Chapter 9
As I lay in bed, I realize that Dane has turned me into a madwoman—a complete addict not caring about anything but the next euphoric kick.
I got jealous, and I never get jealous, so I wanted to show him who he wanted, and that’s me. He’s the only one for me. I can give him all he wants—in secret. But he wants more. And I love that, but I can’t. This is not a game. I doubt it ever was. I wouldn’t risk his safety—or my heart—for a stupid seduction game.
I fall into a restless sleep. Tossing and turning, my body yearns to be molded to his. I’m aching all over for him.
The next morning, I shriek when I find Kaden in the kitchen, sipping from a cup of coffee.
“You scared me.”
“I’d say you got scared of something else entirely.”
I plop on an empty chair and take a deep breath. “Oh, Kaden.”
He goes to the coffee machine, prepares another one, and puts the steamy cup in front of me. I lift my gaze to him.
“I’ve fallen hard for him, and I don’t even know how, when, and why it started. I couldn’t stand this guy at the beginning. I’m terrified.”
“Abi—”
A deep sigh heaves my chest. “Don’t tell me things I know. The danger and risks are a vivid part of my brain that always drains me… I just… with him…”
Kaden nods understandingly, looking at the wall behind me.
“He’s reckless. Do you think Dane will understand without you telling him the truth? He doesn’t seem like the guy who’d share anything.”
I sniffle. The hopelessness drags me into the pit of hell where my torment is never ending. Tears run down my cheeks.
Life is unfair, and my situation is far from normal. Witnessing my dejected best friend should be a reminder of what could happen.
“I want to stay away.” But I can’t.
“What we should do and end up doing are two different things.”
“How much longer?”
“Transferring money without raising suspicion will take years. Disappearing will be an even bigger problem. It’s just us against their endless reach and power. Finding a trustworthy person to create new identities for us is even harder. Then staging our deaths is another level… so I am still thinking of alternative escape ideas.”
I nod, dragging my knees up to my chin, lost in thought.
My phone pings with a message from Dane.
I can’t .
My lips curl up on their own—sure proof that I’m losing myself in him instead of waking up.
“Hide your weakness from the Family,” Kaden says and leaves.
Then I change into my uniform and head to my first class.
Dane’s there, looking at me from head to toe, and a hot wave crashes down on me.
“I received your message.” I pin him with what I hope is an annoyed glare, then take my seat.
He drapes his arm over the back of my chair. “What can I say? I guess I like to get burned.”
His recklessness is both endearing and worrisome.
I steal glances at him throughout class, but he always catches me and winks at me.
When the classroom empties, I remain seated while he locks the door and prowls to me.
My heart rate picks up, pummeling in my chest. Dane cages me between his arms. I close my eyes, inhaling his intoxicating scent. I try to remind myself why giving in to this, to us, is a catastrophic idea, but his presence drains all rationality from me.
He brushes his nose against my throat, and it’s now that I see the red and angry lines marring his wrists. He really struggled to put his hands on me.
I brush my finger over them, and he says, “What are you going to do, Abigail?”
“Why should I do anything at all?”
Our eyes lock, and frustration blazes in his. I’m pretty sure if someone would fight for me, it would be him. My spirits elevate at the knowledge while my chest aches with the impossibility of us.
He should thank me for not dragging him into my family drama.
“If you just want my dick, then let’s fuck. If you want more, then tell me and it’s yours. I could be anything you want. Be your boyfriend, take you on dates. Shout out that you’re my girl.”
That would be lovely. I would get my own love story instead of living vicariously through books.
“You’re never going to quit, are you?”
“Not when I want something, and princess, I have never wanted something this bad.”
“I told you I can’t…”
“Yet you want me. Fuck, if I wanted to kiss you, you’d open those lips for me. If I wanted to fuck you right here and now, you’d spread those legs of yours and let me.”
“I—”
“Don’t lie, because if you do, I will prove you wrong.”
