Chapter Twenty-Four
Adrienne
I toss and turn again, trying to find a comfortable position and coming up empty. I’m exhausted, my mind is numb and yet unable to settle. My face hurts, my eyes are swollen from crying, and I feel like I’m going to throw up. Not to mention my heart is cracked open, bleeding all over my pretty blue-and-yellow quilt.
Heartbreak hurts.
I’m giving myself one night to cry. Two tops. And then, I’m moving on. I don’t need a man to raise a baby. Would it have helped? Sure would. Especially on the nights the baby won’t seem to go to sleep or isn’t feeling well and cries nonstop. And sure, it would have been nice to have Caden by my side while I was in labor, feeding me ice chips and holding my hand while the contractions gripped, steadily getting more intense. But that’s okay. I’ve got Stevie. Maybe I’ll ask her to be in labor and delivery with me. Or possibly my mom. I’m sure she’d take time off work and come stay with me for a week or two.
So, you see? I have support.
I’ll be okay.
I sigh and flop onto my back once more. I’m probably going to need to quit my job. Not the bar, the other one. Though, being pregnant and working behind a bar isn’t going to be the easiest, at least toward the end. I’ll be on my feet the entire time, and the closer I get to my due date, that’s when people complain about the swollen ankles, the backaches, and the peeing every four seconds. Plus, there’s the fact I’m not considered full time and don’t get normal benefits, like paid time off or a maternity leave. I have tons of flexibility with scheduling, which will help when it comes to doctors’ appointments and such, but my health insurance is a basic policy I had to take out myself. It’s not cheap and has a higher deductible, the option I chose to keep the cost down. In all the years I’ve had the policy, I’ve barely used it, but now, I’ll be using the shit out of it.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe quitting my part-time job at the shop isn’t such a great idea. I could stick all the money I make there into my savings account. Heaven knows I’m going to have to use it when it comes time to start purchasing items for the baby. Not to mention the time I’m going to have to take off after having the baby.
And childcare.
Plus medical for the baby.
It’s almost overwhelming to think about.
The question remains, how long could I work at the shop, knowing I’ll potentially see the father of my baby every time I’m there? Of course, I’ve discovered he’s really good at cutting tail and hiding, so I suppose it wouldn’t be much different than it was this week. As long as they don’t fire me, that is. Maybe Caden won’t even want to keep me employed. You know, the woman carrying his baby, the one he doesn’t claim because he thinks I either got pregnant on purpose or it’s someone else’s?
“Ugh,” I groan, sitting up in bed. My phone says it’s just after midnight, and I’m so amped up still, I don’t see myself falling asleep anytime soon. Good thing I’m off tomorrow and can take naps if needed.
I grab my phone and bottle of water and head downstairs. Maybe watching a little TV will help me relax enough to fall asleep.
When I reach the living room, I grab the remote and flip on some stupid reality show. The women are arguing and throwing random items at each other. It’s trashy and not something I generally watch, but maybe it’s mindless enough to help me relax.
Finishing off my bottle of water, I head for the kitchen to grab a new one. Of course, the moment my feet hit the cool tile; I instantly have to pee. After making a quick pitstop in the half bath and washing my hands, I return to the kitchen for more water. Just as I’m closing the fridge door, there’s a knock on my door. I kept the light off, so it’s not like anyone can see light and assume I’m up at this time of the night. What if it’s someone who needs help? Stevie? No, she would have texted to let me know she was coming over. Who else would show up at my door after midnight?
I slowly make my way to the door. Just as I’m about to look through the peephole, a second knock sounds, this time louder than the first. The noise makes me yelp. I cover my mouth with my hand and freeze in place.
“Adrienne? Are you okay?”
Caden.
“Adrienne?”
I look through the peephole to confirm it’s Caden, even though I’d know his voice anywhere.
“Can I come in?”
I stare at him through the little hole in the door. He doesn’t look intoxicated, which, honestly, was my first thought. He’s staring down at his feet, but there’s something so vulnerable about him at this moment. It’s in the way his shoulders sag and he waits patiently to see if I’ll open up or not.
Reaching for the deadbolt, it makes a loud click as I release the lock. When the knob is also unlocked, I slowly give it a twist and pull open the door. My eyes meet his, and I’m also taken aback by what I see. He looks…miserable.
“Hey,” he says quietly, noting I haven’t opened the door very wide. In fact, I use it as a protective shield between myself and whatever hurtful words he’s going to hurl at me. “I know it’s late, but…” He runs his hands through his hair, looking around before meeting my gaze head-on once more. “Can I come in for a minute? I promise I won’t stay long. I just, well, I have something to say. And to give you.” He swallows hard. “If you want me to go, I will.”
It's the first time I see the bag in his hand. I almost laugh at the Happy Birthday printed on the side in bright, bold colors, especially since my birthday isn’t until September. But I can’t seem to find the strength to laugh. Or even smile.
“Please, Adrienne?”
