Telmo?” Frederik said.
“Yeah.”
“That’s definitely worth checking out. My wife loved it. She got her mate gourd from there.”
Val nodded enthusiastically. “I want to get some shots there. But also in La Boca.”
“Is that the area with those crazy colorful buildings?” Xander asked.
“Yup.” Frederik nodded.
“Count me in,” Aksel said.
“What about you, Kaj?” Markus nudged his shoulder. “You coming, no?”
“Huh? Maybe.” He pocketed his phone, trying to focus on the conversation. “I want to see that cemetery Frederik mentioned.”
“That’s on the other side of the city,” Frederik pointed out. “We need to sit down and actually check the map. We won’t have time for everything, but that one’s definitely impressive, like walking through an outdoor sculpture museum with all those massive mausoleums and statues.”
“Sounds like the perfect spot for our resident goth,” Markus teased.
Kaj flipped him off automatically, but his mind was elsewhere. The door to the lounge opened, and everyone’s heads turned. Niels entered first, his usually composed demeanor slightly off-kilter. Noah followed behind, his face a careful mask that didn’t quite hide the strain underneath. His eyes were slightly reddened and his hair was messy, as if he’d been running his fingers through it.
“Finally,” Val said, stretching dramatically. “We were about to send a search party.”
Noah’s mouth curved into what was technically a smile but lacked his usual spark. “Sorry to keep you waiting, guys.”
“No worries,” Frederik said, either not noticing or politely ignoring the tension. “We’ve been entertaining ourselves with Kaj’s pathetic gaming skills and food porn.”
“Go fuck yourself,” Kaj called, catching Noah’s eye.
Seeing how affected he was made Kaj’s heartbeat falter. They’d been in a public place and were famous, but no one had the right to intrude on their lives and steal private moments to share online. Thank fuck they’d been keeping their dirty deeds behind closed doors.
“The reservation’s in twenty minutes,” Frederik noted after checking his watch. “We should get going.”
The group began to fragment, gathering coats and phones, before walking outside the hotel. Niels hadn’t said anything, but his knowing look as Noah and Kaj followed the crew spoke a hundred volumes.
Their procession of taxis wound through the evening traffic, past elegant colonial buildings and modern high-rises. Buenos Aires was a city of contrasts—European elegance mixed with Latin passion. Stars winked above the city’s glow, and the streets pulsed with a particular energy that seemed universal to all great cities after dark.
Under different circumstances, Kaj would have enjoyed every second until they pulled up at the restaurant, but there was a sense of dread pressing in his lungs that made it hard to focus on the present. After fumbling to get his phone out of his leather jacket’s pocket, Kaj shot Noah a text.
You good?
Just tired
More messages?
Yeah
Sorry
Not your fault
The place was cozy, with an old-school vibe and rustic decorations that felt like they’d gone back in time. It was dimly lit, giving a super chill and relaxed atmosphere while keeping a nice buzz. It was one of those places where you could just kick back with a drink and soak in the localness.
Rich, savory scents of grilled meat hung in the air, mingling with the sound of laughter and clinking glasses. Everyone was in high spirits, but Kaj couldn’t fully join in. He kept glancing at Noah across the table, catching the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes when he laughed and how his fingers tapped nervously against his beer.
Around them, the restaurant filled to capacity, the ambient noise rising with each new group as they devoured their desserts. Waiters moved efficiently between tables, balancing plates of steaming meat and bottles of local Malbec.
“Earth to Kaj,” Xander waved a hand in front of his face. “You’ve been spacing out all evening, man.”
“Sorry,” Kaj mumbled. “I’m kinda tired.”
Aksel leaned back in his chair with a smirk playing on his lips and interlaced his fingers together on his stomach. “Tired? Is that what we’re calling it now?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Kaj said, a note of defensiveness creeping into his voice.
“You’re different.”
“Different how?” Val asked, interest piqued by the potential for drama.
“Like, you still tell us to fuck off from time to time, but you’re less prickly.” Aksel’s smirk widened into a full grin. “You’re getting laid, aren’t you?” he threw in Kaj’s direction.