“You’re careless. You have no notion of personal space, and you keep ignoring my relationship status.”
He tsks. “Do you kiss him after you kiss me? Let him touch you after I touch you? Let him fuck you after you were in my bed?”
I shake my head, sighing. “Why do you have to complicate things, huh? There is something between us. I can admit that, but that’s all, but you’re going to leave and…”
“Then fucking come with me.”
“Are you crazy?”
“Crazy, most definitely, but you don’t love him.”
Smiling at him, I caress his jaw. “I love him. He’s my family—him and the others.”
Plus, this would be insane. The Family would find us. I close my eyes for a moment, trying to push away the silly dream of us being together.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“What would it be like?”
“I’d get back to racing, and you’d keep drawing. I know you feel this between us, because no one else could feel me like you do me and I do you.”
I peel my gaze off him and let the tears fall. “That will never happen.”
“You’d choose him?”
Do it Abigail, break this bond, break both your hearts, but in the end protect him.
“Every time.”
His jaw clenches hard enough it might crack. The spell breaks, leaving me desolate. His fury is palpable, making it hard for me to breathe because I can’t soothe him.
“Fuck this,” he says, storming away.
Already late for my next class, I hurry out of the room.
He bumps into other students in the hallway. Their eyes snap to me—the evil queen—and I walk with my head held high. He’s not here as the class starts and I send him a text.
I hope you have a good excuse, because at this school, you can’t do what you want.
I see he read it. Fine. If he wants to sulk, it’s his problem.
He should thank me instead, but every minute of not knowing where he is and if he’s okay terrifies me. The worry eats at me, crumbling my insides so that I have difficulty breathing.
If something happened to him, I wouldn’t survive it.
I love him.
And now I understand Kaden. When you don’t have your other half, you wither away.
At the lunch table, I scan the cafeteria for him, but he’s nowhere in sight. Nerves chew at my insides while I slump in my chair. Maybe he needs a distraction. So be it. Yet, I shift in my seat, not finding comfort.
Jessica keeps talking about him, and if she says his name one more time, I’m going to go over there and bash her head on the table.
“Hey, killer.” Blake snaps his fingers in my face, his ability to read a person almost uncanny.
“It’s a wonder you have time to notice anything. You should party less, just saying,” I say, wanting the attention off me.
“I second that,” Bailey says.
“The real world happens outside that phone or laptop,” Blake counters.
“Well, neither of us can enjoy real life, and some of us don’t get wasted to forget it,” I retort.
“Worried about me?”
“I’m worried about your lack of concern.”
“Girls love reckless guys.”
I glare at him, knowing that’s not why he does it.
“Blake, we’re your family.”
“What is this shit, an intervention?”
“You brought it on yourself,” says Kaden before he resumes writing his letter.
Blake’s chair scrapes against the floor as he pushes it back and stalks off.
Meanwhile, worry shackles me in the pit of hell—it’s what I deserve, anyway.
***
I draw an entire building, but what I have been doing for the last few hours is disrespectful to architectural design—unsteady lines like my thoughts. Yet I keep doing it, trying to distract myself from the party that started recently.
I pace around in my bedroom, reminding myself why going out is a bad idea, only to rebut the argument in the next second.
The first images of the party float through the senior chat, and I gnash my teeth. Jessica’s all over him.
Fuck this. Plus, Blake needs someone to look after him. I change in record time, and when I’m in the hallway, Kaden says, “Wait for me.”
“What are you doing?”
“Offering you backup.”
“You’re the best friend possible.”
“It’s not as if you will listen to the voice of reason.”
All the way to the party, energy ripples through me.
“Never thought a guy would have you all jittery.”
“If he touches her…” My blood boils, blinding me with rage and jealousy.
“Nothing. You will do nothing.”
“I’m going to be really stealth when I break every one of his fingers and bleach her hair until it falls out.”
He bursts into laughter.
