Chapter 24
ELLIE (PRESENT)
Isit silently on the coastline, drifting in and out of my thoughts as I stare off into the horizon. The black veil of smoke has faded as the evidence of our crash disappears into the depths of the ocean. My hope of survival, of rescue…descends with it.
My body sinks into the wet sand beneath me as the tide rises further up the shore. The briny liquid wraps itself around me, attempting to tug me from the gritty terrain. I’m tempted to let it sweep me away.
Nate sits at my side, granting me the silence needed to process the gravity of our situation.
Our pilot lost communication with air traffic control towers an hour before we crashed.
He turned around, taking us off the expected route.
We crashed into the ocean, miles away from the secluded beach we are now sitting on.
We are the only survivors.
We are alone on an island without resources. An island that is likely inhabited by large predators that would love to make us their next meal.
No one knows where we are.
Hearing it play out like that in my mind is horrifying. The facts leave little hope for rescue. My sister is going to be devastated. She’s going to blame herself. She was supposed to be on that flight with me. Not Nate.
The sun is beginning to set in the distance. Soon, darkness will cover the beach, making us vulnerable to the elements and fair game for late night hunters. Easy prey, that’s what we will be. My thoughts are running wild with all the possible ways we can die.
Personally, I’m hoping for a poisonous spider bite.
That sounds a lot more…comfortable than starving to death or being eaten by a panther. Are there panthers in the ? Are we in the ? How close were we to Brazil before we crashed? If this is the rainforest, how often does it rain? Should we be worried about the potential for hypothermia?
I’m spiraling, my mind racing with all those unanswered questions. Nate reaches for my hand and gently glides his thumb back and forth across my knuckles.
I relax instantly.
His gaze remains focused on the open ocean as if he simply sensed my rising panic. The same way we used to be able to feel when the other was nearby. When the other was hurt or in trouble. I guess that never really stopped.
I look down at our joined hands, the way his thumb makes calming circles over my skin. His ability to comfort me grates on my nerves. Why did he save me for…this? Why didn’t he just let me die?
“You’re mad at me.” I jolt as his words cut through my thoughts, his voice reverberating like a freight train after several minutes of peaceful silence. He can read me so easily, and that adds fuel to the inferno already burning inside of me.
“I’m… Yeah, I am. I’m trying not to be, but I am.”
“I wasn’t going to let you die, Pip. Don’t ask me to defend that.” Frustration seeps into his tone, invigorating mine.
“So what?” I ask, my voice rising. “We die here, instead? I was out cold, Nate! I could have gone down with the plane and felt nothing! Instead, I am stuck on this fucking island where…where I’m likely going to be forced to watch you die.
Probably horrifically. Because I know you, and I know you’ll protect me with your last breath.
But then what?! I wait my turn? Alone and in pain from the loss of you?
So yeah, Nate…I am going to ask you to defend your decision to save me! ”
My chest heaves, my eyes water, and I need…
I need to hit something. I shoot up from my sitting position in the sand and stalk over to the nearest palm tree.
I pull my arm back, making sure I have enough momentum for my swing.
I need this to hurt. But just as my fist is about to connect with the bark, a hand grasps my wrist, prohibiting the agony I’m craving so badly.
“Stop.” His demand is laced with fury, his typical calm demeanor replaced by a cold gaze.
“Fuck you,” I spit back. I know I’m being unreasonable.
I know my reaction to our situation is not helpful.
But I’ve never been this scared in my life, and I need to do something.
Even if that “something” is destroying my knuckles.
The need to distract myself from the terror consuming me outweighs all common sense at the moment.
Nate uses his grip on my wrist to turn my body.
He walks me backwards, until my spine is lined up against the tree, effectively trapping me.
“You want to hit something? Hit me. But don’t break your fucking hand because you’re pissed and scared!
” his voice positively thunders. I freeze, my eyes connecting with his as shock overwhelms me.
He’s never raised his voice at me before.
Hearing him lose control like this drains the fight out of me.
