Chapter 8
ELLIE (PRESENT)
I’m sweating.
I take off my sweater and throw it on my bed along with the other twelve tops I’ve tried on. I don’t know why I’m having a panic-induced fashion show right now. It’s just a friendly dinner with a man I’m not even attracted to. I can’t help it, though. I either look too frumpy or too dressy.
I pull a baby-blue cotton sweater with a deep V-cut from my closet, pairing it with my favorite leather leggings before walking over to the full-length mirror.
This gives…looking for a quick bathroom fuck.
I sigh and yank the top over my head. My face is bright red, and the baby hairs at the bottom of my neck are starting to curl from the sweat.
Hell no. I spent way too much time curling the perfect beach waves for sweat and frizz to kill them. I take off my pants and stand in front of my fan in just my bra and panties.
“Not today, Satan.” My voice is distorted by the fan, and I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous I am.
Once I’m cooled off, I walk back over to my closet and pick out a hunter green babydoll dress. I pair it with my tan corduroy jacket and knee-high coffee-brown boots, then walk back over to my mirror.
Much better.
I release a long breath, puffing out my cheeks as I try to rid myself of the anxiety I’m feeling.
I walk back to my bathroom sink, where my curling iron is plugged in, and start touching up my sweat-soaked hair.
Grabbing my comb, I brush out my curls for a third time, making sure the waves appear natural and effortless.
It’s a silly concept to curl your hair for an hour just to brush it back out.
It’s a silly concept to be curling my hair period.
Who am I even dressing for? Certainly not Dimitri.
He’s a nice guy, and he’s incredibly attractive, but he’s just not… my guy.
Let’s be real. I know who I’m dressing for, I just can’t bring myself to admit it. It would make me the villain in my sister’s story. That’s a role I never want to play.
Nate was my villain, though. I used to think he was my Prince Charming, that he was going to sweep me off my feet and carry me off to my Disney princess ending.
He wasn’t meant to be the villain in my story.
He was supposed to be my happily ever after.
My John Cusack, standing in the rain with a boombox above his head.
Not my Prince Hans, turning his back on me as my heart froze over from betrayal.
I guess I still got my Disney moment after all.
I glance at the clock and see that it’s time to leave.
Nervous energy radiates off of me, and I feel a panic attack coming on.
The tips of my fingers are numb as I grab my keys and walk out the door.
I do my five calming steps—the steps Nate taught me—as I drive away from the safety of my apartment building and toward my nightmare that’s masquerading as a dinner date.
I can’t imagine anything good coming out of tonight, but I won’t let my sister down. I’ll give Dimi a real chance.
I drive up to the restaurant and pull my silver Honda Civic into an empty parking spot.
Such a practical, boring car. Everything about my life is pragmatic.
I have a sensible car, a sensible career, a sensible love life.
Or lack thereof. I never do anything that makes me feel wild and free.
Not since Nate walked out of my life, taking with him the first and only time I’d ever felt safe enough to be myself.
His abandonment had long-lasting effects on my life.
I will never allow myself to believe that someone else will keep me safe. Promises mean nothing to me now.
He made me this way. He took that from me. My dreams of a life full of impulsive decisions and spontaneous trips perished when the man who inspired those cravings saddled me with the biggest surprise of all.
He didn’t love me.
At least that’s what my sixteen-year-old heart thought. His actions made me believe our love was a lie, but as I got older, I realized the truth.
What we had couldn’t be fabricated. I didn’t invent a fictional connection, threading our hearts with an emotional bond so intense, it stood to defy reason.
I didn’t force a union strong enough to withhold the pressure of abusive parents and unattainable expectations.
We were each other’s lifelines. I held him when he was consumed with dark thoughts.
He held me when I was terrified to sleep at night.
The weight of our lives never succeeded in crushing us because we had each other to help carry it.
The whisper of that admission has plagued me through the years, superseding my demand to hate the man who hurt me.
That hate was replaced with the realization that I failed him too.
I was the only person he let see the real Nate behind the mask.
But the moment he put that mask on for me, I believed the disguise without a second thought.
I should have fought for him the way no one else ever had.
Instead, his hurtful actions made me tuck tail and run.
I tried convincing myself I’d done what was best for me, but the past six months have only proven that what we shared never really faded.