For a few seconds, I do the same until he remembers, and a shadow falls on his face.
I lean my cheek against his shoulder. “Would you be okay if Celine was with someone else?”
He fists his hands at his sides. “It would kill me, but I want her to be happy. And if someone who isn’t me can do that, I’ll deal with it.”
“You put so much faith in a love that you—”
“I want her safe, Abi. Even if things work out, would we really be free…”
“I think when you love someone, you do stupid things.”
That was my brain voicing and slapping me at the same time with the truth.
There is a small bonfire where most seniors congregate in the meadow. Students surround Blake—girls and boys—clamoring for his attention. He basks in the attention, drinking from a bottle, as a girl caresses his chest.
“Go look after Blake. I’ll be fine,” I tell Kaden, searching for Dane with my heart shriveling in my chest.
Maybe it will cure me if I see something that would butcher my heart. Like him with someone else. That would be the perfect thing for my messed up situation. But while I try to focus on the pros, my heart slowly cracks.
I collide with a chest, and Dane steadies me.
“You came with him,” he snarls in accusation.
What? Was this a sacred place I tainted by coming with my best friend?
“Have fun. Isn’t it your go-to response when life doesn’t happen the way you want?” I shout right back, stalking toward the forest.
“And I always seem to survive.”
I stop abruptly. “Yeah, for how long?”
“I have just one life.”
“Well, if you can’t be a true legend, then at least be the guy who died young and became one.”
Fire shoots from my eyes, and smoke billows from his nose.
We’re secluded behind a thick tree when Jessica’s high-pitched voice calls for him.
He turns around, and I grip his hand, panic wrapping around my neck, suffocating me.
“Don’t go.”
He pulls his arm away. “I have no reason to stay.”
He has his back to me so he can’t see that I have my arm outstretched, hanging limp between us. It’s strange how you’d like to hold on to someone while knowing you have nothing to offer them. Selfish, greedy. Maybe I am cold-hearted after all.
His back muscles strain, and my arm drops.
“Wrap it up,” I say, then I put my big, fake smile on and pass by him.
I came here to stop it, but now I am leaving, knowing it’s for the best. We’re not together, and we’ll never be. What right do I have to stop him?
The moon is a terrific companion as I keep walking toward the dorm, inhaling the crisp night air. I know this path with my eyes closed.
Closing the door, I call Bailey, but there’s no response. She must be at the IT department. I pack a small bag. It’s a ten-minute walk through the forest toward my favorite place in Greenville.
People never come here. Some say it’s a haunted mansion, uninhabited for a hundred years. But to me, it’s the quietest, most peaceful place.
I’d love to buy it, renovate it, and make it my own. Another impossible dream.
I place the fluffy blanket on the floor and light some candles. Pulling out my laptop, I fully intend on learning, but I end up watching one of Dane’s races.
He is a phenomenon on the track. He drives just like he lives: rash, taking dangerous turns. The number one is plastered on the hood of his car. Fitting because he’s the best out there. I watch enrapt as he controls all those hundreds of horsepower. Even though I am fully engrossed in the screen, I feel him. It’s my heart picking him up, my body lighting up at his nearness, the air around us charging with sparks.
“Stalking me again?”
“I can’t seem to stop.” His words say so much more, and emotions clog my throat.
“You’re fantastic out there.”
“I used to be…”
I lift my gaze. Dane leans against the door frame, hands shoved in his pockets. The dim light from the candles casts a glow on his gorgeous face. He appears almost ethereal.
For a moment, I imagine this is our home.
He is mine.
Our future has just begun.
What a beautiful dream!
“You were reborn from ashes. Maybe you should paint it like that. That gray and green is too tame for you.”
“Draw me something then.”
I bite down on my lower lip, and he takes a few steps toward me, kneeling in front of me. I almost got myself under control, yet he easily tears my composure apart.
He lifts my chin, and it wobbles. I can’t force my emotions back.