I’m not the only person trapped on this island. If Nate didn’t save me, would he be here alone? Would he have let himself go down with the plane? Both outcomes are incomprehensible.
I take in his appearance for the first time since we made it to the beach.
He’s bruised and battered, blood dripping from several cuts lining his arms and legs.
He went through hell on earth to get me off that plane alive, and I am punishing him for it.
A wave of guilt sweeps over me as I lower my head.
“I’m sorry.” It’s hardly a whisper, not even a breath. I brave a glance at him. His eyes are still hard, still wounded.
He lets out a harsh breath. “Do you even understand how much I love you, Pip? It defies all logic. The only thing I think about is keeping you safe. I know that you’re scared, but I’m not going to let anything happen to you.
Even if it means I have to build you a fucking house out of bamboo.
Even if that means we are stuck here indefinitely.
” He softens his tone. “I’m glad you recognize my need to protect you, but I don’t plan to leave you.
You won’t have to watch me die, Pip. I’m not going anywhere.
Maybe I was selfish with my actions, but I can’t find it in my heart to care.
Not when you’re still here. Alive and pissed.
So, scream at me if you need to, but don’t make my job of protecting you any harder by shattering your goddamn hand.
There are a lot better ways to get rid of that pent-up anger, and trust me when I tell you, I’ll be more than a willing participant. ”
His eyes heat with the implication, pupils dilating as he assesses my response.
I just now realize how close we are standing, nearly chest to chest. I try not to let his words affect me, but I can’t help the little flutter in my chest. He loves me.
He’s said it before, but he certainly proved it as our plane was going down.
Has he always loved me? Did he ever stop?
Those are the questions I am dying to ask.
I should be asking about my sister. Why was he with her?
Did he love her too? Does he still? I don’t care, though.
He loves me. Maybe that should make me feel bad, but all I feel is relief.
I feel whole for the first time in eight years.
He releases a heavy sigh, and his gruff voice cuts through my train of thoughts. “We need to make a shelter before the sun sets.”
I step closer to Nate, away from the tree.
“I love you too,” I whisper softly. I don’t mean to say it.
His words were playing on repeat, and it just slipped out.
It’s the truth though, so I stand by it.
I still want answers, but more than that, I need him to know that I feel what he feels.
Even though it complicates things. Even though right now isn’t the right time for these confessions.
Or maybe it’s the best time. If we die tonight, he needs to know that he still has my entire heart. That he always has.
His eyes snap to mine, locked like magnets as he searches for the truth in my words. I keep my gaze trained on him, letting the sincerity of my confession penetrate his fixed stare. The corner of his mouth lifts in a soft smile, dimples on full display. He studies me for what feels like decades.
“It was worth it,” he mutters, nodding his head as he confirms something for himself.
“What was?” I ask, confused.
“Everything I had to do,” he answers cryptically. “Tell me you’re still mine.” He releases the hold he had on my wrists and glides his hands up my arms. I shiver at the caress.
“Always,” I admit. “I’ve always been yours.
” It flows out easily, knowing it’s a truth I’ve rejected for far too long.
Guilt lingers as I think of the implications of my candid admission.
I’ve put myself last for so long that I don’t know how to be first. Does putting yourself first always hurt the people you love most?
Because if that’s the case, I probably had it right the first time.
Regardless, I’ve gotten a taste of what it feels like living for me.
Going after what I want. It’s too late, I won’t become that other version of myself again.
I’m going to be selfish when it comes to Nate.
“Say it again,” he demands as his touch whispers across my collarbone, his hand spreading wide as it approaches my neck. He doesn’t have to tell me what he wants to hear. I already know.
“I love you,” I say again, louder, more confident than before.
His hand reaches my neck and closes around it.
He uses his grip to push me back against the tree, pinning me in place by my throat.
He narrows his hold, squeezing slightly and causing a flood of arousal to soak my panties.
Leaning forward, he kisses my jaw, the corner of my mouth, and slowly inches his lips toward mine.
His grasp on my neck tightens, constricting my airflow and sending a spark of electricity between my legs.
Finally, he makes his way to my mouth.
