Chapter 45
Forty-Five
Ayla
A s Kanik carried me to the bedroom, I remembered Tamin's toy. The one he'd been so proud of. Kanik held me against his chest so carefully, and laid me down on the bed like I was a small and fragile child even as he assured me he'd find it. What he didn't do was cover me with the blankets. Instead, he turned back for the dresser, looking at the folded clothes on top.
"Ayla, do you want one of these to sleep in?" he asked. "Something clean?"
I sucked in a breath and sat up, intending to scoot back towards the pillows. "I can get it."
He just lifted both hands, almost as if holding me back. "I was merely going to pass it to you before I leave the room."
So I jiggled my head in an anxious nod. "The little blue one is what I sleep in."
He found it, then returned to my side of the bed. Pressing it into my hands, he eased himself down on the edge and looked at me for a long moment. Not like he was waiting for me to reveal my body, though. This was more like he wanted to say something.
"I'm sorry I left you alone," he finally told me.
"You had to save other people," I pointed out. "I saved Tamin."
"You shouldn't've had to, though."
"Everyone says the Moles are my people, Kanik. It makes me feel like they're my fault."
He gently pressed his hand over my leg, down by my ankle. "They aren't, Ayla. You are not a Mole. You haven't been a Mole to me since I found out about you putting a fork in a man who tried to force you to marry him. You're just a young woman who's in between worlds right now, and I'm doing my best to help."
"You are," I assured him.
"And yet I wasn't there tonight when you needed me." He gave me a sad smile. "You did good, though. I know it's not easy, and if you have nightmares, I'll listen, okay?"
"Okay," I agreed, not quite sure what any of that was supposed to mean.
Kanik just gave me one more smile, then pushed himself to his feet. Slowly, looking exhausted, the man made his way to the door, and I watched him the whole time. His back and shoulders were broad. Not as much as Zasen's, but more than most hunters. His tail was long and muscular. The very tip was purple. Only a few inches, but I'd seen his entire stinger was the same color as those dark marks on his neck.
"I'm locking this behind me," he said.
"Thank you."
I heard the door open, the latch clicked, and then Kanik was gone. For a moment, I sat there, still holding my nightdress, thinking about him. The man was a teacher. He was kind and intelligent. He was also very strong and fit. I wasn't sure how old he was, but I didn't think any of the men in the house were that much older than me.
A few months ago, I would've thought of Kanik as a good pick for a husband. He didn't punish me. His face was appealing and his body made me want to look down and smile at the floor. I didn't, but only because I knew that would send the wrong message.
But he was my friend. A true friend. Kanik had helped me when I hadn't expected anyone to. He casually showed me how to do their Dragon things, like where supplies were located in the house or how to operate something. I didn't even know all the questions to ask yet, but every time I faltered, he found a way to fill in the gaps in my knowledge without making me feel foolish.
Tonight felt different, though. Maybe it was more true to say tonight had changed everything. Finally, I pulled off the filthy dress I'd been wearing all day, and slipped into the small one that shouldn't be seen outside this room. It was soft and short, which meant it wouldn't tangle around my body as I slept.
What I didn't do was get under the blankets. My mind was spinning. I'd seen men die before. Some, I'd even allowed to pass without trying hard, which was really no different than killing them. It had been the only power I'd had in the compound, because as a woman, I was useless for anything except being fruitful and helping the Righteous to multiply.
But they'd lied.
The hunters had done nothing but lie to the rest of the compound. They weren't hunting animals for meat. They were killing people! Worse, they were feeding it to the rest of us and covering it up with vague wording.
Maybe we hadn't had much underground. I knew the bodies of our deceased were composted to grow the fungus that made up much of our diet, but that made sense. I knew the hunters had a group who went out to harvest plants, but I'd never thought more about it.
Now I couldn't stop. How could six men bring back enough grain and beans to feed the Righteous every day? How did they get that many vegetables to put green leaves on our plates? Was that just another lie?
But why?
Why were they lying?
Why were they working so hard to keep everyone locked belowground?
That was the real question, wasn't it? Clearly, the hunters knew survival on the surface was possible. One of them must have told the Elders. It didn't take much to figure out the entire council had to know we could leave at any time, and yet the sermons hadn't changed.
The surface was dangerous. Earth was burning with the fires of Hell. We hadn't proven ourselves yet. But why? And more importantly, how? What were they wanting from the people they kept locked away underground? Because if I could survive up here, then surely our men would be able to build a stable society for the rest of us!
Clearly, I was missing something, and all signs pointed to the worst. Aboveground, the Elders would be little more than frail old men. Women could run away and join the Dragons - or the Reapers, I supposed, although I didn't know enough about them. And once people started leaving the community, the Righteous would be no more.
Yet so long as everyone was locked underground, things would stay the same. The women would be forced to marry on their twentieth birthday. The men would have someone to cook, clean, mend, and care for them. God's word wouldn't be questioned, because no one would see the other people who'd been here the whole time.
So instead, they killed Dragons.
Pushing out a heavy breath, I scrubbed at my face with both hands the way Zasen always did. I wanted to rub that thought away. I wanted to erase all the memories of the night. I wanted to roll back time and fix things before that little girl could get shot in the street.
I couldn't.
And that was when the first tear came. It wasn't sadness, though. This was frustration, or maybe even anger. Staring at the darkened sky outside the window, I felt so useless! How long had it taken me to learn Vestrian? If I'd been faster, could they have stopped this?
Zasen said they didn't know when the Moles were coming. I did. Every woman had to memorize the holiday calendar. Those dates were important. We'd be expected to decorate our homes and serve exceptional meals to our husbands. Marriages were often held on holidays, usually more than one through the course of the evening.
