Chapter 47
Iwalk up and down the shoreline, collecting as many last-minute seashells as I can.
I have to hurry because Ellie is going to bathe and then head over to the beach.
I’ve been accumulating shells for weeks, making sure to only pocket the ones with a flawless shape and vivid colors.
I walk down the beach toward my hidden pile of gems and load them into the woven basket.
The sun is shining brightly today, but the temperature is comfortable. We are heading into the rainy season, so the morning heat tends to cool down later in the evening. I break out in a sweat anyway, one that has nothing to do with the weather.
I head over to our favorite part of the beach and start to arrange the shells. The bonfire roars behind me, and the smell of burning wood lends to the romantic seaside ambiance.
Once the shells are arranged the way I want them, I get to work on the driftwood.
I tie them together using the fibers from a yucca plant and adorn the entire structure with large hibiscus flowers.
I pull my design upright and stick both ends in the sand, decorating the bottom of each leg with large rocks to help keep it in place.
I stand back to look at my creation.
The driftwood is completely hidden by the beautiful flowers that are decorating my carefully constructed design.
I take the beach blanket that Ellie crafted from the clothing that was too small for us to wear and lay it underneath the tall arch.
I toss some passionflower petals over the blanket and head over to the bonfire to grab our dinner.
Two large, gorgeous lobsters boil in the pot on top of the high flames.
Next to it, the salmon I caught earlier today cooks perfectly in a bed of freshly picked herbs.
I pull them both off the fire and bring them over to the two large tree trunks we fashioned as tables for our beachside dinners.
I plate our food, using trays made from the metal of the plane’s wing, and grab some passionfruit to have as a side.
I meticulously arrange the food until it’s exactly right.
I pour coconut water into our bamboo cups and make sure everything looks perfect.
I head back over to the arch and drape vines in between the flowers, ensuring every detail is picture-perfect. It looks like our own untouched slice of paradise.
A part of me never wants to leave.
I go and grab the umbrella-like structure I formed out of palm leaves and bamboo shoots, and place it directly over our dining area, creating a little secluded utopia.
The sun is sitting lower on the horizon, casting a warm glow, and setting the perfect mood. I can hear Ellie’s footsteps as she walks the pathway out of the jungle and onto the beach. A few seconds later she comes into view, gasping when she sees the giant arch decorating our little dining area.
“Nate,” she says in awe, “what is all this?” She continues to walk down the sandy beach, a wide smile embellishing her natural beauty. I could stare at her every day for the rest of my life and never get tired of her.
As she gets closer, her eyes flick to the shells in front of the archway. She stops short, and her hands fly to her mouth. I can see her eyes glisten from here, but I’m not sure if that is a good sign or a bad sign.
I walk around to the side of the seashell design and get down on one knee. Tears fall down her eyes in earnest now, and she’s already nodding her head yes at the question in front of her.
Marry Me, Pip.
Each shell painstakingly placed to spell the words I’ve wanted to ask her since we were just kids hanging onto each other like lifelines.
“Are you going to let me ask the question before you answer?” I grin, my own eyes starting to fill.
She shakes her head several times before realizing her mistake. She nods vigorously, her eyes comically wide as she loses complete control of her bodily movements.
“Ellison Grace Hansel…”
“YES.” She slaps her hands over her mouth. “Oh, shoot. Wait. Okay…go again,” she mumbles, her words smothered as she talks through her fingers.
God, I love her.
I smile, starting again. “Ellison Grace Hansel, I have loved you my whole adult life. I know things have not been easy for us. I know I made decisions that weren’t fair to you.
But if you let me, I want to spend the rest of my life making that up to you.
Because my heart no longer beats without you.
I gave it to you when I was eighteen years old, and I don’t ever want it back.
I don’t want to live in a world where I don’t get to call you mine.
” My voice cracks, the very idea of that is too devastating to consider.
“So, please be mine, Pip. Whether it’s here on this island, or if we find our way back home.
