30. Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty
Hudson
I haven’t called off of work in the five years I’ve worked there.
Not once. I rarely get sick, and even when I am, it’s a simple cold that’s gone in a few days.
I’ve managed with cold meds and worked through it.
They cap us on sick time, otherwise I can’t imagine how many hours I’d have.
Enough to take a year off, maybe. Regardless, my boss was shocked when I called off.
He even asked if it was actually me he was talking to.
Maybe normally I’d laugh, but I feel like shit and I don’t think anything is funny.
I’d already put in to take off Thursday and Friday, since Trey and I would be traveling to New York for the wedding on Saturday.
I’ve already changed my ticket—after considering canceling because I don’t want to see him or Alex, if I’m honest. Alex doesn’t know any better, but sometimes he really needs to keep his mouth shut and mind his own business.
Not that it makes the situation any better, but if I hadn’t seen his Instagram post announcing Trey and his fiancée, for all to see, I wouldn’t know any better.
Maybe Trey would have seen it first and told him to take it down—which I’m pretty sure he did after we talked because the post is no longer there.
Of course there wasn’t an apology from Alex, though.
No apology from Trey either.
Whatever. It doesn’t matter.
I can’t take out the issues that Trey and I have on Austen and Cameron. It’s not fair.
They said their wedding was going to be on the smaller side, just friends and family. I can’t leave them hanging and not show up just because Trey and I broke up. That’s shitty.
And at least now Trey won’t have to worry about coming out to them, so maybe this whole thing will go a lot easier.
I’m not stupid. I know this was an issue for him. I know he didn’t want to do it. I don’t get it, but I can’t make him be comfortable with something he’s not. Just like he can’t make me be comfortable with something I’m not.
But we talked about this. We came up with a plan. He agreed. He said he was fine with it.
So then why is he still telling people Mandy is his fiancée? Why is he still allowing people to believe that he’s engaged to a woman? Why the hell is he still hiding me from everyone?
We agreed to tell everyone at the wedding, but that doesn’t mean he couldn’t have told Alex sooner.
It would have been the perfect opportunity to tell him, and of all people in our friend group, Alex is the one to talk to about it.
Maybe he’d have given Trey a little boost of confidence, or some stupid reason why he shouldn’t care what people think.
I don’t know, and there are too many what ifs and I’m way too stressed out to consider everything.
I double check my bag to make sure everything is packed. My flight leaves in a couple hours, and I need to be on the way to the airport or I’m going to miss my flight.
Trey doesn’t know that I changed mine, though I guess he could assume. Or maybe he’s waiting and wanting to use it as a way to talk to me. He’s going to be shocked when someone else is sitting beside him on the plane.
The hotel may be another story. Cameron and Austen got a room block, and so we’re all staying in the same hotel, but I am going to ask to be put in a separate area than the others.
It shouldn’t be a problem, since the blocks don’t have to be near each other, just the same types of room, but I guess we will see what happens.
It’s not a large hotel, and it’s possible I’ll run into him anyway, but maybe not.
Maybe, for once, I’ll get lucky and things will go my way.
At the wedding though… well, there won’t be any way to get out of seeing him then. I only hope that he doesn’t make a scene.
I leave my bags by the door and make sure my windows and back door are locked. The stove and oven are off. Everything looks good for me to leave.
I get an alert on my phone that the driver is pulling up, so I grab my stuff and head outside, meeting the car.
The nice older man helps me get my bags into the trunk, even though I tell him it isn’t necessary.
I close my eyes, half asleep as I’m driven to the airport.
I haven’t slept well the last few days, and I only have Trey to blame for that.
Myself too, I guess. I allowed this to happen.
I saw all the hints along the way and ignored him.
That incident at the restaurant should have been enough for me, but I kept pushing on.
Kept trying to make Trey okay with something that he’s clearly not okay with.
But I found something that I was finally okay with, that worked for me and didn’t make me feel broken, and I just really wanted it.
And now look. What do I have? I’m right back to being alone.
The hotel is small and quaint, just a few blocks from the venue.
It’s been a quiet couple of days being locked in my hotel room.
A couple of the guys got in on Thursday, while the rest got here yesterday.
I told them I had some issues and won’t be there until Saturday morning—today—which was a lie.
I’ve been here since Wednesday, and hiding alone in the room, ordering takeout and doing nothing but sleeping and lazing around, has been good.
Sort of.
Maybe not.
I open the bathroom door to let the steam out and grab my underwear to put them on.
My suit is hanging up in the closet, thankfully not a wrinkle in it.
I dry my hair, style it, then finish getting dressed and leave my room, holding my head high and hoping to not run into a single person I know while on the way.
Funny how much this reminds me of last year and heading to the opening. I was alone then too. Walking into a bunch of people I’ve always considered friends but felt like I no longer knew.
