Chapter 17
When I wake up, I find Kaden sitting on the edge of my bed.
“I hate seeing you like this. Desolate.”
I lift one shoulder. “Misery loves company, right?”
When you lose your love, your person, everything else becomes irrelevant.
Once Kaden leaves, I get ready for my meeting with Felix. Normally, it would have terrified me, but I’m just numb. He can’t do anything to me that will hurt less than what my heart is going through.
In his office, I find pictures of me and Dane scattered on his desk, even ones from the weekend we spent together.
I jut my chin up. Arrogance is a foolish attitude when your life hangs by a thread. But I don’t seem to care.
“I showed the pictures to your parents. They said it’s up to me what I’m going to do with you.”
“It was worth it.”
He slaps me so hard that my head reels to the side.
I burst into laughter. “You must feel really weak if you have to hit me.”
“You had just one thing to do, and now you’ve tarnished it. Does my son even know you fooled around behind his back with a nobody?”
“Dane will do far greater things in his life than you ever did.”
Another slap. The tangy taste of blood coats my tongue. I wipe the corner of my mouth with my thumb, gathering the red drop. The physical pain is nothing in comparison to my insides crumbling at losing Dane.
“Hit me, but nothing will change the fact that he had me. And I loved every moment. I’m not fucking afraid of you.”
His eyes bulge out, his face taking a shade of violet. I doubt I am that lucky for him to burst a vein.
“You will do as I tell you to save face, you little whore. And for your sake, I hope it’s believable.”
I flinch at that crass word. “What if I don’t?” Something in me snaps, making me lose my common sense along with my reason, and I revel in madness.
“Accidents happen all the time. One call from me and he’d be dead.”
Felix opens the laptop, and a man dressed in black is in Dane’s bedroom.
My heart forgets to beat in my chest and my rebellious strike comes to an abrupt halt, waking me up from my momentarily lapse of judgment. “No, please. He has nothing to do with it.”
“I should kill him just for tarnishing you.”
“And if you do, I will never be the pliant girl you want me to be so desperately.”
“I have ways of making you that way. Stupid girl. If you ever step out of line again, I will kill you too.”
His eyes are void of empathy.
“If you kill him, I’ll never be what you want me to be if you do that.”
If I thought sneaking around with Dane was risky, now I am literally risking our lives. Felix and I are locked in a standoff until he gives the order for the man to retreat, and I can finally breathe again.
“This is not over. You will pay for this. Now leave.”
Back at the dorm, I dab on some makeup, getting ready for today’s classes. Foundation and concealer cake my face. But how do I say my boyfriend’s father hit me, called me a whore, and wanted to kill my lover? That is ludicrous, but not to me.
Kaden intercepts me in the hallway, and his eyebrows draw together. “What’s wrong?”
I have never seen him as anything but my best friend and brother, but we have to be smart. I am torn between telling him the truth, giving him another reason to hate his father, and keeping it to myself. We should focus on planning our escape. Revenge will bring us nothing. They’ve already won. Besides what could be better than the next generation vanishing?
Students pile up in the hallway. Kaden accompanies me to my first class, waiting for an answer.
“We’ll talk after,” I say and take my seat when I feel Dane.
He drops into the seat next to me. I was in his arms only yesterday. Only a few days ago I was happier than I believed possible. Now, I am a monolith of dejection. I want to tell him so many things, but when I lift my eyes to look at him, no words come out.
“If the guy can forgive you for fooling around with another, even I have to give it to him.”
I fidget with my fingers to stop myself from touching him. “You don’t understand.”
“I don’t want to understand anymore.”
He has given me up. Good, then why does my heart shred into tiny pieces, cutting at my chest?
The teacher steps inside, and Dane leans back, pretending to take notes and paying attention to her.
How am I going to see him every day and not touch, kiss, and be with him?
This pure agony kills me slowly.
I open my mouth but clamp it shut back again.
He doesn’t look at me as he leaves the class. The finality clenches my heart.
When the day ends, a group of girls and boys surround Dane’s car, and Blake says, “These fuckers. You’d think they did enough ass-kissing.”
“What’s happening?” I ask, all jittery with unease.
“Dane is leaving today.”
“What?”
“I heard his father talk to the principal. He pulled him out, said he has to focus more on his racing career. Dane’s going back to California.”
I look at Dane.
He looks back at me.
That’s it.
It’s over.
We went full circle.
We end as we began, with a stolen glance over the parking lot.
***
The next day, when I look at the empty chair, my heart feels like a phantom limb. I feel it, but it’s not there anymore, all while having to listen to Jessica recounting her juicy sexcapades with him. I roll my eyes, knowing better and refusing to believe that.
I thought that would be it. Since Dane left, I figured my punishment would be forgotten, and he’d be safe, far away from here. To hope in this family is the worst illusion you can believe in.
I drive to the appointed location Felix sent me. It’s in the middle of nowhere. I should have said something to Kaden, but I needed time to process my loss. Now, as masked men descend from a van, I realize it’s too late.
