21. Teddy
TWENTY-ONE
TEDDY
Operation Appear Friendly is going well so far. Nellie and I are currently winning what has quickly become a competitive game of Code Names. We already took down Marley and Bennett, and we’re one round away from taking Izzy and Tom down. If Karl and Nancy stayed up later than nine p.m., we would have probably beaten them too.
“When do you leave again?” Marley asks, taking a bite of birthday cake.
“In two weeks.” Nellie sighs, as she resets the cards in front of us. “It feels like I have a million more things to do, but at least most of the books are gathered.”
“Where—“ I start to ask but it comes out weakly, so I clear my throat and try again. “Where are you going?” I manage to sound less like a thirteen-year-old mid-voice change.
“It’s a new mobile library program the university is launching,” Nellie says, looking right at me and holding my gaze. “I’m going to be hauling a converted mini Airstream up to this remote town…” She stops to think. “I actually think it’s a hamlet, definitely not big enough to be a town. Anyway, they do n’t have easy access to library services. I’ll be working with one of the locals to set up something that can kind of serve as a hub for the whole area. It’s a pilot project.” It’s the first time she seems genuinely interested in talking to me. Her face lights up in a way I haven’t seen for over a decade, and it feels like warm sunshine hitting my face. I’m positive I’m wearing my goofy smile because she’s doing the thing she dreamed of doing.
“Where will you be going?” Bennett asks.
“Somewhere between Timmins and Moosonee. It’s called Marmot Point.”
“Alone?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
“Alone,” she confirms.
“Huh.” Bennett looks at Marley, and something unspoken passes between them before they look between Nellie and me, smiling.
Nellie’s eyes narrow with suspicion. “What?”
“Nothing. Hurry up and take those two out so we can go out and make smores.” Marley smiles sweetly at Izzy and Tom. Marley is nice and everything, but sweet is not a word I’d use to describe her even if I’ve heard Bennett murmur “sweetheart” to her on occasion. How he’s come to that conclusion is for them to know in private.
“You haven’t even finished your cake,” Izzy points out.
“I’m sorry, are you judging me? On my birthday?”
“I’m not judging you for wanting s’mores, I’m just pointing out that you haven’t yet finished your first dessert.”
“You’re basically a nighttime hobbit.” Nellie laughs. “She’s had one dessert, yes, but what about second dessert?”
Marley chews thoughtfully before nodding. “Dessert hobbit. I like it.”
Izzy looks between her friends, clearly confused before turning to her husband. “Did you understand any of that?”
“You didn’t?” She shakes her head, quickly glancing at the rest of us. “Maybe you should have come to see Lord of the Rings with me back in high school.”
“You know I don’t like movies with goblins, Thomas.”
“Orcs,” Marley says, setting her empty plate down. “The gobliny creatures are called orcs.”
Izzy’s eyes are comically wide. “I don’t like movies with those either.”
“I know, babe. I still love you.” Tom pats her knee.
It only takes fifteen minutes for us to win the next game and for Marley to declare that it’s time to head out to the fire pit. We pack up fast, and while everyone grabs a sweatshirt or blanket, I head out to get the fire started. I’m poking a couple of logs around when Nellie sits across from me, the firelight illuminating her and more specifically the sweatshirt she’s wearing. It’s the university sweatshirt I left at her house on our last day. The one I slid over her body in a way that felt like I was claiming her. For a solid minute, I’m convinced I’m about to fall headfirst into the fire pit, swallow my tongue, or stomp over to her, pull her into my arms, and drag her back to my apartment. I do none of those things, of course, opting instead to look back into the flames like I never noticed in the first place. For the rest of the night, I’m quiet, but I assume everything I’m feeling is loud and clear whenever my gaze lands on her.
In the morning while everyone is sleepily sipping coffee and devouring Nancy’s maple walnut scones and, in Nellie’s case, a chocolate chip cookie, Bennett reveals what the look meant the night before.
“Ya know, I’ve been meaning to connect with the one rescue just north of Timmins. They’re a smaller operation but vital. Maybe we could do a joint trip? Help each other out.”
“I doubt Marley wants to go on that kind of road trip when she just got back home,” Nellie says sympathetically.
Marley laughs, and then her eyes land on me. “Not me—Teddy. He’s been so good with outreach.” That sweet smile is back again, and it nearly gives me a toothache.
“Teddy?” Nellie practically chokes out.
“He can go with you and help with the book stuff and do some work with the Spencer Lake Rescue.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Nellie says slowly. “I mean, it’s a lot of driving and then just sitting around hoping people come to check out the books.”
A lot of time alone with Nellie is more of a selling feature than I think she realizes. A month to try and repair what I broke. Cass had said I needed to just start, and this seems like a very solid way to do that.
Straightening, I turn to Nellie. “I’ll go.” Her dark blue eyes widen in surprise.
“Yeah, you will.” Cass smiles over at me and winks.
Nellie’s gaze bounces off everyone else at the table before it lands back on me. “You don’t have to. I am absolutely fine with going alone.”
“What if you sprain your ankle in the middle of nowhere? Do you think a handsome man is just going to appear to rescue you?” Marley asks innocently. “It’s not exactly realistic, Nell.”
Izzy snorts from the end of the table, and we all turn to look at her in time to see the coffee she had just taken a sip of dribble out of her nose. “Oh my god, it burns!” she squeals, fanning her face while Tom scrambles for napkins.
Nellie stares at Izzy for a minute before looking over at Bennett. “But you have so much going on here. Surely you can’t spare him. ”
“I have two students coming to work for the summer so between them, Cass, Marley, and me, I think we’ll be alright. Remember, I used to do this all by myself.”