Kaj choked on his water, which made everyone else crack up. Kaj felt heat rising to his face, a mixture of embarrassment and anger washing over him. He risked a glance at Noah.
“Oh my fucking god! It’s true!” Val wheezed. “How did I not see it? Your resting bitch face is completely gone.”
“Is it a man or a woman?” Markus asked, then waved his hand dismissively. “You know what? I don’t care. Just let me live vicariously through you. Having my girlfriend thousands of kilometers away is so damn hard.”
“Actually…” Noah cleared his throat, drawing everyone’s attention. His fingers stopped their nervous tapping as he clenched his fists on the table. “I’d prefer if my sex life wasn’t discussed over dessert.”
Kaj shifted uncomfortably on his seat. They had agreed to this, yes, but he wasn’t expecting Noah to be so blunt about it.
“Wait, what?” Val’s head snapped in Kaj’s direction, then back to Noah. “You two are fucking?”
“Yeah.” Kaj nodded.
“For how long?”
“A month or so.”
“What the fuck? How did I not see it?” Aksel chuckled.
“Because you’re not as smart as you think you are,” Kaj snapped.
“Sit and spin,” the guitarist said as he flipped him off.
“But why keep a secret from us?” Ben wondered.
“We weren’t hiding anything,” Kaj lied, his defenses rising. “We just weren’t... advertising.”
“Until someone did it for us,” Noah added, running a hand through his already disheveled hair.
“What do you mean?” Xander asked, his tone filled with concern. The bassist didn’t care about what anyone did with their personal lives, but he was probably worried about how Kaj and Noah’s relationship could affect the band and their mental health. Being dissected like a piece of meat online was never fun.
“Photos of us together were leaked a few days ago,” Noah continued, his gaze fixed somewhere in the middle of the table.
“What kind of photos?”
“Nothing explicit,” Kaj cut in.
Xander crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, the wood creaking slightly under his weight. “Does Niels know?”
Noah nodded. “He’s talked with the reporter and his lawyer, but it doesn’t matter now. It’s spread like wildfire on a forum.”
“That’s fucked up,” Val said, shaking his head.
“Fucking vultures,” Markus muttered, shaking his head.
“Always looking for the next headline, the next scandal,” Frederik added, his voice low and controlled but with an undercurrent of anger. “It’s disgusting.”
“Look, this sucks big time,” Xander started, “but for what it’s worth, it’ll blow over eventually. Two weeks from now, someone else will do something more interesting or stupid, and people will forget.”
“Yeah.” Aksel nodded in agreement. “It’s not the first time that’s happened to us.”
The waiter appeared with another round of drinks, setting them down before disappearing again. Kaj watched as condensation formed on his glass, tiny droplets sliding down like tears. He hadn’t expected this kind of response—this casual acceptance, as if he and Noah being together was the most natural thing in the world.
“You guys don’t care?” Kaj asked as the others continued cursing and grumbling.
“About you hooking up?” Aksel snorted and rolled his eyes. “Please.”
“The sexual tension between you two could power a small country.” Ben laughed.
“So,” Aksel said, leaning his elbows on the table with exaggerated interest, “who made the first move?”
“None of your fucking business,” Kaj retorted.
“I’m betting it was Noah,” Markus cackled. “Kaj’s too busy maintaining his tough-guy image to risk rejection.”
“Hey!” Kaj protested, but Noah was laughing now, the sound warm and genuine, calming Kaj’s nerves.
Everyone cackled, and warmth spread through Kaj’s chest. It was softer than the burning embarrassment from a second ago, more comforting—like slipping into a hot bath after being out in the cold for hours.
The evening air had cooled considerably by the time they left the restaurant, but it was still nice outside. So, instead of getting a cab, they walked back to the hotel. It was just a forty-minute stroll and would help them digest the copious amounts of food from dinner before going to bed. Seriously, they’d eaten like starving pigs.
