CHAPTER 12
BEN
The next few weeks turn into a sort of routine with Holly coming to my Thursday and Saturday treatments to read to me. Though it normally turns out that we read to each other. Speaking for three hours straight is bound to dry out her throat, so I tend to take over halfway through.
For the first time, I start looking forward to my treatments, something I would have thought was impossible. I just wish she could come to all of them. But the Monday night ones are too late when she has early class the next morning, and Tuesday afternoons, I’m hooked up during her second job.
“Do you like your internship?” I ask my question as she hands over the novel for my turn at reading.
We finished Hitchhiker’s Guide last week, and now, we’re halfway through The Princess Bride.
By her wide eyes, I think I’ve surprised her. Slipping my finger in between the pages of the book to mark our spot, I give her my full attention. Reading is great, but I want to have her stare at me the way she focuses on the pages.
Holly shakes her head. “No. It’s boring, and it only pays minimum wage. But working in an accounting firm, even if I am just answering their phones and taking notes at their meetings, looks good on a résumé.”
“For what kind of job?” I know that she’s working toward two degrees—BS in economics and an MBA.
“A managerial position. When I get done with school, I want to spend some time managing a work force before I look into running my own business.”
Interesting but not surprising. I have no trouble imagining Holly as the boss. I’d let her order me around any day of the week.
“What type of business?”
“Haven’t figured that out yet. Nothing big though. I want it to be compact and mine. Truthfully, my one-on-one time with Curt after my shift has been more educational than this joke of an internship. He shows me how he organizes his finances and directs all of us worker bees. We’ve discussed how he went about picking his location and his advertising strategies. I mean, you’ve seen how full the club gets. It’s like that every weekend, and he has special themes and events on the weeknights, so those pull in some steady business, too.”
“Would you want to own a club?” That doesn’t seem like the right fit in my mind, but if it’s what she wants, then I’ll bet anything that Holly can achieve it.
She shakes her head. “Oh no. Curt is a total night owl, loves working those late hours. That would drive me crazy if I had to do it for the rest of my life. No, I want something with relatively normal business hours. I mean, it doesn’t have to be nine to five, Monday through Friday. But I also don’t want to be getting to bed in the a.m.”
I nod but also cringe internally as I consider my future. My parents keep pretty normal hours now, but that’s because they’re well established. They’ve regaled me with stories from the trenches—when, as young lawyers, they slept in their offices because the big cases needed all the paperwork together or else the other sides could call foul. When they reminisce on their younger years, it’s with looks of fondness, as if they enjoyed that stressful period. All that I experience at the thought is dread.
The only benefit this disease has had is pushing off my eventual immersion in the world of law. Well, that, and bringing me into contact with Holly. Being around her makes me not mind my crap kidneys so much.
As I unenthusiastically contemplate my future, she also appears to be lost in thought.
Her shrug brings us both back to the present. “So, yeah, I haven’t figured it out yet. But I have time. Now’s just about gaining experience and saving.”
“Still, it sucks that you have to be at a job you hate for six hours each week.” And sucks even more that she can’t be here, sitting next to me, during that time.
Holly throws out a dismissive wave as she reaches for the teapot. “Gotta pay my dues. This is cold. I’m gonna make some more.” Her footsteps are silent as she walks out of the room in her puffy green socks, clutching the porcelain pot to her chest.
I’ve made sure to have an almond croissant and jasmine tea ready for her every time she comes over. Even though it’s part of the routine now, she never just takes them for granted. Instead, I get excited exclamations, a squeeze of my hand, maybe a hug or a kiss on the cheek. That last one is the holy grail. Her happiness makes the short trips to the bakery worth the hassle.
My mom’s voice drifts up the stairs, the words indistinct. Holly responds to whatever she said, and I hear my dad chuckle. Whether she is trying or not, my parents are falling in love with Holly. She started off in their good graces just by having that viable kidney. Now, they’re swooning over the fact that she visits during my treatments. Not to mention, they gravitate to her straight, honest way of talking. Lawyers tend to be around double-talkers during work hours. Holly must be a cool glass of water on a hot, dry day. Or at least, a couple of ibuprofen when you feel a headache coming on.
I’m alone for another five minutes or so, during which I have to keep from peeking at the next page. She stopped reading right as Westley and Buttercup were running into a place called the Fire Swamp. I itch to know what happens, having never seen the movie, which shocked Holly when I first admitted it.
“Hey, no peeking!” She’s back, cradling a now-steaming pot of tea, scowling at me.
