Chapter 35
I’m going home.
My sophomore year of college is complete. I already applied for a transfer to Ohio State. Everything is falling into place. These have been the longest two years of my life, but I’m finally out of here.
I drive down the familiar street of the house I grew up in. A house that I haven’t stepped foot inside since the day I left it. No holidays at home. No spring break visits. No summers in hell.
I was lucky enough to meet my friend Asher in my freshman year.
He became my roommate, and honestly, the first real friend I’ve ever had.
He saw the broken man beneath the mask almost immediately, and for some reason it made me trust him.
He was the first person, other than Ellie, that I’ve ever opened up to.
I let him know the real me. Not the high school jock.
Not the son of a rich district attorney.
I let him see the Nate that Ellie knows, not the Nathan the world knows.
After I told him about my dad, about Ellie, he insisted I spend school breaks with him and his family. His girlfriend of five years had just cheated on him, so neither of us were looking to spend our freshman year hooking up.
It ended up becoming a tradition. Every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and summer was spent at the Holden household. I would fly Emmy out to spend the holidays and summer with us too. My mom didn’t care. It’s not as if Emmy mattered to her unless there was a photo op.
Rob and Sarah Holden became our family. The kind we wished we always had. Our joy was their joy. Our successes made them proud. My pain became their pain. I think they may hate my father even more than I do.
Over the last two years, Ash helped me become myself again.
As whole as I could be without Ellie. I thought about her every day.
I had eyes and ears at home, always checking in to make sure she was okay.
I couldn’t go home, though. I couldn’t risk seeing her.
I’d throw it all away. Because as much as Ash tried to help, I was still only half of a living and breathing person.
I started the nine-hour drive back home more times than I can even count.
Each time, Ash would hop in the car with me and tell me I wasn’t going alone.
Each time, he would remind me why I left her in the first place.
Each time, he offered to kill her father and get rid of the problem.
I’m not even sure the last one was a joke.
I couldn’t ask for a better friend. Someone who saw beyond what I could do for them and showed me what they could do for me.
He took me in as family. He took Emmy in as a little sister. Emmy got a home away from home, a friend in his little sister.
And her first crush.
I cringe at the thought. I still tease her about how her eyes light up when Ash walks into a room.
Her voice turns all squeaky and her cheeks get really pink.
It’s adorable. It’s sweet. It’s terrifying.
I’m not ready for a dating Emmy. I’ll probably have to kill any boy that goes near her. I know Asher feels the same.
She just finished her sophomore year of high school and was able to keep tabs on Ellie for me while I was away.
She said she tried to talk to her a couple times, but it was like talking to a wall.
Ellie isn’t herself. She moves like a ghost through the hallways, going to class, eating lunch alone, returning home.
The friends she had her sophomore year had moved on.
It breaks my heart to hear how alone she is.
But she is safe. That’s the most important thing.
Emmy was pissed at me for a long time after prom night.
Even with my explanation, she told me what a “dumb dickhead” I was.
She said Ellie deserved the truth, but Emmy doesn’t understand the complexities of our relationship.
I couldn’t let Ellie risk her safety for me, and she would have.
She would have thrown herself into the crossfire and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything to save her.
Lying to her made her safe. It protected her in my absence.
The love I feel for Ellie hasn’t waned at all with time. I’ve had a lot of opportunities to move on, but I can’t. Nor do I want to. My heart is no longer mine to give away, and it hasn’t been for years.
Nathaniel was livid that I never came home from school, but he found a way to spin it for his adoring fans.
Emmy was “overseas for the summer.” She was becoming a “well-rounded young lady.” I was interning, ensuring I lived up to the beloved Westin name.
Both explanations were a crock of shit, but his supporters ate it up.
I couldn’t care less, though. His life no longer impacts mine. I’m only home for the summer. Long enough to explain myself to Ellie and get us the hell out of there.
I made sure to find out where she applied to college. I won’t lie and say my heart didn’t beat a little faster when I found out the only school she applied to was OSU. Maybe that means something. Maybe it doesn’t. Regardless, it gets us back on track for the future we had planned.
