Chapter 20
Dane’s here and his presence lights my entire core aflame. I lift my gaze to the sky, glaring at it, mad at the Universe for throwing me this curve ball. Really? On top of everything I have to deal with him being here as well?
I watch Dane leave. Somehow, this is the only way for us—him leaving and me staying behind. All those old wounds fester once again, but I have to be strong.
I force myself to keep walking toward the architecture department—shoulders high and chin up. I’m walking on my personal runway while people stare at me.
It’s hard to focus in class.
Here we go again.
No.
The internal argument I’m having with myself would be quite entertaining if I weren’t the one in this torturous position.
Back at the college house, I make myself a salad, and Bailey stumbles in, eyes wide.
“Have you heard?”
I nod, going on a talking hiatus.
“How are you?”
“Perfect.”
She pins me with a glare.
“As if it wasn’t enough with Celine coming back, he’s here too. Both of your weaknesses… making you act like lunatics.”
Bailey reminds me of Kaden getting into a fight with Hunter.
“You don’t have to worry about me.”
I’m a stone, an unfeeling stone. I chant that to myself until one day I’ll believe it.
Blake arrives next, and we study each other in pregnant silence, equating to the unease wrapping around us.
“So, are we talking about this?” Blake asks, approaching the kitchen island.
“No,” I say. With my appetite gone, I go to my room, pressing my back to the door. Sliding down, I cave in.
Dane is here.
He’s here.
I can’t control my emotions or focus on anything course-related, so I end up pacing around. My room cages me in and with no one in the house, I decide to go for a drive.
The sun has long set by the time I return and come face-to-face with Blake.
“I’m out.”
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“A welcome party.”
“I’m coming too.”
He looks at me knowingly.
“Just to watch over you.”
“Sure.”
He sees right through me, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m going. Who could blame me after the day I had?
I change into a black, long-sleeve, open-back shirt, hiding the mark I will wear on my skin forever. My little rebellious act. That’s how I overcame what happened to me. I’m not going there. Living through it once was enough. I’m not giving those two assholes, Felix and Caleb, any more power over me.
I put on a pair of slim jeans and high heels. After dabbing my lips with red lipstick, I run my hands through my straight hair so no strand sticks out. The feeling of powerlessness evaporates when I have my red lipstick on.
When Blake parks in front of my dream house, I freeze. This can’t be. No, Dane would not do that. He is not the owner. That can’t be. I refuse to believe it.
I stumble out on shaky legs and expel tiny stuttering breaths.
Inside, the party is in full swing, students drinking and swaying to music in the same place I gave my virginity to him. I gave him everything that was mine to give. The memories hit me with a force that almost knocks me over.
A guy who I haven’t seen before approaches me. “I just found my dream woman.”
I arch an eyebrow. He’s blond and good-looking, with a perfect set of white teeth, and a charming smile, but he’s not the brand of madness I crave.
“I’m Alec.”
I search for Dane when the guy adds, “Do you watch Formula One? My best friend is about to win his third championship. He just moved here.”
My eyes must have gone wide, and now he thinks I’m interested in him, but my mind spins knowing that Dane bought the old mansion.
It feels surreal to be in a space where I put so much thought and heart into restoring. It feels like mine, yet it isn’t.
My chest warms when I see the result of my sketches in real life. What an incredible feeling. My eyes take in every detail, from the polished dark floors to the golden-black round lights. The original woodwork keeps that old touch, while the mix of black, green, and cream adds a modern touch. I wanted the mansion to fit in with the nature surrounding it. The result does just that—perfectly—both on the outside and on the inside.
I snap out of my trance, remembering what Alec said.
“So, partying. How lackluster,” I mumble under my breath.
Disappointment hits me, and he rushes to answer.
“No, it’s not like that, but I thought I’d surprise Dane. He needs to loosen up, if you know what I mean.”
I open my mouth, in full interrogation mode, when goose bumps spread on my neck. When I tilt my face, Dane takes another step toward me.
His eyes pin me, hold me captive, and cut my air supply.
Bad timing. I would have needed just a few minutes with this Alec guy to get the answers to all those questions that have consumed my heart and wrecked my mind.
His gaze sweeps from me to Alec. Dane saunters to us, fury blaring in his eyes, ignoring all the shoulder pats and small talk. He has a goal, and that is reaching me. Being once again the focus of his attention brings back the euphoria and madness, sparking every atom in me to life.
“What the fuck, man? You threw a party in my damn house without me knowing,” Dane snarls.
