Chapter 46
Forty-Six
Kanik
I t took me forever to get to sleep. The sound of people in the streets made me jerk back awake every time I got close. Some were looking for loved ones. Others had been picked to remove the dead. And while they weren't loud, they were still there, persistent, and my instincts were waiting for the next threat to hit.
I was always like this after a battle, though. Zasen was a natural born killer. I wasn't. I hated that we had to fight. I despised how the Moles had found our town and we couldn't get ahead of them. Oh, and we'd tried. Over and over again, we'd set up a program for early warnings, faster protection, or something else, and every time it did nothing.
Tonight was no different. There wasn't an official body count yet, but I had a feeling it was high. In the morning, the town would meet to discuss what had happened. Rymar and Zasen would go, but I'd agreed to stay here with the girl. I just needed to get some sleep first. I had to stop my mind from spinning and close my eyes long enough to pass out.
When it finally happened, I slept fitfully. My dreams were filled with the sound of my bowstring twanging with yet another arrow released, but they all kept heading to Ayla. I heard the cries of the people who'd been cut down. I'd seen the drag marks left by bodies and followed them to find Zasen and Rymar being hauled away.
So when the light finally broke through my window, I decided to call it good enough. Crawling out of bed, I found a clean pair of pants and pulled those on. My body ached. I'd loosed almost two quivers of arrows last night, and I was feeling it today, but that was my only complaint. Unlike so many, I hadn't been injured.
Deciding I'd get a head start on the morning, I made my way downstairs, only to hear a rhythmic sound I couldn't identify. Over and over, it repeated. The pattern changed slightly, but not enough to count as a real break.
Halfway down the stairs, I looked back to find the source of it. There, kneeling on the hard floor and wearing the same dress she'd had on the night before, was Ayla. The hem was pink with watered-down blood. Her hands were pale and wrinkled from the cleaning water, but they gripped a brush hard. And that was the source of the sound. As she ran the thing back and forth across the bloodstain before the storage area, the bristles rustled rhythmically.
"Ayla?" I asked.
She looked up. "I hope I didn't wake you."
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm cleaning the floor."
"No, no, no," I groaned. "You don't need to do that. We'll get it."
She simply got back to scrubbing, talking while she worked. "I found vinegar in the pantry. That will get the blood out of the wood. I hope it doesn't hurt the polish, though, but if it does, I can fix it."
"That's not your job, Ayla," I soothed.
But she threw the brush into her bucket of water - or vinegar, from the smell that wafted out - with enough force I half expected her ring to fly off. "I am not going to let them ruin this house!" she snapped. "They came in here to kill a little boy, and I don't want any hint of them left, okay? I'm going to get the blood out, and then I'll make the floors shine again, because they can't have this place! "
"Hey..."
She simply thrust her arm into the bucket to grab the brush and started scrubbing again. "I don't have a job. I don't have a husband to care for. None of you ask me for anything hard. I get to read all day long while everyone else takes care of me, but I can do this. I can erase the Moles from inside this house!"
"Okay," I relented, nodding to show I heard her. "But have you eaten anything?"
Her hands paused. "I was going to let the floor in the kitchen dry first."
"Because you already cleaned the kitchen," I realized. "But what about the cut on your side?"
"I'm being careful," she promised. "If I don't pull it, then using my arms is okay. It will heal in five to seven days, and then I can cut the suture away and I'll be fine."
"Ayla, are you a nurse?" I asked, waiting for her to say no so I could remind her she should obey their directions.
She simply shook her head. "In the compound, people aren't doctors or nurses anymore. Especially not women! We're not good enough for that, but they still have us heal the wounds from hunting. Wounds the stupid men survived. And I helped! How many lives did I save because I liked finally being in charge? How many of those men came back here and killed children?"
"It's not your fault," I assured her.
"It's theirs!" she huffed. "Theirs for not telling us there were types of meat. Theirs for lying to us and saying it was 'righteous.' Theirs! And I healed them. I fixed them. I made Gideon better so he could hurt Meri over and over, but if I'd just pulled the arrow from his liver instead of pushing it through, he would've died. That four-sided arrowhead would've torn the organ apart and he would've died slowly!"
So I crouched down before her. "Asshole," I said.
Her hands paused. "Huh?"
"It's a word that means someone who is mean, cruel, or bothersome. It's profanity, Ayla. It literally translates to where you poop. An anus."
"Okay..."
"Those men were assholes," I said. "Try it."
"They're all assholes," she muttered.
"Good girl," I praised. "And while that word is not polite to say in public or around children, it feels good to use, so use it."
Her teeth immediately clamped down on her lower lip and those beautiful blue eyes lifted to mine. "And I'm allowed to say that, Kanik?"
"Mhm," I assured her. "See, you're not a Mole anymore. You're a refugee now, and you're learning how to fit into our Dragon culture. We cuss. Some call it cursing. That means using profanity to make it clear what you mean sometimes."
"Not just men?"
I shook my head. "Nope. Only brave people."
Her shoulders slumped a little. "Oh. I'm not brave."
"But you are," I countered. "You killed men last night, Ayla, and that was very brave. You saved Tamin, and that was even more brave. You may have been scared, but you still did what needed to be done."
"But - " she tried.
My chuckle cut her off. "Bravery isn't the absence of fear. It's being honorable enough to act even though you're terrified. Bravery is being strong enough to push through it - and you did. That means you're brave, Ayla."
A little smile touched her lips. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," I agreed, reaching out to offer her a hand. "And maybe you can take a break from that for a moment? I want to talk to you about something."
She nodded but ignored my hand. "I'm covered in vinegar," she pointed out before pushing to her feet.