I pull onto the long, winding driveway of my family home. The large house gleams in the sunlight and makes me sick to my stomach. I hate it here. I park my Porsche—a graduation gift I fully intend to sell—and I step out of the car.
The front door swings open.
“Nate!” Emmy cries out. She looks thinner than normal, her bright blue eyes hazy. We will have to talk later so I can find out what’s going on.
“Jesus Ems, you’re practically an adult.” I take a long look at my baby sister. If I didn’t know better, I’d think she was twenty.
“I’m sixteen now, you know,” she states proudly.
“God. Don’t remind me.” I exaggerate a shiver before asking, “Is the devil home?”
“He’s hiding in his lair. Probably sacrificing virgins.”
“You’re not supposed to know what a virgin is.” I cringe, hating that word coming from my baby sister’s mouth. When did she become a teenager?
Skipping ahead to the front door, she shouts over her shoulder, “Know what a virgin is? Funny you assume I am one.” She lets out a loud cackle, running through the living room and toward the back deck. I run after her, ready to throw her over my shoulder and dunk her in the pool.
I hear a throat clear behind me and stop mid-run.
“Nathan.”
“Nathaniel,” I reply. Not bothering to turn around.
“Glad to see you’ve decided to come home this summer.” His cold response sends a chill down my back. I hate that he can still get to me. That he still has power over me.
“Not for long,” I mutter.
“I got a call from Dean Winters. He told me you requested your transcripts, and that you would be transferring schools your junior year.” His words are coated in darkness, like a malevolent demon has taken over his body.
There is no emotion in his statement, there are no accusations, yet somehow, he can still invoke fear with his words.
I finally turn around to face him. To face this monster from my past. The one I’ve gotten away from the last two years of my life. He seems smaller now. Weaker, almost.
“What of it?” I keep my voice hard. I won’t let him see the effect he still has on me.
Quicker than I can even react, Nathaniel has me by the throat, pinning my body against the wall behind me. I struggle to breathe as I try to remove his hand. Clawing at his fingers like they’re a metal vice, tightening by the second. The bastard smiles. He’s enjoying this power play.
“Careful, Nathaniel. Election year is a big deal. You wouldn’t want your son to expose his injuries to the media,” I gasp out.
His surprise gives me the leverage I need.
I escape his hold, twisting his arm around his back and slamming his face and chest into the wall.
“Touch me again, motherfucker. I dare you.”
He laughs.
Spittle flies from his mouth as his laugh turns to hysterics.
“You’ve learned nothing, son. Absolutely nothing.
” He pushes back against my hold, and I let him.
He turns to face me, cheeks red with anger.
“Where is your leverage, Nathan? Last I checked, you didn’t have any.
Unless you’re telling me you’re over that Hansel girl?
” He sneers. There’s a smile in his eyes that makes me uncomfortable. Like he knows something I don’t.
“You can’t hurt her anymore. She’s eighteen. Chris has no power over her, and I don’t give a flying fuck what happens to him or her shitty mom.”
Nathaniel grabs a folder from the coffee table and slams it into my chest. I look down at the file labeled Ellie. My stomach plunges, the contents feeling like they are seconds from coming up.
“It’s as though I’ve taught you nothing, son.
You’re only as powerful as the threat you present to others.
You’re still in the sandbox, Nathan. With your little pail and shovel, pretending to build a moat around your treasure, pretending to protect what’s valuable to you.
” He scoffs, his disappointment ringing loud and clear.
“Waiting me out, Nathan? That’s fucking child’s play.
I expected better from you! While you were busy building your little castle in the sand, I was keeping tabs on my interests.
It appears Chris Hansel has gotten a little bolder in his desperation.
His wife was on the cusp of leaving him.
Leaving him meant the money in those offshore accounts became hers. Whether she knew about them or not.”
“What’s your point?” I spit out, not liking where this conversation is going. Nathaniel nods to the file in my hand. I open it slowly, like a snake is going to jump out at me. I read the top document, my eyes jumping to my father’s. My heart stops in my chest. No. This is not happening!
“Everything, Nathan. Everything has been transferred into her name. With her signature. The best part?” He practically giggles.
