Chapter 22 #2
“You know what? Fuck it. Don’t talk. I really don’t give a damn.” I hopped down and rounded his desk faster than I meant to, cutting the corner too sharp because my hip caught the edge.
Before I could get too far, Kincaid caught me, bringing me to him while his fingers massaged the spot where his desk assaulted me . . . or rather, I assaulted it.
“I apologize.” He nuzzled his face in the space between my neck and collarbone. “You’re not the one I’m angry with.”
“Then tell me who.”
He laughed arrogantly, falling back into his chair. Large hands brushed down his face a few times before I had his attention again.
“Myself, my mother, shit, my fucking father.”
My mother’s decisions killed my father and my decisions killed yours.
His words from last night came back to me.
“Angry, why?”
I leaned against his desk so we were close but not touching, sensing he needed the space.
“She told me some things she and my father kept from me. Had I known . . .” He paused, so I encouraged him to keep going.
“Had you known, then what?” I frowned, trying to make sense of what he was saying.
“Had I known then, my father wouldn’t have fucking died because I would have killed Eli before he had a chance to kill my father.”
“How do you know that it was Eli?”
“Because he told me, right after he tossed out that I should ask my mother why.”
“She told you what happened?”
“The hell you mean what happened?” he rattled off so quickly I was sure he didn’t have time to register what I was saying. The minute it clicked, I saw it in his eyes. “You knew?”
“She told me because she wanted me to know what type of man Eli had the potential to be.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“It wasn’t my story to tell. She didn’t want you to—”
“To what? To kill him? That’s what I fucking do. It’s how I keep order. That’s who the fuck I am, Nari. My mother knows that. She fell in love with the man who promised this was who I would become. It was his life, not hers. She doesn’t get to pick and choose how things play out.”
“Maybe that’s the problem. She didn’t want any of this for you.
At least not in a way that placed the burden on her shoulders.
You may not understand what that means, but I do.
You don’t get to be angry with her because she didn’t want that on her heart.
” I threw my hands up and his eyes narrowed as they locked with mine.
“You understand her because you two are so much alike, right? Living the same life?” His tone was even again but still clipped.
When I didn’t respond, he laughed in a cocky manner. “And that right there is why I said you would hate me. You wanna know what I did last night before I came home to you?”
His eyes never left mine, but he stood, towering over me.
“I paid a guy to clip a gas line in your father’s bar.
Then I walked inside and shared a drink while I listened to him tell me how he didn’t give a fuck about you, but he would be willing to make a deal with me if I would hand over your mother.
He then proceeded to tell me how he killed my father, but it wasn’t even planned.
But because of the history my mother had with his brother that apparently got him killed, it was a win-win situation for good old Eli.
He tossed back a drink and stuck his chest out, smiling with pride, gloating, and it took everything in me not to put a bullet in his fucking head, but I didn’t.
I left, and two minutes after I walked out the door, the entire building exploded just as I had planned.
I drove off, not giving it a second thought because he didn’t fucking matter.
What did matter was the reason I killed Eli.
It didn’t have a damn thing to do with my father. I did it for you, sweetheart.”
“He deserved it,” I said and swallowed the rising heavy feeling.
Kincaid smiled in a sinister manner, his eyes darkening by the second.
“Oh, but see, I’m not done yet. I also paid a visit to your friend Joseph.”
My eyes narrowed some and his smile expanded.
“Yeah, he was next on my list. We had an interesting conversation about how I didn’t deserve you, but he did.
That was fun, and when he finished telling me what a piece of shit I was and how he was a better man for you, I beat him until I could no longer lift my arms to deliver another blow, then I left. ”
“You . . . You promised.” I felt sick to my stomach. Kincaid had killed before. He’d taken the lives of people I knew about but never anyone I had a connection with. Even if I didn’t have feelings for Joey, he was still a good guy and I was now responsible for him getting killed.
His stance shifted. “And I kept my promise. Joseph was alive when I left him. Barely, but he was still breathing.”
“He’s alive?”
“No. I promised that I wouldn’t kill him and I didn’t.”
But someone else did.
“So, now, you see my dilemma? You, my mother, and no-fucking-body else gets to pick and choose. I make the call if it creates a problem for me or anyone I love. She took that choice away and my father died. She might not have wanted the burden, but it was one she couldn’t avoid, and neither can you. ”
He lowered his face to mine, hooking my chin at the same time, seconds before pillow-soft lips landed, delivering a gentle kiss.
“I’m not perfect, and I never will be, but I made you a promise and nothing and no one can consider themselves void of being expendable in order for me to keep it.
You, sweetheart, will always be untouched. Even if it means you end up hating me.”
I had no idea how long I stood there alone before I realized he was gone, but what I did know was this was the man I chose and the life that came along with it. The decision had been made months ago, and just like Kincaid, I was also bound by my promises.
I stared blankly at the open space as I sat on the floor in my son’s room.
A week had passed since that night when everything fell apart and things between Kincaid and me were strained.
We were both going through the motions, but neither wanted to take the first step to mend what was broken between us.
He had been distant with me and his mother as well.
She and I talked, and I assured her that he was fine.
I also told the lie that promised Corinne her son wasn’t blaming her for the death of her husband and his father, when I knew for certain he was.
