Twenty
It wasn’t Kaj’s first time getting a little kinky. He wasn’t new to double penetration either; he had done it all—vag and ass, double vag, and double ass. Yet this felt like the first time he sucked Noah’s dick when they were sixteen.
Rubbing a palm down his face, he reclined on the back of his couch and let out a huff. Everything was ready in the bedroom: the cock ring with a dildo attached to it, lube, a wedge pillow, a couple bottles of water, and a waterproof blanket. He’d closed the thick curtains in his bedroom and chosen an atmospheric metal music playlist—Alcest, Cult of Luna, Negura Bunget, and the like—that was already resonating through the house audio system. Despite how it looked, Kaj wasn’t trying to be romantic, but he wanted— needed —Noah to be relaxed so he opened up to him completely.
It’d been eight days since they talked about doing this, and they hadn’t fucked since. They could have, but with the Nova Rock Festival, Kaj’s birthday celebration, and him wanting to give Noah enough time to get ready to do this, the logistics simply didn’t align.
The bell rang, bringing Kaj to his feet like he had a spring under his ass. His palms were clammy, and his heart was about to rip through his chest. Why the hell was he so anxious?
He buzzed Noah in, and three minutes later, he was at his door.
“Hey, you,” Noah greeted, obliterating Kaj with that sexy, lopsided grin of his.
“Hey, you,” he replied, voice so rough it was obvious he was on the edge. Keeping himself in check when he wanted to skin Noah with his tongue was the fucking hardest thing. “You okay with this then?” he asked against Noah’s mouth as he closed the door.
“I can’t fucking wait.”
Noah pressed his mouth against Kaj’s in one of those kisses that molded their lips together, firm yet soft. Kaj’s hands cupped the sides of Noah’s neck while the vocalist gripped his waist, fingers digging into the flesh, letting him know he was as eager and excited as he was nervous.
At least I’m not alone on that one.
It was ridiculous that they were so flustered. Noah’s deepthroating skills weren’t something a person acquired after a couple of attempts, just like the edging Kaj was able to put himself through. But this was Noah’s first time trying double penetration. The first . Although they had done other things together when they were in their teens, losing their anal virginity hadn’t been one of them.
Kaj’s stomach churned.
Destiny was cruel like that.
Kaj slowly pulled away, relishing for a moment in Noah’s onyx eyes. He was not going to let his past and the intrusive thoughts ruin this for him—for them. Snapping back to the real world, Kaj lured Noah to his bedroom.
“This… looks cozy,” Noah said as he dropped his bag on the floor, squatting to take out the stretcher Kaj told him to get to practice, leaving it on the bedside table like he was settling a picnic. “Are you planning to fuck my ass or my mind?”
Kaj stayed silent for a moment, but then his wires crossed.
Hooking his finger in the loops of Noah’s jeans when he turned around, Kaj dragged him closer and rasped, “Both.” Deliberately slow, he unbuckled Noah’s belt, tossing it aside with a metallic clatter while holding eye contact. “You might command the world when we’re on stage, but here, in private, I hold all the power. Every time we fuck, I steal a piece of you, getting deeper and deeper into your head, leaving you with nowhere to hide.”
“Fuck…” Noah breathed out.
He bit Kaj’s bottom lip and tugged it, obliterating any trace of fear or doubt as he soothed the sting with his tongue. The kiss that followed was nothing like the first. It was pure anarchy. Utter destruction. Apocalyptic.
Like symbionts trying to survive in a suffocating atmosphere, they sucked, licked, and explored each other’s mouths, desperate to get oxygen into their lungs. They broke apart long enough for Kaj to pull the T-shirt over Noah’s head and his own while Noah made quick work of the cord keeping Kaj’s sweats in place before shoving them down to the floor, stripping him completely.
As their mouths found each other again, Noah dragged his nails down Kaj’s sides, making him hiss and arch as he fumbled with the button of Noah’s jeans. Once undone, Kaj pulled the zipper open in one harsh motion and crouched to bring Noah’s clothes down to his ankles. As Noah stepped out of them, his hard cock slightly bounced in front of Kaj’s face. The foreskin was retracted all the way, leaving the engorged, pink head unprotected.
Falling to his knees, Kaj wrapped his fingers around it and licked a trail of saliva from base to head while using his free hand to massage Noah’s balls.
“God…”
With a wicked grin, Kaj looked up at him, savoring the way his breath hitched as their eyes met. The vulnerability in his gaze mixed with unbridled desire hardened Kaj’s dick. He was dying to see Noah’s tight hole completely stretched out. To watch him unravel under him while pleasure and pain morphed into one single sensation, mixing the chemicals in his brain to the point he lost touch with reality.
