14. Chapter 14
Julian
I ’m truly not sure who has it worse right now.
Me with the front-row seat to every emotion on Roman’s face, or Holden with his view of Beck.
Given the way we’re both pretty much losing our shit, I’d say it’s a tie.
I truthfully have no idea how either of them is standing right now.
Hell, I’m barely standing. Poor Riley is hardly holding it together.
I’m shocked I haven’t had to step closer to keep her on her feet.
I’ve never in my life seen two people who deserve each other more.
Who have fought as hard as they have to be together.
Who have endured as much. I am so fucking honored to be standing here witnessing this.
I discreetly swipe at my eyes, trying to keep myself from breaking down entirely, but if Roman’s vows end up being anywhere near what Beck’s were?
I don’t stand a chance. I can’t even look at my little darlin’.
I just can’t. His shaky breaths and little sobs are enough to convince me his face is not the one I want to see right now.
Not that Roman’s is any better to look at. Honestly? I’m fucked either way I turn.
“Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve done too,” Beck murmurs, brushing his hand down Roman’s face again.
Roman’s eyes squeeze closed as he leans into Beck’s touch the slightest bit. “When I first met you… I was—I was nothing.”
Beck draws in a quick breath, and shakes his head.
Roman smiles at him. “I know I wasn’t really. But I felt like I was.” He whispers that part, his voice low and trembling. “I—I was beaten down, and I felt worthless. But you… you saw me .”
Jesus. These two are killing me. If Holden thinks we’re writing our own vows, he’s wrong. I won’t be able to handle it.
Beck gives Roman a slight nod, his hand trembling where it’s now cupping Roman’s face. “I was afraid. Of my life. Of my own shadow. Of my feelings for you.”
There’s a small, choked-off sound from in front of me, and I glance over in time to see Lydia covering her mouth with both hands before Danny wraps an arm around her shoulder and pulls her close to him. It’s so easy to see where Beck gets it from. Fuck, I love this family.
“You saved me, Beck. You single-handedly made me feel like I was worth something. Like I was worthy. Worthy of kindness and love. Worthy of you .”
Beck brushes a tear from under Roman’s eye with his thumb, and that single tender movement has me crying again. Not that I wasn’t already. Crying even more.
“And then I made the worst mistake of my life.”
Both of them fall silent, staring at each other.
The pain between them is so heavy, I can feel the weight of it pressing down on my chest. Roman clears his throat, dropping his eyes for a second as he focuses on taking deep breaths.
“When I came back, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I wasn’t sure if you had moved on…”
Beck shakes his head vehemently, a little whimper echoing in his throat that has mine tightening to the point of pain. “Or if you would even want to see me.”
“Always, beautiful,” Beck whispers.
Roman nods, giving Beck a shaky smile. “You took a chance when you took me back. You had no reason to trust me. No reason to think I wouldn’t leave again. But I—” Roman’s voice cuts out as he fights to keep his emotions under control.
I think it’s a losing game at this point, but I’ve been crying since Beck started walking toward us, so what the hell do I know?
“I just had to try. I couldn’t—couldn’t live without you anymore, Beck. It was like… walking around with a missing limb. Only it was so much worse because it was my heart that was missing. Gone from my chest. Still in your hands, even if you didn’t know it.”
That seems to be the final straw for Beck, who pulls his hand from Roman’s to cover his face as his chest heaves with broken sobs.
Roman doesn’t miss a beat, stepping forward and pulling Beck into his arms immediately.
The two of them hold each other for a few moments, gripping each other so tightly it’s like they’re scared the other might disappear.
I let my eyes scan the room, and not a single person has been spared the emotional onslaught.
Everyone is crying. Some worse than others, like Lydia, who’s completely given up on keeping it together and is doubled over with her face in her hands, her entire body shaking.
Her love for these two is so visceral. You can just look at her and tell how much it broke her heart to see Beck broken, and just how much it healed it to see the two of them put back together.
By the time my eyes find their way back to the grooms, they’re working on separating. Roman dabs at his face with the sleeve of his tux, letting out a broken laugh. “This is so ridiculous. It’s a good thing we’re never doing this again—I wouldn’t survive it.”
Beck laughs too then, the sound heavy with his tears, but light with his happiness.
