Chapter 7
Aiden
Staring at the hotel ceiling, I replay everything I said to Jay while I was inside him.
The words keep circling in my mind—how much I missed him, how badly I still want him, how natural and right it all felt.
I wasn’t caught up in the heat of the moment.
I meant every single word; giving him everything I’d kept locked away for years—all the grief, the longing, the anger, and despair from the day he was ripped out of my life.
When I came inside him, I swore to myself that one day I would make us whole again, that no one could ever take him from me a second time.
And then there was Ray. Meeting him at the restaurant had been a test of my self-control. From the second I met him, I couldn’t resist pushing his buttons. The guy radiated arrogance, masking it with a fake charm, but I could see through his cracks.
Carlos was right; he’s a total asshole, the kind of person who chews people up to feed his ego. And Jay, he clearly doesn’t love him. I saw it in his eyes, in his silence, in the way he flinched every time Ray’s temper flared. If anything, Jay looks cornered and trapped.
When Ray dragged him outside, my instincts nearly took over. Every muscle in my body coiled and I was ready to break Ray’s jaw if he laid a hand on him.
But Mac and Leon noticed. They slid into their seats, reading me well enough to know I was seconds away from doing something stupid. If Jay and Ray had come back to sit across from me again, I don’t know if I would have stayed in control of myself.
After dinner, I told Mac I wasn’t feeling well and was bowing out of the rest of the weekend’s shoots.
I can’t bring myself to touch anyone else, not after today.
From what I overheard before heading up to my room, Jay isn’t taking part either.
Ray is, though, because of course he is.
That means Jay will be on his own for a while tomorrow.
That’s perfect for me. I’ll use that time to track him down and really talk to him. I need to know what happened after he was forced to move to Portland, how his life turned out, and if he’s still in touch with his family. And this time, I’m not leaving without his number. I won’t lose him again.
When sleep finally comes, it’s fractured and restless, filled with visions of a life we should have had. The simple things like waking up next to him, watching him smile across a breakfast table, relentlessly teasing me, and becoming men together instead of apart.
The next morning, I hit the hotel gym early, trying to burn off the unsettled energy still pulsing through my veins. Even after a shower, I feel wired and on edge, as if I’m bracing for something. By mid-morning, the group is getting ready to leave for the shoot, and I take my chance to find Jay.
Wandering the hotel, I finally find him stretched out in a lounge chair by the pool, a paperback in his hands.
The sight nearly steals the breath from my lungs.
Some things never change; he’s always been a reader.
I used to watch him devour books, completely absorbed, his expressions shifting with every twist of the story. That used to undo me. It still does.
I walk up quietly until my shadow cuts across his body, blocking the sun.
“Enjoying your book?”
His head jerks up, his eyes widening before they soften. “Oh, hey! What are you doing here? I thought you’d be with the group filming.”
“Nah,” I say, shaking my head, playing it casual, even though my heart is hammering. “Wasn’t feeling up to it today. I thought, since Ray’s gone for a few hours, maybe you and I could hang out and catch up.”
Relief flickers across his face, and then a small smile. “Yeah, I’d love that. I was just thinking about what to do for lunch. Want to grab a bite?”
“Absolutely. Name the place. It’s my treat.”
“I saw a Mexican place next to where we went last night. Honestly, I’d kill for a good combo plate.” His voice is warm, and I can’t help but grin.
Mexican food was always our thing. We ate so much of it as kids that the waitstaff at our favorite place used to joke about rolling us out of the restaurant.
“You know I can never say no to Mexican food,” I reply, winking at him.
He laughs, the sound hitting me square in the chest. “Perfect. Let me run up and change first. Meet you in the lobby in twenty minutes?”
“I’ll be there,” I promise, holding his gaze just a moment too long before stepping aside to let him pass.
I don’t need to go back upstairs, so I stay in the lobby, scrolling on my phone while my nerves hum just beneath the surface. A text from Lauren pops up, and I use it as a distraction.