“I just want you. Love me or wreck me…”
I jump into his arms and cross mine around his neck. Like a monkey, I wrap myself around him.
He holds me tightly.
Embed me in you. Never let me go . His embrace promises me exactly that. If I could, I’d tell him the same thing.
We stay like this until he places me back on the blanket. He dips his head and says through kisses, “I’m stupid when it comes to you, hungry for your scraps.”
“Never, you’d never have my scraps. You’d have my all.”
Confusion transforms his face, but I put my finger on his mouth.
“Don’t… tonight, one night where it’s just the two of us, and this thing between us.”
“It’s not a thing.”
“No, it’s not.” Love, madness, and obsession create an intricate, unbreakable bond.
My heart and brain stop warring. I want something that is just mine, and he ignites in me the possibility of an us.
“We can just kiss or watch something.”
I shake my head. Why wait if I want him like nothing and no one before? My life is not mine. My future is set in stone. But I can choose to give this to the boy I love. To be honest, until him, I thought I’d die a virgin.
I push myself up on my elbows, and he crawls between my legs. Desire stirs low in my belly. Only he can play my body with a flick of his finger.
“Any way I can get you, I’ll take it. You’re worth it.”
“You don’t need to sweet-talk me. I’m not going anywhere.”
“And here I was thinking about doing some romantic shit like the guys in your books.”
“Another time. This is truly romantic for me. I love this house so much. The candles are flickering, the space is peaceful, and you’re here. I doubt it can get more romantic than that.”
“This place screams of a horror movie scenario.”
“No, because my favorite place can’t be haunted. It’s magical.”
“You’re magical, princess.”
Our lips press together in sweet oblivion, our hands explore unabashedly.
I slip my hand under his shirt. He’s hard everywhere I touch him. He’s a sculpture of planes of muscles I could explore and watch for an eternity. I trace my finger down his happy trail, reaching his waistband. When he inhales sharply, it makes me even more eager to dive into the forbidden.
“Princess, let me do this right for the first time before I come in my fucking pants by your touch alone.”
Knowing he wants me this much emboldens me, but I move my hands to his arms, touching the muscles there. The vein in his neck throbs just like my core.
Tantalizing minutes pass as we kiss. I love his kisses—passionate and filled with hunger. I could kiss him for hours. Our breaths deepen with need.
He undresses me with a gentleness that makes me an emotional mess.
“I have you, princess,” he says, kissing the tear away.
I want to keep you. I love you.
Fully naked, he looks at me like he’s never seen something more beautiful, burning all the doubts that I am not beautiful, sexy, or curvy enough.
“There is beauty and there is you. You’re in a league of your own.”
Goose bumps blossom on my body.
“Cold?” he asks.
I shake my head. I’m feverish for him.
Lifting his arms, I help him undress. I’ll never find his body anything less than perfection. Ridges of muscles create a sensuous six-pack. My finger traces his ripped body from his muscular arms to his powerful torso. Even his dick is beautiful: long, thick, and hard. I don’t know how it will fit, but I want to feel all of him inside of me.
I glide a finger over his crown. His dick jerks at my touch, and a groan rumbles in his throat. The vein on his shaft fascinates me, and I trace it up and down. His body vibrates, hunger burning in his eyes.
He pulls me to his lap, ending my exploration, but I don’t mind.
The skin-on-skin sensation feels incredible.
His dick nestles under my ass, hard and eager to get inside of me, yet he doesn’t rush. He kisses me again, this time slow and sensual.
We give in to our passion, exploring each other’s bodies. He takes me somewhere else, and I never want to return. I play with the ends of his hair while he rips himself from my mouth.
“I can’t get enough of your lips.”
Never get enough.
He takes one nipple between his teeth, sucking gently before biting it. The contradictory sensations, sweet pleasure, and a pinch of pain make me delirious, wet, and ready for him.
He moves to the other one while I dig my nails into his back. Sensations dizzy me. He fires up my body and desire spreads through me, leaving me wanton for more.
