Chapter 20
TIAGO
By some miracle, Aravind and I managed to avoid getting drawn into a long chat on our way to the beach. I left my cane behind because navigating with it in the sand was a giant pain in the ass, and after my short nap, my vision was a bit better.
I could follow the lights back to the house and around the pool, and I’d even gotten a decent look at Aravind’s face, all soft after his orgasm. I could tell that this was the last of it though.
My vision was going, like the last vestiges of light from a supernova. It wasn’t as sad as I thought it was going to be. I would probably have a breakdown about it later, but I felt…hell, there weren’t really words.
I had an appointment the next day at a local radiology clinic for a scan on my knee, and if everything looked good, I was going to hear whether I could start training for next year or not. I was still on the fence about whether I even wanted to.
Injuries like mine tended to crop up again. Skating after this was really just playing on borrowed time. It was either now, or it was later. But I wasn’t going to have one of those long, drawn-out lines to retirement.
Not anymore.
I wasn’t sure if it was going to be worth it, spending preseason trying to learn everything with how much vision I’d lost only to call it my last season because my knee decided to give out.
I hated that weight.
But it was easier to carry because I also had Aravind. And I wasn’t entirely sure what our future was going to look like, but I felt the strength to fight for it in ways I never had before.
His fingers left mine the moment we got to the place I was now calling our spot. Usually, the tide washed away the markings we left behind before morning, but I still knew it. I sat down and waited as Aravind got his camera set up, and then after a short while, he dropped down beside me.
“Are you done taking the photos?”
He laughed. “No. I haven’t even started. The camera’s set up on this auto mode that will take several images of the sky. Then we can look at them later.”
I let out a small breath as he leaned against me. “I have an appointment tomorrow.”
“For what?”
“My knee. I need to get a scan. It’s been feeling better, and this is going to determine whether or not I can start PT, and then training for next season.”
“Oh.” His voice sounded a little off. “I didn’t know you’d decided to keep playing.”
“Do you…I mean…are you uncomfortable dating a hockey player?”
Aravind made a soft choking noise. “No, oh my god. I don’t care about that. It’s just…” He hesitated. “It’s not important.”
Twisting my body to face him, I found his hand in the sand between us and picked it up. “If it’s important to you, I want to know.”
He was quiet, but he played with my fingers, so I knew he was thinking about his words.
“I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like.
After I graduated, I kind of threw myself into the idea of following Leon around—foolish, I know,” he said as though I was going to be cruel enough to rub his nose in a bad choice.
“By the time I was finishing up my degree, I wasn’t even really focused.
It was more like a goal I needed to accomplish.
I got so caught up in what my personal life was going to look like, I forgot to consider that things might change. ”
“Okay,” I said slowly. “So why does hockey bother you?”
He squeezed my fingers. “It doesn’t. I promise. It’s just something I want to take into consideration when I get home.”
“No.”
He stiffened. “Uh…what?”
I pulled him closer, my fingers trailing up his arm so I could tip his chin up.
I palmed his cheek, and I could feel the heavy weight of his gaze on me.
“I don’t want you to consider me going back to the Legends.
I want you to consider yourself. Take time and do what makes you happy outside of us.
It’s not like I’m going anywhere. And if I do go back, you know what the roadie schedule is like. ”
I could feel him swallowing against my fingers. “I know. It kind of scares the shit out of me.”
“Aravind…”
“It’s not your fault. There’s just pain that I have to deal with from Leon.
It turned out I couldn’t leave him in a closed fucking office on the campus I worked at without him straying.
And I don’t think you’re going to go stick your dick in whatever hole is willing when you’re on the road, but I can’t help but feel… afraid.”
“You do know that roadies aren’t weeks-long fuck fests, right?” I asked.
He snorted. “Yes, I do. Because my dad never cheated on my mom, as far as I know, and there are plenty of guys in both leagues who aren’t fucking around on their partners. I get that. Like I said, it’s not a you problem. It’s a wound I need to heal.”
Leaning in, I took his mouth in a soft kiss. “I can be patient for that, you know?”
“Can you?”
“Yes.”
“Even if I go crazy? Like, even if I demand that you give me all your passwords and…I don’t know, let me go through your phone anytime I want?”