“Good girl,” he whispers against my lips, lighting my core on fire with his praise.
He slams his mouth over mine, biting my bottom lip, demanding I open for him.
Our tongues engage in a battle of possession, claiming each other with a raw hunger I’ve never felt before.
He releases my neck, his hands reaching underneath my thighs as he lifts me higher against the tree.
I wind my legs around his waist, bringing our groins together.
He thrusts against me, releasing a raspy groan when I match his motion.
I tighten my legs and shift my hips, positioning his cock right where I need it.
I gyrate against him, using his body to fan the flames that are already burning me alive.
I set the rhythm and pace, and he rotates his hips, making sure to hit my clit every time our groins meet.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispers against my neck as he sucks the flesh into his mouth. I let out a low, heady moan, and a tremor builds in his throat, almost like a growl.
I need to stop this.
“Wait…” I say, barely able to get the words past my lips.
Not really wanting to. He stops immediately, pulling back to look at me with hooded eyes.
Our chests rise and fall rapidly as we stare at each other with unmatched desire.
Almost enough to make me say “fuck it” and continue down the path this is headed.
“I don’t want to have sex with you,” I blurt out.
He arches an eyebrow, pulling back and looking down at the wet spot between my legs.
“That so?” His knowing grin infuriates me. I push at his chest, and he lowers me back to the ground, backing up and giving me space.
“I do want to…I just…not now, okay?” I’m flustered, and half tempted to slap that smug smile off his face.
“You mean you don’t want me to fuck you for the first time in eight years, up against a palm tree?” He laughs, amused by my inability to string together words.
I glare at him, and it makes him laugh harder.
“Keep it up, and you’ll go another eight years.” I scoff. “I don’t want to…do this. Not here. We need to talk about a lot, Nate. And…I need it to be over between you and Katie, before we…you know.”
“Before I make love to you?” he states matter-of-factly. I blush at the words, not used to hearing them from him. Not in a long time. “It’s already over between me and Katie.”
“I need her to know that it’s over, Nate. I won’t help you cheat on my sister. I’m already going to hurt her enough. It would kill her if she knew I…I slept with you. I have personal experience with that level of pain, Nate.” I don’t say it to burn him. I’m just being honest.
His face hardens as a shadow passes over his eyes. I can see it in his face; he doesn’t want to hurt her either. That, somehow, makes what we are doing feel…better.
He takes a deep breath and looks down at me warmly. His eyes are full of emotion as he gives me a tender smile. “No, you don’t, Pip.”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t tell me what I did or did not feel, Nate.”
“I never slept with…her. And I’ve never slept with Katie. You might have felt that pain, but there wasn’t a reason for it. I haven’t been with another woman, not since you. You’re the only woman I plan to be with for the rest of my life.”
I stare at him with a fixed expression, my shock evident. That can’t be possible, it’s been eight years. He’s a man.
“How?” I cast a skeptical eye.
“You want me to explain how I avoided having sex with your sister?” He arches a brow.
“How did you go eight years without having sex?”
“I have a hand, Pip. It does the job. Anything else would have felt like…” He cuts himself off, his eyes flicker past me.
“Felt like what?” I whisper softly, already knowing the answer.
He takes a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh. “Like I was cheating on you.”
“But you and Katie were together.” My eyes glisten as I realize he has been faithful to me for eight years. Except for one time. “And you did cheat on me. You can’t stand here and tell me you haven’t, we both know that’s a lie.”
“It’s not a lie, Pip. I’ve never cheated on you, even when you weren’t mine. We have a lot we need to talk about, but first we need to make it through the night.”
He takes my hand, guiding me toward the jungle so we can gather supplies to build a temporary shelter.
His confession changes everything I thought about the last eight years.
I always knew there was more to our story.
I even figured who might have had a hand in changing our future.
Hearing it out loud, though? It makes me so damn happy that I wasn’t alone in my feelings.
And really fucking mad about all the time we lost together.
When we get home, I’m going to rain hell on the one person I know is responsible.
My dad.