We kiss hungrily until we come up for air, and then he trails kisses down my neck and chest. He licks his thumb and presses it against my clit, rubbing gently. The pleasure is so exquisite that I arch up, desperate for more. He’s on a mission to make me come, making my senses drunk on him. There’s nowhere I can go but straight into the arms of blissful surrender. A hundred tiny stars flash before my eyes, and I explode.
My breath stutters as I come back from my high.
“I want to taste you too.”
We both look down at his dick leaking pre-cum.
“Later, I need to get inside of you now. I’m barely holding on here.”
His desperation is endearing. Maybe I should tell him. Maybe he won’t even notice, and that blood part is a myth—hopefully.
But there are so many secrets between us already.
I palm his cheek. “Be gentle, okay? It’s my…”
I avert my gaze, but he tips my face to his, watching me with eyes full of understanding.
“I’ll always take care of you. I swear.”
I believe him. Wholeheartedly. This is not about my first time. It’s trusting someone with my heart and hoping he won’t break it into pieces.
He rummages through his wallet and rolls on a condom.
“Came prepared?”
“Hoped we’d happen.”
Typical.
“I think missionary is the best position for the first time.”
“No, just like this.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I just want to feel you while I’m in your arms.”
I lift myself a bit, and he guides his tip to my entrance. His head disappears inside of me, and I already feel full.
“Fuck, you’re tight.”
“You’re big…”
He chuckles, and I giggle.
It’s such a wholesome moment as I give myself to him. It doesn’t feel like I’m losing my virginity to him because it couldn’t be anyone else. But I am losing my heart to him too. Yet, I am also gaining so much: the freedom to choose who I am with and the certainty that this is right. He is the one my soul recognizes as my other half. My emotions are all over the place as he pushes more inside of me.
My walls stretch, trying to accommodate him. There’s a bit of pain, but more discomfort.
“You want this?”
“I do. So much…”
“I’m sorry then.”
He thrusts inside of me to the hilt, stealing the breath from my throat.
I pant. I gasp. I bite his shoulder at the sudden invasion and fullness.
He fills me beyond my capacity to take. I’m so full, but feeling him inside of me is marvelous. Our bodies are connected in the most intimate way.
He strokes down my back, letting me adjust to his size. He’s inside of me, and not like an intruder, but the owner—making me his.
The realization is overwhelming, yet offers me a strange sense of peace.
“You’re perfect, princess. You’re doing so well, taking all of me.”
He kisses my lips, and my lids, and something incredible happens: I want more.
He pushes me back, still inside of me, and I clench instinctively to hold him inside of me.
“Fuck. You squeeze me so good, like you never want me to leave. I’d fucking stay buried in your sweet pussy that I made mine.”
“You say the most romantic things.”
“I could wax poetic about your pussy all you want, but I’d rather show you.”
He interlaces our fingers and pins my hands above my head. I glimpse the tattoo, wanting to know the meaning of it, but he moves in and out of me and pleasure overrides my thoughts.
Thrust for thrust, he brings me higher while simultaneously binding me to him. Every time he pushes inside of me, his eyes burn with savage pleasure.
“I love to stretch your tight pussy. Fill you with every inch. You feel so fucking good.”
On instinct, I arch my hips to meet and take him. “You do too.”
“We might have a problem, princess. Because taking you just became my new favorite pastime.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?”
“Don’t you know by now, sweetheart? I’m mad for you.”
His thumb presses down on my clit, and a heavenly pressure builds inside of me.
My toes curl, and I throw my head back. I cry out his name as I come, body liquefying.
Every muscle in his body strains and he gets bigger inside of me, if that’s even possible. With a low groan, he comes crashing down next to me.
He pulls me next to him, and we lay on our sides, face-to-face.
“I thought of something romantic to say, but shit, whenever I look at you, I can’t think at all.”
If that wasn’t romantic, I don’t know what is.