Before she can come up with another excuse, I resort to begging. “Please let me come, Nellie.” And because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, I add, “Bennett has been talking about connecting with Spencer Lake for a while, and it’s harder to do electronically. Showing up in person builds goodwill. And maybe we can bring a few dogs back if they need some relief.” I see the moment she decides. It has nothing to do with me, but the thought of the dogs that does it. It should hurt, but it doesn’t.
“I’d also suggest bringing one along with you,” Bennett adds.
I know exactly what dog we should bring along with us. “Kevin is the most social and calmest of the puppies. He’d be a good one to take.”
“You’d be doing us a huge favor, Nellie,” Marley says enthusiastically. “Plus, after traveling nonstop for years, I’m sure Teddy is ready for a bit of a trip, even if it’s just a few hours north.”
“I am actually,” I agree.
“I mean, I guess the solo travel thing sounds better than it would probably be,” she concedes.
“Awesome.” Marley punctuates her glee with a loud clap. “You should probably exchange numbers now so you can plan things without one of us.” She gestures between herself and Bennett.
We both take our phones out and pass them to each other. When I select add new contact, I immediately type in Enviro Guy only to be asked if I want to update an existing contact. I look up at Nellie quickly, but she’s busy inputting her details. I don’t know if I should update the contact or add it under my name. I opt to create a new contact, counting this as starting fresh with her.
I know everyone sitting at this table thinks they just got away with something diabolical because they are all giving one another mental fist bumps.
After breakfast, everyone spreads out around the house or yard. Tom and Izzy announce they’re going for a hike, something that seems to surprise both Nellie and Marley. “Like, in nature?” Marley asks, her eyes sliding to Nellie.
“Well, we aren’t going to do laps around the house,” Izzy scoffs. “We get so little time alone so we’re going to use it.”
“Okay, sure, this seems totally normal,” Nellie says slowly. “Make sure you bring your phones in case you get lost.”
“In our pockets.” Tom smiles back at us before guiding his wife out of the house.
“And remember poison ivy has three leaves, so if you’re gonna do stuff, don’t do stuff near leaves of three,” Marley hollers as the door shuts.
“One of them is going to come back itchy,” Nellie says.
Marley and Bennett suddenly have to go look at something in the Hores’ cow barn that can’t wait until later, and within five minutes of cleaning up breakfast, Nellie and I are standing in the kitchen alone.
“Do you want to go out and play with the dogs for a bit?” I ask, not knowing what the hell else to do.
“Sure,” she says, already getting her shoes on.
After a while, I find myself sitting on the bench in the pasture next to her while the dogs do their dog stuff. “Is it really okay if I come along, or were you just saying that for their benefit? Because you can say no, Nellie.” I’d have a hard time saying no to all those faces, and I’m not a people-pleaser like Nellie is. At least I get the impression she’s still one. Like she’d let everyone else on the train before she got on herself .
She doesn’t answer right away, just stares out at where Pip and Daisy are chasing after a surprisingly speedy Yogurt. “On one hand, it would be nice to move forward. Neither of us is likely going to be out of this bubble anytime soon. We may as well make an effort. I did tell you I wanted to try the friend thing. And nothing forces two people to mend fences like a road trip.”
“Stuck in a car together, forced to entertain one another. I’ve also heard the same said for putting together Ikea furniture,” I add.
“Three years ago, the head librarian at the university decided that a fun team-building exercise would be to put together the new whiteboards for the meeting rooms.”
The thought of that being something to bring people together makes me laugh.
“That was also my reaction. I grew up with two parents who never fought. I didn’t even think they were capable of it. Then they bought me a bed from Ikea—you know, one of the ones with the drawers?” I nod. “Yeah, well, my dad slept in the guest room for a week after they finished.”
“My brother finds stuff like that relaxing,” I say, almost to myself.
“I’m sure both of my parents would have if they’d attempted it as a solo project, but for some reason, they thought it would be a good relationship activity. In the end, I was the only one who had a few good nights of sleep in a row.” She laughs, absently taking the stick Norman Barkwell offers her and tossing it. “Anyway, all of that is to say that I can’t see it ending with us worse off than we are now.”
“That’s the confidence I was looking for.” I smile over at her and notice as her eyes dip to my mouth and catch there for a few seconds. “We worked as friends once.”
She blinks a few times. “And that will be all we can work as going forward. If you can agree to that, then I don’t see a problem with any of this.”
So this is what a heart-sinking feels like, hope withering and dying in the center of my chest. I swallow the disappointment down. “They may never let us team up for a game night again.”
“Probably not.” She smirks at me.
“You can tell them, you know. What I did. I’m fine with being the bad guy because it’s the truth.”
Nellie looks down at her hands for a minute before answering. When she looks back up at me, it’s with the saddest eyes I’ve seen in a long time. “The thing is, Teddy, I’m not so sure anymore that you were or are a bad guy. But every time I see you, it’s like the wind gets knocked out of me again, and for the first little while, I feel nothing but the betrayal, anger, and sadness that I felt the day you said, ‘Guess not.’” Those two words take me back to that mountain parking lot in BC. The place where I hit send and blew up my life. “Before the end of this trip, the earlier the better, I want to know what made you go from the guy who showed up for me when I was sick, but wouldn’t even give me the chance to do the same when he faced the worst day of his life. I want to know why you couldn’t face this”—she gestures between us—“head on.”
“Deal,” I say as she stands and walks away from me.
It feels like we’ve just reached the end of a chapter, and I’m eager to turn the page and start a fresh one. Chapter Four, Teddy’s Redemption Begins.