“She works at that company. Part-time since her junior year of high school. That gives her access to their accounts. Motive and means. She’s eighteen now, able to be charged to the fullest extent of the law.
” His eyes harden and his lips thin. “The law is me, Nathan.”
No. NO.
“Leave her alone, or I swear to God, you will regret it!” My threat is pathetic. I’ve got nothing to bargain with. Nothing on him. He can spin any story I tell the media. He can prosecute Ellie and send her to prison. He holds all the cards, just like always.
“I’ll leave her alone, Nathan. You go back to Columbia, and we can forget this ever happened. I already told Dean Winters that you made a terrible mistake. I told him you’d be back in the fall. Finish school and if you still have feelings for the little—the girl—when you’re done, we can talk then.”
He’s lying. I know he’s lying. He’s never going to let me be with her. He’s never going to allow me to live my life. As long as he has her for leverage, I am doomed to live under his thumb. And he will always have her as leverage because I will never stop loving her.
“Why do I matter? Why does she?” I seethe. “Your image is that damn important to you? This fake family-man persona you created. The people love you! Why do you have to fuck with me? Fuck with people I love?”
“Your image is all you have, Nathan. I was cursed with a slut of a wife and a failure of an oldest son. You are the future of our family name, and I will do anything I have to, to ensure you don’t fuck it up.”
“If I go back to school, you’ll leave her alone?”
“Yes. I’ll have no reason to go after her, Nathan. I don’t waste my time on frivolous things unless it benefits me.”
“Fine,” I concede, my heart crushing in my chest. I’m losing her. This will never end. I will never get her back.
I’m so consumed by my pain that I don’t see his fist coming. It lands hard in my gut. I double over, clutching my stomach, and he swings at my face. Three more strikes to my midsection, then one to my head. I fall to the ground, my face narrowly missing the coffee table on my way down.
Nathaniel’s feet appear in my line of vision. I see him lift his foot, bringing it back behind him and then letting it fly forward. Black spots line my vision, and he rears back to kick me again.
“STOP! Dad, stop! Please don’t hurt him,” Emmy screams from the entrance of the loft.
Nathaniel slowly turns and walks away from me. I try to yell, to distract him, but I can hardly get a sound out. I hear the loud slap ring out from my spot on the floor.
“Talk to me like that again, and I’ll make it so you can’t talk for a week.”
He walks away, slamming his study door behind him.
Emmy runs over to me, helping me to my feet, but I’m far too wobbly to walk to my room.
She helps me over to the couch, and I finally get a good look at her.
Her lip is bleeding, a small trail of blood seeping down to her neck.
I feel absolutely feral. She doesn’t even look phased, which means he’s been hurting her.
I went away to school, and he needed a new target.
I’m going to kill him one day. I swear he is a dead man walking.
“Go pack a bag, Ems.” I manage to get the words out despite the vomit creeping up my throat.
“Are we going to Asher’s?” The hope in her voice breaks my heart. I wish I could take her away from this hellhole permanently.
“Yeah. We’re going for the summer. Grab everything you need.” The dizziness starts to subside, so I grab my phone and text Asher.
Nate: Got room for us this summer?
Ash: Didn’t expect to hear from you so soon, man. Room for you and Ellie?
Nate: Room for me and Ems.
Ash: Always. WTF happened?
Nate: Dad was expecting this. He kept tabs on Chris these last two years. I guess he transferred everything to Ellie’s name.
Ash: Fuck. Did you even get to see her?
Nate: No. And it’s looking like I never will.
Ash: Bullshit. We’re going to fix it, Nate. Give me a little bit of time to do some digging. We. Will. Fix. This. Ellie is your family. Which means she is my family. I’m not going to let this happen to her.
Asher is an IT genius. He wanted to hack into Chris’ work account last year, but I hated the thought of getting him into trouble. Now…I’m not going to stop him. I can’t live my life without Ellie. She’s been the only thing keeping me going. Letting her go forever? Not possible.
Nate: Ok man. Let’s fix this shit. If anything happens, I take the fall. See you soon.
I turn off my phone and go find Emmy. We have a long drive to Asher’s, and I want to get on the road and out of this city as soon as possible.