Let me love you the way you deserve. Let me prove that I can be the man who never lets you down.
” I beg. I will never forgive myself for instilling doubt, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure she never feels it again.
“You have been my reason for existing. My reason for holding on, even when giving up would have been so much easier. You kept my heart alive even when you didn’t think it was yours to keep anymore. But it’s always been yours, Pip,” I say with a shaky voice as I take her hand in mine.
“Marry me, baby.”
She stands over me sobbing before dropping to her knees in front of me.
“You are the reason my heart beats. My life has been tied to yours since you first showed me what it felt like to be fiercely protected and loved. The day your heart stops beating, mine will surrender alongside it. Our souls belong together no matter what realm they exist in. The very idea that I could refuse you would be like denying myself the air that keeps me alive. So, one hundred times YES, I will marry you! But…I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” I admit. She could ask anything of me, and it would be hers.
“I want forever. I don’t want just next week or next month. I want you to promise me a lifetime with you. Even if we spend it here.”
“As long as I’m breathing, I’m yours, baby. And I plan to be breathing for a long time.”
She leaps into my lap, knocking me backward onto the sand.
She wraps her arms around my chest as she sniffles into the crook of my neck.
We stay like this for several minutes before I pull away and turn her around to face the ocean.
I pull the heart-shaped necklace out of my pocket and gently clasp it around her neck. She looks down and gasps in shock.
“My promise,” she whispers, turning around to face me again.
“Your promise,” I repeat.
“You still have this? After all this time?” Tears fall from her beautiful green eyes as she looks at me in question.
“Just because you left it behind for a little bit, doesn’t mean the promise was broken. I saved it for you, hoping you’d want it back someday. I brought it on this trip to help you remember us, the future we saw together. Thankfully, our luggage washed ashore so I could return my promise to you.”
“The heart of the ocean,” she breathes, looking at me rather than the necklace. “Thank you for saving it for me.” She leans forward and places a gentle kiss on my lips, then rests her head on my shoulder.
“Nate?” she breathes against my neck a few seconds later.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Do you think Katie has moved on?” Her voice quivers.
I sigh. I have no idea how to answer this. I want to believe that she’s moved on, that she is happy. But I also know how it feels to lose someone you feel like you had no control over losing.
My thoughts are dragged back to the night before we left for Brazil. Ellie had just run off to her room after hearing Katie close the bathroom door. I sat in the living room wondering how I was going to hurt a woman that I truly loved…just not enough to keep her.
I heard her crying in the bathroom, and my heart broke for her.
For us.
She knew.
She already knew.
Katie opens the bathroom door and walks down the hall to the living room. I can hear her soft steps getting closer, and my throat is thick with emotion.
I love Katie. But I’m not in love with her.
She never even stood a chance. What I did to her was unfair…
no, it was cruel. I put my family’s wellbeing above a woman I didn’t know and justified it with life or death.
But now that we’ve reached the end of this arrangement, it feels impossible to hurt her like she doesn’t matter to me.
I never expected to love her.
I played with the heart of a woman I thought I could walk away from and feel nothing. I guess this is karma. In order to have the woman I love, I have to say goodbye to the woman who loves me.
Katie is all the things I would want…if Ellie didn’t exist. But Ellie does exist. So there is not a single part of my soul that yearns for her. My body doesn’t crave her. My heart doesn’t want her.
When she turns the corner, she’s not surprised to see me awake. She approaches the couch and sits across from me, folding her arms inward like she’s protecting herself.
“Did my sister go to bed?” Her voice has an edge to it that I’ve never heard before.
“She did.” There is no point in hiding that she was out here…she already knows.
“Why are you still engaged to me, Nathan?” she asks quietly.
I take a deep breath and blow it out. “Katie…”
“No…please…please don’t lie to me anymore. Don’t I at least deserve that?”
“You deserve the world, Katie.”
“Everything but your love, I guess.” The pain in those words is palpable.
“You have my love, Katie. Just…” I sigh, frustrated with myself. How did we get here?
