13. Savvy
DAR GETS a call from his agent almost the moment we get back in the car.
He stares at the caller ID with his jaw clenched, and finally jabs the accept button, wincing at me apologetically. A woman’s voice fills the car, talking about some contract negotiation and throwing around lots of legal terms. She sounds mad.
I zone out. There are better things to think about, like the memory of Dar’s hard cock pressed against my ass in the lighting aisle of the local hardware store or the words he murmured in my ear that made my heart race and my panties wet.
Only yesterday my life was an angsty Victorian drama, and now I’ve somehow stumbled into fifty shades of holy crap. It’s disorienting and borderline terrifying, the effect he had on me. I’m hardly a virgin. I’ve had sex—and plenty of it—with people I thought I was attracted to.
However, none of them had the power to reduce me to a desperate, needy mess with only a few words. A desperate, needy mess who is about five seconds away from hitting end on a very important-sounding phone call and crawling over the center console to beg my father’s best friend to let me ride his cock.
Wetness coats my panties at the thought, and I cross my legs, trying to relieve some of the ache. It doesn’t work.
How could things have changed this fast? Only yesterday I was determined to put some space between us and save myself the inevitable heartache. Now… God, I don’t know what to think.
We stop at the last light before the turnoff to Galactic Guild, and I suck in a sharp breath when a big, warm hand reaches and curls over my bare thigh. My head whips around. Dar is still speaking to his agent in a low, authoritative rush, but he’s looking at me.
Heat tightens low in my belly even as the rest of my muscles melt back into the seat.
I need to be alone with him. Now. We need to talk, and… well, talk first. Talking is good. Sensible. There’s a lot going on here, things that should be discussed before I bend over the nearest flat surface and let Darwin Wilder fuck me with every inch of—what felt like—his very considerable length.
He would too. It’s like a switch has flipped inside the quietly intense, stern Dar, and the way he’s looking at me… Holy crap, I’m going to start humping my own panties if I don’t get a grip.
What he said in the hardware store… Just the thought of being the only woman Dar has ever wanted renews my desire to crawl onto his lap and commence begging.
If he were anyone else, I wouldn’t stop to ask questions, but I can’t just go for it. The two of us have history, and not all of it’s good. Then, to top it all off, there’s the added complication of his disorder and what happened the last time I kissed this man.
Just the memory of his disgusted, horrified face is enough to puncture the lusty bubble I’ve been floating in, allowing fear in.
Unfortunately, the fucking—talking—will have to wait. There’s only one car in the parking lot of Galactic Guild, and four people are getting out: Raven, her moms, Penny and Julia, and her boyfriend, Jonah. Next to the door, King, Luke, and Marley are already waiting, eyeing us curiously.
God.
“We’ll continue this tomorrow. Nothing will happen over the weekend, anyway,” Dar says to his agent, his grip on my thigh tightening for just a second before he releases it and ends the call.
I swallow, waving at my favorite people while trying to look like my entire world hasn’t just shifted on its axis.
“We should talk when they leave,” he tells me quietly, busying himself with turning off the car.
“Later,” I agree, already moving to open the door, but a big hand catches my wrist. I turn back to meet Dar’s blazing stare.
“Just to be clear.” His thumb strokes the delicate, translucent skin of my wrist, and goosebumps erupt all over my body. “I have feelings for you, I’m attracted to you, and I won’t pretend otherwise. Not anymore.”
My mouth pops open, but all I can manage is a splutter of shock before Dar releases his hold on me and turns to open his door.
As I watch him step outside and move toward the building, heart thundering in my chest, I meet the withering stare of my best friend.
And she’s pissed.
“Darling, your aura is so faded.” Raven’s mother Penny sighs, smoothing my hair out of my face, her brow creased in worry. “Have you been practicing your self-care? Going to yoga?”
She’s an acupuncturist, and the most maternal person I’ve ever met. Her wife, Julia, is a sociology professor at the local liberal arts college, and they still live in the same cozy bungalow where Raven and her brother grew up. There are paintings from local artists covering every inch of the walls, and the rooms smell like incense and the lavender Penny grows in her garden.