“I really want to test your limits, see where your breaking point is,” Kaj rasped against the velvet skin of Noah’s shaft, his breath ghosting over the sensitive flesh.
Noah threaded his fingers through Kaj’s hair, holding on like he needed an anchor. “Do it,” he rasped. “Toy with me. Shatter me in any way you want. I’m all yours.”
Without wasting another second, Kaj took Noah into his mouth. A strangled curse fell from his lips, which Kaj took as a cue to swallow him further. Relaxing his jaw, he pushed through the gag reflex that had his skin crawling until his nose brushed against the trimmed hair at the base of Noah’s dick. He hollowed his cheeks, creating a tight suction as he slowly pulled back.
When he reached the head, Kaj swirled his tongue over the slit. The bitter-salt taste of Noah’s precum was so intoxicating he couldn’t help but moan around the cock in his mouth.
“Holy fuck!” Noah gasped.
Kaj wrapped his fist around Noah’s dick, pumping as his tongue laved the prominent vein on the underside, applying the perfect amount of pressure against the frenulum to make him tremble. Noah groaned and bucked his hips forward with frantic urgency, hand tightening on Kaj’s hair as he bobbed his head in a relentless rhythm. Over and over and over again.
“Jesus Christ. Fffuck. Yes… Keep going.”
Spit dripped down Kaj’s chin, making a mess of both of them, but this was exactly how he wanted it. Sloppy and dirty. He wanted Noah to feel every wet slide, every swirl of his tongue, every jolt of electricity when he rolled his balls in his palm.
Noah’s dick twitched, leaking more precum. His hips jerked with less control, breaths coming out in sharp, ragged pants as he neared the precipice.
Perfect .
As Kaj pulled off, a string of saliva connected him to Noah’s glistening cock.
“Fuck,” Noah protested, heaving. “Why’d you stop?”
Kaj rose to his feet and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. His own erection stood proudly, brushing against Noah’s. “This was just the warm-up.” He traced his fingers over Noah’s chest, feeling the rapid heartbeat beneath them. “You really thought I’d let you come so soon?”
Noah shivered when Kaj pinched his nipples. “You’re a sadistic bastard.”
“Been called way worse. Now, get on all fours in the middle of the bed.” Kaj’s voice was rough as he nudged Noah backward. “I want to see that ass up in the air.”
Noah complied without hesitation, crawling onto the mattress and positioning himself exactly as instructed. The sight of him waiting, all needy and exposed, made the beast inside Kaj shake the numbness from its limbs as it fully awoke from what felt like an eternal slumber.
“Ready to be wrecked, pretty boy?” Kaj taunted in a low tone, slapping his ass.
“Fuck, yes!” he cried out.
Kaj smirked as he grabbed the lube and the vibrating stretcher Noah had brought with him. Climbing onto the bed behind him, Kaj’s palms ran over the curve of his ass, spreading the cheeks apart. There was a roar in Kaj’s head. Once again, the vocalist was all shaved and smooth, ready for him . “Been thinking about this all week.”
“Stop thinking and start doing.”
Kaj lowered himself and blew a gentle stream of air across Noah’s crack, his hole twitching in response. Then, he flattened his tongue and licked a long, wet stripe from Noah’s balls to the base of his spine.
“Jesus fucking—” Noah clutched the sheets, words fading into a moan when Kaj bit his cheek hard enough to leave a mark.
Before Noah could say anything else, Kaj dove back in, circling Noah’s puckered hole with the tip of his tongue. He sucked and lapped, cupped his balls, caressed his thighs, his lower back. Alternating between broad strokes and pointed jabs, he gradually increased the pressure. As he finally pushed his tongue past the tight ring of muscle, Noah let out a sound that was half-sob, half-moan, making Kaj’s neglected cock throb in anticipation.
Noah gasped, voice breaking as the drummer speared him with his tongue. “That feels... God!”
Kaj pulled back, taking a moment to breathe as he drizzled silicone lube over his fingers, purposely letting it drip onto Noah’s ass.
“Fuck,” Noah hissed. “Warn me next time.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Kaj chuckled as he circled Noah’s hole with his middle finger and pressed slowly, watching it easily breach. He might be vers, and judging by the way he moved his hips even when he was bottoming, Kaj was sure he was an incredible top. But fuck, the control he had over every fucking muscle in his body.
