4. Chapter 4
Beck
I f I ever had a single doubt that Roman would make an amazing father, it was obliterated the second he wrapped this heartbroken baby in his arms. And he is a baby.
He might be a teenager and an angry, devastated one at that, but when he looked up at Roman with tears pouring down his face and blood smeared across his cheeks, he looked like a small child.
A small child who needs tender love and support. Who needs reassurance.
Fuck.
I really hope we’re able to do that for him.
Roman rubs Eli’s back, fighting hard to keep himself from crying. I’ve spent enough time with him at The Hart Foundation that I know how hard his job can be for him. I’ve also spent plenty of time holding him while he cries himself to sleep over whatever awful thing he’s seen or heard.
He’s not alone in that. Especially not today. God, my chest hurts so badly it’s a miracle I can even breathe. I haven’t felt pain like this in years. I didn’t know it was possible for me to have such a visceral emotional reaction to someone I don’t even know.
Eli’s cries have tapered off, but I can’t relate. My own tears are still coming. It honestly feels like they might not ever stop.
Roman whispers something I can’t make out, and Eli nods, his body losing all its fight as he slumps against Roman, not even supporting his own weight anymore.
Roman locks eyes with me and motions for me to come closer.
With a deep breath, I stand and make my way over, doing my absolute best to wipe the tears from my face and keep any more from coming.
This kid has gone through enough without adding my dramatics to it.
I sit down on the bed beside Roman, and Eli sits up, rubbing at his face again.
I don’t like the look of his lip and the medical professional in me is itching to get my hands on him, even though I know he’s been checked out by the nurse Sasha has on staff .
Sad, green eyes latch onto mine, and all the breath leaves me in a rush. “I’m Eli.”
I try for a smile, but I’m not really sure how it comes out. “I’m Beck.”
“Roman told me about you,” he says, nodding, then drops his face back to Roman’s chest. My heart constricts painfully.
Even though I can see the pure despair swimming in his eyes, his lips tilt up and he nods. “Eli,” I say, waiting until he lifts his head and looks at me. “Can I take a look at your lip?”
He stares at me for a second, then shoots his eyes to Roman’s. Roman nods. “Beck’s a PA.”
Eli’s nose scrunches up. “What’s that? Like a doctor?”
I almost laugh at his unintended joke. “Yes and no. I’m a physician assistant. I can do almost all the same stuff as a doctor, though.”
He eyes me warily, like he doesn’t quite trust that, and I know that he’s going to get along with Holden in a way I maybe wasn’t anticipating. He does nod again, though. “Yeah, you can look at it.”
I offer him a small smile. “Okay, I’ll be right back. I’m going to bring some medicine for the pain too.”
Before I can make it to the small medical center, Sasha stops me. “Is he okay? ”
“I’m not sure how anyone can be okay after finding out their dad doesn’t want him, but he’s calm. At least for now. And I think that’s the most we can hope for.”
She shakes her head, frustration clear on her face. “I hate that he found out this way. He overheard me mentioning it to one of the staff and he lost it. Understandably, of course. I’m sorry, guys.”
I give her arm a gentle squeeze. I really don’t have the time or the inclination to comfort her right now.
That makes me feel shitty, but my current and future priorities are in the other room, covered in blood and waiting for me to get back to them.
“All good, Sasha. Don’t beat yourself up.
I’ve got to grab some stuff from the med center and head back, though. ”
She nods, stepping back quickly. “Yes, of course. Sorry, Beck.”
After grabbing everything I think I’ll need, I head back to Roman and Eli. This time when I step through the door and close it behind me, Eli appears calm. He no longer has his face buried in Roman’s chest, and he’s sitting up with a forlorn expression.
I walk slowly toward them and kneel in front of Eli.
This poor kid looks like he’s been put through the ringer and it makes a strange pain echo through my heart, reminding me so much of Roman when I first met him.
Looking back now, I can’t believe I didn’t realize sooner what was happening to him.
