11. Chapter 11
Holden
I pull up to Ro and Beck’s house, more excited than I have any right to be. First, I love shopping. Second, I’m excited to have someone to shop with.
Ro is eh about it at best, and Beck just pats my head like I’m a child as he tells me he’d rather not.
Julian goes, but I can tell he’s not really into it, and Wren and Warren get fed up in approximately three point seven seconds.
Shopping with kids? Not for the faint of heart. That’s for damn sure.
When I open the door and step inside, Roman and Beck are in the living room. “Hey, guys.” Ro turns around and gives me a wave, and Beck follows suit. “Where’s Eli?”
“Hey, he’s getting ready,” Ro says .
Beck nods. “I think he’s actually freaking out a bit, but he kicked us out of his room, so I’m not really sure what’s going on.”
“What do you mean, he’s freaking out a bit? What did you guys do to him?”
Ro shrugs. “Nothing. I think he’s just worried about going out with you today.”
Ow. Okay. Not sure how I feel about that. “Jeez, beautiful. Give him a complex, why don’t you? I think what Roman means to say is that we think Eli has a bit of hero worship going on and is stressing out about making a good impression.”
I almost want to laugh at that. “He’s worried about making a good impression on me?”
No one gets a chance to answer me because the door to Eli’s bedroom swings open, and he steps into the hallway. He seems to be doing okay until his eyes settle on me, and then he stops in his tracks, so quickly he almost tumbles over his own feet. “Oh,” he breathes, his face turning pink.
It’s lowkey adorable. “Hey, Eli.” I give him a little wave and flash him a smile. “Are you about ready? I’m super excited.”
He nods slowly, resuming his walk back into the living room. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
“Great. ”
Beck chuckles under his breath. Loser. I get it, though.
I’m not usually this awkward, but it turns out Eli isn’t the only one who wants to make a good impression.
I’ve never really had someone look up to me before.
Not like this. Sure, Wren and Warren do.
More Wren at this point, but still. I want to be someone Eli can rely on.
It actually means a lot to me. More than I thought it would.
Eli gives me a blinding smile, then leans over to hug Beck and Ro goodbye. “I’ll keep him safe and all that good stuff. And spend way too much money. Bye.”
I start to dart out the door, but Beck’s voice stops me. “Hey, you have my credit card, right?”
If by do I have his credit card , he means do I have it tucked away safely in my nightstand at home , then yes. “Yeah, I have your credit card.”
He lets out what sounds like a sigh of relief.
I don’t dare turn around. My poker face used to be good.
Real good. But then I fell in love and got all mushy and shit and ugh, now all my emotions are constantly on my face.
It’s a real fucking problem. If he sees my face, he’s going to know I have no intention of using his card for a single thing.
Eli’s light laughter makes me grin, and as I step onto the front porch, he follows me.
Once we’re on the road heading toward the nearest mall, he’s quiet, but I can sense him glancing at me every so often.
“So,” I say, trying to open the door for communication.
“What kinds of stuff are you wanting to get today? Are we starting with clothes? Makeup? What’s the plan? ”
He clears his throat, his knee bouncing a little. “Um, I’m fine with whatever you want to do.”
“Today’s about you, though. I mean, we should probably stop and order your tux first. After that, though? It’s all up to you.”
He’s silent for a while, but then he finally says, “Okay. Can we start with clothes?”
I smile, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. “Of course. What are you thinking in terms of style?”
He turns a bit in his seat so he can look at me. “What do you mean?”
I pull into the parking lot of the place we got Roman and Beck’s tuxes, shutting the car off before turning to face Eli. “I mean, like what type of clothing do you want? What’s your style?”
His face turns bright red and his eyes dart away from me. “Oh. Um…”
His throat bobs with a hard swallow, and I reach out to place a hand on his knee. “There’s really no wrong answer, and if you don’t know yet, that’s okay too. Hell, I didn’t really find my style until I was in nursing school. ”
He shakes his head a little, almost like he’s having a conversation with himself, then he looks back at me, his eyes guarded and full of worry. “You’re sure that Roman and Beck won’t care what I want to wear or anything like that?”
That’s not even a question in my mind. I’m not sure that I’ve ever met people more accepting and loving than the two of them, so I nod. “Yeah, I’m positive. They’re some of the most open-minded people I know.”