Once Kaj was buried to the knuckle, he paused. Noah exhaled, his body tensing momentarily before relaxing. Kaj then began to move his finger in and out, adding a second digit when Noah loosened enough for it. Wet sounds and all kinds of breathy moans and curses ricocheted amongst the walls enclosing them as he scissored, churned, and curled his fingers in Noah’s ass.
Three .
Noah pushed back against him. He was letting Kaj in so easily today. A flame of pride ignited in his chest. It was warm and cozy, and it only made him want to give this man whatever the fuck he wanted tonight.
Noah’s entire body jolted, and a strangled cry escaped his lips when Kaj brushed against his prostate. “Fuck! Right there…”
Kaj added more lube, the excess dribbling down Noah’s taint and balls, making everything gloriously messy.
Four .
Kaj continued mercilessly massaging that sensitive spot until Noah was trembling, begging him to stop as his cock leaked all over the waterproof blanket beneath them like he was actually coming. However, Kaj knew Noah’s body well enough to know the sounds he was making and the way he was tensing wasn’t the same as when he grasped an orgasm, so he continued pushing him.
No color words were used.
No questions were asked.
No intentions of stopping were shown.
“Fucking perfect,” Kaj praised, twisting his wrist. “Can’t wait to see your hole gaping after I fuck you with two cocks.”
“Jesus.” Noah let his head fall between his shoulders.
“Ready to take it to the next level?” Kaj bit his bottom lip, breathing hard through his nose as his four knuckles pressed against Noah’s rim. Close, so close… Maybe next time they could try with his whole fist. Kaj shuddered with excitement at the thought. “Noah?” He tilted his head to check on him.
“Yeah. Sorry.” He panted like a dog that had run like a loon for hours. “Just trying to catch my breath.”
“Need a break?”
“No. I want this. I fucking need it.”
Kaj reached for the massive vibrator. It was a toy formed in three distinctive sections, each more challenging than the last. Soft enough to be bent but hard enough to penetrate without being squished. Kaj weighed the black dildo on his palm. He’d used it a couple of years ago with a hookup. It was fucking amazing.
“Sit,” he said when Noah’s arms and legs began to tremble. “How far did you make it?”
Noah rolled over and perched on his palms behind him, facing Kaj. “To the second hump.”
A predatory smile spread on Kaj’s lips. His dick alone was like the first girth—six inches. The second was seven and half. The last one… Kaj quivered inside. The last one was fucking nine, close enough to the size of his dick and the penis ring together.
“Let’s make it to the third tonight.”
Noah let out a long puff of air through his nose, keeping his eyes plunged into Kaj’s. He said nothing, nor did he move, as if waiting for his next instruction.
“This is gonna be straining enough for you, so lay on your back and relax,” Kaj said while coating the stretcher with lube. It looked almost menacing as he lined it up with Noah’s hole. “Remember to breathe, and if it’s too much, tell me .”
Noah nodded, eyes locked on Kaj’s. “I trust you.”
Sex required a certain level of reliance, but for some rougher practices, it was a must. You didn’t need to love your partner to play these games, but you sure needed to have a connection, which Kaj had with Noah. It was a fact, as much as that bothered him. Not to mention that he’d already given Kaj the green light to do anything he wanted. But those three words and the way they rolled off his tongue sent an unexpected surge of heat through Kaj’s body.
It was as if he were saying he didn’t care about the secrets Kaj was obviously keeping. As if he didn’t care about the lies and the fights. About the times he’d belittled or threatened him. Here and now, Noah was handing Kaj a knife, confident he wouldn’t hurt him to the point of no return. Or maybe he didn’t care as long as Kaj was the one inflicting the pain.
And that… It meant so much to him.
Because maybe , if he opened up to Noah, he’d actually retrieve the feelings he used to have when they cuddled together in bed to watch a movie on a rainy day when they were teens. Maybe Noah was the thread he needed to stitch his wounds together.
Taking a deep breath, Kaj shook the whirlwind of thoughts from his head and cupped Noah’s balls, drawing them slightly up as he pressed the tip of the vibrator against his slick hole. This was not the time to dwell on the past or the future. This was about them now. Here. Tonight.
The tight muscle of Noah’s ass tensed then yielded, slowly accepting the intrusion. The first section slid in with relative ease, so Kaj pushed it forward carefully until it reached the transition to the second hump.
Submerged in the sensual atmosphere, with his hands and every sense focused on Noah, Kaj searched for the slightest sign of discomfort. But all he could see, hear, and feel was pure fucking pleasure as the man in front of him fisted the sheets and pressed his head back against the mattress, exposing that prominent Adam’s apple and the hard pulse in the veins of his neck.
