25. Harper
25
“ I diot. I’ve seen bigger hits in youth hockey,” I yelled at the television.
“Why are we watching hockey again on a Monday night?” Nic settled into my sofa with her bowl of Chinese takeout and chopsticks.
Mine was still on the counter untouched. But I was on my second glass of wine, so it wasn’t like I was starving myself.
“You know damn well why.” I’d been watching the last two games waiting for August to hit the ice. After Troy lost Friday’s game and Sunday’s, and the team dropped to third in the league, I was sure he’d come to his senses and have August step up again.
He loved it there, I know he did. This was where he belonged. Why couldn’t these idiots see that?
“He belongs on the ice, Nic. Not Troy. Look at this mess.”
She nodded at the screen thoughtfully. “Yes. Agreed his brother is better.”
“August. August is better.”
“Yes,” her tone was flat.
I paced around the coffee table. “He’s letting Troy take it all away—just standing by and letting it happen.”
She nodded.
“When is he going to fight for what’s his? When?”
“I don’t know,” she answered softly. Sitting patiently on my sofa, watching as I lost my patience with something that had nothing to do with me.
Nic had been staying with me since I showed up at her house in tears on Saturday morning. I couldn’t bring myself to go to her Friday night. I was too upset, I couldn’t talk to anyone. I went home and threw myself into a pillow and sobbed at the mess I’d made.
Nicole packed a small bag insisting on staying with me for the weekend. But it was Monday now, and she was still here.
Aggravated, I took a sip of my wine and set it back down on the coffee table. “What is wrong with you?”
She sat up and looked at me in that I’m the rational one here tone. “Harper, honey, I think we need to turn off the television now. I think you need to have your dinner.”
“Oh, will you stop with dinner?”
I hadn’t been hungry at all in the last few days. I was too upset over August giving up his spot with the Blades. “Why is he being so stubborn? I should text him.”
Nicole’s eyes widened and she jumped, grabbing my phone. “Harper. Sit down. Take a breath.”
My live-in nanny was starting to get on my nerves. Shoving food down my throat and insisting I forget about August.
He was obviously hurting over not playing, over his brother taking what never belonged to him in the first place. This had nothing to do with me. There was just no way August believed I was keeping his secret because I was obsessed with Troy. He was just mad at his brother, he’d had too much to drink and clearly took out his anger at the wrong person.
“Nic, I don’t want to eat.”
“Okay, no food. That’s fine. But I’m going to put this away.” She reached for my glass and moved to the kitchen, dumping it.
I groaned. “When are you leaving?”
Nic came to sit next to me. “I’m leaving tonight. But I need you to promise me you won’t text him again.”
I nodded. I only texted him twice. Maybe three times over the weekend just in case he was too embarrassed to call me after blowing his fucking lid on Friday night.
That wasn’t about me.
“Harper, he doesn’t want to see you. You need to understand that.”
“He was drunk and in shock, and he didn’t know how to handle it. I know he’ll come around, Nic.”
Sympathy flashed in her eyes and they watered slightly, which was unlike Nic. “Harper, I love you. You haven’t made the best choices, but you are pure of heart, and you always see the best in people. I’m going to go home tonight, I think you need your space, but just do one thing for me.”
“I won’t call or text him again,” I groaned like an annoyed teenager.
“Not just that. Know your worth. Because it’s so much more than what he did to you on Friday.”
I shook my head. Wishing she’d stop blaming him. He was the victim here. Troy made him lie and I did too in not so many ways.
Nic helped me clean up and I had a few pretzels with tea before bed.
“Why don’t you take the day off tomorrow? I’ve got it covered.”
I tried to insist I was fine, but she reminded me that I kept mixing up orders all day and giving people their wrong usuals. And Frankie told me there was too much money after I cashed out, so I’d clearly short-changed a few people.
“You’re hurting too, Harp. Take a day. Come in on Wednesday and call me tomorrow if you need me.”
I agreed hesitantly and quickly started running a list in my head of what I would do to fill my time.
After cleaning out the refrigerator and throwing out leftovers I knew wouldn’t be touched anytime soon, I scrubbed every tile in the apartment until it shined like new.
Then I turned on the news to see if any of Troy’s teammates were interviewed about his last few plays.
But the Brooklyn Blades were quiet.
“Idiots. All of them.”
I sat and watched the replays. Wondering how someone like Troy, who did alright in high school, but was certainly no rock star, could end up drafted into the NHL. Grace had told me they both played in college. Why wouldn’t August make it to the pros?
I scoffed, scraping up the last of the chocolate pudding in the cup. “These idiots picked the wrong guy.”
I jerked up on my couch. “Shit. They picked the wrong twin.”
I wouldn’t have believed it if these two didn’t just pull the exact same thing two years later.
That had to be it. It made complete sense. At least when it came to the Hartman brothers.
The next morning, I was too anxious to do anything on the stupid list I made. Most of which had more scrubbing and cleaning things out of those boxes I had yet to unpack.
I did finally take a long hot shower, ate a bagel and made my own cup of instant coffee for the first time since I moved back to Brooklyn.
I didn’t allow myself to miss August—no time for heartache or lust. There was a lot more going on and he needed someone to snap him out of it.
Nicole meant well, but she was wrong. I did see the real him. And he was in pain and felt betrayed by everyone around him.
I promised her I wouldn’t call or text. But I never said anything about going to see him.