He clasps Beck’s hands in his, bringing them to his mouth to brush a kiss over them.
“I love you with my entire heart. With everything that I am. And I will spend the rest of my life showing you that. In small ways and in big ways, no matter what. I promise.”
He takes one more shaky breath and turns to the officiant. “What’s next? If we don’t get to the kiss your groom part soon, I might actually pass out.”
The officiant chuckles. “I’m not sure that you’re going to see a more heartfelt representation of love than what we just saw from these two. There surely aren’t words I could say that would sum it up more beautifully. So, may I have the rings?”
For the first time since everything started, I look directly at Holden. Tear-filled green eyes latch onto mine, and the corners of his lips tilt up in a breathtaking smile. Maybe I’ll be okay with doing our own vows after all.
He breaks eye contact, turning around to take the rings from Eli’s outstretched palm before handing them to Roman and Beck .
“Beck,” the officiant says. “Please place your ring on Roman’s finger and repeat after me: ‘With this ring, I take you as my husband.’”
Roman raises a shaky hand in the air, and Beck slides the ring onto his finger with an equally shaky hand, repeating the words.
“Now, Roman. Please place your ring on Beck’s finger and repeat after me: ‘With this ring, I take you as my husband.’”
Roman repeats the phrase and the movement.
Both of them are damn near vibrating out of their skin, and I can’t help but smile.
“With the power vested in me by the state of Montana, I now pronounce you husbands. Roman?” the officiant says, his lips tilted in a barely contained smile. “You may kiss your groom.”
Roman doesn’t wait for any further instruction.
He grabs Beck’s face, pulling him in close, and the second their lips connect, the entire room erupts in cheers and whistles.
Their kiss goes on longer than is strictly necessary, but after all that?
I can’t even say I blame them. When they finally break apart, they’re both crying again, but this time with huge smiles on their faces.
“It is my honor to present to you for the first time as husbands, Mr. and Mr. Beck and Roman Hart. ”
Beck and Roman turn toward the crowd, holding their clasped hands in the air, before taking off down the aisle together.
Riley looks back at me with a watery smile, then swoops in, scooping Warren up.
He’s been incredibly well-behaved, and I’m honestly a little surprised.
“My baby now, Julian,” she says, cackling as she whisks him away, stopping only long enough to hold her hand out to Wren, who takes it with a giggle and a bright smile.
Riley may be worse about spoiling the kids than Beck is.
Holden waves Eli on, looping his arm through his the second he gets close enough for Holden to do it, before he turns and holds a hand out to me. I twine our fingers together, and walk back down the aisle, a smile on my face I couldn’t wipe away if I tried.
The reception hall is loud, with music playing and everyone talking over each other.
Riley and her new girlfriend are dancing with the kids, and Eli is sitting quietly, taking everything in with wide eyes.
I’m not sure where the newlyweds are, but I think it’s time we find out.
“Darlin’, wanna go find the grooms with me? ”
He nods, standing up. “We’ll be right back, Eli. Are you going to be okay on your own for a second?”
Eli looks toward us, then back to the dance floor. “Yeah. I’ll help keep an eye on the kids.”
He doesn’t really need to do that. Riley is more than capable, but it’s sweet that he wants to. “Okay. Thank you,” I say, giving him a reassuring smile.
I take Holden’s hand in mine as we set off to find the grooms. I push open the door to the suite Beck got ready in earlier, and Beck and Roman jump apart like teenagers being caught by their parents.
Holden gasps, covering his face with his hands as Beck adjusts himself, quickly working on tucking his shirt back into his pants. “So, uh—we should. Well—” he stammers.
I can’t help but laugh. “Lord have mercy. You have a whole reception waiting for you.”
Holden makes a small noise. “Yeah, so you should put it all back in your pants and get back to the party.”
Roman’s face is bright red, and he blows out a breath. “Everything is put away, Hold. Jesus. You can uncover your eyes.”
“Nope,” Holden says, popping the p loudly.
I have to bite my lower lip to keep from laughing again. How is he the same person who basically begged me to use him in bed the other day? “Tell you what,” I say, giving Beck and Roman a sideways glance. “I’ll buy you five minutes to finish up .”
Holden fake gags, interrupting me.
“Anyway,” I continue. “Five minutes. Then you need to get your asses out here. Yeah?”