As Kaj continued pushing in, Noah’s hole stretched, and the second section went in.
“Breathe,” he cued, giving him a moment to accommodate the size of the toy while planting wet kisses on his knee. “Gonna turn it up now.” The thumb of his other hand was already hovering over the button on the remote.
“Okay…”
The dildo came to life with a low hum, and Noah’s entire body stiffened. “Holy fuck!” he cried out, his cock visibly throbbing against his lower abdomen.
Kaj moved the toy in gentle, shallow thrusts, never withdrawing past the widest part. A thin sheen of sweat covered Noah’s skin, making it glow in the dim light of the bedroom. He looked almost like a hallucination, something so good, so beautiful and perfect it couldn’t be true. The way his lips parted, the way shadows played across the valleys and ridges of his muscles…
“You ready for more?” Kaj asked, voice rough with untenable desire.
“Fill me up.”
Kaj’s cock jerked at the raw need in Noah’s tone. He squeezed a generous amount of lube onto the stretcher and spread it with his fingers.
“Look at me,” Kaj commanded. When Noah’s eyes met his, he continued, “Breathe with me. In…” He inhaled deeply, watching Noah mirror him. “And out… Relax for me, pretty boy.”
As Noah exhaled, Kaj increased the pressure, watching in awe as his body began to open. Noah whimpered and his breathing hitched, fingers digging into the sheets with such force his knuckles turned white.
“Fuck… fffuck…” Noah shut his eyes and one of his hands flew up to wrap around the head of his leaking cock. “It burns so fucking good.”
Kaj rotated the vibrator, witnessing the exact moment Noah fully surrendered as his shoulders sank deeper into the mattress, the furrow between his brows smoothed out, and his thighs fell wider apart. It was a sudden capitulation, like a dam breaking as Noah’s rim stretched around the widest part of the toy.
“Oh my fucking god!” Noah groaned, and everything in him cracked open for Kaj.
“God!” he growled with a chuckle. “Fuck. You should see this, you’re swallowing the entire thing… So fucking perfect.”
The sight of the dildo fully seated in Noah’s hole was erotic and so hot Kaj could barely breathe.
“Going to turn it up a notch,” he warned.
“Please.”
When Kaj pressed the button, the vibrations intensified, shifting from a steady hum to a powerful, pulsating groove. Noah’s entire body seized, his back arching off the bed as if he’d been electrified. A sound Kaj had never heard before tore from his throat. It was primal, broken, and desperate, traveling through all of Kaj’s nerves, burning them.
Music swelled, the heavy bass thrumming through them like a second heartbeat. Kaj pressed his lips to the inside of Noah’s knee, biting the flesh hard to avoid saying something stupid. The rules were clear between them, and so were the boundaries. No strings attached, just basic camaraderie as they worked together and mutual pleasure until one of them called it quits. But Kaj couldn’t trust his own tongue now. Not when he was swimming in an ocean of distilled emotions. His energy, thoughts, and every fucking breath he took belonged to Noah in the same way Kaj was holding hostage his heart, soul, and mind.
“Jerk me, Kaj. Fuck, touch my dick…” Noah moaned.
Kaj wrapped his fingers around Noah's shaft, feeling it throb in his fist as he pumped up and down, adding more pressure when he reached the head. He perched on his free hand and leaned forward to whisper, “Break for me. I’ve got you.”
Noah convulsed, back arching and twisting as his orgasm ripped through him. Hot streaks of white painted his stomach and chest, some reaching as high as his collarbone as he cried out Kaj’s name. His dick pulsed violently in Kaj’s grip as the vibrator continued its merciless assault in his ass.
“Fuck, ffffuck—fuuuuck!” Noah let out the most pornographic wails.
Kaj was completely hypnotized, his own arousal almost painful as Noah’s muscles continued to spasm, his rim fluttering with each wave of pleasure that coursed through him.
Kaj stroked him through the tail end of his orgasm. “You look so beautiful when you come…”
When Noah finally relaxed, slumping deeper into the mattress with boneless heaviness, Kaj reached for the remote and turned the vibrator off. The sudden silence, save for the music still playing softly in the background and their ragged breathing, was almost tangible.
“I’m gonna take it out,” Kaj said.
Noah nodded lazily, and Kaj began to ease the stretcher out with careful, gentle movements, watching his face to make sure he wasn’t hurting him.
When the widest part slipped free, Noah let out a shuddering gasp, his body relaxing as the toy was fully removed.