My reaction is nonexistent as they inject something into my neck. Grogginess pulls heavily at my limbs, and then everything turns black.
When I blink awake, panic hits me suddenly. I am strapped to a chair in a stark white room, and something heavy presses down on my head. Metal cuffs are wrapped around my ankles, wrists, and neck. Felix stands next to Caleb, towering over me.
In my head, I call them “Mad” and “Madder.” No wonder they are best friends. Caleb is Blake’s father and the head of the pharmaceutical sector. He’s a fantastic scientist, that is when he’s not busy inflicting pain on us.
I look around, but it’s just a sterile room with no windows.
“Bad girl.” Caleb tsks.
Such vile and power-hungry assholes.
Sheer terror overtakes me as my self-preservation instinct kicks in.
“This is your initiation,” Felix says.
“And afterward, we’ll inform the matriarch how well you did, and then you can pledge your loyalty to her,” Caleb says.
“You two are sick.”
Felix puts my phone in my face.
“You’re going to tell Kaden you need a few days for yourself. You need to get your eating disorder treated.”
I freeze, and both of them catch my slip, smirking.
“These kids are plain stupid and disrespectful to think we don’t know everything,” Felix says to Caleb, who shakes his head, glee sparkling in his eyes.
These fucking bastards. I won’t offer them the satisfaction of seeing me broken down and begging. But every attempt at escape would be futile as I can barely move. The cuffs dig so hard in my wrists, neck, and ankles that every shift only increases the ache.
“When this ends, you’re going to be the girl you should have always been. Prim and proper and not a whore.”
I flinch once again at that word. But if loving Dane made me into a whore, I’d rather take that than have this asshole’s approval.
Felix calls Kaden from my phone and puts it on speaker.
“Abi, where are you?”
“I made a decision. I’m at a center that treats eating disorders.”
“Just like that?”
I can’t have Kaden giving them reasons to mistrust us. As long as their focus is on me, Kaden is free to carry on with our escape plan.
“I can’t pretend I have it under control and with everything happening…”
“This is actually a good thing. I’m proud of you.”
“Yes, the downside is I will be away for more than just the weekend.”
“Just tell me where you are.”
“I need to do this on my own.”
He grumbles low, and I add, “I’m sorry. See you soon.”
Felix hangs up before I actually shout for help.
“She’s a great actor,” Caleb says.
“We’ll use the weekend to the fullest,” Felix replies.
I glare at Felix, and he takes a threatening step toward me when Caleb says with mirth in his tone, “Patience, my friend.”
They won’t break me, I keep telling myself. But with every second, I swallow the dread that makes my throat dry.
A shot of pain travels through me, debilitating me. Every muscle in my body strains from the shock therapy to the point of breaking, and then suddenly the current stops. I’m left limp, a marionette in their hands.
“Initiation comes with punishment. We have to make sure your loyalty is with the Family as it should be. There are no weaknesses allowed.”
At some point, I debate if I am still alive. Every muscle in my body trembles after going through round after round of contracting and stiffening. This is hell, and I don’t know if I will survive it. But Dane is safe, far away from my fucked up family. That thought is the only comfort I get, and I latch onto it while I endure my punishment.
I’m pretty sure my clothes are wet from not only my sweat but drool and pee. While they drone on about loyalty and where mine lies, currents of electricity surge through me. Again and again. I lose all sense of time and feeling in my body.
Monsters like them thrive on the weakness of others. If I want to survive, I have to play the submissive they want me to be. While every fiber in me revolts, I have played this role all my life. Survival comes before mending my ego. It’s not hard to cry and beg them for mercy. When the pain stops and they finally release me, I stumble on my feet, dropping on my knees.
Two masked men grip my elbows, dragging me through a long corridor. My relief is short-lived when they open a door, and I freeze. In the middle, there’s a glass lined steel water tank. My pulse spikes in my neck, thundering in my ears. This can’t be good. Dragging me up the ladder, one of them opens the lid. The water reaches the top and my feet root to the spot. There’s no way I can survive this. With the bit of energy I have left, I struggle to free myself, but to no avail.
With a hard push, they shove me inside the tank, closing me in. Water boxes me in while my arms and feet kick into action, trying to push myself up but there’s not even an inch left of space to suck in some air. I try to hold my breath as long as I can, fighting my instinct to inhale. But I can’t for long. Fatigue quickly shuts off my survival instinct. My body caves and takes a gulp of air, the weight on my lungs becoming excruciating. My muscles become lax, the bottom of the tank dragging me down. I’m going to die, but the strangest thing happens like I am at peace with that knowledge. I smile, thinking I loved and I was loved. Dane reaching out his hand to me while I try to grab it is the last image I have before blackness tugs at my consciousness while he drifts further away.
There’s no pain, no more struggle as I slip somewhere else, but not for long. I am ripped violently from that peaceful place by someone pressing down on my chest. I expel all the water, coughing so hard my ribcage might crack as I drag a long breath into my lungs.
I am half awake, half dead when I come to my senses.
Almost killing me to bring me back. Truly cruel.
