10. Chapter 10
Julian
“ H ey, Jules,” Holden calls from outside our bedroom door.
“Yeah?” I call back, frantically looking around the room, hoping like hell he doesn’t come in.
“Beck and Ro are here with Eli.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Uh, I’ll be right out.”
I hear his footsteps walking away, so I resume my frantic search. My heart’s starting to pound an unsteady rhythm and my hands go clammy. I’m tossing things around, about to tear open the drawer to my nightstand when the door opens. I jump, turning quickly to see who’s there.
Beck raises an eyebrow at me. “Hey, man. What’s going on? ”
I wave a hand around in my panic. “Shut the door.” He gives me a confused look but does as I ask. “I lost the ring.”
His little gasp isn’t helping my panic at all. “Julian,” he admonishes. He doesn’t need to. I’m already beating myself up over it. “Where was the last place you had it?”
I roll my eyes, leveling him with a glare. “If I knew that, Beckett, I wouldn’t be looking for it.”
He laughs. “You’ve been around Holden far too long.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed, feeling like I’m about to actually truthfully freak the fuck out. Beck sits down beside me with a sigh, nudging my arm with his. “It’s all good, man. We’ll find it. But um, why did you hide it like that?”
“Because the little chaos twink can feel it.”
His face twists in confusion. “He can… feel it?”
I huff out an annoyed breath. “Yes. Like the fucking princess and the pea.”
Beck laughs. “The princess and the pea?”
I groan, dropping my face into my hands, and take a deep breath. “Yes.” I sit back up and look at Beck. “I had it in my pocket, and he climbed in my lap, like he does. And he said, ‘What’s that?’”
Beck’s jaw drops. “You’re joking. ”
God, I wish I were. That would make my life so much easier. I wouldn’t be panicking over a lost ring. “I wish I could say I was. But no.”
I stand back up, resuming my search. I want to ask him tonight, during dinner.
I’m so tired of not being engaged to him.
I invited Beck and Roman for dinner so they could be here when I did, but now I’ve lost the ring and what if it’s gone forever and I can’t find it again?
Sure, I can buy a new one. But I don’t want a new one.
The one I picked out is gorgeous, and it’s special because I got it engraved with our initials inside.
I’m going to be so fucking upset if it’s gone forever.
“Julian?”
“Not now, Beck. I love you, man, but I’m fucking losing it.”
He chuckles. He’s always laughing at me. Why is he my best friend again? “I found it.”
That stops me dead in my tracks. “What?”
I turn to see him holding my pillow in his lap and the ring in his hand. “Why was it in your pillowcase?”
I snatch it away from him, remembering in a rush that I was trying to transfer it from one hiding spot to another when Holden came barging into the room.
So I shoved it into my pillowcase to stop him from seeing it.
The relief that rushes through me makes me laugh with almost giddy joy.
I sit down beside Beck and pull him into a hug, slapping him on the back. “You’re a fucking lifesaver.”
Beck pats my back. “Yeah, yeah. You better hurry and propose before you lose it again.”
I pull away, nodding. “Yeah, that’s the plan. I’m going to propose tonight, during dinner.”
“Fuck yes.” Beck’s eyes light up, and he gives me a strange look. I’m not sure why, but I also don’t have time to try to decipher it. “Hey, so I have something to tell you.”
Uh-oh. “Yeah?” I ask, slight panic coursing through me for a whole new reason.
“I think you need to thank me in your wedding speech.”
That’s… not what I was expecting. “What? Why?”
“I sent you to Holden.”
I scoff. “No, you did not.”
He nods. “Yes, I did. I do blood draws in the ER all the time, Julian. I could have easily taken care of Wren without sending you to peds. The reason I did is that Hold has a way with people. And I could tell you were freaking out.” Well, that’s putting it lightly.
“I knew he’d take good care of you.” He smirks.
“I didn’t really realize how good, but hey, it all worked out. ”
Fuck, it so did. Now, I have Holden and Warren, and our huge-ass family.
My house is filled with love and happiness again, all because of Holden.
Well, apparently Beck. I pull him back into a hug.