“Holy mother of fuck…” Noah whispered, his voice a gritty shadow of itself. His eyes were glazed, fixed on something beyond the ceiling, like he was floating between different realities only he could see as his chest heaved.
Kaj set the vibrator aside and ran his hands soothingly over Noah’s thighs. “You with me?”
“Hm-hmm.”
“How do you feel?” Kaj asked as he continued massaging Noah’s skin.
Noah let out a soft laugh, running a hand through his sweat-dampened hair. “Like I just got hit by a fucking train. But I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard before. So good, I guess?”
Kaj’s cock gave an impatient throb. His own need had been pushed aside while he focused on Noah’s pleasure, but now it roared back with a vengeance. Having Noah here, sprawled on his bed, vulnerable and weak, with a cum-painted chest and a gaping hole, did not fucking help.
Kaj grabbed the wedge pillow and helped Noah to raise his hips—his legs were still trembling so much he could barely hold himself up. Then he reached for the dildo jutted slightly upward from the ring, designed to run parallel to his own erection. “Need a minute?”
Noah’s eyes fell on the toy in Kaj’s hand. His gaze darkened with renewed hunger. “No.”
“Water or anything?”
“No. I want you inside me while I’m still fucking open.”
Kaj took a deep breath in an attempt to keep the animal within him in check. He wanted to emotionally hurt Noah as much as he’d hurt him, punch the smug grin off his damn face whenever they were up on stage, and scare him enough so he wouldn’t get close to the darkest part in his mind, but he also wanted to bring him to new highs, make him completely helpless by way of pure orgasmic bliss.
Stretching the ring around his cock and balls, Kaj laid the meaty, fake junk atop his own like he’d grown a glorious second penis. He’d tried it a couple of times since he bought it, even masturbated with it just so he was already familiar with the comfortable pressure wrapped around his crotch. Kaj grabbed the lube and coated everything generously, Noah and himself.
“Jesus,” Noah breathed out.
As Kaj positioned himself between Noah’s legs, he slid his hands behind his knees to hike them up a little. The sight of the dual heads of his real and plastic cocks aligned with Noah’s stretched hole was fucking obscene, sinfully so.
“You still sure about this?”
“Yes,” Noah replied, his eyes locked with Kaj’s.
As Kaj spurted more lube over them, watching the excess drip down onto the blanket beneath, he couldn’t resist trailing a finger through the moisture, circling Noah’s flushed, deep-pink rim.
“Love that fucking monstrous thing,” Kaj murmured, pushing four fingers in without resistance.
Noah moaned. “Fuck me, Kaj. Fuck. Me.”
Kaj withdrew his hand, aligned with Noah’s entrance, and began to glide in. With a hand wrapped around his cock and dildo, Kaj nudged both heads against Noah’s rim. He could feel the muscle slowly stretching until it gave in to the pressure.
“Holy... fucking... Christ…” Noah panted, each word punctuated by a gasp, his gorgeous face all twisted as his nails dug deep into Kaj’s shoulders.
The drummer paused when he was in to the crown of his dick, giving Noah time to adjust. “Color?” he asked, his voice strained with the effort of holding back.
“Green. So fucking green. Don’t stop.”
Sweat beaded on Kaj’s forehead as he pushed forward excruciatingly slow. Inch by torturous inch, his real cock and the silicone one disappeared into Noah’s ass.
Kaj grunted. “Look at you, taking two cocks like you were made for this.”
“Shit… It feels like you’re splitting me in half.”
Noah’s dick, which had been softening after his explosive orgasm, was hard again, curved up against his cum-splattered abdomen. When Kaj bottomed out, he froze. The sensation of Noah’s body gripping his dick while the dildo pressed against it almost sent him spiraling straight into the underworld.
“Move,” Noah begged. “Please, Kaj, fucking move. Give me everything.”
Kaj withdrew slowly, Noah’s rim clinging to both shafts, before he pushed back in with slightly more force. The sound of lube squelching between them filled the room, mixing with their ragged breaths, and Kaj’s erratic pulse that was reverberating through his veins.
“So… tight. Can feel every fucking twitch of your hole around me.”
“Harder. I can take it.” Noah dug one of his heels into Kaj’s asscheek, coaxing him for more while his hands clutched his shoulders. “Ruin me.”
Grabbing Noah’s hips with bruising force, Kaj slammed into him with increasing fury as Noah’s unintelligible curses and moans carved forbidden words into Kaj’s bones.
“Fucking Christ,” Kaj hissed, feeling Noah clamp down around him. “If you strangle me like that, I’m gonna fucking lose it.”
