Chapter 32
I go back to Mia and Hunter’s house in agony, bleeding from my open heart.
I need my best friend to tell me it’s going to be all right. That this nightmare will end. I clutch my belly. What if? No, I can’t think right now about that or about the hurt in Dane’s eyes.
I see Celine walking out of Kaden’s room. That means Kaden is too wrapped in his own pain to help make mine bearable.
“How is he?” I ask her.
“Over me.”
I snort and grab her hand, dragging her downstairs. I’m pretty sure I put an end to my love story tonight, but if I can help someone else, I have to.
And I need a distraction. I keep falling while hoping to finally hit rock bottom.
I push her down on the couch while I fill two glasses with alcohol.
“Drink up, buttercup.”
“Is it poisoned?”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
A small smile lifts the corners of her mouth. “You must hate me.”
I sip from my drink. “I don’t hate you.”
“Not even after Dane?”
My body tenses. The only person I hate is me.
“I’m jealous.”
“You don’t have any reason to be.”
With an arched brow, she points her finger at the ring. I lift my hand, feeling my brows furrowing.
“You and him… you fit,” she says in a meek voice.
“I hope we do. We keep each other afloat. Best friends should do that.” I take another small sip. “I like you more when you’re like this.”
“Like what?”
“Not a raging bitch.”
She bursts into laughter, and Hunter walks inside, sniffing the air.
He drops on the seat next to Celine. “Sex is not on the menu if I can’t get any.”
She slaps his chest, pushing him playfully.
“I don’t understand the dynamic between you two,” I say, analyzing them then going to my room, leaving them to do their thing.
The moment my body hits the bed, I sob. I feel like I am dying inside. I have had to put myself together so many times; I resemble Frankenstein on the inside. But I do what I always do: put on a mask and go through the motions.
I have breakfast with my friends, go to classes, and have dinner with Kaden and my parents, where my mother tells me about a spring wedding. I hear myself talking, agreeing, and supporting Kaden, but I’m not there anymore. It’s like my soul left my body.
I came to accept that I can’t change a thing.
I lost Dane, and I gave up. I don’t care any longer.
The days blend together while I try to channel the strength that leaks out of my hole-riddled being. With every hour, it gets more and more difficult to stay afloat. Every breath I take, every beat my heart pumps, and every step I make hurts to the point it debilitates me. Missing him drains me of my life essence, while wanting him only prolongs my misery.
Dane and Celine are on the campus grounds together once again, chatting and seeming to get along well.
No, no. You died, heart. Stay in your comatose state, and don’t react. But how, when it’s his, and having to witness him with someone else makes me blind with jealousy? I look at my stupid engagement ring.
“How are you holding up?” Kaden asks.
“Just like you. Survival mode.”
Dane and Celine see us, and they approach us, walking side by side.
“Let’s make a bet,” Dane suggests once they reach us, his eyes boring into mine. It’s like he has the capacity to revive everything in me.
That flicker of life I thought was snuffed lights back up.
“Why would I?” I ask, wanting more of this feeling of being alive.
“Afraid of losing?”
“Never,” I say.
“If I win against you, I will spend a night with you,” Dane says.
“Keep dreaming.” I get in his face, challenging him so he can do the same.
Save me, love. I don’t know if I can do this on my own.
“If Kaden wins, I’ll leave. If he loses, you already know what happens.”
“Fine, deal.”
“Abi,” Kaden says, and I plead with my eyes to give me this. He shakes his head at me, letting me know he disapproves, but nods.
Dane will win. For me.
The day passes quickly as I move from one class to another, trying to contain my enthusiasm.
I’m eating a granola bar in the kitchen when Celine comes in.
“You know I should hate you,” I say.
“Why don’t you?”
“You came with more drama than we bargained for, and you fucking almost kissed him.”
“I think it’s good to let it all out.”
“You don’t understand. I can’t be with Dane, and it kills me seeing you with him…”
“It’s the same as seeing you with Kaden.”
“You’re stupid, Celine. You’re so damn stupid.” I grab her elbow, shaking some sense into her. “Kaden hasn’t so much as looked at another girl, let alone taken it further. He looks dead, and it’s because of you. He was unbreakable until now. I hope you’re fucking happy.”
“What?”
“Really? You think if we had something going on I would have let you and Kaden disrespect me by sleeping together? Wake up, Celine. We all have a role to play in this fucked up family.”
“But?”
“But what? Oh, he promised you things? Fuck off. He cut his heart out for you, so you would never go through the things we did.”
She gets in my face. “It should have been my choice.”
“Just let him be, already. Go be with your friends. And if you ever get comfortable with Dane again, I will show you how much of a bitch I can be. Don’t mess with me.”
“Then why aren’t you with him?”
“Do you think I don’t want to be? It wrecks me. But loving is fucking prohibited unless it’s between me and Kaden.”
“You’re getting married.”
“And until then, we’re going to do our best to finally escape this prison.”
I storm away and lock myself in my room.