“I will teach you how to use voiceover like a pro so you can go through my laptop, my phone, watch all my porn…”
He burst into a fit of laughter. “What kind of porn?”
“I can always go for a classic pizza guy,” I told him, and I basked in the sound of his giggle. “And Micah and Jonah are always sending me weird shit. Like anime, hentai stuff.”
“Oh my god,” he whispered.
“If they ever invite you to a group chat,” I warned, “just say no.”
“Don’t worry, DARE prepared me for peer pressure. I’ve got this.”
Tugging him into my arms, I wrapped around him and held him tight. We’d have to go back to the house soon, to face those bits of real life that had crept in. But he’d gotten us another little space away from everyone.
And while tomorrow might bring more pressure to think about life outside of all this, Aravind also didn’t shy away from talking about our future.
That had to mean something. Didn’t it?
I had to appreciate that all of Aravind’s family ate with their hands.
It took me a moment to get the hang of everything that was on my plate, but I had Rohan on one side and Aravind on the other, who explained each bit of food, and after a while, I stopped worrying about being messy and just enjoyed myself.
I had never been so comfortable or full before.
The conversation carried on around me. Liam, Ferris’s dad, and his brother were quieter than everyone else, but they were also kind.
Logan was a rookie firefighter in a very small suburb of Boston, and he spent most of the dinner telling everyone about the weird calls he’d gone to over the last year.
I settled in and listened, and ate, and basked in the occasional touch Aravind would drop on my thigh.
And when Rohan asked, “So, what do you think next season will look like for you?” I wasn’t afraid to answer.
“I’m not sure. I have a scan tomorrow, and then I’ll know if I have to sit this one out.”
“Are you nervous?” he asked.
I wiped my hand on my napkin, then took a long drink of water before answering. “I don’t think so. This season’s going to look different no matter what.”
“And that’s enough hockey for me,” Aravind declared.
Rohan sighed. “Fair enough. I actually have something for you, beta. I got an email the other day from my friend Rajesh? Do you remember him?”
Aravind groaned. “Baba, you have introduced me to at least a baker’s dozen Rajeshes over the years.”
“Yes, but this one is in San Francisco. He’s working on this human nature project, and he was asking if you’d be interested in doing some travel.
He wants photos and stories of people. He has a whole list of countries he’d like his photographer to visit, and the job would be for about five years. I thought you might love it.”
My body went cold. Five years. Five…five years on the road. Five years of waiting? Of pining?
Aravind cleared his throat. “Wow. That’s…amazing, Baba. Um…can I think about it?”
“Yes, but not too long. The first assignment starts in October, but he needs to do onboarding, which means you’ll need to head over there for a few months. I already have a place lined up for you to stay.”
Aravind said nothing for a long time. So long, in fact, one of his aunties spoke up. I was pretty sure it was Soma.
“Aren’t you excited? You’ve been talking about doing something like this for years. When we came to your graduation, you told us all you were going to spend ten years traveling the world and taking photos and writing about people you met.”
“Yeah. No, I know. Um…it’s not that I don’t think this is amazing, okay?”
“Oh,” Soma said with a laugh. “You’re worried about your boyfriend, who will be too busy anyway playing his hockey.”
“I think Tiago and Aravind are uncomfortable,” Ferris said. “They look uncomfortable.”
I kind of loved him for being able to just point it out like that. The table fell silent again, and then Aravind grabbed my hand.
“We’ll talk about it later. I also wanted to let you know that Tiago and I got a little rental a couple houses down.”
“What for?” Soma demanded.
Ankita answered her, but not in English, and then they both laughed. “We’ll let the boys have some privacy.”
And now I was mortified, but Aravind didn’t let my hand go, and although it felt like a hurricane had erupted in my chest, he was keeping me grounded.
I didn’t know if it was a cultural thing or Aravind’s family thing, but there was no big dessert or anything after the meal.
One of the aunties was serving a fresh pot of masala chai, but Aravind and I didn’t stick around to have any.
He had one bag packed to share between us, and he tugged me out the door before we could tell anyone we were going.
“They’re going to be annoyed,” I said as we hurried up the driveway.
He paused to slap both canes into my hands. “I know, but they’ll forgive me. If I don’t get you alone in the next five minutes, I’m going to lose my mind.”