“Don’t stop,” Noah whined.
Kaj wrapped a palm around Noah’s throat and shifted the angle of his thrusts, driving upward to hit that sweet spot inside him. Noah convulsed, and a guttural groan resonated in his chest. Kaj leaned down, capturing Noah’s mouth in a kiss that was all teeth and tongue. He tasted like desperation and sheer submission, like everything Kaj had ever wished but never dared to hope for.
That was dangerous ground.
It cracked and opened under his feet, like the armor he’d carefully built over the years.
But Kaj couldn’t stop himself from longing and wanting. Wanting more of him. Of this. Of them.
“Never.” Kaj tightened the grip on his neck. “You’re mine .”
The power of holding Noah so completely in his hands, of watching him dissolve into pure sensation, unleashed the most animalistic part of Kaj.
As he continued undulating his hips, mercilessly driving into Noah, Kaj bit him hard . His pec, the crook and column of his neck, his jaw, and his bottom lip, drawing blood in the last. Noah was his to mark. To hurt. To fuck. To defile and worship however the twisted deviant inside him desired.
Kaj’s heart hammered against his ribs, threatening to burst through his chest and embed itself into Noah’s. His breathing changed, growing shallow and quick as the room around them shrank and expanded like a living thing. The boundaries of his body felt uncertain, like he was melting into Noah, into the air around them and the vibrations of the music still playing. Noah had become a conductor for his pleasure, amplifying it, transforming it into something transcendent. Something he needed to stay alive.
“Come for me,” Kaj whisper-growled, tightening the grip on his throat.
There was a flash in Noah’s eyes. Kaj couldn’t decode what it was, but it felt like a star collapsing in on itself before exploding. An endless darkness where their inner monsters lurked, finally running free, meeting in this deranged portion of the world that belonged only to them.
“Fffuck, babe,” Noah’s eyes rolled into the back of his head as he arched.
With a hand tangled in Kaj’s hair and the other curled around his arm, Noah went rigid, every muscle seizing at once. For a moment, he hovered at the precipice, teetering on the edge of a vast obscurity. Then, he shattered. Cum erupted from his cock in thick, violent pulses, splashing over their abs. Tears ran down his temples and his entire body became a shuddering mess.
Noah coming undone and the vicious grip of his body crashed over Kaj like a tidal wave. His orgasm hit with such force that his vision blurred, black creeping in at the edges as he spilled deep inside Noah, filling him completely.
“Fuck!”
Time suspended in the room, expanding into infinity as they rode the crest of their shared ecstasy. Kaj’s arms were trembling with the effort of holding himself above Noah, his breath coming in ragged gasps as the last pulses of his orgasm subsided. Beneath him, Noah had turned into a crumbled castle of sand, but his body occasionally twitched with the aftershocks that still rippled through them both.
After a while, when his shoulder started burning from exertion, Kaj slowly pulled out, making Noah groan. Cum leaked from his swollen hole, trickling down onto the blanket, but mixed within the usual bubble of pride at the sight, something stung.
He frowned in confusion.
He was still lightheaded, his skin tingling everywhere as he removed the cock ring, wincing at the sensitivity. So it could be just that—exhaustion and some mild dehydration.
Inhaling deeply, he soothed a palm over Noah’s thighs and sat back on his heels. The dash of the charging clock lamp on the other nightstand read eight-thirty-three, which meant they had been at it for over two hours.
“How are you feeling?” Kaj asked, his voice rough as he massaged Noah’s skin. “Noah?” A hint of concern crept into his tone.
“I’m good…” Noah whispered. “I’m... here. I think.”
“You think?” Kaj chuckled tiredly.
“M-m mind is hazy.”
Although the room was still spinning in his eyes, too, Kaj reached for a towel he’d left nearby and cleaned the mess from Noah’s stomach and chest, watching him shudder under his touch. Hypersensitivity was more than normal after such intense activity and release.
As he finished, Kaj noticed a subtle shift in Noah’s demeanor. The euphoria that contorted his features minutes ago was receding like an outgoing tide, leaving him vulnerable and raw in its wake.
“Let me get you something to drink,” Kaj said, climbing off the bed. He grabbed a blanket from the bench at the foot of his bed and put it over Noah, dropping a soft kiss on his forehead. “Be right back.”
In the kitchen, Kaj braced himself against the counter, inhaling deeply as he ran a hand over his face. Adrenaline was still thrumming through his veins, but something heavier sat beneath it—Noah had called him “babe” before. And he liked it.