“It was your father, wasn’t it?” The mention of him causes her shoulders to tense.
“What about my father, Katie?” Is she going to be honest with me? Will she tell me that he was extorting her? It’s not fair to expect her honesty, but I still want it. I want to tell her she will be ok. That she is safe now.
“What did he threaten you with?” Her eyes tell a sad story I know all too well.
“I’m protecting your family.”
“My family…or her?” There is no anger, only sadness.
“It started out her. Then Emmy, when I wouldn’t comply. Now… you too,” I admit.
“From the beginning? The beginning of us?” Her eyes fill, and she swats at them, trying to hide her tears from me.
“Yes,” I answer honestly. She sucks in a breath, the pain in her eyes is unbearable.
“She’ll never hurt me,” she vows, but even I can see the doubt in her expression.
“She loves me too, Katie.” I don’t want to hurt her. I just want to get the truth out.
“She told me she doesn’t,” she nearly pleads, as if begging for it to be true.
“She’s going on this trip, Katie,” I state as if that’s the only answer she needs.
Tears stream down her face, and she no longer attempts to hide the symptoms of her pain. She looks down at her lap as silent sobs rack her small frame.
“She’ll never hurt me,” she repeats, barely a whisper. She looks up and tilts her head curiously, her eyes swollen. “Did you ever love me?” The last bit of hope is evident in her tone.
“Yes. Katie…I love you so, so much…”
“You’re just not in love with me,” she states, steeling herself for the truth.
I shake my head, and she lets out a heartbreaking cry.
“She…she won’t betray me,” she says with less conviction this time.
She needs to believe there is still someone in this world she can trust. Someone who won’t let her down.
My sweet Katie has been hurt and broken by everyone she was supposed to trust. Everyone but Ellie. She doesn’t deserve this pain. I never deserved her. And now, she is going to lose the only person she thinks she has left.
Her sister.
She rises from the couch and walks back to her bedroom, gently closing the door behind her.
She doesn’t cancel the trip. She doesn’t cancel the wedding.
She needs the truth. This is how she is going to get it.
She needs to know if she is truly alone in this world.
It guts me that she believes that. I will always take care of her. Just not the way she needs.
Selfishly, I am glad she is challenging the loyalty of her sister. I need this trip to happen. I need the time alone with Ellie, time she won’t grant me if she can avoid it.
The next morning, she dropped Ellie and I off at the airport without a word, without a hug, without a goodbye.
My eyes fill thinking of the pain I put Katie through. It should be enough to hate me, but that girl’s heart is far too big for that. Do I think she moved on? I pray more than anything that she will find a love like me and Ellie have.
“I don’t know, Pip. But I hope so. I hope she found an amazing man that is loving her the way she deserves. The way I was never able to.”
“She’ll find it. I know she will.”
I help Ellie up and we move over to our mock tables. She looks down at the wooden tabletop where I etched in “forever starts here,” with a two-carat diamond ring sitting inside the ‘O’ of forever.
Her head whips up. “Nate!” she breathes. “Where did you get this?”
“I bought it before my freshman year of college,” I say sheepishly.
“I carried that ring with me everywhere for the last eight years, Pip. Anytime I needed a reminder of why I needed to stay here, I would pull it out and look at it. I would imagine it on your ring finger as we danced at our wedding reception. I would picture holding your hand, twirling it with my thumb as our kids ran ahead of us on the beach. It kept me going. When we lost our luggage, I thought I’d lost it forever… ”
“Then it washed up on shore,” she finishes. Her eyes sparkle with tears as she fits it on her ring finger. “Returning another promise to me.”
“Fate,” I whisper.
She holds her hand out in front of her, the diamond catching in the setting sunlight. “It’s beautiful, Nate. Thank you so much.” She walks over to me, planting herself in my lap and capturing my lips with her own.
I bite at her bottom lip before pulling back. “We should eat before it gets cold.”
She shakes her head, a flirty glow in her eyes. “Later. Right now, I have a taste for something else.”