15. Savvy
I’M stark naked in the middle of Darwin Wilder’s kitchen, my ass resting on his pristine marble countertops and my panties hanging off the dining chair behind him.
Dar’s throat works as I push him back gently, allowing me room to slip off the counter and onto the cold wood floor. “I want to make you feel good,” he whispers, voice hoarse and his big hands coming up to frame my neck. “Please don’t treat me like I’m going to break.”
My answering laugh is breathless and disbelieving. “I don’t think you’re going to break. You’re the strongest person I know.” My hands settle on his broad, hard chest, loving the way I can feel his heart thudding beneath my touch.
What just happened between us was the most imperfect, intimate moment of my life. When he drew back, his body tense and expression crumpled with frustration… I wanted to crumple too. My pride wanted me to scramble away, to take it as a second earth-shattering rejection, and never allow myself to be put in such a position again.
This wasn’t the same as it was nine years ago, though. Dar wants me. This beautiful, intense, genius of a man wants me, and I want him.
He isn’t playing games or pretending not to care.
He isn’t pushing me aside, even though I’m positive it would be a lot easier.
He saw my tattoo, physical proof of the place he’s always held in my life, and he didn’t run screaming.
Nothing, not even his disorder, is going to take tonight from us.
Careful not to break eye contact, I press forward, guiding him back toward the kitchen table.
I barely blink as Dar sinks into a chair beside the beautiful dinner he made just for me—which we will absolutely get to later. I’m positive I’ve never felt so special, so wanted. His gaze is worshipful, and I draw closer, winding my fingers through his hair as he attacks my breasts all over again, igniting a need inside me that’s so intense, it’s almost painful.
Never have I been so in sync with another person. I’m not self-conscious, or wondering if he’s ever going to call me after this, or worried if he approves of my personal grooming preference.
“I want to be everything you need.” The words come out before I can think to hold them back, before socially awkward red flags start waving in my line of vision, reminding me to slow down.
Dar doesn’t mind. A low, rough noise of shock leaves his lips as he looks up at me again, pupils blown wide from the intensity of the moment. “Baby, I want to be that for you.”
Baby.
I never want him to stop calling me that. Just the sound of that word on his lips makes every muscle in my body go weak and my heart twist restlessly, undoubtedly knowing it’s in for one hell of a ride.
I sink to my knees, and Dar’s face registers surprise for all of half a second before something else takes its place, something dark and unrestrained. Gazing up at him from beneath my lashes, I lean forward and kiss the straining ridge of his erection.
Dark eyes flash. “I bet you like it dirty, huh?”
Holy crap. My inner walls contract, suddenly so empty. Nobody has ever talked this way to me before, and to know those words are coming from tightly wound Dar?
Well, not so tightly wound anymore, because I’m unraveling him. All that control has finally snapped, and I’m on the receiving end.
“I do.” My voice is breathy, and I squirm at his feet, wetness spreading onto my inner thighs. How many times have I made myself come while imagining what it would be like for Darwin Wilder to lose himself in my body? Too many to count.
There’s a low curse from the beautiful man above me. “When I fuck you for the first time, do you want it sweet and romantic or hard and rough?”
Yeah, pretty sure we both know what I’m going to say to that, but god, hearing him say that… My hands tighten on his hard thighs. “I want to feel you inside me even when you’re not anymore.”
He likes that. A lot. Chest heaving, two big hands fist in my hair, rough enough to make my scalp burn. “And what about now, baby?”
I feel my lips curl into a coy, teasing smile. “I want you to use my mouth.”
A second of silence, then two. This is the point where I’d start worrying that I’ve said the wrong thing or ruined the vibe, but the look on Dar’s face leaves no doubt that he’s into this. Very into this.
His throat bobs, and when he speaks again, his voice has dropped to a strained authority. “Take my cock out, Savvy.”