Unlike my parents, who divorced before I could speak in complete sentences, Penny and Julia Cho-Hopkins seem to genuinely like each other, and so do their adult kids. The entire family goes on vacations together and has dinner every Sunday night. When someone graduates or gets a promotion, they throw a party to celebrate. When Raven’s brother, Kai, broke both wrists snowboarding, they all rushed to the hospital. They’re here now, giving up their entire day to clean a laser tag arena for their daughter’s childhood best friend.
I love them.
“Trying to,” I assure her, smiling halfheartedly.
Penny is unconvinced. “You need to nurture yourself, Savvy. Physically, emotionally, sexually?—”
Behind us, there’s a loud choking noise, and I turn to see Dar with a bottle of water held loosely in his hand, a bright-red face, and a dark stain spreading down the front of his shirt.
I raise my eyebrows at him, trying not to laugh at his deer-in-headlights look.
“Sorry.” He shakes his head. Ignoring all the eyes on him, he marches toward the door while muttering about getting a fresh shirt from his car.
“What,” demands Julia the moment he’s gone, “is going on there?”
It’s my turn to choke, and, judging by the heat that’s rushing to my face, I’m pretty sure my face is just as red as his was. “What do you mean?” I squeak.
“Leave her alone, mom,” says Raven firmly, even as she glowers at me behind her mother’s back.
“There’s a vibe,” Jonah adds unhelpfully. Raven elbows him in the ribs.
Are we that obvious? They couldn’t have seen him touching me.
“So, I think we have everything we need!” I chirp, determinately cheerful as I pull away from Penny to examine the pile of cleaning stuff we set up on a folding table. “This is really amazing of you guys to help with all this. Thank you again. We’ll order pizza in a few hours for lunch.”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Julia kisses my cheek as she passes, heading for the arena with a trash bag and rubber gloves in hand. Her wife follows, and suddenly, I’m alone with my best friend and her boyfriend.
The last few weeks have been hectic. We’ve texted a bit, but I haven’t told her anything about what’s been happening with Dar. How could I when even I don’t understand it?
Those excuses aren’t likely to hold up with Raven, though.
“Okay, what the hell?” she demands, craning her neck to make sure Dar isn’t returning. “You guys looked ready to make out in the car when you pulled up. What is going on?”
“I have no idea,” I admit, shaking my head. “There’s… something. We haven’t talked about it.”
Raven gapes at me. “Doesn’t he not do people? Or dirt? I thought when you said he was helping with all this, you meant financially. Not, like, doing stuff!” She gestures around at the lobby, which looks so much better than it did when she was last here. “You were in love with the guy for years, then broken up over what happened for even longer. Are you actually—” She stops mid sentence as Dar slips back inside, wearing a fresh T-shirt and looking more composed than when he left.
“Thank you again for your help today,” he tells Raven and Jonah graciously, moving to stand beside me.
Raven glowers at him. “Of course. We care about Savvy.”
If her veiled hostility phases Dar, he doesn’t show it. On the contrary, instead of walking away or pretending nothing is amiss, he wraps an arm around my waist, tucking me close to his side.
My heart stalls. When he said that in the car, I didn’t think… butthere’s no room for misinterpretation here.
Should I be happy? Scared? Anxious? Everything is happening so fast.
Since when has fast bothered me? I love fast.
If looks could kill, Raven would have reduced Dar to dust. “She was messed up for years because of those things you said,” she spits, planting her hands on her hips. “What’s changed? Are you having a mid-life crisis and want a hot twenty-seven-year-old on your arm? Or is it just that Stone is out of the way, and now you can fuck his daughter without feeling guilty?”
“Raven!” I gasp, horror clogging my throat. “Stop?—”
“It’s okay, Savvy,” says Dar, and his voice is calm, unaffected by the accusations she just hurled at him. His hold on me tightens. “It’s neither, actually. I sought treatment for my obsessive-compulsive disorder. Unfortunately, I was having something of a severe episode at the time Savvy came back into my life, and she pulled me out of it. More than that, she’s made me realize how much I’ve been limiting myself. She’s also the most beautiful, creative, compassionate woman I’ve ever known. So, yes. I have feelings for her. Of course I do.”