At three in the afternoon, I showed up at August’s building. It wasn’t hard finding out where he worked. His name was all over the Wall Street Journal, CNBC and LinkedIn.
Even though my heart was pounding against my chest the entire elevator ride up, I convinced myself this was a good idea. It wasn’t for me. Hell, it wasn’t even about us. I just needed to convince him to stop letting his brother take his glory away.
“Hello,” I greeted the young woman seated behind a rounded reception desk. She was frantically typing into the computer and putting calls on hold.
Her name plate read Debbie .
She glanced up but ignored me. “Hi, um, I’m here to…”
She held up a finger and answered another call, immediately putting them on hold.
“Hi there. You here for the interview? Mr. Matthews’ office is down the hall, but—”
“I’m not. I’m here to see August Hartman.”
Her eyes widened and she scrolled through her screen frantically. “Today? I—I’m sorry I must have mixed up the appointments. He’s completely booked. What did you say your name was?”
“No, no, I—don’t have an appointment. He doesn’t know I’m here. Could I just…pop in for a minute? I won’t take up too much of—”
She stared at me like I was from another planet. “Without an appointment? Oh no no no no no, Mr. Hartman won’t see you without—”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake,” I muttered, walking past her. “This is him, right?” I pointed to the double wooden doors, pushing one open and stepping inside.
“If we keep going at this pace—” A man facing the other direction stopped speaking instantly when August looked up with a glare sharp enough to slice through me if I let it.
The man who was talking swiveled in the chair. “Sorry, is our time up already?”
“That’s not my assistant, Eddie,” August muttered before pounding a button on his desk phone, anger brewing in his eyes. “What the hell, Deb?”
“I’m so sorry, she barged in, sir. I didn’t want to cause a scene by stopping her.”
I was breathless and a little bit flushed. The older suited man stood from his chair. “You’ll have to wait your turn, like everyone else, doll.”
“I’m sure this can wait. What I have to say can’t, so perhaps you can give us a moment?”
With a sly grin, the man approached me. “Ah, this isn’t business, is it?” He glanced over at August for confirmation, who said and did nothing.
“Eddie Jones.” He took my hand and kissed the back of my palm. I frowned and pulled it back.
“I am not charmed. If you would please—”
“Five minutes, Eddie. I do apologize.” August’s flat tone stung, but I looked past it.
Not about me. Not about us.
He stayed seated as Eddie walked out. His hair was slicked to the side, eyeglasses perfectly in place. Crisp, clean suit that pressed against his chair as he leaned back, a shiny silver pen tracing his bottom lip.
August seemed anything but happy to see me. I swallowed the pit in my stomach that screamed this was a bad idea and stepped closer, eyeing his massive office. Granted, the view from the wall-to-wall windows was spectacular, but why would anyone need so much space to work?
My voice was small when I finally spoke. “Why are you here?” It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say, but there was a point, and I was going to get to it.
I hope.
He frowned. “Shouldn’t that be my question?”
“August, you don’t belong here. And I think you know that.”
His jaw hardened and he looked away.
“How long have you been covering for him? Why are you letting him take this away from you?”
He looked bored. “Is that all? Because this could have just been a message left with my assistant.”
I blinked.
But then, one of the first things on Mom's list came to mind. Don't offend easily.
“I know how much you love it. And that it probably hurt like hell to give it all up again to Troy.”
His head snapped to me. “What do you mean again?”
“I have a feeling this isn’t the first time you covered for him. You’re the reason he made it there in the first place, isn’t it?”
He stood, turning toward the window, and I had my confirmation.
“August, why would you do that? This—” I stretched my arm out across the lavish space, “—isn’t you. You’re wasting—”
He came around the desk but didn’t approach me. “Don’t talk to me about wasting away. I’m not the one waiting for someone to come knocking on my door while I swirl lattes. You have a talent that you chose to do nothing with too, so don’t come barging in here pretending to be the wiser of us both.”
His words were cutting—but I pushed through, my voice painfully smaller. “I’m not pretending to know more. I just know you’re letting him take it away.”
“Enough, Harper. This isn’t a joke. This is a place of business. Not a coffee shop. I do real work here. You can’t just burst in demanding answers from me on something you know nothing about.”
My eyes pricked. “You don’t have to be so mean,” I whispered. “I know you’re upset with me for playing along—”
“Exactly. You played along, pretending I was my brother.”
“You have it all wrong.” The words dragged out of me like a broken record. “I just wanted you to be you.”
“This is who I am, Harper,” he howled, spreading his arms around his office. “I’m not warm, I’m not gentle. I’m not the man I was with you.”
I stared blankly, lost for words. When the stinging in my eyes grew strong, I swallowed hard. “So…now you’re—” I was going to say breaking up with me but maybe he already had, and I didn’t realize it? Maybe we were never anything for there to be a breakup?
“Now I’m waiting for you to leave so I can get back to work with adults. Not children who just can’t seem to move past a five-year-old broken heart.”
My lips began to tremble and I pressed them together. There was immediate regret in his eyes and he ran a frustrated hand across his face as he moved back to his chair.
He reached for a pen and pulled on a stack of papers, dipping his head to review them. “I can’t imagine why you’d be coming here again, but if you do, I’d appreciate if you waited outside like everyone else—until I’m ready to see you.”
A burning ache swelled in my chest, but my face was perfectly still. The tears I knew I’d eventually shed were swallowed down hard. “I can’t imagine why either.”