"And you're wearing the same dress as last night?" I asked even as I backed up the hall, aiming for the living room.
"I didn't want to ruin another," she explained. "This one is already cut, and I bled all over it. I can probably mend the side, and I'll get the blood out, but that means I already need to wash it."
"Yeah," I breathed, gesturing for her to take a chair as I claimed the other. "Ayla, you can just throw it away."
"I only have four," she admitted.
Which was another thing I needed to talk to Zasen about. This girl was going to need more to wear than merely summer dresses. She needed shoes too! We'd been putting it off, mostly because Zasen didn't want to let himself believe she'd be staying. Then again, was she staying?
Because she'd only come to our house so we could watch her. Sure, we needed to keep protecting her, but one day that would no longer be true. Then what? Once she was an official Dragon, would she get her own place? Would we ever see her again?
No, I refused to think about that. One thing at a time, and today's thing was important. Unfortunately, I also wasn't really sure where or how to start. We'd been avoiding saying stuff around her for so long, I wasn't sure what she understood and what would be completely foreign to her.
"Okay," I decided, "so you know we're venomous, right?" I asked.
She nodded. "Tamin bit Elias and then stung him. That made Elias die, but he screamed first. I had to smother him so no one else would hear."
No remorse on her face. No shame for her actions. She'd muffled the man's cries, watched him die, and didn't seem bothered at all. This was what Zasen had been talking about last night.
"Okay," I said yet again. "Um, well, did you know there's a way to get immune?"
"A real antidote?" she asked, sitting up. "Is that why Zasen was worried when I offered the water to Phineas?"
"Not exactly," I admitted. "See, immunity to Dragon venom takes repeated exposure. We realized this when tailless women became immune after carrying a tailed child. The babies are born with venom, and they expel some while in the womb. The mothers are exposed to small amounts over time throughout the pregnancy - "
"I don't want to get pregnant!" she gasped, pulling into herself.
"You don't have to," I promised quickly. "That's just how we learned it was possible. Now, we know you can drink it."
"Without needing to get married?" she asked.
I nodded again, overly aware how defensive she was about the idea of being tied to a man. "But you have to do it every day for about two weeks."
"Fourteen days," she said, nodding to show she understood.
Which was when I remembered Zasen's other comment about the calendars. "Ayla, two weeks is ten days for me."
She paused, her lips parted, and then a tiny little giggle slipped out. "Oh. Right."
"So for ten days," I explained, "we'll have to give you venom in increasing doses. It will make your heart speed up and you might get short of breath, but it's safe. Most tailless women in Lorsa have done it, and all of the tailless men."
"Why only most of the women?" she asked.
"Because some had tailed children first," I explained. "They got immune that way."
"I'd rather drink it," she assured me. "When can we start?"
"Not today," I told her. "I know I didn't sleep enough, and you were up earlier than me. So once you're well rested and recovered from the battle, how about then?"
Her face fell. "Oh. Yeah. Okay."
"Because I don't want it to accidentally hurt you," I hurried to say, seeing her disappointment. "Not because I'm trying to keep it from you. That's why I wanted to talk to you about it today. I was hoping it might give you a reason to rest a little?"
"I'll go to bed early tonight so we can do it tomorrow," she promised.
"And maybe let me help with the floor?" I asked.
Ayla pressed her lips together and looked at me for a little too long. When she finally answered, it wasn't at all what I expected.
"No."
"No?"
"No," she said again. "I want to make sure every last bit of Mole is gone, and you don't clean well enough, Kanik. You might leave some of them behind, and they don't get to stay in this house."
I had to shove my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. "I see."
"You might be good at teaching," she explained, "but this? I know how to clean. It's all women are good for, you know, so I'm going to clean them all away. Then maybe you men will realize I'm not useless! "
"It's not all women are good for."
She paused, her face snapping back to mine. "What?"
"Cleaning is not all women are good for," I reminded her. "Maybe that's what the Moles say, but they're liars, right? That means it's a lie. In Lorsa, Ayla, women are good for a lot of things. They're doctors and hunters and seamstresses. They're teachers and cooks and fletchers who put the feathers on arrows. In Lorsa, women are good for a whole lot more than cleaning."
"But I'm only good at cleaning," she mumbled.
"And sewing," I reminded her.
She nodded. "I can mend clothes!"
"I actually meant sewing little boys," I teased. "Sewing wounds. You also killed men very well with a weapon that wasn't made for it. Tamin's bow was designed to only shoot cloth targets, but you killed two men with it."
"I killed more with the gun," she admitted.
"And I don't have any clue how to use one," I told her. "So that's another thing you're good at. I'm pretty sure it's also nothing like cleaning."
"And not something a woman should ever do," she said softly. "I just want a way to show you I'm worth the effort. That I can help. Kanik, I don't want to be a burden."
"Ayla, you're not a burden."
"But I don't do anything for you!"
"You just listed off a ton of things you do. I also think you should keep doing those things," I said. "Sewing wounds, protecting kids, and using guns. Those are all things you did last night, Ayla. Plus, I think you should kill as many Moles as you want, because it keeps me safe and I like that. I like having my friend protect me as much as I want to protect her."
And her lips curled into a little smile. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," I agreed.
She nodded her head once and pushed herself to her feet. "Good, because I really want to become a Dragon so I can stop the Moles. I'll show you I'm worth helping. And even if you won't let me be a Dragon, I still won't let the Moles ruin this place!"
And she headed back up the hall to continue. All I could do was shake my head. I was sure she had some reason for being so adamant, but damned if it made sense to me.
But if that woman wanted to be a Dragon, I would do everything in my power to help her. I had a feeling Zasen and Rymar would too.