“I’m not sure if you’re fucking with me or not, but I’ll definitely be thanking you at the wedding if you’re not. ”
Beck laughs. “I’m not fucking with you at all. We better get on out there, though. I think Holden was just finishing up dinner. And for the love of God, put that ring in your pocket.”
When he pulls back and we stand, I do just that. I slip the ring into my front pocket and hope like hell Holden doesn’t try to climb into my lap during dinner.
“Here, baby girl,” I murmur as I put Wren’s plate down in front of her.
“Thanks, Dad.”
I glance at Eli. He’s sitting quietly, looking at his lap. It breaks my heart that he acts like he can’t take up space. I just know my darlin’ will be so good for him. I know he’ll pull him out of his shell and help him express himself. I’m excited to see it.
“Are you hungry, Eli?” Holden asks, holding up an empty plate .
Eli looks up at him. “Oh, um, yes… but I can make my own. I don’t want to cause problems.”
Holden gives him his best smile. “Not a problem at all.” He doesn’t even give Eli time to argue, just turns back to the stove and starts plating up his meal before setting it in front of him with a flourish.
Warren’s already eating, but he’s making more of a mess than anything else, but hey, learning to use a fork is hard. “Good, buddy?”
He nods, shoving another fistful of mashed potatoes into his mouth.
I have to work hard to resist laughing. There are not even words to describe how relieved I was when Warren outgrew his hangry stage.
I was terrified and seriously questioning who I pissed off in my past life to get stuck with three people who can’t handle being hungry for twenty minutes.
But the second Warren outgrew his bottles and started eating big people food, he also outgrew getting hangry.
“So,” Roman starts. “Did you and Eli decide on a time to go shopping?”
Eli’s face flushes and Holden nods. “Yeah, we’re going tomorrow, right?”
Eli fiddles with his fork for a second, but nods. “Yeah, as long as you’re sure it’s okay.”
“It’s perfect,” Holden says, grinning .
Beck stands up and grabs his wallet. I know where this is going, and Holden is already glaring. My lord, if these two start their arguing tonight, I’m gonna lose it. “Here,” he says, holding out a credit card to Holden.
Holden drops his hands to his lap under the table, but says nothing.
“Take it, Hold.”
Holden raises an eyebrow. Roman sighs, likely feeling the same as me. I think the two of us have given up on trying to keep them in line at this point. I know I’ve accepted my fate. I glance at him just in time to see him roll his eyes. Yeah, he’s definitely feeling the same as me.
“Holden,” Beck tries again. “He’s my kid, yeah? Take my card.”
Eli gasps. But Holden isn’t deterred. “Nope. He’s my nephew.”
Another gasp. Then a giggle that sounds a little off. All four of us turn to Eli at the same time. He lets out another strange, choked-off laugh, and then he’s covering his face and sobbing.
“Look at what you did, Beckett,” Holden chastises, jumping up to wrap his arms around Eli.
Eli melts into Holden, who’s glaring at Beck like he might jump across the table and murder him. Well, isn’t this dinner turning out to be so fun? Eli makes a noise that sounds far more like a laugh than a sob, his shoulders shaking.
He pulls back from Holden and wipes his eyes. “God, I’m a mess.” But he giggles again, and this time no sob follows. “You guys are actually fighting over who gets to pay for my shopping trip. Are you always like this?”
“Always,” Roman and I answer simultaneously. He holds his hand out, and I fist-bump him with a grin.
Eli laughs again. “You guys are… something else. I don’t think anyone’s ever fought over me like that before.”
Ouch.
“Uncle Beck likes to pay for things,” Wren says, shrugging. Eli looks at her with a slight smile on his face. “Daddy says it’s his love language.”
“See,” Beck says, gesturing toward Wren. “Why won’t you just let me do it?”
Holden sighs, but steps back from Eli and holds his hand out to Beck. “Fine. Thank you.”
He’s not going to use it. I can already tell. Sure, he’s putting on a nice front for Beck, but there’s no way in hell he’ll follow through and actually use Beck’s card. He’s very much the forgiveness, not permission type. Besides, it’s not like Beck’s actually going to do anything about it.