He often had this same look on his face. Defeated. Lost. Hurt.
Eli’s eyes lock on mine and I hold out two pills to him. “It’s just ibuprofen. It’ll help with the pain and swelling.” Eli takes them and places them on his tongue, before picking up a bottle of water off the table by the bed and swallowing the pills. “Can I get you cleaned up?”
He lets out a sigh that seems to come from his very soul and nods. I sit down beside him and open the package of baby wipes I took. It’s not the ideal thing to clean with, but it’ll work in a pinch. “I’m going to touch you, okay?”
He nods again. I cup his chin gently in my hand and start working to clean the blood from his skin.
I keep my touch gentle so I don’t irritate his already bruised skin or the busted lip that’s still oozing blood.
He sits quietly, staring at me the entire time, his eyes never once leaving mine. Roman was right. Brave kid, indeed.
When I start wiping the blood from his throat, it bobs under my touch. “I ruined my shirt,” he says quietly.
“No you didn’t,” Roman says before I even have a chance to say anything. “We can soak it if it’s a big deal to you, but if not, it can be thrown away, and we can get you more.”
Fresh tears well up in Eli’s eyes. “It was the first thing you got me, though.”
Oh my fucking heart.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Roman says. “We can get you another shirt.”
Eli pulls from my grasp and turns to look at Roman. “I don’t want another shirt. I want this one. You got it for me. It’s special.”
Roman doesn’t hesitate to pull Eli back into his arms. We lock eyes around the head full of black hair buried against his throat. It’s like I’m falling all over again, my heart pounding against my rib cage as if it’s trying to get to Roman through any means necessary.
This is my Roman. This is what he does. He holds broken hearts in his hands, painstakingly stitching them back together until they’re whole and mended.
Roman is love personified. And watching him pour that love into Eli has my heart swelling with the depths of my love for him.
It’s too much for my body to contain, and tears fill my eyes and spill over.
Roman’s eyebrows draw together as he watches me, so I mouth, “I love you,” to him.
The corners of his lips tilt up, and my stomach goes wild, butterflies taking over.
Jesus. Unable to resist, I join in their hug.
Eli tenses and I start to pull away, but he reaches for me blindly and when his fingers connect with my arm, he pulls me back in.
We sit in silence for a long while. The three of us in our own bubble, with Eli’s grief and mine and Roman’s shared heartache hanging heavily around us. Roman presses his lips to the top of Eli’s head, and Eli wraps his arms around Roman’s stomach.
Roman brings a hand up to brush my tears from my face and grips the side of my neck. And just like that, our lives shift into something new. And it’s Roman who does it, who ties the final stitch that pieces our new fragile little family together.
Eli lets out a stuttering breath and sniffles. “Can you get the blood out?”
His voice is so soft and muffled against Roman that I barely hear him. Roman looks at me, and I decide it’s time to establish some trust. “Of course we can,” I say, releasing my hold on them both and sitting back. “Speaking of blood, can I finish getting you cleaned up?”
His back rises and falls quickly and he sits up, turning back to me.
I reach up to cup his face and the second my palm settles on his cheek, he leans into my touch, his eyelids fluttering closed.
What does it say about the level of physical comfort that he’s used to that he’s so readily leaning into someone he doesn’t even know?
Two someones, really. Sure, he knows Roman more than he knows me, but not really.
He’s a stranger too. A stranger who brought him clothes and made sure he ate in a guilt-free way, but a stranger nonetheless.
I don’t comment on it out loud, though. I just go back to wiping the dried blood from his skin. The bleeding on his lip seems to have stopped finally, but I need to look at it more closely, since it’s possible that with all his yelling, he’s managed to split it to the point that it needs stitches.
When his face and neck are finally free of blood, I toss the soiled baby wipes into the trash can. My arm is starting to ache from holding it in the air and supporting the weight of Eli’s head, but I really wouldn’t change it for the world. “Can I look at your lip now?”