Shaking his head, he filled the kettle and let the soft hum of boiling water anchor him to the present. He grabbed a mug, dropped a lavender tea bag inside, and watched the steam curl into the air as he poured himself some water.
When the tea was ready, he walked back to his room, rolling his shoulders to disperse the unease creeping along his spine. But as soon as he stepped into the room, the sight of Noah curled in on himself, small and fragile, made something sharp twist in his gut.
Noah turned his face to look at Kaj with glassy eyes. “I’m…” he started, then trailed off, teeth chattering slightly. “I’m c-cold… Why am I s-so cold?”
“That’s why I made this for you,” Kaj said softly, setting the mug on the nightstand. “It’ll make you feel better.”
Noah barely responded, movements sluggish and mechanical, like his body weighed much more than it actually did. Kaj didn’t hesitate. He sat on the edge of the bed and helped Noah up. That was when he saw the faint bruises blooming beneath Noah’s tattoos—traces of his grip like ghosts on his skin—and the bite marks.
Kaj winced.
What happened tonight was something they both had agreed to and thoroughly enjoyed from beginning to end. Noah had begged for it, pushed Kaj, taken every ounce of what he had to give, and still wanted more. And while Kaj hadn’t gone as far as he’d done in the past with other people—no face slaps, no spitting, no outright degradation—he also didn’t hold back. The satisfaction of knowing Noah felt so safe with him to unravel like that was intoxicating. Addicting . It made Kaj feel alive. But now, staring at the trail of marks on his body, the raw flush of his hole, and how disoriented he looked had created a cognitive dissonance he didn’t know how to deal with.
Kaj swallowed against the sudden tightness in his throat and reached for the steamy mug on the bedside table. “Here. Small sips.”
Why did he feel this strange pull in his chest? The gnawing guilt and emptiness? Should I have been gentler? Checked in more?
“Hey…” Noah’s fingers brushed over Kaj’s thigh, bringing him back to the present. “You good?”
Kaj blinked, dragging his gaze back to Noah’s, then down to his lips, split enough to show a smudge of red. He thumbed the bottom one, wiping away the smear of blood. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Overdoing it.”
“You haven’t overdone anything. Drawing a little blood while having sex is not the end of the world. Happens to the best of us. Don’t worry.”
“But you… and your ass...”
“It’ll be back to normal in no time.”
“But—”
“I’m good, perfect. I’m just coming down from the high.” Noah gave Kaj’s thigh a gentle squeeze, his voice steadier now. “We both are.” Noah tilted his head, searching Kaj’s eyes.
“I know. It’s just…” Kaj exhaled sharply. “I’ve seen this happen before, but I’ve never…”
“Me neither. Not from this side.”
Kaj wrapped an arm around Noah’s shoulders and pressed a kiss on his temple. They were both dropping, but Noah had also taken the pounding of his life. He needed to be taken care of. “What do you need?”
Noah softly smiled. “The tea is great. And this…” He let his head rest against Kaj’s shoulder. “Maybe a bath?”
Kaj nodded. “I’ll set it up. Finish your tea.”
Slipping off the bed, Kaj walked into the en-suite. He turned on the taps of the oversized tub, testing the temperature with his wrist until it was just right—hot enough to soothe aching muscles but not so much to scald. Then he poured some chamomile bath oil, watching it dissolve into bubbles as it mixed with the water. Steam curled in the air, fogging up the mirror and blurring the sharp edges of Kaj’s thoughts.
By the time the tub was half full, Kaj stepped back into the bedroom. Noah was exactly where he’d left him, sitting on the mattress with the mug cradled between his hands. There was something achingly beautiful about him in this state, all his usual confidence and sharp wit stripped away, leaving him bare in a way Kaj had never seen before.
“Bath’s ready.”
Noah stood up, gripping the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he wobbled. Without thinking, Kaj closed the distance between them and steadied him with a hand on his elbow as he wrapped his other arm around him.
“I’ve got you,” he murmured, guiding Noah to the bathroom.
“This is so stupid. You just fucked me.” Noah groaned, exasperated.
“Yeah, but your brain is still trying to reboot. Probably can’t tell which nerves belong to your feet and which to your ass yet.” He tried joking.
Noah snorted and rolled his eyes. “Very funny.”
Letting the blanket slip from his shoulders, Noah bent forward to brace himself against the edge of the tub. Kaj stayed close, watching as he eased himself in. It wasn’t graceful. His legs were still trembling, and his balance was completely off, so Kaj found himself resting a hand on Noah’s lower back as the other curled around his arm.