That’s still true, only it’s not. Not entirely, anyway. I know Trey almost better than I know myself at this point, and I don’t know what to think about that. Because he should be here with me, and he’s not.
“Hudson! Hey, Hudson!”
I look over my shoulder and find Paul and Andre walking together toward me. Paul raises his hand.
I smile and wait for them to catch up. “Hey,” I say.
“Glad you made it,” Andre says. “You get in okay?”
“Yeah, just fine.”
“I was worried you wouldn’t make it,” Paul says.
“They should have had a later ceremony,” Andre says as we walk through the sliding doors and out into the New York crowd.
Paul and Andre chat easily, like they do it all the time. Just having normal conversation, and I wonder if I should say something to them. They’re my friends. Have been as long as Trey.
“So, uh… how have you guys been?” I ask as we walk in the direction of the wedding venue.
They look at each other.
“Not bad,” Paul says.
“Same,” Andre adds. “Just life, you know?”
“Yeah, kind of. I’ve been dealing with some stuff.”
“Yeah? Work?”
I shake my head. “No, work is fine.”
Andre pats me on the back. “Relationships aren’t easy.”
“All the time, though?”
“What do you mean?” Paul asks.
“I mean… can they ever be?”
Again, they share a look. “Yeah, they definitely can,” Paul says with a soft smile.
“It just takes a lot of work and communication.”
“How do you make someone communicate? I mean, not like in the relationship, but outside of it?”
“I’m not sure I know what you mean,” Andre says.
“Like… letting other people know you’re in a relationship with someone. How do you make the other person comfortable with that?”
Andre smirks. “It’s not always something you can do, other than supporting them. And hopefully, the people you tell will also support them.”
He puts his hand on my arm, pulling me to the side and out of the way of the crowd so we can stop.
“Is there something you want to talk about?” he asks.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to spill everything. Holding it all in has not been great, and knowing I’m a block away from seeing Trey? I should tell them. Maybe it’ll help with the nerves that are creeping up on me.
“It’s a long story,” I say.
“We have some time, Hudson. If there’s something you need to talk about, you can tell us. We have—” He looks at his watch. “A whole forty-five minutes before the ceremony starts and our walk is less than ten minutes.”
“Okay, uh…” I look around, stepping out of the way of a rushing man who almost bumps right into me.
“Here,” Paul says, tugging on my arm again. We step into the nearest hotel lobby, and I follow him and Andre to the lounge area. It’s quiet, with only a few people at the bar.
“Do you want a drink?” Andre asks me and Paul.
“That would be great,” I say. “Anything with vodka.”
He goes to the bar and brings me back a cranberry and vodka, and hands Paul something entirely different. Something he didn’t ask for, yet smiles gratefully for.
Andre sits with his drink, something like an Old Fashioned, I’d guess by the color.
“What’s going on, Hudson?” he asks.
I sigh, taking a few gulps of my drink. “This is probably going to sound crazy, and maybe he’s going to get mad at me for saying something, but I’m tired of holding it in.”
“So tell us,” Paul says. “We won’t say anything.”
Out of all of our friends, Paul and Andre feel the most put together. They were married with kids. They have steady jobs and normal lives.
“You have to swear you won’t say anything,” I say, looking at both of them.
“We won’t,” they say in unison.
I nod and take the last sip of my drink.
“Trey and I just broke up.”
“Trey and you…” Paul says carefully. “Oh. Wow. I’m sorry, Hudson.”
“I’d like to say I’m surprised, but it feels like a given at this point,” Andre adds with a laugh. “What happened?”
“We planned on telling everyone here. He’s been worried about telling people about being with a guy, and—”
“Wait, I thought he had a fiancée?” Paul asks, looking at Andre.
“Yeah, we saw the photos?”
“That’s the night we broke up,” I say, staring at my empty glass.
“I thought we were past the point of him pretending, but I guess not. He continued to let people think he had a fiancée, and I’m just tired of being hidden.
I have my flaws, don’t get me wrong, but I’m tired of feeling like he’s ashamed of me or something.
He’s one person at home and another out in public.
Well, in public with people he knows. It was never an issue around strangers. ”
They both nod as if they understand entirely. “I can imagine it being hard to come out about something like that,” Andre says.
“But it is true he shouldn’t let people think he was still engaged to that Mandy girl if you both had talked about it already.”
“That’s my point,” I say.
“Did you two talk about it?” Andre asks.
“Not really. I’ve been so upset, and now I have to see him and everything is messy.”
Paul looks at his watch. “We should get going, but maybe you two can find some time to talk about it after. Before you drink too much.” He winks and finishes his drink, then takes Andre’s empty glass.
We make our way out of the hotel and to the venue.
My stomach is in my throat by the time we walk through the doors.
And the first person I set eyes on is Trey… with Mandy on his arm.