I love that she’s comfortable with moving around this house, making her own tea. Now, I just need to get her as embedded in where I actually live.
“It slipped, I swear.” I hold up my hands in surrender.
She sticks her tongue out at me as she settles into her chair.
Like always, I want to lean over and kiss her sassy mouth when she does that.
This waiting is making my skin itch. We’re spending all this time together, but does she trust me yet? I’m ready to step things up. Problem is, I don’t know how.
“Why are you laughing at me?” My voice is slightly muffled because of the surgical mask I’m wearing.
Ben’s eyes crinkle above his own.
He’s seen me in one of these things plenty of times. But, for some reason, on this Thursday morning, the sight of me has him chuckling. I swear, he even snorted.
“Tell you in a sec. You’d better turn around though.”
Even though I want to keep interrogating him, I see his hand reach for the needles and know I’m beat. For the moment at least.
While he’s hooking up, I slip my phone out of my pocket, turning on the camera and flipping the view so that I’m met with a reflection of my face. I’m worried I’m going to find bird poop in my hair or that the pen I was chewing on earlier leaked ink on my chin.
Nope. Instead, the surgical mask I’m wearing has a realistically detailed bucktoothed grin drawn on it. I look like a crazy cartoon character.
“You’re such a jerk!” There’s no real heat in my words because I’m laughing, too.
His hilarity spills out unabated now that he knows I know.
“What? You don’t like your makeover?” Another deep chuckle. “You can turn around now. Let me see that pretty smile.”
I slip off the mask and throw it at him, not that the small piece of fabric does any damage as it flutters into his lap.
“Mark my words, Benjamin Get-Hard the Fourth, vengeance will be mine!”
He pretends to scowl at me. “Don’t tell me that name has stuck.”
“Like superglue, baby.”
With an overly dramatic sigh, he hands me our current book, Tina Fey’s Bossypants. I decided we’d take a break from our epic sci-fi fantasy adventures every so often to read a nonfiction.
That doesn’t mean it has to be academic.
An hour in, my phone rings. If I’m with Ben and I get a text, I always ignore it. I don’t like staring at a screen when I’m with a friend or family member. I have the same No Checking Texts rule for Marcus, Terra, Pops, and Curt. But calls are different; they’re more immediate, carrying a sense of urgency. And they aren’t as common.
“Sorry. I’m just gonna take this real quick.”
He nods and accepts the book when I hand it to him. My screen flashes Terra’s name.
“Hey, Terra. What’s up?”
“You with your man?” No greeting, just straight to embarrassing me.
I glance over at Ben, but I can’t tell if his smile is just polite or if he heard what Terra said.
“I’m with Ben. Is that why you’re calling?” No comment on him being my man, which he most definitely is not. I think my roommate and I might need to have a talk.
“Nope. Just asking. So, I have bad and good and bad and good news.”
“That’s a lot of news.”
“Yeah, so here’s the deal. Bad news: a pipe broke at the bar. Good news: we get the weekend off work while it gets fixed and they clean up the flood damage. Bad news: we don’t work; we don’t get paid. Good news: Curt has insurance and contractor buddies, so the bar should be good by next week.”
My mind goes on a roller coaster with her as she reveals each of those news nuggets. Most people would be psyched for a weekend off. And, sure, I like having free time. But, now, I’m going to be lower on funds than I expected. Especially sucky with the holidays coming up. Guess that means more handmade gifts this year. Unless I want to give up a few meals.
“How bad is it?”
“Just some mild water damage on the first floor. And a hole in the wall needs to get patched. Still, it’s enough of a safety hazard that he’s decided to play it safe by closing.”
“Okay. Got it.”
“So, with the whole weekend open, maybe you can actually go out. Like, on a date or something. Do you remember what those are?”
“Thanks. You’re a great friend.” The sarcasm in my voice is thick.
“I’m just saying. Okay, I’ll let you go. Give Ben a lingering French kiss for me.” She hangs up, and I regret not leaving the room with my phone when I first saw she was the caller.
I can’t tell if Ben heard any of the conversation. He’s just flipping back through the pages we’ve already read, as if searching for something. I decide that he wasn’t able to hear my roommate’s inappropriate musings and feel a mixture of relief and regret.
“Everything okay?” Ben stares at me now instead of the book.
“Yeah. Well, kind of. That was Terra. Apparently, a pipe burst at Both Ways, and there’s some water damage that needs fixing before Curt can open the place back up. Shouldn’t take too long, but it looks like I have the weekend off.”