I knew them all. Ms. Lawton had made sure we girls could recite which decorations and colors to use for each one. The only problem would be matching the day on my calendar to the proper day on Zasen's, yet once we knew that...
Maybe then we could stop them?
But how? Dragons had bows. The Righteous had guns. There was no way for Dragons to protect themselves against the killing power of a Mole rifle. The things could shoot almost continuously - or at least until they ran out of bullets.
So knowing the days wasn't going to be enough. The Moles would still come. Somehow, I had to figure out what it was Zasen needed to know to stop them. The problem was Zasen didn't understand what it meant to be a Mole.
He kept expecting Moles to think and act like Dragons would. He assumed they would care about each other, stop to give aid, or so many of the other wonderful things I'd already noticed about this place. People had friends. They had partners they cared about. Dragons stopped to help, just like they had in the streets tonight.
Moles had a purpose. They had a goal. The Elders gave them a mission, and they were sent out to complete it. The men proved themselves by providing more meat than another, producing more children than another, or even stopping more sins than anyone else. Usually, those sins were committed by women.
Maybe the compound had electricity, but besides that? Life was much better up here. The women I'd met at Rymar's cookout had been amazing. Jeera was so bold. Brielle was very intelligent. Saveah was kind and a wonderful mother. The three of them would've been punished severely if they'd lived in the compound.
But Dragons were different. Dragons were better. Dragons gave everyone the chance to not just be alive, but to actually live . I'd only gotten the smallest taste of that, but I liked it so much.
For weeks now, I'd been living in a house with three men. None of them had tried to accost me. They hadn't punished me, even when I'd done things wrong. They'd even protected me when the man on the street had tried!
And they called themselves my friends. Not my suitors, not my husbands, but my friends. They gave me books to read. They'd trusted me enough to give me a weapon! Me. A woman!
This had been what Callah had meant when she'd said that maybe the Devil's people had it better. Although I didn't think these were the Devil's people. I thought the Moles were lying about that too, but Callah wouldn't have known.
She'd still seen through the stories enough to encourage me. Now, I needed to find a way to get her out of that place. Somehow, she and Meri needed to escape. Maybe I could ask Zasen, Rymar, and Kanik to help them?
Maybe if we each married one of them, then they'd be persuaded to help? Men liked the idea of marriage. They enjoyed the benefits of it. There were three men in this house, and if Meri and Callah were here, we'd be three women. Even numbers. Almost like it was meant to be.
If only it could be that easy. Not that I wanted to get married, but my mind drifted back to Kanik. He was a handsome man, and unlike Gideon, his kindness seemed to be real. Then again, so had Gideon's, until the vows were said and Meri gave herself to him. So would he change if I had to marry him? Would Zasen? Rymar?
I didn't know, but I had to do something!
Outside, movement caught my eye. In the darkness of the night, a group of Dragons were pushing a cart towards the city entrance. It was filled with bodies in black clothing: Moles. Right in front of our house, they stopped.
Two men - one tailed and one tailless - moved to pick up one of the bodies the guys had carried out of the house. Without care or concern, they tossed the dead man's corpse onto the cart, then returned for the second.
Once those were loaded, the cart continued forward, leaving the city of Lorsa and headed for the forest. Back in the compound, no one would miss those men. Their names would be listed as killed by the minions of the Devil. Their wives would be relieved to know they were finally free. Their children would barely recognize their faces.
Down there was nothing like up here.
But no one else could understand that but me. I was still a Mole to most people, even if my friends insisted I was a refugee now. Dragons hated me because I looked like the hunters. I was orin. That made me evil, and no one listened to evil people.
But this had to end. Someone had to stop this, and the only person who could do it was me, a weak and useless woman. Me, a girl who'd fought rather than suffer a life of misery. Me, a person who needed to become strong enough to actually make a difference, because I could learn.
It didn't matter what I had to learn. If that was how to fight, or how to speak yet another language, or even how to be a real Dragon, I would do it. After all, I wanted to stay here. I wanted to become someone who could matter - even if just a little. I wanted to save my friends, both above and below the ground. I just wanted to make all of this stop, because I was tired of the Moles messing everything up.
They'd taken so much from me already. My mother, my friends, my future. They'd stolen away my happiness over and over, always to remind me of my place, but I was ready to make another. This was my place. Lorsa was. It was the Heaven I'd always dreamed of and never dared to think was possible.
For hours, my mind refused to settle and my thoughts spun. My eyes stayed locked on the window, looking at the people moving in the darkness. How many had lost loved ones tonight? How many times had this happened before? And worse than all of that, how I had not known about any of it?
I was still staring at the darkness, debating lying down to rest my aching body when the front door opened and two men walked out. I saw their silhouettes in the darkness and recognized both Zasen and Rymar. I wasn't sure where Kanik was, but it didn't matter.
If they were starting their day, then I would too. My mind didn't want to stop and rest. My body wasn't going to feel better if I let my muscles get stiff from sleeping. If I wanted to be a Dragon - which was the only way I could stop the Moles - then I needed to start acting like one.
So, slipping off the bed and onto my tender soles, I once again found the torn and bloodstained dress I'd been wearing and put it back on. I wasn't sure how to make people realize I wasn't a Mole, but I knew one thing.
I would not let the Moles take anything else from me. I refused to allow them to destroy my happiness. For me, the first step in becoming a Dragon had to be erasing the sinners who'd defiled this house. It might be a small thing, but it was what I could do.
And tomorrow, I'd learn how to do a little more.