Chapter Twenty
I don’t want to think about Khoi, so Aisha suggests we get wasted, and that sounds like a great idea.
She has a bottle of soju and a flask of bourbon that she smuggled in. We’re supposed to have our lights out, so we drink in the dark, sitting cross-legged on our beds facing each other.
She shows me TikToks from her girlfriend, Trinity, the girl with the pastel-pink hair I saw earlier.
They met at a workshop last summer. “I was trying everything to get closer! Asking her to show me a new move, and she’d be all, I’m not that good, you should ask someone else.
I thought she was rejecting me. But no. She was also down bad.
We were just being useless lesbians together. ”
Aisha guffaws when I tell her that I guessed Trinity was Khoi’s ex. “Have you seen that boy? No rizz whatsoever. I don’t think he’s ever had a girlfriend.” So I guess he was acting so weird at Harvard Square because he didn’t want me to learn Aisha’s secrets before she was ready to share them.
When she asks if there was anybody back home in Oregon, I shake my head instead of bringing up Drew. I’m still embarrassed that I let the Mulan thing go on for so long. Alpha Fellows is my chance to delete all that. Hit refresh on my entire life.
“Who needs boys back home? Khoi likes you.” She starts singing. “Char and Khoi, sitting in a red-black tree, K-I-S-S—”
I whip a pillow at her. “Red-black tree? You are a nerd, even if you won’t admit to it.”
“No! I will beat the nerd allegations. I’m cool and fun! I dance! I have sex! I’ve kissed more girls than eighty percent of the guys here at this dumb nerd camp!”
“That’s statistically likely,” I allow.
“Sooo…” She scoots closer to the edge of her bed. “Are you gonna date Khoi now?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I didn’t come here for a boyfriend. I came here to win.” The words feel strange in my mouth. I came here to win. I’d usually be mortified to admit something like that, to admit I even think I can win.
But maybe I can win. Maybe that’s just the bourbon talking, but I did decent on the first checkpoint. I have a cracked teammate. Crazier things have happened.
“Why are we doing this?” Aisha asks suddenly.
“Doing what?”
“This.” She points at the bottle she’s clutching.
“What do you mean? This is roomie bonding time. You suggested this.”
She jabs a finger at me. “You’re running away from something.”
I take another swig of my flask as I figure out how to respond. It seems like the conversation has suddenly shifted into a serious vibe that I’m not ready for. Maybe I should distract her. Ask to see another TikTok of Trinity twerking.
Suddenly, there are footsteps, and HellomynameisBrenda’s voice wafts in. She’s maybe ten feet away. “Hey, it’s lights-out.”
Saved by the Brenda.
“Shit,” Aisha whispers. “Hide the booze.” She shoves the half-empty soju bottle behind her desk. I slip the flask underneath my pillow.
A door creaks opens. “Sorry!” Jenni-with-an-i’s dreamy-light voice. “Was reading. I just got this fascinating textbook on plant reproduction morphology. Did you know most flowering plants have both male and female reproductive organs?”
I can’t help but giggle. Aisha shushes me.
“Um, I did not know that,” HellomynameisBrenda says, sounding thoroughly uncomfortable.
“And guess what the name of my textbook is? Plant Parenthood! Get it? Like Planned Parenthood?”
I let out another gust of a giggle, louder this time. Aisha hisses, “Shhhh!”
For a beat, there’s only silence.
“Hold on, Jenni,” HellomynameisBrenda says. Then there are footsteps again, and a knock on our door. “Everything okay in here?”
If she opens the door and sees us, smells our breath, she’s going to know we’ve been drinking.
And sure, some of the kids here totally get away with all sorts of stuff.
Haru is high half the time and nobody says a peep because Watanabe Technologies is a major donor to Alpha Fellows.
But me… I’ll be packing my bags for the next flight back to Oregon.
I swallow, as if that’ll erase the alcohol from my voice. “Yeah, all good!” I hope that sounds sober enough.
“Alrighty then,” HellomynameisBrenda says, sounding somewhat unconvinced. Then there are footsteps fading and the ding of an elevator. Guess she didn’t want to continue the plant sex conversation with Jenni-with-an-i.
Aisha says that she’s tired, so ten minutes later I’m lying in bed staring at the ceiling while my roommate snores softly.
You’re running away from something.
She’s not wrong. I’m definitely running away from Chinook Shore. This entire summer has been an escape from that hellhole.
My mind wanders to Khoi.
I don’t know how to handle a boy who has a crush on me. It’s never happened before. No, that’s not true. In third grade, there was this boy who sat behind me and yanked on my pigtails. According to my teacher, that meant that he like-liked me. As if that were an excuse for his behavior. Ew.
But at least the hair-pulling was straightforward compared to this.
Up until an hour ago, it didn’t matter how I felt about Khoi. And now… I don’t know anymore.
What if Khoi thinks I asked to team up because I had a crush on him? But that’s not why. I asked because he’s my best shot at winning this thing.
Oh, no. What if he said yes because he had a crush on me?
The thought makes my stomach twist. It feels manipulative, like I’m leading him on. Except obviously I didn’t know he liked me like that. I mean, c’mon. The dude was supposed to have a girlfriend!
But for a fleeting moment there, I was definitely tempted to kiss him…
No, I can’t be kissing Khoi. Not if I’m serious about winning. It’ll be too distracting. Instead of hacking, we’ll be hooking up. Instead of making an app, we’ll be making out. Instead of coding, we’ll be cuddling…
(For several minutes, I amuse myself by thinking of more wordplay like this. Most are absolute flops, but there are a few with potential. Like, GitHub and get it on could be the next Netflix and chill.)
Anyway. I’ll tell him tomorrow that we should just be friends. That’s obviously the safest, most responsible option. So now I’ve made my decision and everything is chill and I can forget all about the almost-kiss.
For three more hours, I can’t fall asleep.