The way he says it, just a little impatient, makes heat shoot through my veins. I feel like I’m shaking with need, but my hands are steady as they move to the metallic button on Dar’s pants. It gives easily, and the muscles below my belly button pull tighter and tighter as I tug the zipper, which is obviously having some difficulty maintaining its structural integrity, what with the very large, very hard dick pressing against it.
The poor thing seems to be relieved to give up the fight and pulls down easily, letting me reach beneath the band of his briefs and wrap my hand around the thick base of Dar’s cock.
Oh god. There’s no way… Even as I think it, though, a thrill of excitement shoots through me, making my clit throb.
“Of course you’re massive.” I giggle as I draw his length into the light. A quick glance up confirms that while Dar might be above the majority of XY-chromosome havers on some matters, he isn’t immune to some male smugness. His hips twitch as I begin to stroke him.
I want to ask if he likes it, but Dar clearly isn’t interested in this becoming question-and-answer time. “Use your mouth.” His voice is pure, commanding control, and, just like that, a hot weight settles in my pelvis. All questions about his sexual preferences are forgotten in the face of the filthy, perfect words being uttered by the man I’ve wanted for so long. “Suck me, baby.”
Moaning, I drop my head forward and lick the head of his cock decadently, lapping away the pre-cum that’s already gathered there. Saliva flows freely over my tongue as I wrap my lips around his shaft, taking what I can’t fit in my hands.
We both need this. Me, to feel like an object of his desire after being convinced of the opposite for so long. Him, to take control of his own pleasure and to trust me when I tell him I want him.
And I do want him. More than anything.
There’s nothing sexier in the whole world than Dar losing his cool because of how good I’m making him feel. He holds back at first, his low grunts and ragged breathing the only sign he’s enjoying this at all. His face tells a different story, though.
The more he tries to restrain himself, the more determined I become to make sure he can’t.
“That’s so good, holy fuck, that mouth…” I bob faster, saliva flowing over my hands now, making it easier to stroke his base. “Squeeze me harder. Yeah, like that. You’re going to kill me, baby.”
At this point, I’m fairly confident I could tap my clit and make myself come. It’s ridiculous how turned on I am, but it’s not an exaggeration to say I could do this for hours. Happily. Sore jaw be damned.
Dar tilts my head back, forcing me to meet his eyes as the tip of his length hits the back of my throat, making me gag.
Neither of us pauses.
“I’ve thought about this so many times. So many fucking times. Thought I was a dirty old man, imagining a hot young thing on her knees for me. But you like it, don’t you? Like knowing what you’ve done to me?”
What I’ve done to him? What about what he’s done to me?
There’s no coming back from this, no returning to normal sex with normal people who don’t realize what I need before I’ve had time to figure it out myself. It feels wrong to even think about it.
In the back of my mind, I know I was ruined for anyone else long before tonight.
The taste of his pre-cum is flowing over my tongue now. I whimper as he takes control, dragging my head up and down, setting the pace he needs to finish this. “That’s my girl. Rub your clit. I need you there with me.” He spits each word through clenched teeth, and my hand drops between my thighs.
It’s been ages since I came without the help of a vibrator, but within seconds I’m whimpering and shaking, unable to keep my eyes on Dar’s face.
Without warning, he pulls me off him and takes over completely, jerking his cock with rough efficiency.
His cum hits my face in long streaks, painting my lips, my cheeks, and the tops of my breasts. I’m covered with him, and that’s when I come too, writhing and moaning at Dar’s feet, painted in his release and grinding desperately against my own fingers.
I’ve said holy crap a lot in my life, but holy-actual-crap.
“Savvy, baby.” Seconds later, I’m being lifted off my knees and into the seat Dar was just occupying while he kneels in front of me. He steals a napkin from the table and cleans me, chest still rising and falling harder than normal.
Dar’s hand falls back to his side, and for a moment, all we can do is stare at each other in stunned silence.