Eli’s eyes pop open and widen, almost like he forgot what he was doing and where he was at. Much to my dismay, he lifts his head from my hand and turns bright red. “Sorry for that,” he whispers, looking away from me.
“Nothing to be sorry about,” I assure him.
He looks back to me and nods, so I touch the bottom of his lip and assess the cut. It’s rough, and definitely looks painful, but as long as it doesn’t split open again and get worse, it shouldn’t need stitches. “It should be okay. But we need to be careful not to let it open again.”
Eli stares up at me. “Are you always this nice? ”
It’s easy to catch the hint of distrust in his voice. He’s clearly not used to people being kind to him, and that breaks my heart.
“Always,” Roman says before I get a chance to answer.
“He’s always this nice.” Roman sighs and Eli whips his head around to face him.
That he’s so attuned to just the minor change in Roman’s tone, even through something as simple as a sigh, is…
awful. “Beck and I would like to talk to you about something.”
Eli’s shoulders slump, and he drops his gaze to his lap. “Okay.”
Roman takes a breath. I can tell he’s nervous, so I take his hand. He gives mine a little squeeze and looks at Eli, worry shining in his eyes. “We’d like for you to come live with us.”
Eli’s head snaps up and he gasps. “What?”
I can’t stand not being able to see his facial expressions, so I come around the bed so I can sit beside Roman.
I sit down just in time to watch as Eli’s mouth opens and closes, desperate hope and fear fighting for dominance in his eyes. “Really? You…” He stops talking, swallowing hard. “You guys want me to live with you?”
I nod as Roman says, “We really do. If you want to.”
Relief seems to flood Eli’s entire body, but then he goes stiff, and he grips his ruined shirt tightly in his hands. “Are you sure?”
“Positive,” I somehow manage through the lump in my throat.
His eyes go glassy and he blinks rapidly, clearly trying to hold back tears. “When do I have to come back here?”
The question steals my breath and my throat tightens to the point of pain. “You don’t have to come back here, Eli. Not unless you want to. We can take you home with us today. Now, even.”
He shakes his head and my stomach plummets. “What if you decide you don’t want me, though? Then I’ll have to come back here, right? Because my dad doesn’t want me. So if you two don’t want me, and he doesn’t either, then I have to come back here.”
God. That shatters me, and I have to look away. I swallow hard, trying to force back the growing knot of emotion that keeps getting thicker and thicker.
“That won’t happen,” Roman says. “As long as you want to be with us, you will be.”
I turn back just in time to see the first of what I’m sure will be many tears drip from Eli’s eyes onto his cheeks. “What if… what if I’m too much? Will you send me back, then? ”
I almost laugh. Too much? Not a damn chance. I cup his face, brushing his tears away with my thumb. He leans into my touch again instantly. “You won’t be too much. I know you might not trust that right now, but we’re patient. We’ll keep showing up for you until you believe it.”
Roman nods and his hand mirrors mine, cupping Eli’s other cheek.
“Okay,” Eli breathes. “I… I want to stay with you.”
The relief that rushes through me makes me weak, and I’m thankful I’m sitting down because I’m not sure my legs would hold me up if I was standing. Roman’s shaky exhale tells me he feels the same way. “Okay then. Let’s get your things together and we’ll head home.”
I let my hand fall from Eli’s face to his shoulder. He looks between my eyes and Roman’s. “How do you know it won’t be too much? What if I freak out again?”
The fear in his voice is easy to hear. His father’s rejection probably hit him harder than even he realizes. God knows it always hit Roman hard.
Roman brushes his thumb along Eli’s cheekbone. “When we get home, I’ll tell you about my dad. And my friend Holden. And why there was even a Hart Foundation for you to come to for help, okay? I think it will help ease your worries. ”
Eli just blinks at him, his eyes wide and trusting. He’s hurt, but he’s not unreachable. He’s not broken. And thankfully, Roman and I aren’t easy to break either.