Chapter 46 #2
He’s holding Katie’s hand, giving it a squeeze with his answer. I zone in on their hands. I can’t pull my eyes away. The way they are connected so perfectly. The way his thumbs swipe over her knuckles. The way she grips his hand like he is the love of her life.
No.
What did I do to deserve this? Why would he do this to me? Is this some cruel joke?
“Well, isn’t this a small world,” my mother offers, noticing the tension in the room. Something my sister is clearly missing as she continues introductions, her face shining bright and displaying a kind of happiness I haven’t felt since the last time my hand was in Nate’s.
Nate and my sister brush past me, no further acknowledgement on his part. They head toward the dining room and sit down with my mom, happily engaging in all her questions. I stand in my spot in the living room.
Lost.
Broken.
Dying inside.
It feels like my soul is being ripped from my body. Like my heart is melting from the heat of a thousand flames. I’m suffocating with grief. There is no air left for me to breathe…
“Els, you okay in there?”
“I…” I can’t speak. My throat is closing. My head feels dizzy.
He’s with my sister.
My Nate. My love. My soulmate.
He’s marrying my sister.
Nate (26 years old)
I sit on my hands so that I don’t reach for her. She’s having a panic attack; her breathing is shallow. She’s not even taking a breath. Why can’t anyone see what is happening?!
Remember your steps, love…just do your steps! I shout at her in my head, begging her to work her way through it before she passes out.
I can see when she starts to count.
Thank God.
“I’m…I’m okay. I…sorry, I just felt a little dizzy,” she lies.
“Oh, honey. Come sit down,” Diane says, her voice filled with worry.
“I think…I need…I need to go.”
“Els…you can’t drive like this. Come on, I’ll help you to the bedroom. Mom, which one are we staying in?”
I cringe.
She could have gone without hearing that. I could have gone without seeing her reaction to hearing that.
My soul left my body when I saw Chris standing in the living room of Katie’s mother’s home. I was immediately in denial. Maybe Chris and Diane got divorced. Maybe he married Katie’s mother.
But then Chris left, and I was face-to-face with the woman I would move mountains for.
Nathaniel knew. That mother-fucking piece of shit knew. I bet he wishes he were here to see my face right now. To watch me as I realize he’s won, that there is no way I can ever have Ellie now.
Not when I stood there in front of her holding her sister’s hand.
I was slapped with a whirlwind of emotions, but I carefully suppressed them. Keeping my face unaffected by the devastation happening inside me.
No.
No fucking way. Nathaniel doesn’t win. I will get Ellie back. Even if I have to tie her up and hold her hostage. She’ll be mine again. This changes nothing.
We make eye contact as Katie directs her to the bedroom, our connection still overwhelming. It’s still there. It wasn’t a facade, or some high school obsession. Our hearts are linked for eternity. I didn’t imagine it. It’s clear as day as I watch her try and hold herself together.
Every part of her wants to run to me.
I feel it too, baby. Hold on just a little longer, I promise.
I pull up to the red brick building that was a staple of my childhood. A deep-rooted, familiar fear grips my chest, but I shove it down. I don’t fear him. I don’t fear this place. I won. He just doesn’t know it yet.
Most kids dream of going to work alongside their fathers.
For me, I dreaded anytime I was dragged here against my will.
Nathaniel’s office was the place where I suffered most of my abuse as a small child.
But now, I feel subdued eagerness walking into this building.
My father owes a debt, and I’m here to collect payment.
I put my car in park and walk toward the tall glass doors of Westin & Associates. A place I will never inherit because today is the day I walk away from my life as a lawyer. I haven’t even registered to take the bar exam.
This place will be sold to the highest bidder.
I balance the coffee tray I’m holding in one hand and press the elevator button with the other. Twenty-second floor. There is only one office on that floor, an office designed to have soundproof walls. It’s easier to beat your children that way.
The elevator dings, announcing my arrival. I step through the sliding doors and make my way toward Nathaniel’s office. He must have heard me arrive because he opens his office door before I get the chance to knock.
He looks pleased with himself.
“Son. I wasn’t expecting you. Did you enjoy meeting your fiancée’s family?” he goads, trying his best to appear innocuous.
“You can drop the act,” I say, shoving the coffee toward him. “We have things to discuss.”
“And what might those things be, son?” He chuckles as if this whole thing amuses him. He takes a large sip of his coffee and waits.
“I’m not marrying Katie.”
His face drops, the amused innocence transforms into annoyed anger, as if speaking with a petulant child.
“That’s not an option for you, Nathan. I know today likely stirred up some heavy…
emotions, but don’t forget what is on the line,” he clips, thinking he still holds all the cards.
“Your sister still has a very long health-journey ahead of her. It would be a shame if she lost funding now.” Another sip.
“She won’t. You’ll continue to finance her chemotherapy and radiation. You’ll pay for Emmy’s transplant. She has a donor lined up if you haven’t heard. I’m ending things with Katie, and you will still do all this. And do you want to know why?” I ask with smug arrogance.