I take in his slightly disheveled appearance once more. He’s no longer in his work clothes and he’s clearly showered, but his hair is wild, and his clothes are wrinkled. Did he pick them up from his closet floor before putting them on? He’s also wearing a pair of flip-flops, which I’ve never seen him wear before, and even though feet are, well, weird, he looks so casual. So sexy.
Dammit.
I find myself stepping back, letting him enter my space. I told myself he was never allowed here again, not after earlier when he made those horrible accusations, yet here we are. I can tell myself it’s simply because I want to hear what he has to say before I kick him out again, but I don’t know.
My heart wants him here.
I cross my arms over my chest, as if to create a stronger barrier to my heart.
“Sorry for coming over so late. Did I wake you?” he asks, standing in the middle of the room, leaving plenty of space between us.
“Does it matter? If I wasn’t awake, I would be now, right?”
He gives me a sheepish grin. “Yeah, I guess. Still, I’m sorry.”
When he doesn’t say anymore, I ask, “What do you want, Caden?”
“I, uh, well…” He closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I have so much to say, but now, I don’t know where to start.”
I exhale. “It’s late. I need to get to sleep.”
Lies. There’s no way I’ll be able to sleep now, especially after he showed up after midnight out of the blue.
“I know,” he replies, his gaze dropping to my abdomen. It makes my skin feel warm and tingly, as if his eyes are somehow physically touching me.
“Okay, I’m going to start by saying I’m sorry. I never, and I do mean never, wanted to hurt you.”
“Why did you?” I ask in a small voice that doesn’t sound like mine.
He holds my eyes as he confesses, “I was scared.”
“Of?”
“My feelings for you.”
I glance around, trying to wrap my head around what he’s saying. “What are your feelings for me?”
“I’m in love with you.” His words are so simple, so pointed, so full of emotion, I almost take a step back.
“You are?” I whisper, afraid to let those words in.
He nods and smiles. “I don’t know when it happened exactly, but when I walked away from you, I knew I was making the biggest mistake of my life. Even then, I couldn’t turn around and try to make it right. I needed time to process and think.” He takes another deep breath. “You’re nothing like Dawn, Adrienne. Absolutely nothing. When you told me about the baby,” he closes his eyes, a pained look crosses his face, “I went back to that day. To that moment she told me I wasn’t going to be a dad after all, despite telling me I was for six months. I let my fear take control, and despite knowing in my heart this situation was completely different—that you were completely different—I let that heartache control my reactions and my words. I ruined what was supposed to be a beautiful, happy time for the both of us, and I’m so fucking sorry. If I could go back and change it, I would in a heartbeat.”
His words wash over me like spring rain, and while my heart hammers in my chest as hope threatens to take over, I’m still wary. I’m still scared too.
“I would never lie to you about something like a baby, Caden,” I reiterate.
He takes a step closer, conviction filling his voice. “I know, I do. I promise to do better at controlling my emotions and fears.”
“You don’t have to control them, but you do need to be willing to talk about them,” I insist. “My past hasn’t been all roses and sunshine either. I’m scared and worried and completely overwhelmed.” My hands move down to cover my abdomen. “This baby wasn’t planned, but he or she isn’t unwanted. I will love this baby for two if I have to.”
He steps forward again. “You won’t have to.” His lips curl upward. “I already love him or her too.”
Tears fill my eyes, but this time, they’re happy tears. At least I know this baby will be loved by both parents. “I’m terrified,” I confess, because even though I’m elated to be having a baby, I’m also nervous. I’m anxious. And everything in between.
He moves closer again, standing directly in front of me now. He’s so close, he could wrap his arms around me, yet still makes no movement to do so. “Can I touch you?” he whispers, hope and worry mixing in the depths of his blue eyes.
I nod, craving his touch.
He moves slowly, setting what’s in his hand down, pulling me toward his chest, and wrapping me in a hug. His arms feel warm, familiar, and safe, all at the same time. He slides his hands up, his fingers diving into my hair. Holding my eyes, he whispers, “I love you, Adrienne. And I’m not saying that because you’re pregnant. Or because I fucked up. I’m saying it because it’s true. You own my heart. I love you so much it’s frightening. But I refuse to let that fear run my life anymore. I have too much to lose, and I can’t lose you now. My life would be shit without you.”
A single tear slides down my cheek, falling unchecked. “I love you too.”
“Yeah?” he asks, a smile on those full, kissable lips.
I shrug. “I’m pretty sure I’ve known for a bit now, but I was too afraid to tell you.”
“Well, then, right now, we make a pact. To never hold our feelings back from each other. We say what we mean and mean what we say.”
“Deal,” I reply with a watery sniffle.
“Can I kiss you now?”
“Please,” I beg, gripping his shirt for fear he’ll somehow slip away.
His lips meet mine in a flurry of emotion, raw and defenseless. He coaxes my mouth open, his tongue delving inside. It feels like a homecoming, a moment of passion mixed with familiarity. Like I’ve been waiting for his lips for too damn long. And even though I’d love nothing more than to kiss him forever, he breaks free, leaving us both gasping for air.