Lauren: Hey, just checking in. How’s sunny Florida?
Aiden: Better than I expected. I’ll need to call you when I get back to debrief. I ran into someone from my past and it’s blowing my mind.
Lauren: OMG, who?
Aiden: Jay!
Lauren: Wait, boyfriend from high school, Jay?
Aiden: The one and only. Having lunch with him in a few minutes.
Lauren: OMG. I want details!
Aiden: I’ll call you when I’m back in NYC.
I hit send just as Jay appears, walking toward me with an easy smile that sends me straight back to being seventeen. He’s wearing a fitted blue polo that makes his eyes pop even brighter than I remember, paired with khaki shorts that show off his lean legs.
It’s surreal. He’s older and more defined, but so much about him remains the same. That same stubborn cowlick at the back of his head that he used to curse at in front of the bathroom mirror. That same smile that seems to light up the space around him. For a second, I forget to breathe.
We make small talk on the short walk to the restaurant, sticking to safe topics like Florida’s beaches and the beautiful weather.
The restaurant buzzes with lunchtime chatter, and the air smells of grilled onions and frying oil. We order our usual favorites: combo plates of tacos and burritos smothered in green chili, iced teas, and chips and salsa to start.
Jay leans forward, his fingers tracing the condensation on his drink. “I honestly don’t even know where to start. There are a lot of years to cover.”
“Maybe we should start with the present, then work our way backward,” I suggest. “Jumping straight to the last time we saw each other might be a little too much.”
He nods, relief flickering across his face. “I completely agree. Want me to start?”
“Yes. I want to know everything.”
He launches in, telling me about his career as a software engineer, his degrees, and how he moved up in his company. I knew he’d be good with computers. Hearing the pride in his voice makes me realize just how much he’s built for himself.
When I ask about his family, the mood shifts and his shoulders tense.
“Well, I guess we’re jumping into the tough stuff right away,” he says, his voice low, his fingers absently twisting the edge of his napkin. “My parents divorced when I was a freshman in college.”
The words hit hard. I didn’t see that coming.
“When everything went down at the end of junior year,” he continues, “Heather had my back completely. She wouldn’t let them shove me back into the closet.
But my mom struggled. Our dads pushed hard to pull us apart, and she gave in.
Losing your mom as a friend gutted her. She was caught in the middle, trying to please everyone and tearing herself apart in the process. ”
My jaw clenches, heat rising in my face. “What did your dad do?” My voice is sharper than I mean it to be, but the anger is right there, bubbling to the surface.
Jay sighs, his eyes flicking downward as if he’s bracing himself.
“He took away my phone, wiped my social media, and restricted my internet access. Eventually, my mom convinced him to get me a new phone with a new number, but I didn’t have anyone’s contact information from Rochester.
I was completely cut off.” He pauses, swallowing hard.
“My dad wanted me in therapy,” he lifts his fingers to mimic quotation marks, “to control my impulses.”
I nod, the weight of those familiar words hitting me square in the chest.
“He blamed me for corrupting you, the same thing your dad accused me of. My mom disagreed, but the guilt consumed her. They fought about me constantly. By the time I started college, they couldn’t even be in the same room without it turning into a screaming match.”
He leans back, his eyes distant, as if he’s replaying it all over again. “My dad finally walked out. He filed for divorce and took a new job in California. The last I heard, he had remarried and started a new family. I haven’t spoken to him in years.”
“Holy shit, Jay. I always thought your parents had the strongest marriage.”
“Yeah, me too. Sometimes I still blame myself for it.”
“That’s bullshit. Your dad’s choices weren’t your fault. He was wrong. End of story.”
Jay gives a slight nod, but I can tell it’s not that simple for him. The way his eyes drop, the way his jaw clenches, he’s still carrying all of it.
I shift gears, not wanting to push him into a corner. “How’s your relationship with your mom?”
“It’s great, actually,” he says, and for the first time since we started down this road, there’s a genuine light in his eyes. “She accepts me and loves me for who I am, with no conditions or hesitation. She’s changed a lot since we left Rochester.”