He scoffs. “Enlighten me.” He takes a sip of coffee, grinning as if he’s enjoying this little game.
“Because you’ve gotten yourself into an unfortunate situation.” I walk over to his office door and flip the lock.
He laughs condescendingly. “What situation is that, son? Are you going to beat up an old man? The only thing that will do is ruin your life.” Sip.
“I’m not going to lay a hand on you, Nathaniel. You taught me better than that.”
“At least I taught you something.” He sneers, walking toward his office phone. “Get to the point, Nathan, or the next call I make will be to remove my credit card from her hospital account.” Sip.
“Aw, don’t be so hard on yourself, Dad. You actually taught me a lot. You taught me how to play the game. You taught me how to cover my tracks. You sent me to the best law school in America. You just slipped up when you assumed I’d never be better than you.”
“Better than me?” He grins. “Nathan, you will never win this.” He finishes his coffee, tossing it in the garbage.
“I already have.” I slap a file down on top of his desk. Pictures, statements, recordings, videos, witness testimony…twenty years of corruption.
Nathaniel’s face turns white. “How did you find this?” he mutters in a state of shock.
“By being better than you, Nathaniel. And I didn’t even have to cheat to do it.”
“What do you want?” he demands as the color returns to his face. His cheeks turn red in anger before his hands clutch his chest and his eyes widen in surprise.
“I wanted you to pay for Emmy’s treatment and let me live my life. I wanted that life to be with Ellie. But you crossed a line today, Nathaniel. You crossed a line when you planted Katie in my life, knowing who she was. So, after today? I want vengeance instead.”
“What did you do?” Nathaniel gasps, he lands on his knees, still clutching his chest.
“You probably think I don’t know about your little insurance card. Your recently altered living will? The one that says I still have to marry Katie if anything happens to you. Otherwise, videos of Katie doing your bidding will be released to the public,” I spit out in anger.
“You won’t get away with this, Nathan. Those videos will ruin her. Call…call 9-1-1 and we will forget about this.” He forces the words out through the pain, his voice cracking as he drops to the fetal position.
“…the thing is,” I continue, ignoring his pleas, “your will was amended after your diagnosis.” His eyes widen as he realizes he’s lost all leverage.
“Early on-set dementia, Nathaniel? I’m so sorry to hear that your last cognitive function test had very unfortunate results.
You know, the one you took prior to adding the… odd video request to your living will.”
“You…fucking…shit. You…won’t get…away with this.” Nathaniel struggles to get the words out as I keep talking.
“I’ll stay engaged to Katie, of course. Just long enough to contest your will,” I continue as if he no longer exists.
He crawls toward the small table in the corner of his office.
He reaches up and knocks his cell phone onto the carpeted floor and starts inching toward it.
I walk over to him, kicking his phone out of reach.
“You still won, Nathaniel. You made the very monster you see in front of you. The one that is watching the life drain out of you with no feelings of remorse. The one that will never feel regret over the loss of you.”
Nathaniel yells out in agony as I take a seat in his office chair.
“Cyanide,” I explain. “It causes cardiac arrest in large doses…among many other things. This chest pain that you’re feeling?
It’s because your heart is no longer pumping oxygenated blood.
Pretty soon you’re going to suffocate. It’s going to be extremely painful, and unfortunately it will take several minutes to die. ”
“They’ll…know…you killed…me.” Nathaniel wheezes, no longer able to move his body.
“It will look like you had a heart attack on any kind of diagnostic testing. Unfortunately, cyanide can be traced with more extensive tests. But I’ll deny an autopsy, so no worries there.” I smile at the fear in his eyes. “I forgot to thank you for making me your power of attorney.”
I feel nothing as my father starts to beg for his life, tears sliding down his face as he wets his pants.
“Ah, urinary incontinence. You’re likely experiencing kidney failure. I guess you know how it feels to be Emmy now. Begging for your life, watching the man who holds it in his hands callously toy with you. A man who doesn’t care if you die.”
“Pleeease,” he cries, his voice getting weaker.
“How does it feel? To lie here dying, knowing there isn’t a single person in this world who is going to miss you? To know that all your plans failed? To realize that your legacy dies with you.”
“Son.” He gasps, before making an awful gurgling sound. I close my eyes and wait for it to stop. Once he’s quiet again, I open my eyes to see him no longer moving. No longer breathing. His eyes remain open, but they are glassy. I bend over to check his pulse.
Gone.
“Rest in hell, Nathaniel.”
I pull out my cellphone and dial 9-1-1, frantically telling dispatch that my father is having a heart attack. Then I take a seat at his desk, hide the file of incriminating evidence, and wait for the ambulance to arrive.
I force out tears for the man I hate more than anything in my entire life.
The man that beat me black and blue since I was a child.
The man that made me hurt the people I love.
The man that turned me into the monster that feels nothing but relief as they cart my dead father’s body away.