Chapter 8
MAYA
I held Elliot at arm’s length to admire him and felt tears prick my eyes. The time had finally come for his first day at school. He looked like a little old man in his uniform of navy trousers, white shirt, navy pullover and bottle-green tie.
‘Looking good, Elliot,’ Hugo whistled as he entered the kitchen and began palming the marble worktops, presumably looking for his car keys.
‘Where are you going?’ I asked.
‘Work, of course,’ he said without looking up at me.
‘But it’s Elliot’s first day of school. I thought you were going to come to the school with us?’
‘I know, I had hoped I’d be able to make it but I have a really important meeting.’ He turned around to Elliot and stretched out his hand to give him a high five. ‘Best of luck, son!’
‘I can’t believe you’re going to choose a meeting over being there for his first day at school!
’ I cried. I had been working so hard on not arguing – I was biting my tongue every time he said or did something where I would usually jump into the ring – but I couldn’t hold myself back this time.
This was one of the biggest days in our son’s life and just when I thought Hugo couldn’t get any more selfish, he’d done something else to shock me.
I could understand if he had a job where he was unable to take time off but Hugo owned his own company; he was only answerable to himself.
He could take the morning off if he wanted to or at least have kept it free from meetings.
I saw Elliot looking up at us, his eyes scanning back and forth between us, and I hated the mix of fear and sadness that I saw in their depths but I had to do this for him.
I had to fight for him. It was his first day of school; his father should be there.
‘Can’t you reschedule? You won’t ever get this day back again,’ I pleaded.
‘It’s okay, Mummy,’ Elliot said in a small voice, looking up at me wide-eyed, doing his best to keep the peace. ‘You can take me. Daddy can go to work.’
I glared at Hugo in a look that said, See? Do you see what you’re doing to him?
Hugo looked down at his son, who looked like he was ready to cry. ‘Fine,’ he sighed. ‘I’ll push it back by a couple of hours.’
Hugo turned and left the kitchen to make a call to whoever it was that he was supposed to meet.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked Elliot when we were alone together again.
‘I hate it when you and Daddy fight,’ he admitted in a tiny voice, pushing back tears.
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ I said crouching down to his level.
‘I’m sorry. It’s a special day and I just wanted Daddy to come with us.
I didn’t mean to upset you.’ I pulled him in tightly against my chest and breathed him in.
My baby. ‘Now, why don’t you run upstairs and get your new school bag?
’ I said, desperate to lift his mood. ‘We don’t want to be late. ’
It was a brilliant sunny September day as we drove towards the school. Hugo and I didn’t say much to one another and instead talked through Elliot, who was belted up in the back seat.
‘Are you excited, Elliot?’ Hugo asked.
He nodded. I glanced back at him; he looked quite anxious.
‘Your teacher Ms Higgins seems so nice,’ I said to reassure him. ‘She sent the parents an email and said she can’t wait to see all the boys this morning.’
When we arrived at the school, I saw Hugo scanning the cars to see what badge they were. He liked the little ego boost of knowing that his was the most prestigious. Everything was a competition to him. We climbed out of the car and I felt the warmth of the sun hit my face.
‘That’s back-to-school weather if I ever saw it,’ Hugo remarked, shielding his eyes from the glare.
I looked around the car park at all the other families who had boys starting in St Fintan’s today.
Some parents fussed over their son, straightening a tie or tucking in a loose shirt.
Some had even brought grandparents along.
A few were posing for photos in front of the school.
I felt my heart start to race as we walked up to the red-bricked, flat-roofed building with a tarmacadamed yard that had basketball hoops and soccer goals.
A child was pulling his mother by her leg, trying his best to stop her from walking into the building, and my heart twisted.
I knew I’d never hold it together if Elliot was like that.
I watched how the mother managed to stay calm, even though I knew she was probably torn apart on the inside, when suddenly, I heard the staccato beeping of Hugo’s phone cutting through the air pulling me out of my thoughts.
He fished the phone out of his pocket, muttering, ‘I need to take this,’ and before I could object, he turned and walked off with the phone gripped between his ear and his shoulder.
I clenched my eyes tightly shut and breathed in deeply. Stay calm, I told myself. I will not let him ruin this day.
I felt Elliot’s hand slot inside mine and I forced myself to smile. I didn’t want him to see me getting upset. We started walking up along the path. When we reached the door, I hesitated and looked around to see if Hugo had followed after us but there was no sign of him.
‘Come on, Mummy,’ Elliot said, tugging on my hand, eager to get going. I debated about whether I should wait for Hugo but Elliot seemed so keen and I didn’t want to delay and risk nerves setting in.
‘Of course.’ I smiled at him and we entered the school building.
We walked down the corridor taking in the children’s artwork and posters teaching children about handwashing and kindness and respect.
I followed the other parents who seemed to know where they were going and when we reached the classroom door, we saw Ms Higgins standing there to greet everyone with a welcoming smile.
‘And who have we here?’ she asked, all big hand gestures and a sweet voice. She was dressed in a flowy maxi-skirt with a mauve, mohair cardigan. She had kind, brown eyes – the perfect teacher for junior infants, I thought, relieved.
‘This is Elliot,’ I said, placing my hand on his shoulder.
‘Well, it’s lovely to meet you both.’ She ushered us inside the classroom. ‘Why don’t you find a seat. Feel free to sit wherever you want.’
I quickly scanned the classroom and saw parents hovering anxiously beside their children. Some boys seemed to know one another and sat down beside their friends but because this school wasn’t in our catchment, Elliot didn’t know anybody.
‘Look,’ I said, spotting a little boy sitting alone at a table, playing with some Lego while his parents crouched down beside him to help. ‘Why don’t you sit over there with that little boy?’ I suggested, making my way over to the table.
I pulled out the chair and Elliot sat down. I reached for a peg board that had been left in the centre of the table for the children to play with. ‘Why don’t we do this?’
We played with pegs and while Elliot became engrossed in the task, I looked over to the door to see if there was any sign of Hugo but there wasn’t. I had wanted to get a family picture to mark the occasion and I knew it would soon be time for the parents to leave.
‘I’d better get a photo of you to send to Granny and Grandad,’ I said eventually when there was still no sign of him. I took my phone out of my bag and stood back a little from the table. ‘Say cheese, Elliot.’
He did as instructed, giving me a broad smile as I snapped.
‘Would you like me to take one of you both together?’ a voice asked. I turned around to see the mother of the little boy that was sitting beside Elliot smiling at me.
‘That would be great,’ I said, handing her my phone. ‘Thank you.’
She looked vaguely familiar. I recognised her from somewhere but I couldn’t think where we had met. Perhaps she had been at the induction day the parents had been invited to a few weeks back.
‘No worries at all. I must have taken at least one hundred photos before we even left the house this morning and I’m still worried I haven’t taken enough.’
I laughed politely.
‘I’m not joking,’ she added, tucking her bushy hair behind her ears. It was the way she did it; something about the action jolted my memory. Oh God, no, I thought as it hit me who she was.