Their voices hushed in the streets as Kaj fell behind, hands shoved deep in his pockets, watching Noah’s back. The vocalist was nodding at something Xander said, but his shoulders were tense, the line of his spine rigid.
They were free of their lies and sneaking around to not get caught, but having their privacy exposed was outrageous. Not to mention being stalked. It would take Noah some time and a lot of mental strength to get over it. Kaj was very well aware of how that felt.
After he’d emancipated and put some distance between himself and that pretense of a family he had, he was paranoid. When he moved to Copenhagen for work, it got even worse because Jesper lived there, only getting better again after Mads and his grandma welcomed him into their home and Jesper was thrown into jail. It was two really stressful years. Then, it repeated all over again with his own particular stalker.
Noah had proven to be good at masking distress, but that morning, when they talked with the manager and his distracted attitude since then, gave Kaj a glimpse of the whirlwind in his head. He was exhausted and scared.
Something inside Kaj made him want to hug and reassure him, again .
Who the fuck are you?
Back at the hotel, they divided into two elevators to get to their rooms. Kaj leaned against the mirrored wall, staring at the numbers climbing, while Noah stared at his boots and the others continued talking in much lower tones. Something about cars.
“I’m gonna smoke one more before going to bed.” Kaj pressed the button to the rooftop.
“I’m coming with you,” Noah said.
With the bustle of the city and his friends talking, Kaj hadn’t had time to mull over everything that was happening. The photos, their not-serious relationship being in the public eye… He wanted to be alone, but he’d gotten so used to Noah’s presence that, for some reason, it didn’t bother him if he tagged along.
“Don’t stay up late, we have an early flight to catch,” Aksel quipped as he followed Markus and Val out of the elevator.
The ride up was silent, just like the terrace, which was mercifully empty at this hour. Buenos Aires spread out before them like a glittering sea, the city lights competing with the few stars twinkling in the dark sky above. The distant sounds of traffic and nightlife rose up, a soft urban harmony that made this corner of the world feel strangely intimate.
Kaj lit a cigarette, the flame briefly illuminating his palm as he shielded it from the wind. He took a deep drag, feeling Noah’s heavy gaze on him as he watched the smoke curl upward into the night sky.
“That was awkward as fuck,” he finally said.
Noah propped his elbows on the railing. “Could've been worse.”
“How?”
“They could’ve been weird or mad about it.” Noah shrugged. “Instead, they just seemed... slightly upset that we hadn’t told them.”
“And amused,” Kaj added with a huff. “Did you see Aksel’s face? It was like he’d won some fucking bet.”
“Maybe he did,” Noah said, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “I wouldn’t put it past them.”
“Me neither.”
Kaj blew out a cloud of smoke as they fell silent again. A plane crossed the night sky, its lights blinking steadily against the darkness.
“Are you okay with this?” Noah asked, turning his face to Kaj. “With everyone knowing?”
Kaj took another drag. “Doesn’t matter now, does it? Cat’s out of the bag.”
“It matters to me,” Noah said quietly. “What you think. How you feel about it.”
Kaj stared at Noah for a moment. The shadows played across his face, highlighting the sharp cut of his jawline and the slight furrow between his brows that never seemed to fully disappear these days.
“I’m not ashamed of what we’re doing or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. I’m not used to sharing my personal business, but I’m okay with it. Oddly enough.” Kaj flicked ash from his cigarette and took another drag. “What about you? And don’t give me the ‘I’m fine’ bullshit. I know the shit with the photos and the stalker is affecting you.”
Noah’s fingers drummed against the metal railing as he looked out at the sprawling cityscape, as if searching for something in the mass of buildings ahead.
“It’s complicated.”
“We’ve got all night,” Kaj replied, gesturing to the empty terrace.
A crisp breeze ruffled Noah’s hair all over his forehead. It was so black and shiny and silky, Kaj had to fight the urge to reach out and brush it away from his eyes.