I’m not sure who does it first, or if we’re still so deeply in sync that it happens as one, but suddenly, we’re laughing. Peals of hysterical, breathless laughter fill the room, and tears stream from the corners of my eyes.
God, have I ever heard him laugh like this? Have I ever heard him laugh ever?
Then again, when’s the last time I did? Not a reluctant giggle or chuckle, but big, full-body laughs that makes it hard to breathe and seem to go on forever. Not being able to remember probably means it’s been a while.
When we’ve finally calmed down and my cheeks ache from smiling, Dar gets to his feet, tucking himself away.
I watch as he crosses the kitchen to gather up my cast-off clothes, then comes back to kneel at my feet.
“You’re already sick of seeing me naked?” I tease gently, allowing him to slip my panties over my ankles and drag them back up my legs.
His stern answering look is so familiar, I can’t help giggling. “Have mercy, little tornado. Let me feed you, then I’ll strip you naked and take you to bed. Would you like that?”
He kisses the hollow between my breasts one more time before pulling my summer dress over my head.
I hum happily, lifting my arms through the holes obligingly. “Yes.”
As he tugs the white cotton over my thighs, Dar glares at the material as if it offended him. “Did you wear this to drive all day?”
My stomach flips. I think I’m going to enjoy jealous Dar. Unfortunately, it’s unnecessary right now. “No,” I admit, curling my arms around the back of his neck, loving that I’m allowed to do that. “I stopped home before coming here. There may have been a frantic closet search that resulted in every article of clothing I own in a pile on the bed.”
Dar kisses me, slow enough to make my heart flutter and hard enough to make me ache. When he pulls away, there’s a shadow of worry in his eyes. “I’m sorry I couldn’t… that I didn’t touch you. I wanted to. Wanting to isn’t the problem.”
“I know,” I assure him, playing with his hair.
It was scary to watch one of Dar’s episodes happen in real time. I’d known it could happen, that this—being physically intimate—might take a while, but I couldn’t have predicted how awful it would be to see the torment in his eyes.
“You kissed me, though, Dar. That’s so big. You let me touch you… put my mouth on you.” My skin prickles with heat, I’m not alone if the look I receive in return is anything to go by. It’s a bit of a struggle to pick up my train of thought again. “Tonight wasn’t a baby step. It was, like, a football field–sized leap. I was doing some research on supporting a loved one with OCD and?—”
“Is that what I am to you?” Dar asks, cutting off my rambling. His thumb brushes over my bottom lip, those impossibly dark eyes boring into mine. “A loved one?”
He is, and I think he knows it too, but something sharp lodges in my chest when I go to say it.
Losing him once was impossible. How could I make it through a second time when I finally know for sure that this connection wasn’t all in my head? What if down the road he decides this—us—is more trouble than it’s worth and calls the whole thing off?
No.
I take a deep breath, tearing myself from the mental spiral this conversation sent me into. Dar is trying. He’s more than trying. He’s changing his entire life to fit me into it, pushing himself to work past boundaries he’s had for years, for me.
What more could I ask for?
It’s time for me to be brave, and not in the wild, reckless way I always have, when I didn’t really care about the consequences. This is different.
The crescendo is swelling to its final peak, the waves have crashed onto the beach, and I am leaning over the precipice of something I can’t take back.
What happens next is out of my control. We are gravity.
Callused fingers skim the curve of my throat, raising goosebumps in their wake. Dar’s eyes follow the motion, captivated, like he can’t believe this is happening, that he’s touching me. The awe in his face, the adoration…
“Yes.” My stomach swoops as I answer the question, as though I really have just fallen, and my hands tighten on Dar’s shoulders. “Always. Even when I didn’t want you to be. Even when it hurt.”
The words settle over us, and when Dar’s eyes find mine again, they’re shining with emotion I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before. The corner of his lips lift into a wry little smile. “Partners?”
I let out a startled laugh, my heart full to bursting as I nod. “Yes. Partners.”
This time, we do better than a handshake.