Chapter 23. Reed
Reed
When we return to the mansion Tessa heads to her bedroom for some quiet to think, and I collapse on a library chair, staring at the empty shelves and imagining what they’d look like teeming with books.
Little by little, my energy, my sense of self, returns.
It’s like going from a sketch book page full of outlines and suggested forms to one shaded in.
For a while something essential is missing, until at last, it’s not.
Sometime in the middle of the night, I walk to the window, feeling antsy.
It’s a beautiful night. Not a cloud in the sky.
It’s the perfect moment to share my secret rooftop hangout with Tessa, the place I retreat to in the dark hours by myself.
I pull up the image of her third-floor bedroom and cast myself there.
She barely flinches when I plop down on the bed.
We’re getting strangely accustomed to this weird method of travel. “How are you feeling?”
“Improving, but not quite there yet.” She rolls up to sit beside me.
“Yeah, me too. That EMT took it out of me, especially since we’d been away for so long.” I lean against the headboard, taking in the nymph-carved mantel and the starlight pooling across the bed. “You definitely scored the best room in the house.”
“I know.” She smiles. “I love it.”
“I’ve been having a little existential crisis downstairs, how about you?”
“Look at you, bringing out the big words. But yeah, kind of the same. I was worrying about Tilly, though it helps to know her mom’s with her tonight.
But thinking of her reminded me of all our plans.
Like, we’ll never go to Nepal now. That sucks.
And we didn’t graduate together. I really wanted my dad to see that. ”
“Right? There were these life experiences I always thought I’d have.”
“Exactly. There’s so much I still wanted to do. I never even …” Her eyes dart away nervously.
“You never … what?” I ask, tilting my head toward her.
“Never mind. It’s ridiculous.”
“I’m sure it’s not.” Now my curiosity’s piqued. Did she always want to bungee jump or star in the school play or something?
“I just thought …” She covers her face with her hands. “Oh God, why am I feeling embarrassed to say this out loud?”
“Hey.” I gently pry her fingers away. “Don’t hide.” I cup Tessa’s hands in mine. “It’s just me.”
She takes a shaky breath. “It’s only … I thought I’d add losing my virginity to that list.” Her words tumble out in a rush.
Wow … okay … definitely wasn’t expecting that.
I nod slowly, my heart stuttering. “So you and Brandon never …?”
“No. It wasn’t that kind of relationship. We tried a couple times, but I don’t know, we seemed to work better with cuddling. I am a top-tier cuddler. What about you?”
“Do I like to cuddle? I don’t know. I haven’t really had many chances.” I’m still stuck on the Brandon news. I just assumed they’d hooked up after all those years.
She side-eyes me. “You know what I’m asking. Have you ever …? I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you—”
“It’s fine, Tessa. Yes, I’m a virgin.” There. I said it. It’s out of my mouth—this thing that feels like it’s been hanging heavy in the air between us—how much I like her, how little time we have.
Her eyebrows shoot sky-high.
“I’ve done other things …” I feel like I need to amend, given the way she’s looking at me. “But sex, no. My relationships never really lasted that long. I think I’m kind of a lot to handle.” I shift uncomfortably. “Or, I don’t know … maybe I never found the right person.”
She holds my gaze.
There’s so much asked and answered in the quiet moment that passes between us.
What if we never get to experience this part of life? There’s nothing like knowing you have only fourteen days on earth to really crystalize the question.
Should we sleep together?
I guess that’s something ghosts can do. If we go through the door and become one with the universe or whatever, this might be our last chance.
“Well, we could. If you want …” She bites her lip uncertainly and my heart picks up speed. “Do you … want that?”
It’s not every day you get an offer like that. Heat rises in my cheeks, and let’s be honest, other places. “I do.” Now it’s my turn to glance away. “More than you know.”
“Hey.” She places a gentle finger under my chin, turning me to her. “It’s just me.”
A tendril of hair has spilled from one of her buns. I brush it back, palm lingering on her cheek. “I think about our night on the stairs all the time.”
Her eyes widen, even as her fingers trace slowly up my arm. I still at her touch.
“Me too,” she whispers.
Tessa’s confession unlocks something in me, and I realize how much I want this. Want her. And not just physically, though wow, that’s there.
I want to know all of her, what she dreams about, what makes her laugh, the passions that drive her and the tender places she tucks away from the world.