“I don’t mind the guys knowing about us. We’re all together almost every second of every day. It was only a matter of time before they found out.” Noah offered a lopsided grin as he slicked his hair back. “And I usually don’t care what people say about me based on what they get from the media, but those photos being everywhere makes me feel violated, somehow.”
“It is a violation of our privacy. I don’t go around snapping pictures of strangers just because they’re out in the open and upload them on the internet.”
“I hate the double standard people have about this. How some of them think that since we’re public figures, they also own us in a way, so they can use our images and twist our words however they please.” Noah huffed and let his head hang low. “And then, the messages. I know it’s stupid, but I can’t get them out of my head. Though the ‘you don’t deserve Kaj’ , ‘you have no right to touch him’ , and ‘you should die for touching what’s mine’ make sense now.”
Kaj shuddered inside.
He was curious to know what those messages really said but was afraid to even ask. How fucked up could someone be to think his persona belonged to them in any capacity? How fucked up could they be to take that rage out on Noah just because they had a physical relationship? That they were smart enough to hide behind virtual labyrinths only added to the eerie sensation growing in Kaj’s chest.
“I know it’s easier said than done, but ignore every word in those emails. It’s probably just some sad little creep trying to get your attention or mine. Who knows.”
“Yeah… but it’s exhausting.” Noah chuckled bitterly. “To be honest, it’s giving me nightmares.”
Kaj stubbed out his cigarette on the ashtray attached to the railing and left it there. He wanted to say something comforting, something that would erase the haunted look in Noah’s eyes, but platitudes seemed hollow in the face of the current situation.
“You know what’s really messed up?” Kaj said, moving closer to Noah. “I’ve been through this shit before, and I still can’t find any magic words that would make it better for you.”
“I don't need magic words,” Noah replied. “Just being able to talk about it. I missed this…”
Kaj didn’t need to ask what he meant. He knew he was talking about that period of time eight years ago when they’d been tangled around each other. The difference was that Kaj had been a lot more closed off than he was now. He didn’t trust anyone, not even his own shadow, so all he did to stay afloat was swim on that surface level. Anything substantially deep made him feel like he was drowning. Noah had tried to be friends, but Kaj simply couldn’t, fucking and trivial chatting was everything he could offer at that time. Maybe things were changing between them.
“I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Understandable,” Kaj said. “It’s an insidious kind of torture.”
“How did you get past it?” Noah asked.
A cloud drifted across the moon, dimming their small corner of the world. In the darkness, Noah shifted closer, their arms brushing together.
“Time helps, and also not being alone.” Kaj had struggled with this, but it turned out to be a blessing being surrounded by people who liked what he liked and actually cared about him as a person and not an asset. “Having people who believe you, who take it seriously without making you feel like you’re some fragile thing about to shatter.”
“Is that what I am? A fragile thing?” Noah’s voice held a note of bitterness.
“No,” Kaj said. “Most people would’ve cracked under half the pressure you’re dealing with.”
As the clouds passed, moonlight spilled over them. Noah turned to face him, their bodies now angled toward each other.
“Thanks.” Noah’s voice was barely above a whisper, a soft exhalation that mingled with the night air.
Fighting the urge to wrap around Noah so he didn’t feel as vulnerable, Kaj shifted his weight and inched his hand across the small space separating their hands on the railing. Their fingers touching was a tenuous connection, easily deniable if anyone saw them, but it was deliberate and so needed .
Noah took a deep breath through his nose and closed his eyes briefly before plunging into Kaj’s gaze.
In this situation, Kaj would have normally distanced himself from the other person—he hated being the topic in lame gossip columns—but something unrecognizable and new had hatched among the fear and resentment rooted in his heart. He wanted to kiss him, to lick every corner of his mouth in a way that made him think of nothing else but how their tongues danced around each other. He wanted to help him forget, even if momentarily, all the distress eating at him from within.
Dragged by his own greed, Kaj brushed his fingertips along the lines etched on Noah’s upturned palm. He traced the lifeline, heart line, fate line, mapping constellations of a different sort while maintaining the appearance of two friends simply standing close in conversation.
“Your room or mine?”