Chapter 23
ELLIE (SOPHOMORE YEAR, HIGH SCHOOL)
The cool winter breeze coils my long, auburn hair around my face.
I fight the unruly strands, spitting out tufts of my rebellious tresses, and quicken my stride toward the house.
Nate had something to take care of after school, so I spent the last few hours in the library studying.
He texted me a little while ago to let me know he was home, and I decided to come straight here rather than sneak out later.
My mom doesn’t check on me anymore, so she won’t even notice I didn’t come home to sleep.
Nate’s father is out of town—as usual—but his mom stayed behind, so I have to sneak inside from the backyard. I parked at the corner so that no one could see my car, but I’m not dressed warm enough for the elements.
I pull the front of my jacket tighter across my chest, making a mental note to dig out a heavier coat in the morning. The temperature has dropped significantly in the hours since school started this morning. We’ve had a relatively mild winter, so this late March freeze is unexpected.
It feels ominous, in a way. Similar to the beginning of a horror movie when the characters are happy and unsuspecting, unable to hear the haunting soundtrack as it reaches a crescendo in the background.
The subtle wariness permeating the air feels as though I’m in the audience watching my own scary movie play out on screen.
I’m not sure where this unsettling feeling is coming from, but I can sense something grave on the horizon.
I shudder, feeling prickles move down my arm as goosebumps pop up.
I just need Nate. Things always feel better—safer—with Nate.
I make my way to the back door in a hurry and jerk back in surprise when I see Nate already waiting for me.
I can’t help the immediate smile that emerges, so big my cheeks ache.
My heart pounds against my chest, and my legs feel like Jell-O just from the site of him.
I wonder if he will always affect me this way. I hope he does…and I think he will.
My rapidly beating heart seems to agree.
I take off in his direction, my little run making him smile. Nate sets down his phone on the patio table, anticipating my jump. I fling myself into his arms and let out a squeal as he spins me around. He laughs against my cheek, breathing me in as he slows his twirl, ensuring I don’t get too dizzy.
“Hi baby.” He smirks as he sets me back down on the ground. His smug expression doesn’t reach his eyes, and he shifts his gaze when he realizes I can tell.
“Hi back. What’s wrong?” I ask immediately. There’s no need for a smokescreen, not when we are perpetually honest with each other.
He smiles, shaking his head a little, looking at me as if I’m a rare treasure he can’t believe he unearthed. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you. Easy. Now, what’s wrong?” I ask again, not letting him evade my line of questioning. He should know better by now.
“Is there something I could do that might make it hard for you to love me?” he asks amused, but his eyes betray the worry behind that question.
“Umm…well, you could…leave me? It would be pretty hard to keep loving you if you left me,” I say firmly, biting back the smile fighting to break free.
“Never gonna happen,” he says just as firmly. “That’s it?” He raises an eyebrow, chuckling at my stern expression.
“That’s everything. Oh…Oh! No, wait…one other thing!”
He raises his brow again, a half-smile lifting his cheek as he waits for my ridiculous answer. “Do tell,” he snorts, clearly enjoying our teasing.
“If you ever…and I mean ever…” I wait, letting the anticipation build, “bend the spine of one of my romance books…it will be so hard to love you. For like, probably an entire week.” I grin, pleased when I bring a genuine smile to his face.
He looks at me with such candid love, his eyes displaying every bit of his feelings.
Suddenly, the mood shifts into something much less playful, and much more predatory.
He stalks toward me like a lion hunting its prey.
I squeal in mock hysteria as I start to run back toward my car.
He bypasses me quickly and swoops around to the front of me, planting himself directly in my path.
I don’t have enough time to break, so I crash into his large, muscular chest, nearly knocking the wind out of myself.
I have no time to react before he winds his arms around my thighs, lifts me up, and hauls me over his shoulder like a caveman.
I giggle the entire way into his house and up the stairs to his room.
Embarrassing cackles escape my lips as I pound my little fists on his back, pretending to try and escape his hold.
He kicks his bedroom door closed and deposits me on top of his bed, claiming his spot on top of me as he starts to kiss my neck.
“Nu uh,” I chastise, I’m not so easily distracted. “You ready to talk to me?” I ask, cupping his face between my hands and pulling his head back so he can look me in the eye.
He looks at me for a few seconds, measuring the pros and cons of what he is about to tell me. I can tell when he makes his decision. His eyes turn hard, resolute. He’s ready to shoot down any bit of contention I might have.
“I visited your father today.”
I freeze.
“You…what?” I ask in shock, already dreading the ramifications that will come from this interaction. I sit back up, preparing myself for the horrible things my dad probably did and said to Nate.
“I want to believe you,” he whispers, “when you say you’ll always love me.”
“You can. Because I will,” I say immediately. No questions asked, despite his confession. He stares at me for several seconds before nodding his head, accepting whatever reaction I might have.
“I will never hurt you, Pip. I would never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. But…I’m done. I’m done letting people hurt me, or the people I love. I don’t want you to see me as a monster, but I can’t let anyone touch you, Ellie.” His jaw clenches, like the very idea makes him feel unhinged.
“You’re not a monster. You’re just…mine. No matter what happened today, you’ll still be mine.” I swallow hard and wait. His eyes flick to mine, guarded and searching for the truth in my declaration.
“I fucked him up until he pissed himself. I told him if he ever touched you again…well, I gave him some explicit details on what would happen. I destroyed his car and left him sitting next to it in his own blood and filth.”
I just stare at him in shock. My mouth drops open, but no words come out.
“I don’t regret it, Pip. Even if it means you can’t be with me anymore. Even if you think of me the same way you think of him. That would fucking kill me, but not as much as seeing his mark on you again. Knowing I could have stopped it but didn’t.”
I just…stare.
I can see the hurt darken his eyes; the pain I’m causing him with my silence.
Tears are streaming down my cheeks, but still, I can’t speak.
He thinks I’m crying because I’m scared of him.
That I think he’s like my dad. His dad. I’m not, but I can’t find the words to tell him otherwise.
He starts to move away from me, but I grip his arm, effectively halting his movement.
“Thank you,” I croak. I can hardly form the words, but I need to offer him this little bit of comfort. Especially after what he did for me. Something no one else has ever done for me before. Not my mother. Not even Katie.
He tilts his head, studying my bizarre reaction.
I finally gather enough composure to speak.
“You are not a bad guy, Nate. You are a protector. My protector. Just…mine,” I whisper, leaning forward and gently pressing my lips against his.
My breath shudders as I rein in my emotions.
I pull back and trace his bottom lip with my thumb, watching as his eyes fill with tears at the gentle caress.
“I love you, Nathaniel Isaac Westin. I love all of you. Nathaniel is your name. And you are not him. You will never be him. You’re not a monster, you’re my hero.
My soulmate…the leading man in my love story.
My forever. I know that now, at sixteen, and I’ll know it still on our fiftieth anniversary.
You made a mistake when you made me fall in love with you, Nate. Because now I’ll never stop.”
Nate stares at me with wide eyes. His shock is quickly replaced with a look I can’t quite decipher.
His eyes darken and his pupils are blown wide.
They hold more heat than I’ve ever seen before.
His movements are fast, and before I even know what’s happening, I land on my back.
Nate hovers above me, a predatory gleam in his gaze.
“I’m going to spend the rest of the night showing you exactly what those words just did to me. What they mean to me. So, if anybody made a mistake…it was you, baby.”