After everyone has chilled out and gone back to eating, a wave of nervousness passes over me. I know that there’s no reason for me to be nervous. I’m incredibly confident and secure in my relationship with Holden, but aside from a conversation years ago, we haven’t talked about marriage.
By the time that everyone is done eating, I’m practically dying.
I clear my throat, and stand up. All the eyes in the room turn to me, and I sit back down.
Beck lets out a little laugh that he tries to cover up with a cough.
Holden side-eyes him, but says nothing, which is shocking to say the least. I force a deep breath into my lungs and try again.
Inconspicuously pulling the ring out of my pocket, I stand yet again, and this time, I sink to one knee in front of Holden.
He gasps, bringing his hand to his chest as he stares down at me with wide eyes.
“Hi,” I say, like an idiot, but hey, he started our relationship with a handshake.
I think I’m allowed to have a certain level of stupidity going on when I’m about to ask the man I love more than life to marry me.
I clear my throat again, try to swallow down the lump already there.
I take one of his hands in mine and hold the ring up with the other.
“The first time I met you, you knocked my entire world off course. I wasn’t at all prepared to get caught in your orbit.
I was scared and, in some ways, still grieving.
You changed all of that for me. You turned our house into a home.
You brought joy and love back into my life.
You stuck by me through some of the worst times of my life.
You never gave up on me, or us. You supported me and our daughter. ”
Holden has tears streaming down his cheeks, but I know if I even allow myself the opportunity to think or pause, I’m going to be right there with him, so I don’t.
“I didn’t think there was anyone left for me in the world.
But then you came along. The second you slid your hand into mine and introduced yourself, I knew I would be irrevocably changed. And I was. And what a change it was.”
Holden nods, squeezing my hand a little. “I love you with all that I am, and I really hope you’ll do me the honor of becoming my husband. Will you marry me, darlin’?”
I take a deep breath, trying to ignore the way the hand I’m holding the ring with is shaking.
There’s a pause—too long of a pause, honestly.
Holden giggles, which is my favorite sound in the entire world, but maybe not while I’m asking him to marry me.
And then he giggles some more. And within seconds he’s laughing.
Big, belly laughs that seem to come from his very soul.
I have no idea what’s so funny about me asking him to marry me, and judging by the silence around the room, no one else does, either.
I sigh, feeling a little out of sorts. I mean, I just poured my heart out, and he’s laughing. “What’s so funny, darlin’?”
He wipes at his eyes, giggling just a bit more as he stands. My stomach drops out, but then he’s reaching into his pocket and dropping to his knees in front of me, holding up a ring. The laughter dies down, his expression turning serious. “You beat me, you asshole.”
I don’t even have words, so I just pull him into a tight hug, damn near squeezing the life out of him. He giggles, but this time it’s wet, and then he’s sobbing and burying his face against my shoulder. “Yes,” he whispers, almost too quiet for me to hear it.
And then I’m crying too. And I’m sure we look like a hot fucking mess, sitting on the floor openly crying like a bunch of babies, but I can’t help it. Holden pulls back, sniffling a little. “So, does that mean you’ll marry me too?”
His green eyes are so fucking gorgeous, and he’s staring at me like he can see straight through my soul, so I nod. “Yes. Would be kind of impossible not to marry you if you’re marrying me.”
There’s applause, and we smile at each other like a couple of fucking idiots as I stand and reach down to help him to his feet. “I’m throwing the flowers at your wedding too,” Wren says over the sounds of Roman and Beck’s obnoxious cheering.
Eli looks a little shell-shocked, but he’s clapping too. Poor kid. We’ve probably traumatized him .
Beck stands up, rushing around the table to me, and pulls me into a fierce hug. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you guys.”
Before I can even blink, I’m being grabbed by Roman and Beck is pulling Holden into his arms as well. “Thanks for asking first,” Roman whispers so only I can hear him. “I won the bet, and now I get a special prize.”
Ugh. Do not need to know about the special prize. “Wait,” I say, pulling back. “You guys knew?”
Beck laughs. “Yeah, you told me and Hold told Roman. We decided to keep it to ourselves, though.”
Of course they did.