“So, you’re suddenly drowning in free time?”
“Seems like it. I’ll have to decide what to do with my newfound freedom.”
The change in my schedule is making me light-headed in a not-so-great way. I shuffle items around in my bag until I find my day planner. The two boxes I labeled as Work are written in bright purple pen because they were never meant to be erased.
Empty time, voids that need filling.
Not sure what to write in those spots, I grab for my striped notebook and flip to today’s list, making sure to angle it, so only I can read the page.
1. Morning run.
2. Digital marketing class.
3. Dialysis/reading with Ben.
4. Don’t sniff Ben.
5. Don’t think about kissing Ben.
6. Don’t imagine Ben naked.
Shoot, why did I write that down? That’s just more likely to bring the thought to my mind.
I skip down to the end of the to-do list and write in another item.
7. Fill the schedule void.
With it on my list, I can put everything back in my bag and refocus on the present.
And I’m definitely not thinking about Ben naked.
This is it.
It’s like the universe is working in my favor. Trying to give me a chance. Now, I just need to come up with a plan and get her to agree to it.
For the next half hour, I brainstorm, only slightly guilty that I’m not fully listening to Holly read. She always leaves the book here, so I can catch up later.
An idea finally forms, one that sets my nerves on edge. It’ll leave me vulnerable, but I figure that’s what you need to do to get someone to trust you. Show them the darker parts of yourself but also share the things you love with them.
At the next chapter break, I take advantage of her pause. “Holly.” She glances up from the book, and I enjoy the warmth of her gaze on me before continuing, “Come on an adventure with me this weekend.”
She blinks, obviously not expecting my invitation. I wait.
“An adventure? What kind?”
“An overnight adventure. A surprise adventure.”
I grin, and she hesitantly smiles back at me. But her face is still full of questions.
“So, you won’t be telling me where we’re going?”
“Nope.”
“That sounds kind of murder-y.”
I chuckle. “Then, I guess you’ll just have to trust me not to murder you.”
Her teeth chew on her bottom lip as she regards me. I hold my breath. She opens her mouth to answer and then closes it, thoughtful again.
“How about this?” Obviously, something about the situation is making her uncomfortable, and I really hope the murder-y comment was just a joke. “I’ll tell Terra where we’re going. She can help you pack then. And, of course, you’ll drive us, so when you get in the car, I’ll give you the address. You can text it to Terra or your brother. That way, all my horror-movie plans will be ruined.” I give a mock-frustrated scowl, which successfully pulls a laugh out of her. The sound has my gut clenching in pleasure.
“Well, don’t you have everything figured out? When were you thinking we’d leave and come back? I have some things to do Sunday afternoon.”
That sounds a whole lot like a yes.
“No problem. Friday to Sunday morning. When’s your last class tomorrow?”
“Ends at three.”
“Perfect. We can leave right after that.”
“What about your Saturday treatment?” She waves at the machine chugging away beside me.
Fuck this dialysis.
I hate scheduling my life around it. Luckily, I have more control than those who have appointments at actual treatment centers, so I can manipulate when I get mine done.
“I’ll hook up tomorrow after class and then Sunday when we get back.”
Holly considers me again, but this time, while she chews her lip, the side of her mouth curves up into a half-smile. Like she’s thinking good thoughts.
“Okay, Ben. I’ll go with you on a weekend adventure. But, if I wake up in a bathtub full of ice, missing one of my kidneys, I’m going to be really angry.”
“Don’t worry. I plan to steal your kidney at a later date.”
Holly sticks her tongue out at me, and my cheeks ache from the size of my grin. Maybe some guys would play it cool, act nonchalant about getting the girl they’ve been crushing on to agree to a weekend away. She asked me to give her the truth though, so I’m not letting my face lie.
Holly shakes her head at me like I’m crazy. Maybe crazy for her.
“Stop being weird and read. It’s your turn.” When she hands me the book, our fingers brush against one another, and if I’m not mistaken, her breath speeds up a bit.
Or I could be imagining things.
That’s the problem though. I’ve been having trouble figuring out exactly how Holly feels about me. If Jasper’s right, then she likes me but is worried about the exchange not happening if things start up with us and then go sideways. I doubt only hanging out with me during my treatment sessions is helping her forget those fears.
Time to get away from all these distractions.
Holly fishes some notebooks out of her bag, writes something real quick, and then puts it all away to focus back on me. “You gonna read to me or what?”
Maybe, this weekend, I’ll get to explore the or what.