A pang of envy twists through me. “I wish I could say the same about my parents,” I admit. My voice feels heavier than I want it to. “We’ll get to that later. How were you after you moved to Portland? I can’t imagine what it was like after being cut off from everyone you knew back home.”
Jay exhales slowly. “My senior year was brutal. I went to a big public high school with thousands of kids, and no one knew me. I made a couple of friends, but mostly kept my head down and focused on just getting through.
“I missed you so much; it was like a constant ache in my chest. Every movie I watched, every dumb joke I heard, I wanted to tell you about them. It was like living with a phantom limb. But I had Heather and my mom, and they saw what I was going through. They didn’t replace what I lost, but they carried me through it. ”
Tears prick at the corners of my eyes before I can stop them, not bothering to wipe them away. “I know exactly how you felt. I missed you so much in those first weeks; I thought I was going to lose my mind.”
Reaching across the table, I slide my hand into his and give it a firm squeeze, grounding us both in the moment before I force myself to let go. My fingers already ache at the loss of his warmth.
“I’m glad you had them to lean on. How’s Heather? What’s she doing with her life?”
He smiles. “You know my sister. She went balls-to-the-wall and became an attorney. Her family law practice keeps her busy. I think she dates, but she doesn’t tell me much about it.”
I can’t help but laugh. Growing up, I spent so much time around Heather, and she was a whirlwind, a force to be reckoned with.
I ease into the next subject, careful but deliberate, hoping to confirm what I already know in my gut: that he wants out. I’m not foolish enough to think we can snap back into what we once were, but if his relationship with Ray is circling the drain, then maybe there’s room for us again someday.
“What about Ray? How did that start?”
“You’re just going to ask all the tough questions, huh?” he says, mock irritation in his voice, though his eyes betray the tease.
I grin faintly. “You know me. I go straight to the hard stuff.”
He exhales and leans back in his chair. “Alright. We met five years ago at a restaurant where he was working as a bartender. I’d just finished my master’s degree and went out to celebrate. He asked me out, and I said yes. Back then, he was fun and easy to be around, always making me laugh.
“I bought my house right before we started dating, and two years later, he moved in.”
Jay pauses, biting his lower lip. “He’s six years older than me, but I think I make him feel small. He spent years waiting tables or bartending, and barely scraping by with roommates in crappy apartments. And then there’s me with two degrees, a career I’m proud of, and owning my own home.
“I could feel the imbalance from the start, even when neither of us wanted to admit it. It’s like every accomplishment of mine is a reminder of what he’s not.”
I listen silently, forcing myself not to react too quickly.
“It was his idea to post about us on social media,” he continues. “At first, it was fun, just silly couple photos. But it snowballed. It became everything to him. He quit his job a year ago to focus on it full-time. And it’s been hell ever since. I haven’t been happy for a long time.”
Hearing that both breaks me and, selfishly, ignites something hopeful inside me. “Jay, I’m sorry,” I say. “What do you plan to do?”
His lips tighten into a line. “I’ve wanted to end things for a while. This weekend sealed it for me. But it won’t be easy. We live together, and we’ve built this stupid online persona. And Ray won’t go down without a fight.”
Unable to stop myself, I reach across the table and squeeze his hand, perhaps too tightly. “I’ll support you however I can. You don’t have to go through it alone. Now that I have you back in my life, I’m not losing you again.
“And I’m sorry if I made things hard for you at dinner last night. I shouldn’t have egged him on like that.”
His fingers linger in mine for a second before he pulls away gently, smiling with that soft curve of his lips that still wrecks me.
“Thanks, Aiden. I really appreciate that. But enough about me. What about you? How in the hell did you become a porn star? No judgment, but I swear, out of every version of your future I imagined, that wasn’t on the list.”
I laugh, but it comes out rough, almost defensive. “It’s complicated. Well, more complicated than what happened with you.”