His chest expands on a heavy inhale, and then he lets it out through pursed lips. He repeats the process a couple of times before looking down at his lap. “I…” He pauses, bringing a hand up to tug on the strands of his hair, clearly frustrated with himself. “ Iwanttowearprettystuff. ”
I blink a couple of times as I try to work out what exactly he said, since it all came out in a jumbled rush. “Can you repeat that for me?” I finally ask when it’s clear I’m not going to figure it out on my own.
His eyes find mine, and he steels his shoulders. “I want to wear… pretty stuff.”
I nod slowly. That could mean a million things. “Okay. What does that look like to you?”
He seems to lose all the faux confidence he had, dropping his gaze as he slumps against the seat.
He starts picking at his hands, and I realize he’s got his cuticles torn to shit.
Poor kid. He shrugs. “I don’t know. Like…
my friend Molly, she does my makeup sometimes, and I really like it.
And then, sometimes, I’ll wear her clothes. Not like… I don’t… ugh .”
I pat his knee where my hand is still resting. “Hey, it’s okay.”
He takes another breath. “I don’t want to be a girl or anything. I just… I feel good in pretty things.”
“Perfect. Are we talking skirts and dresses, or like crop tops? Ooo, I bet you’d look so adorable in some leggings and like, a slouchy top.
Do you know what I mean?” I ask, starting to get excited about the possibilities, already running through a catalog in my head of the types of stores we could stop at today.
His head snaps up, and his eyes find mine, his jaw damn near hitting the ground. “Seriously?” he asks when he’s able to get himself under control again.
I cock my head. “Uh, yes?” Eli studies me for a few seconds, like he’s trying to figure out if I’m being truthful. “We also need to pick you out some makeup.”
His cheeks flush pink, and he nods slowly. “Okay. Yeah, but… okay. First, though, tux, right?”
“Yep. First, tux.”
Eli nods. Quick and decisive, so we climb out of the car together and head into the building.
His wide eyes take in everything around us, and I can’t help but watch him.
This poor kid doesn’t know the crazy family he’s just dropped into.
He doesn’t know how much his life is going to change having all of us, but Ro especially.
God, that man is a fucking saint, and I thank my lucky stars every day that some car weirdo yelled at me from across that parking lot.
When I tell the sales woman that we need a tux to match the others we ordered, she looks us up and gets right to work, taking Eli’s measurements. He looks incredibly concerned at first, his eyes darting to mine every few seconds, but after a bit, she manages to get him loosened up and relaxed.
The slight bruising on his face still hurts my heart.
He’s healed a lot physically since coming to stay with Ro and Beck, but I know he still has a long way to go.
Especially on the mental side of things.
I know it will take therapy and time. And love.
Thankfully, that’s not something Roman and Beck have ever been in short supply of.
Not to mention the rest of his new crazy extended family.
When Eli’s finally done getting his measurements taken, we get the tux ordered and I pull out my credit card, handing it over to the lady. Eli lets out a little gasp. “What?” I ask, turning to look at him in concern.
“That’s not Beck’s card. ”
Well, shit. “No. It’s not.”
Eli nibbles his bottom lip for a second. “Why not?” he finally whispers.
I shrug. “Because I want to pay.”
“But…” His voice trails off. “I don’t understand. Why?”
One day, I’ll tell him about how much I owe Roman for the life I have. The money in my bank account. Hell, even Julian and the kids. But not today. “Because you’re part of my family and I want to take care of you.” That answer seems to stun him into silence. “Come on, kid. Let’s hit the mall.”
Eli stares at me in shock for a few more seconds before nodding and following me. His tux should be ready in about a week. Thankfully. It should be right in time for the wedding.
By the time we’re pulling into the mall parking lot, Eli has relaxed some. It probably helps that I handed him my phone and told him to pick whatever music he wanted. No Disney songs for this car ride. A novel experience for me these days.
“Clothes first?” I ask, turning the car off and opening my door.
Eli shrugs. “That’s fine.”
We’re almost to the entrance to the mall when a thought hits me. “Hey, so, there are no rules today. ”
“What do you mean?” Eli asks, slowing his stride just a bit.
I stop, turning to look at him. “There are no rules. If you see something you like, get it, or at least try it on. It doesn’t matter what store it’s in or which gender it’s ‘made for,’” I say, putting air quotes around the made for part.
“If it speaks to you, and you like it, we’ll try it.
If it makes you feel good? Perfect. If not, we move on. No pressure either way.”
He nods. “Okay. And you’re sure Beck and Roman won’t care?”