“I wanted to surprise you. And there were already people gathering in front of the house, telling me they’d want to welcome you back properly.”
“I don’t need that.”
Even I feel bad for Alec because I must have accelerated Dane’s anger with my presence.
I get in his face. “That was rude.”
His chest brushes against mine, his heady smell getting me drunk.
“Rude is you being in my fucking house all over my best friend. Man, she’s not worth the hassle. Believe me.”
My palm itches, but I grin in his face. “Jealous?”
He grabs me by the waist and leans in to whisper in my ear. “I was inside you first. No one can take that away. So no, I’m not jealous. Sorry sweetheart, my tastes have changed. I have pussy dropping into my lap. Why would I want one that I would have to share with someone else? The competition lost its appeal once I got what I wanted. I didn’t think you’d get this desperate for cock, though.”
I stumble back and into Alec.
“Are you all right?”
I nod. “I just need some fresh air.”
The thing with insults is, the other person doesn’t even have to believe them; they just have to make you believe them. It’s just the animalistic, injured part of us knowing how to go for the kill. The thing about love is making yourself vulnerable, allowing the other person to see, feel, and touch all of your insecurities. We give the people we love all the ammunition. No one can hurt you more or more proficiently than them.
I make a detour to the kitchen and pick up a shot from the six lines on the island. The amber liquid burns my throat, but I need to wash those words from my mind. I gesture for another one, and Alec says, “That’s not the fresh air section.”
No amount of fresh air could calm me down, but maybe alcohol will. I look around. Eyes are on me, fellow students glancing my way and talking in hushed tones.
What the fuck am I doing? Drinking and partying like I can afford that. Fuck love, it’s stupid, and I reject it.
“So what was that between you and Dane?”
“Nothing.”
He hurt me with words. I hurt him worse.
Blake finds me nursing my third shot, and he gets in my face, sniffing me.
“Have you been drinking?”
“It’s that or,” I toss it down my throat too, and gesture for another one. “I could kill him. Slowly. Make it hurt.”
“Not with witnesses.”
I lean my head on Blake’s shoulder. “It’s okay. Go enjoy the party.”
“What did Dane do?”
Maybe I’m hurt—scratch that, I am hurt—but I whisper to Blake what Dane implied.
“And he’s still alive?”
“Will you help me plan a slow death? I’m not one for violence. I would have been the poison type, you know. No one would have seen me coming.”
He throws his head back and laughs. “You’re funnier when you’re drunk.”
“I have an idea.”
“No, we’re going home. You can plan that poison stuff when you’re sober.”
“I’ll be right back.”
“Abi.”
“Just wait for me here.”
I rummage through some cupboards and take a chocolate syrup with me. Walking upstairs, I flip Dane the bird while his gaze follows me.
Three doors line the right wall, and when I walk inside the last one, his woodsy scent invades my nostrils. The room has a different touch though. The walls have a distinctive blue color, just like the curtains. This rich blue seems so familiar, like the color of my eyes, making my heart skip. No, that can’t be.
The dark floor matches the black king-sized bed. With the door open, I can peek into the bathroom. Golden, white, and black create a fabulous pattern of marble. There’s a rain shower, two sinks, and an oval bathtub in the spacious bathroom. Next to the bathroom is a walk-in closet, big enough for two people. Nostalgia once again drags me into its cruel arms.
I could have seen myself living with him here.
Stop reminiscing about the past. I guess your vagina was not good enough for him . And that wakes me up from my reverie. I came here with a clear intent, so I place the chocolate syrup on the floor and peel my jeans off. Naked from the waist down, I spread my legs and take a shot of my pussy to draw the exact shape and form. Picking up the chocolate syrup, I bend over the mattress. My hand moves over the sheet, recreating the image.
It’s a masterpiece, and of course, it is. I have a beautiful vagina, and he worshiped it. So fuck him, and his words meant to hurt me. Or maybe that’s what I tell myself to feel better.
He doesn’t know what I went through in the name of loving him. I protected him, and now, what is he doing? Trying to wreck that small piece still holding me together. I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand. Bending from my waist to pull my panties up, I freeze. The door opens and closes, and I drop on my ass.
“Do you have any fucking idea what I would have done if I found you in Alec’s room?”
Dane prowls to me. I jerk to a standing position even though his intense look makes me weak in my knees. He cups my face and searches my face for a truth I buried inside of me.
“What are you doing here, Abigail?”
“I got lost.”
“And found yourself in my room?”
“Blame it on the drinks I had. I’m leaving as soon as I put these stupid jeans on.”
“You’re not going anywhere.”
Shit.