Chapter 31
LIV
After Maya had finally gone home, I was upset.
I had walked her to the door and said goodbye but instead of returning to Jay in the kitchen, I had gone upstairs to lie down on our bed.
I needed time alone to gather myself and work out my feelings about it all.
Was I overreacting? Had I been imagining the chemistry that had fizzed between them?
But I was sure the tone had been flirtatious.
I was trying to work out what was bothering me more: was it that Maya had openly flirted with my husband in front of me or perhaps it was because Jay had played along like a lovesick puppy?
Or maybe it was all perfectly innocent and the problem was with me being insecure and jealous?
I was left doubting myself and my reaction to it all.
All Jay’s bravado about Elliot and his behaviour the night before had disappeared and as soon as Maya had batted her eyelashes in his direction, she had won him over and he had been putty in her hands.
Initially, as they had bantered back and forth with one another, I had laughed along but when Maya had slapped her hand on Jay’s knee and she didn’t pull it back up again, I felt like it had gone too far.
All I could focus on was her slender, diamond-clad hand resting on my husband’s thigh.
Her French-manicured nails, filed into a soft square shape.
The Cartier watch hanging off her skinny wrist. It stayed there for an eternity – too long for it to be an impulsive gesture.
I kept waiting for Maya to realise her faux pas and remove her hand but she seemed oblivious to it.
Then I waited for Jay to realise but he didn’t seem to notice either.
They left me wondering whether I was the crazy one?
Was I placing too much emphasis on a harmless gesture that Maya didn’t even know she was doing?
I knew Maya was a tactile person naturally; she was always hugging and touching.
She used her hands to describe things and was animated in her gestures.
I didn’t know her very long; maybe she was like that with everyone – she was a very charismatic woman, after all; even I was guilty of falling underneath her spell.
I didn’t think she had done it deliberately – it was just how she was with people – but it had knocked me off balance.
All I knew was that I had felt like an outsider sitting in my own kitchen.
An interloper. Never once in our relationship had Jay given me cause to feel insecure in our relationship. Until today.
‘What’s wrong?’ Jay asked, coming upstairs and into the bedroom.
‘Nothing,’ I lied, feeling silly.
‘There is,’ he said, sitting down onto the hydrangea-printed duvet cover. ‘Why are you up here lying down?’
‘I’m tired,’ I lied.
‘You only got up an hour ago! What’s wrong, Liv? I know something’s up with you. I can sense it. Is everything okay?’
Tears pressed forward in my eyes. ‘I didn’t like how you and Maya were together,’ I confessed, feeling silly as I admitted it out loud.
His mouth gaped open. ‘What do you mean?’
‘The way you were flirting with one another.’
‘Flirting?’ he repeated, clearly taken aback by my accusation.
‘Do you fancy her?’ I went on.
‘What? N-no I don’t,’ he stammered. ‘Where are you getting that from?’
‘Come on, I’m not blind. You couldn’t take your eyes off her. You were laughing at everything she said. Even when it wasn’t funny. And then she was touching you.’
‘Touching me?’ he asked incredulously.
‘Her hand was on your leg.’
He blinked rapidly. ‘What? I swear to you, I didn’t even notice that!’
‘You’re a red-blooded male – it’s only natural that you would find her attractive. She’s stunning.’
‘Hey,’ Jay said, putting his arms around me. ‘Where’s all this come out of?’
‘It’s just that she’s so beautiful.’ I started to cry and I felt silly and childish and even worse about the whole situation. This feeling was alien to me. I had never had call to feel jealous or insecure in my marriage before.
‘Hey,’ he said, using his thumbs to gently wipe away my tears. ‘You’re the only woman for me, you know that. I’ve never so much as looked at another woman since you came into my life. Come on, Liv, you know this.’
I relented, my fight leaving me as his words hit home. I rested my head against his chest; the steady drum of his beating heart filled my ear, grounding me, bringing me back down from the rock I had perched myself on. The even pulse reminded me that Jay and I were solid.
‘Besides, I don’t think I’d be Maya’s type,’ he joked, patting his rounded belly.
But for some reason, this did nothing to reassure me.