In here, there is no notion of time. It could have been minutes or days. I question my sanity as I go from physical torture to mental—on repeat. But the most painful part is watching videos of all the ways they could kill Dane. These two are truly imaginative, from burning him alive to burying him alive. I get to see at least ten short horror movies, all ending with Dane’s death. Inside, I crumble. On the outside, I try my best not to show what these images do to me: kill me more efficiently than any of their torment. I swear to myself I will make them pay, and that anchors me.
Felix and Caleb step inside my white cell that tears at my sanity with its sterile ambience.
I put on my damn mask. “Morning, Uncle Felix, Uncle Caleb.”
“I told you we’d break her,” Caleb says.
I grit my teeth but remember that I can’t show anything.
“Never had a doubt,” Felix smirks, and then asks, “Ready for the last test?”
“I just want to prove my loyalty.” I force a smile while I plot their demise in my head.
“Dutiful. Obedient. Well behaved. Not an ordinary whore. If you were mine, I would have whipped you raw,” Felix says, nostrils flaring.
“I’m sorry for disappointing you,” I say, swallowing the bile and the desire to spit in his face.
Once again, they bring me to the torture room. Two men strap me to the chair, and the screen on the opposite wall turns on. I see Dane and my chest twists. I miss him so much. Longing fills every crevice in me.
“You became a whore for him, and whores are marked.”
Wait. What the fuck is he talking about now? I was so engrossed in the images, only now I realize Felix walking toward me with a prod glowing at the tip.
A searing pain surges through me as a charcoal-like smell of burned skin hits my nostrils, turning my stomach. Battling the bout of nausea, I look at the spot where the heat pulses and radiates from. I see an angry-looking small “D” stamped on the inside of my wrist. It could be possible that I am losing my mind, but I barely bite back the burst of laughter. I’d wear the first letter of his name proudly. This is no punishment for me—it’s a badge of honor.
“Maybe that will teach you to cover yourself from now on. Was he worth it?”
I have to play this right. You can do this. Give Felix what he wants so you can leave this fucking place and plot his painful and slow death.
I inhale deeply. “No.” A lie.
“I’m still disappointed in you for spreading your legs for him. I expected you to have better taste in men. This all could have been avoided, but we had to purge that weakness out of you.”
I doubt that weakness could ever be purged out of me. Even now, after everything I’ve endured, my love for him will outlive the pain I went through for having broken the rules.
“Imagine if she would have carried that bastard’s child to full term,” Caleb says.
My heartbeats, my thoughts, everything in me comes to a screeching stop. While my brain tries to process the information, grief pierces my heart.
This can’t be? They didn’t do that. It’s a lie.
But I know better than that. In my head, I go through all the times Dane and I have been together, and we weren’t as careful as we should have been. No physical or mental torture comes close to finding out I was pregnant.
“We took care of that. There are consequences, and we can’t allow any indiscretions, Abigail. You should have remembered that,” Felix says.
They killed my baby.
“I’m sorry,” I say, swallowing all the rage until I become one with it. I let that feed life back into me to exact my revenge.
“I apologize for my behavior. I never intended to hurt the Family.”
They exchange a pleased look, buying my act. That is all that matters. I keep pushing back the emotional pain, refusing to give them more of me.
“Good. Welcome to the Family. The matriarch awaits you. Get ready to pledge your loyalty.”
Felix hands me a letter. It bears the family crest: an eagle with spread legs, its claws digging into a round globe.
The matriarch awaits you at 11 a.m. today.
Felix pats me on the cheek, welcoming me to the Family.
I nod, devoid of reaction while Caleb instructs someone to take care of my wound, cleaning and bandaging my wrist with a transparent tape.
My heart died and in my chest is just a black cavity.
A woman takes me to another room, where on the bed lies a white knee-length dress with full sleeves. After I take a shower, I get dressed, and she styles my hair before putting a bit of makeup on my face.
Two masked men walk me through long corridors until we reach an elevator.
In the garage, Felix leans against his SUV, and in his hand, I see a black mask.
“Put that on.”
I do the moment I climb inside.
We don’t drive for long, or maybe I don’t have any sense of time left.
“You can take the mask off.”
He parks in front of Grandmother’s mansion, a smug expression etched on his face. I want to claw at it with my bare fingers until I reach bone.
When Thomas opens the door, we turn right down the long hallway toward her sitting room. Grandmother sits in her armchair, sipping from a cup of tea. Behind her, I see her beloved rose garden through the window.
Felix dips his head, and on autopilot, I go to her, bending from my waist to kiss her hand.
“You can go now,” she tells him.
When it’s just the two of us, she says, “Do you pledge your loyalty to me and the Family?”
“I do.”
She nods, accepting my pledge.
“You’re not well, Abigail,” she says with a hint of worry but more disappointment.
“I’m sorry.”
“You live for this Family and that means your health is paramount. I will send you away to an eating disorder treatment center. You will return when they give me the okay.”
“What about my classes?”
“You will resume your classes from there.”
I obey.