A sharp hiss escaped Noah’s lips as the water rose around him. “Fuck…”
Kaj frowned. “Too hot?”
Noah let out a sigh, sinking deeper. “No, it’s perfect. I’m just too sensitive right now.”
Kaj hummed, leaning against the tub’s edge, propping his cheek on his palm. He stared at Noah as he settled, head resting back and eyes closed. His lips were slightly parted, and the tension from before had smoothed out. It was just him.
“Why don’t you join me instead of watching me like a creep?” Noah muttered, cracking one eye open.
“This is for you.” Kaj dipped his fingertips in the water, little circular ripples appearing when he pulled them up. “You need to relax. Don’t want you feeling down tomorrow.”
“You need it, too. My brain isn’t the only one sorting through a strange chemical explosion.”
Kaj hesitated. “You sure?” S omething is definitely off with me. Maybe I’ve suffered a full personality swap.
“Of course.” Noah slid forward to make room for him.
For some stupid reason, Kaj didn’t argue. He stepped into the tub behind Noah, heat wrapping around his legs as he settled down. The contrast in temperature between his body and the water sent shivers in every direction.
Noah leaned back against Kaj’s chest, their bodies sinking deeper into the warmth, muscles loosening as the water worked its magic.
“This is nice,” Noah murmured.
“Yeah,” Kaj admitted, the word slipping out before he could filter it. The worst part? He meant it. Noah’s solid weight against him, the slow, steady rhythm of his breathing. It all felt right somehow.
Kaj’s fingertips drifted along Noah’s arm, tracing irregular patterns over his damp skin. It rattled him, this quiet intimacy, this thing that had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with… something he was afraid to name. But he was too tired and comfortable to move. Too content to run before it got under his skin.
His fingers brushed against the washcloth floating near Noah’s chest. Without thinking, he grabbed it and squeezed a few drops of body gel onto the fabric. “Let me…”
Kaj’s pulse skyrocketed as he dragged it over Noah’s shoulder and down his pecs, slow and deliberate. Noah sighed in approval, tilting his head to the side and exposing his throat in a way that made the drummer too self-conscious of everything that was happening.
“That feels great, but you don’t have to do it,” Noah said, but his eyes were closed, his expression one of pure contentment.
“I want to.”
“You know…” Noah sighed as Kaj scrubbed the cloth down his chest. “I think you’ve truly ruined me for any other men out there.”
Kaj’s grip on the washcloth tightened for a fraction of a second before he forced himself to keep moving, to pretend those words hadn’t nailed themselves somewhere inside him. To pretend he wasn’t hyperaware of every tiny spasm of Noah’s muscles and every drop of water trailing down his skin.
“Sounds to me like you’re still in the middle of a rush bubble.” He let out a quiet scoff. “You know this is temporary. You’ll move on eventually and find someone better.”
Noah twisted his neck enough to look Kaj in the eye. “Better at what? Pissing me off? Playing drums? Making me come so hard I almost pass out? Taking care of me like you’re doing just now?” He flashed him a lazy smirk. “Hard to believe.”
As his gaze plunged deep into Noah’s eyes, Kaj felt it creeping in again, that dangerous, all-consuming emotion that had been lurking at the borders of his mind every time he’d touched Noah during the past few weeks—without resentment, without anything between them but erratic heartbeats, ragged breaths, and the weight of their reckless choices.
And now it was everywhere, drenching his skin like the water around them, seeping into the cracks he thought were fortified, dragging him out of his comfort zone.
He wanted to fight it. Shove it down, drown it before it drowned him. But he didn’t. Instead, he let go of the washcloth and brushed his fingers over the curve of Noah’s shoulder, the slope of his neck, pressing lightly over the marks scattered under the ink. Marks Kaj had left. Marks Noah had let him leave.
Kaj was standing at the edge of an abyss, staring down at the endless fall, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to step back or finally jump.
“If you keep touching me like that, I’m gonna start thinking you actually like me,” Noah murmured, voice quiet but firm.
Kaj froze.
Noah didn’t move, didn’t laugh like it was a joke, didn’t backtrack. He just let it sit there, pressing against Kaj’s rib cage, squeezing his heart.
Noah softly kissed Kaj’s jaw, intertwining their fingers together. “That’s what I thought.”
Kaj should’ve said something, laughed it off, locked Noah’s words into the same box where he kept every other inconvenient thought. But he couldn’t. Because no matter how hard he struck back or how fast he ran, the truth, sooner or later, would catch up with him.
It was inevitable.
Like them.
And it was terrifying.