“This might sound crazy, but there’s something I need to do.” Before I can ask what, he releases his hold on my head and drops to his knees in front of me. He wraps his hands around my waist, gently running his thumbs over my stomach as he carefully exposes my abdomen. “Hello, Baby. I’m your daddy.” Then, he leans forward and places a kiss against my bare skin. “I’m going to love you my entire life.”
More tears fall, catching his attention. “What’s wrong?” The look on his face is full of worry.
“Absolutely nothing,” I insist, wiping at my tears. “I’m just…happy.”
He stands up and wraps a single hand around my neck. “I am too, sugar.” Before he leans in for another kiss, he says, “Oh, I almost forgot.”
Bending down, he retrieves the birthday bag and hands it over. “Sorry about the bag. I just grabbed the first one I saw.”
Smiling, I place the bag on the table and look inside. I know I need to pull out what I see, but my heart is beating so wildly in my chest and my hands now hold a slight tremble, I can’t seem to do it.
“Let me,” he says, as if reading my thoughts. Caden pulls the first item from within the bag and holds it up for me to see. It’s a yellow onesie that reads “My Daddy Loves Me.”
“I was walking around Target earlier and saw this. I was still battling my emotions and fears and stumbled upon it. The moment I held it in my hand, I knew. I wasn’t going to fight my feelings or run away from you, because it wasn’t about me anymore. It was about this baby. You. Me. Together. It was about my family.”
I reach out and run my finger across the words. There’s a little elephant on the tiny shirt. An elephant with a heart on the end of his trunk.
He places the onesie on the table and grabs the next item out of the bag. It’s a swaddle blanket in a soft green color. The material looks comfortable and stretchy, and I can picture a little one who looks just like his daddy wrapped up inside. “When I was over at Jack’s, he said something to me. He said to wait until the first time my son or daughter curled up on my chest and fell asleep. I know I probably won’t be able to feel it as well in this contraption, but still. It made me think of that moment, and I can’t wait to experience it for the first time.”
Again, he dives into the bag. “I got all this stuff too.” He starts pulling out pacifiers and bottles and washcloths. Even a little elephant stuffy and a baby wrap carrier. “I almost bought the entire baby section at Target,” he adds with a sheepish grin.
I bark out a laugh and shake my head. “You don’t need to do that. We’ll get what we need as we go.”
He nods. “I’ll probably go overboard when it’s time.”
I reach up and run my fingers through his hair. “That’s okay. I’m sure we’ll need all the things.”
He holds my gaze. “I’m going to be here for everything, Adrienne. For you and the baby. You’ll never get rid of me. You two are all I need.”
“I don’t want to get rid of you. I want to keep you.”
“Forever?”
My heart skips a beat. “We can discuss forever another time,” I tell him, giving him a small smile. “We’re going to take this day by day.”
“I want you to move in with me.”
“What?” I ask, gaping up at this gorgeous man.
“I don’t want to miss a single moment of this, sugar. And just so you know, I’d want you there, even if you weren’t pregnant with my baby.”
I swallow over the lump in my throat. “You would? It’s only been a few weeks,” I reason, feeling a little overwhelmed once more.
“We’ve been dancing around each other for months, Adrienne. I’ve wanted you in my bed since the moment I first laid eyes on you. Now that I’ve had you there, I never want to go a night without you.”
I sigh and lean my cheek against his chest. I can feel the steady, rapid beat of his heart. “I don’t know what to say,” I confess.
He kisses the crown of my head. “Don’t say anything now. Just know the offer stands, and when you’re ready, we’ll make it happen. Until then, I’m going to date you.”
I feel myself smiling as I start to relax for the first time in nearly a week. “You are?”
“Damn right, I am. The last thing I want to tell our baby when he or she is older is that I knocked up their mama and we weren’t dating.”
“But…we weren’t dating,” I remind.
He moves my head by placing his finger beneath my chin. He brushes his lips across mine. “But we are now. And now is what’s important.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
His lips move across my mouth in the most beautiful, tender kiss. It feels like the start of something new, something great. “There are going to be broken hearts all over town when everyone finds out the infamous Caden Neumann is off the market.”
He scoffs, “I only care about one heart, sugar.” He places his hand against my chest. “This one is the only one that matters.”
“I love you,” I whisper, relief washing over me at finally saying the words. They feel so powerful, so right.
“I love you too.” He takes my hand and reaches for the door locks, flipping them to the secured position. “Come on, I want to take my baby mama to bed and show her how much I love her.”
My body hums to life, my nipples harden and my clit tingles in anticipation. “After you, cowboy.”
“Nope. You go first. You’re always first, love.”
He leads me up the stairs, slowly undresses me, and makes love to me. Twice. When we’re both left completely exhausted, our limbs tangled with each other’s and the sheets, we drift off to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
This wasn’t how I expected my life to go, but I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world. I have the man I’ve fallen in love with and our baby on the way.
There’s nothing more I could possibly want.
We’re going to be a family.
They’re all I need.