A tear slips down my cheek as I walk toward the restaurant.
I didn’t even realize I was crying, and of course I didn’t bring backup mascara with me.
I’ll have to blame it on allergies if anyone asks.
I open the restaurant door and I see Katie waving her arm from the table she’s sitting at. She stands up, meeting me halfway.
Here we go.
“Hey Els! You look so nice. Any reason in particular?” she says, lowering her voice, giving me a wink as she walks back toward her seat.
“You remember Dimi, right? Dimi, my sister Ellie. I think you’ve met a few times.”
Dimitri stands up from his seat and pulls out my chair. He smells nice. Really nice.
“Of course. I couldn’t forget if I tried,” he says, giving me a genuine smile. He takes my hand, helping me sit. I smile back and thank him.
We have a round table, and I’m sitting between Nate and Dimitri—because of course I am. I should pull out my phone and schedule a massage because I already know this is going to be a tense evening.
“You look beautiful,” Dimitri leans down to whisper in my ear before taking his seat again.
I can’t help the blush that creeps up my neck and darkens my cheeks.
“Thank you. That’s sweet of you to say,” I say, then startle at the sound of glass slamming against the table. I look up and see Katie staring at Nate in shock.
“Nathan, what the hell was that?” she chastises.
“Sorry. Condensation…the glass slipped,” he grunts, staring directly at me.
I clear my throat. “Nathan. I was going to say hi next. No need to cause a scene,” I joke, hoping to ease the awkward tension.
“Pip,” he responds, challenging me.
“Pip?” Dimitri questions.
“Now that you mention it, I have been meaning to ask about that. Why do you call her Pip? I’ve heard it a lot since we moved back home,” Katie inquires, adding more pieces to her puzzle.
Nate slowly shifts his gaze back to Katie. “It was my nickname for her in high school. Pipsqueak.”
She huffs out a small laugh. “Well, no wonder she refuses to get along with you. What an awful nickname. Sorry for doubting your feelings, Els,” she says, still snickering. It’s fake. Her laugh, her teasing. She’s arranging the pieces and forming a picture in her head.
“I think if I knew you in high school, I’d have a much different nickname for you,” Dimitri teases, the corners of his eyes crinkling with his kind smile.
“Oh yeah? What would you call me?” I ask in a sultry voice, attempting to flirt back.
“A number of things come to mind. Beautiful, being the main one. But I probably would have been calling you ‘baby’ because there is no way I wouldn’t have been dating you.” He’s not arrogant, he’s confident…and I kind of like it.
“What makes you think I would have wanted to date you?” I grin, raising an eyebrow.
“Please,” he jokes, “I was captain of the football team. There wasn’t anyone who didn’t want to date me.” He rolls his eyes dramatically, like my question was ridiculous.
“Mm, I wasn’t really into jocks, sorry,” I tease back.
“That right? Nathan…you two went to school together. Was Ellie into jocks?” he asks, keeping his eyes locked on mine, an adoring smile on his face.
I wait several seconds, but there is still no response. I look over and see Nate glaring at me. If my sister’s expression is anything to go by, she sees it too.
“I don’t know who Ellie was into,” he says, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I know who was in her, though.” He stares at me as if he’s challenging me to ask who. I’m not even mad at his comment. I’m pissed that he’s doing this in front of Katie.
“Nathan! What the hell has gotten into you?” Katie demands, her face a picture of hurt and anger.
“Nathan, man. That was uncalled for. She’s your sister-in-law, dude.”
“She’s not my sister-in-law, dude.” He looks over to me, his eyes full of regret. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Ellie. I didn’t mean to insinuate anything. Please tell me you know that.”
I’m too embarrassed to respond. Of course I know what he meant, but Dimi and Katie certainly don’t. I grab my napkin and spread it across my lap, once again trying to salvage the mood by moving past this awkward exchange.
“Where is our waiter? I could really use a drink,” I say, rolling my eyes like it was all some big joke.
Just like that, mindless conversation follows as if Nate’s words had never been uttered.
Katie and Dimitri carry most of the conversation, mostly discussing clients and ongoing cases at their firm.
I can’t help but notice as Nate looks at me every few minutes, probably because I’m looking at him too.