Chapter 32
MAYA
After I went home, I felt better for having apologised for what had happened the night before.
I was glad I had cleared the air and hopefully, we could put it all behind us.
I was in the kitchen prepping lunch while Elliot pottered around with his toys in the play area of our living room.
Hugo was upstairs having a shower, having gone to play golf when I returned from Liv’s.
‘Mummy?’ Elliot called.
‘Yes, love?’
‘Why is the man being mean to the lady?’
‘What?’ I asked distractedly as I chopped some peppers to make a salad.
‘The man is being mean to the lady.’
‘What man?’ I asked, looking up and seeing that he had Hugo’s phone in his hand.
‘Look, Mummy,’ he said, holding up the phone for me to see.
I put down the knife, ran my hands under the tap and dried them on a tea towel, before taking it from him.
At first, it took me a moment to work out what he had been watching but when I did, I almost dropped the phone. ‘Where did you find that?’ I cried, my voice trembling.
‘I was playing a game on Daddy’s phone and it came on. Why is the man being mean to the lady?’
I thought I was going to get sick by the horrendous images on the screen before me. Elliot had stumbled across porn on Hugo’s phone.
‘I-I think they’re just pretending,’ I scrambled for a way to explain it. ‘It-it’s a movie. A bad movie.’
‘I don’t like that movie,’ he said, biting down nervously on his lip.
‘Me neither,’ I said, placing the phone up on a high shelf. ‘I’ll talk to Daddy and tell him not to put movies like that on his phone again.’
‘Yeah, bold Daddy.’
‘He is very bold,’ I agreed, trying to keep my voice steady.
As Elliot wandered back over to his toys, I was seething.
How could Hugo be so stupid and let Elliot have access to material like this?
I knew he liked to watch porn – I guessed it was one of the reasons why he didn’t bother sleeping with me any more – but he had been careless and this was unforgiveable.
Seeing obscene material like that could scar our son at such a tender age.
He was at a delicate stage where his brain was developing and something like this could have damaging and long-lasting consequences.
If I found it disturbing, God only knew what his brain made of it.
How would he process it? Would he have questions for us?
Would it stay there forever imprinted on his mind?
I wished I could wipe his brain clean, my sweet, innocent boy who up until now, had never known there was a darker side to life.
When Hugo came downstairs and appeared in the kitchen at last, I thrust the phone at him.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asked, scrambling to catch it.
‘Elliot came across something on your phone,’ I hissed, trying to keep my voice down. ‘How could you be so bloody careless?’
He looked confused until he opened his phone and his face dropped when he realised what was on the screen.
‘How did that happen?’ he asked me.
‘You tell me!’ I challenged.
‘I swear, I wasn’t watching this. It must have popped up.’
‘Don’t give me bullshit excuses.’
He put his palms up in self-defence. ‘He was begging me to play a game before I went upstairs – you know, the car game he likes – but I’ve no idea how he got onto that. I’m so sorry; I’m as horrified as you are. I honestly don’t know where it came from.’
‘Is this the kind of shit you watch?’ I hissed so that Elliot wouldn’t hear us. ‘Is this where you get your kicks from rather than sleeping with your own wife?’ I added bitterly.
His gaze darted to the tiles. ‘Of course not.’
‘Stop denying it.’
‘I’m not denying that I watch porn from time to time but it’s not stuff like this.’ He almost looked as disgusted as I was. ‘Come on, Maya, what do you take me for? I’m not an animal.’
‘So how did Elliot come across it then?’
‘I really don’t know but the Internet isn’t safe.’
I shook my head. ‘What if it has done him damage?’ I said, tears welling in my eyes.
I spent my life protecting Elliot; I held his hand walking along the path, I put so much effort into cooking healthy, organic food for him, I made sure he watched age-appropriate programmes on TV and all the while, there was an even bigger danger lurking right inside the four walls of our own home and I hadn’t seen it coming.
‘I’m honestly so sorry,’ he said contritely. ‘I hate that he saw that on my phone. I’ll never let him near it again.’
I stabbed my index finger in his direction. ‘If this damages my son, then it’s all your fault.’
‘Our son,’ Hugo repeated. ‘And believe me, Maya, I’m just as upset as you are.’
I turned away in disdain and saw Elliot standing there watching the whole thing. Oh God, I thought, I’ve just made everything worse.
‘Mummy, why are you fighting with Daddy?’ Elliot looked at both of us in confusion. ‘You are like the man and lady in the bad movie and I don’t like it; it’s scary.’
‘Oh, sweetheart,’ I said, bending down on my hunkers to his level. I couldn’t contain my tears any longer as they spilled down my face. ‘I’m so, so sorry for scaring you. Me and Daddy were just being silly.’
‘Yes, Elliot, it’s all okay; we’re just pretending.’ Hugo forced himself to smile as he got down onto the tiles and joined us in the hug and for an instant, as I enjoyed this rare moment of togetherness, I almost forgot.