I can’t breathe, I doubt I could even move. All I can do is stand here, listening, as these words change me from the inside out.
Dar continues without pause, sounding so matter-of-fact, it’s like he’s had these words prepared for a long time. “She’s been your best friend for most of your life if I’m not mistaken, so surely you’ve realized the kind of person she is. Well, now I know too. Every minute we spend together, I’m more in awe of her. I have no doubt you’ll see this as selfish, but if she wants me, I’d be a fool not to fight for the chance to make her happy.”
Ringing silence follows this speech.
Raven stares, lips pursed and fists balled at her sides. Beside her, Jonah shifts awkwardly, scratching his head. I look between them, then up at Dar’s nonchalant expression, as though he did nothing more remarkable than give her directions to the post office.
And then I burst into tears.
There’s no stopping it, no way to hold it back. This is so much more than I even thought to hope for. Dar isn’t feigning indifference, or easing into this, or playing the game of who-cares-less emotional chicken that all my other relationships have begun with. He’s in this every bit as much as I am.
Darwin Wilder is just as gone for me as I am for him. Maybe even more.
“Let’s give them a minute, Rave,” I hear Jonah say, but I don’t see them leave because my hands are pressed over my face. As if in covering my tears, I could play this off as anything other than some kind of emotional break. They must be gone, because a second later, Dar pulls me into his warm, coffee-smelling chest.
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, stroking my hair. “I’m so sorry, Savvy. That was a lot—” But I’m shaking my head, and he stops speaking, waiting for me to get it together enough to communicate.
I can’t do it, though. I’m so totally unprepared for all this. How long have I guarded my heart from this man, trying to convince myself that I’m not feeling what I am? Well, now it’s all hitting me at once, and there’s no stopping it.
Oh, fuck. I love him, don’t I?
I do. I totally do.
Did I ever stop?
Dar doesn’t seem to mind. He holds me close, murmuring quiet, reassuring words in my ear as one hand strokes up and down my spine.
I have enough self-awareness and shitty life experiences under my belt to know I’m not a cute crier. My face gets blotchy and red, my eyes get swollen, and my nose runs. So, it’s saying a lot that Dar is still looking down at me with an expression of nothing but unguarded devotion when my tears stop and I’m able to look up at him.
“God, I’m sorry. I feel like I’m always crying on you.” I let out a watery laugh, my bottom lip trembling. “Please don’t run away screaming now that you’ve seen how crazy I am.”
Dar laughs quietly, smoothing his thumbs over my cheeks to wipe away the last of my tears. “You’re much less crazy than I am. I’ve caused you too much pain for one lifetime, little tornado. What I said in the car, and to Raven… I meant it.”
I lift my hand, pressing it flat against the place above his heart. “I know you did.”
His pulse stutters under my touch, and his handsome face is creased with worry. “Savvy. I can’t promise this will be smooth sailing. My disorder?—”
“I understand,” I assure him, calm despite my wildly beating heart. Is this really happening? “We’ll take it slow. Figure it out together.”
No one has ever looked at me the way he is right now. “I’m too old for you. Way too old.”
Does he think that’s going to phase me? My lips curl. “I think it’s pretty clear I’m into it.”
His hands are still cradling my face, and my smile vanishes as quickly as it came when the pad of his thumb drags over my bottom lip. “You’re too beautiful for me.”
“Are you fishing for compliments, Mr. Wilder?” Giving him every chance to pull away, I part my lips and lean forward to take the tip of his thumb in my mouth, biting down gently.
Dar’s pupils dilate, and the look on his face is one of pure, visceral hunger. “Make no mistake, Miss Laurence. I might be playing the gentleman now, but if you let me between those thighs, I won’t tolerate teasing.”
Oh god. Every fantasy I’ve ever had of this man is beginning to look like a terrible underestimation. Hell yeah. Sign me up.
Releasing my teeth’s hold on his thumb, I step away, grinning as I back toward the cleaning supplies. “Fair warning, I’m probably going to tease anyway.”
He smiles back at me, a huge, unrepentant smile that sends an eruption of butterflies through me. “Good.”