My hands drift to her waist and her breath catches. I lift an eyebrow questioningly as I pull her flush against my side. She leans in, lips hovering close, her every breath a promise.
When we kiss, it’s somehow both tender and searing. Her tongue lightly skims mine, an invitation.
I moan, hungry, greedy, giddy.
Tessa’s hands tug down the collar of my T-shirt as she nuzzles my neck, planting her lips softly behind my ear.
“God, Tessa.” I imagine her fingers tracing over my heated skin, when suddenly there’s a cool rush of air.
My shirt has vanished.
Tessa gasps, pulling away.
“Whoa.” I startle. “I thought about taking my shirt off and then it was gone.”
“Yes, please,” she says, awash in starlight. Her fingers run across my bare chest. “I like this game.”
“Um … this is the best game I’ve ever played.” I laugh. “I’m going to imagine away your gloves.” I put my fingers to my temples and concentrate. Be a gentleman. Just the gloves. Dear God, don’t think about anything else. Not yet.
When her gaze meets mine, she waves her hands, fingerless gloves still intact.
“Okay. I really did try to do it.” I smirk.
“Well, that seems fair. That’s one point for the afterlife. Can you imagine the chaos if ghosts could remove each other’s clothes at will? This restores my faith in the universe.”
“Looks like we don’t get any supernatural help.” My fingers dance over her palms, an idea sparking. “There are other ways,” I challenge with a mischievous grin.
Slowly, I pull her gloves off, one by one, the dare back behind my eyes.
But this time Tessa returns it. “You did promise me a good time if I came to the party.”
“I did. And I plan to make good on that promise.”
“Right now?”
“This very second.” My hands slide up her sides and run across her back. Her breath hitches as I find the zipper at the base of her neck. I draw it down slowly, notch by notch, our eyes locked. “Is this okay?”
“Yes,” she says breathlessly.
I shift her dress aside and kiss her bare shoulder. I’m the luckiest guy not-alive. “And … this?” My lips forge a trail to her collarbone.
“Yes.” Tessa leans back, pulling me with her, my weight pressing her to the bed. “Yes, to all of it,” she breathes.
I couldn’t agree more.
Yes to her and me.
To us.
To how much better we are together.
Just …
Yes.
After the most mind-blowing night of my life, I remember why I came upstairs in the first place and invite Tessa to join me on the roof, in my secret spot beside the northernmost turret.
Soon, she appears beside me, three stories up, king and queen of our domain.
“Wow.” She exhales shakily. “This is some hangout.”
“Tuck in, girl.” I lean back against the gray shingles, arms behind my head. “And watch the celestial show.”
Being so far away from the light pollution of the city means we can even see the Milky Way spilling across the horizon.
It’s just us, the frogs I’ve come to think of as our pets, and sprawling land.
The world is awash in twilight hues, subtle silvers, and deep shadowy blues.
As my eyes adjust, I can spot the hay bales tucked along the rolling fields, the scattered trees lining the lone road into town, and the stone wall surrounding the property.
Even the statue of Adonis is visible in the back garden, the lavender bra still draped around his neck from the night of the party.
Tessa snuggles against me.
“You really are a top-tier cuddler.” I pull her closer, feeling her warmth.
“It’s one of my superpowers.” She laughs and it lights up the dark night. “I can’t believe you talked me into this. You know, when I woke up in the attic that first morning, for a moment I considered climbing down, but then I remembered I’m afraid of heights.” She holds me tighter.
Shit. Was this a huge mistake? “Are you okay now?” I angle my head toward her.
“Weirdly, yes. I think the fact that I can’t die takes the sting out of it. I don’t know if you remember sixth grade and the whole rock-wall fiasco.”
“Oh.” I laugh. That day is burned into my memory, too. “I remember the rock-wall incident. Mika was screaming that you ruined her party because you got stuck up there and how she wasn’t going to give you a goodie bag because of it.”
“It’s not funny,” she protests, but she’s laughing, too. “It was humiliating, but honestly, what a stingy bitch. I don’t think she ever forgave me. That girl can hold a grudge.”
“I thought you were pretty fierce.”
“Are you kidding? I climbed to the top and froze in a panic.”
“Did you see me climb up there?” Did she ever notice me in those days?
“You didn’t take a turn?”