She already harbored enough guilt and I refused to add to it.
We did, however, have a heart-to-heart about everything that led up to the point of contention between the three of us.
Kincaid was angry with his mother and I was angry with him.
Neither of us owned the right to place blame on the next, but it was what we were all doing, and I was ready to put an end to it.
I missed my husband, but because I physically had him near, more than anything, I missed the happy space we’d created.
I needed us to find our way back to each other, but my pride wouldn’t allow me to be the one to take the first step in that direction.
Frustrated, I lay back, uncrossing my legs, planting my bare feet on the hardwood floors while folding my arms, covering my face, and releasing a labored sigh.
“I’m pretty sure I owe you a few years as a listening ear.”
I grinned at the sound of my mother’s voice, peeking through my arms to find her standing in the doorway.
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“That depends on who you ask. You want to talk about it?”
I groaned, covering my face again. “No.”
“You sure?”
“No.”
She laughed, sitting opposite where I was, so her head aligned with mine when she lay on her back, but her legs were extended in the opposite direction and crossed at the ankles. My mother turned her face toward mine.
“Since you’re not ready to talk, I will.”
“Is something wrong?”
I frowned, turning in her direction, catching her eyes first, then her smile.
“No, things are really good, great, actually.”
“Then what did you want to talk about?”
“I’m going to head home for a while.”
“Home?”
“Yes, home, sweetheart. I still have one of those, you know.” She grinned, which had my expression tight.
“You’re going to Miami? Why?”
“Because I’ve been away for a while and need to get back to decide what’s next.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I have to get back to my life.”
I sat up quickly, rubbing my stomach after feeling a pull from the sudden movement.
“This is your life. Being here with us. The baby will be here soon. I thought you wanted to be there when he comes.”
She also sat up, turning to face me, allowing her weight to rest on her hands, which were pressed to the floor slightly behind her back.
“I do and I will. I’m not leaving you, Nari.
You couldn’t get rid of me if you tried, but I don’t want to get too comfortable with all this.
This is your life, and you and Kincaid need time to settle into things.
You just got married, and now, you’re preparing for my grandson. That should be your focus, not me.”
“You said you’re not leaving me, but that’s exactly how it sounds.”
“But I’m not. I’m going home to pack up my place. I’ll only be there for a few weeks, then I’ll be back.”
“Pack up your place?”
“I talked to Kincaid about finding an apartment here and he agreed it would be a good idea.”
“You don’t have to leave. If he made you feel like you have to—”
“Nari, sweetheart, no. He insisted that my invitation to stay in your home was open indefinitely. I decided to find my own place. He offered a few suggestions, which I think are a good idea. Some townhouses are not far from here and they’re pretty nice.
He’s offered to purchase one, which I declined, but—”
“Kincaid does what he wants. Good luck with that.” I rolled my eyes and she laughed.
“His argument was that it makes things easier for when the baby spends time with me and he refused to take no for an answer. But the point is, I’ll be close, and I think it’s best that we all have our own space.”
“When are you leaving?”
“Tonight. Abisai is flying down with me to help get everything situated.”
“Are you sure it’s not about you having your own space?” I narrowed my eyes and she laughed.
She stood, brushing her palms over her jeans, extending a hand to help pull me to my feet. “That’s not a conversation we’re going to have. Just know I’m here when you need me and I’m not going anywhere.”
“But it feels like you are.” I exhaled a short sigh then hugged her. “But I’m happy that you’re happy.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.” She tightened her arms around me and kissed my cheek. “I’m going to finish packing.”
I watched her walk to the door, but she stopped beneath the frame. “Be easy on him, Nari. He’s carrying the world’s weight on his shoulders and he’s not the type of man who knows how to be vulnerable.”
“He talked to you?”
“No, but he didn’t have to. He only told me I didn’t have to worry about Eli anymore. I didn’t ask any questions and he didn’t give me any more than that. Corinne filled in some of the missing pieces.”
“Oh,” was all I gave.
“You guys will be fine as soon as you stop being stubborn and let each other back in.”
I laughed sarcastically, rolling my eyes once more. “Got any advice on how I can make him do that?”
She grinned. “No advice you want to hear because I have a feeling that your will is just as strong as his.”
My mother left and my eyes traveled around the open space transitioning into our son’s room.
All the furniture had been moved out and a painter was scheduled to arrive the following week.
We’d decided on gray and navy. I wanted something softer, considering it was for a baby, but Kincaid insisted that the colors would be fine and the space would be suited with all the finishings to accommodate an infant.
That was his soft no. I decided not to push because it was the first time he’d shown any interest in our son’s room besides telling me there was no budget to complete the space.
“Your daddy is a very pushy man. I pray that trait skips you because I’m not sure I can handle two of you under one roof, bossing me around.”
I smiled, moving my hands across my stomach, thinking about my appointment the following afternoon.
It was a routine checkup, but it was one I was sure Kincaid wouldn’t dare miss.
That meant actually spending time other than how we’d been operating over the past week.
We existed under the same roof and slept in the same bed each night, but we barely spoke more than ten words to each other.
It was time for another truce, even if that meant I would be the one waving my white flag first.