10. Chapter 10
Chapter 10
Jake
Alone in my office, I worked on a report due a few days later. Stray thoughts distracted me often; I found it hard to believe I had sung in front of people the week before. So much so, I shook my head every time I thought of it. Until I could tell my therapist I sang my own music for an audience, I would desensitize to the fear of it, taking one step closer each time. If Vanessa asked me one session how I'd managed on my first try at the karaoke, I'd have to admit I'd been close to dissociating. Then she would ask me how I'd avoided disengaging from reality, and I would have to tell her I'd used the techniques we'd practiced, including focusing on a part of my body that felt good.
Every part of me that felt good had had to do with how close Vi and I were that night. The little touches from just moving next to each other. The warmth of her skin. The sound of her voice. One thing had led to another, and I could laugh at myself at how much I wanted to impress Vi with my singing. I could ignore everyone else, if I focused on Vi and how she might enjoy my voice.
From the look she gave me when we were alone, I had more than succeeded; she might have been in awe. She might have been on the brink of wanting me. Again? Maybe. In any case, too risky.
And, from the look Gabe and Lina had given me when she'd been on stage, I had been looking at her the same way. Only that she didn't know, and I could pretend Gabe and Lina had seen nothing.
I frowned at my computer screen, the words on it invisible to my eyes. There was a chance that Gabe suspected my feelings. Twice over the years, he'd said he wanted to talk about Vi. Each time, I'd panicked and refused. Being the good person he was, he hadn't insisted.
Still, I didn't know what Gabe thought or not about the situation, and the uncertainty sat in my stomach like lead. The idea of talking to him was worse. Vi was the one topic that I couldn't go to Gabe with.
Fuck, but I worried about what they might say. How their reaction could ruin things before they even started.
"Jake?"
Like I had summoned her, Vi entered my office and the view stopped my heart mid-beat.
"Fuck me," I groaned.
She must have heard me, because she blushed. It only made her lovelier, with her hair in a high ponytail, the ghost of a faltering smile, and wearing one of my favorite dresses of hers. It hugged her body and highlighted the curves that reminded me of my favorite guitar. Worse, it was cut in such a way that her shoulders were covered by a transparent, teasing fabric that joined at her neck in a lazily tied knot. Underneath, the part cut from a thicker, wool-like fabric had a sweetheart neckline, and buttons that I could easily imagine myself undoing. Just like I could imagine myself untying the knot at her neck, and opening her dress like she was a gift. Giving way to her in her underwear, and letting me get to her body and all the things I'd do to her while she was bent over my desk.
"Shit," I muttered again.
"Excuse me?"
"You're not shocked by some swearing, are you?" I arched an eyebrow.
"Of course not but—"
"— same ones you said in the car when your audiobook played, if I remember correctly."
I kept the curve of my brow as I gazed at her, but I added a smirk. At first, she pursed her lips. Then she laughed.
The sound slammed onto my torso, like deep bass making walls shudder. I didn't often get her smiles, her lightheartedness, her generosity. Those were for everyone else; the people who didn't turn into molten lava at the sight of her.
It was a good thing. Keeping those away from me helped. Yet it dug into me— an icepick to the chest if I thought too long about it.
"Okay, that put me in my place." She grinned. It lit up my office.
All the half-dormant feelings I'd tried to put in a box rattled and let me know they'd never been truly packed away.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I was trying to focus on this report. I didn't expect you."
It wasn't a lie; technically, I had been trying to focus on my report. Epically failing at it, too. Then she came in and made it downright impossible.
She stood in front of my desk and put her briefcase on one of the chairs. "I'm coming back from a meeting and I thought I would check in about the other two venues I found. Should I reach out to you again later?"
"Of course not. I think I still have the links you sent me open."
She rounded the desk to stare at the screen over my shoulder. I pulled up the website for one of the two venues she had found.
"See?" she said close to me. "I like the inside, but I'm not sure about the front or back gardens."
I shrugged. "If we're holding the party inside, does the outside matter?"
"I want it to be perfect so, yeah. It matters."
"Okay, then let's see the other." I clicked on the second tab. "The gardens are gorgeous."
She put a hand on my shoulder and leaned forward, pointing at one of the photos with a straight index finger. Her dark purple nail traced the pictures inside the venue, but my vision blurred. Her smell reached me, and the way she put weight on my shoulder… god, I was starved for her touch.
The ribbon that kept my heart tied to Vi went taut with tension. I was done for, if her hand on my shoulder had me feeling this much.
"This is the opposite problem." Her voice remained serious and untouched, focused on the task, unlike me. "I like the outside but not the inside."
"Could we make it better with decorations?"
She turned her face to me, leaving our noses close. It was rare to be so near her, and I didn't waste the chance. I studied the curve of her brow, her deep, warm brown eyes, even the angle of the wing on her eyeliner. Her gasp was almost inaudible, but I paid close attention.
I crossed my arms not to pull at her and have her sit on my lap.
"We could make it better," she breathed.
"Excuse me." Ryan, my assistant, stood by my door.
Vi straightened next to me and crossed her arms, but stayed in place— like what we'd been doing wasn't a problem at all.
It wasn't, by the letter of the law. Everyone knew that I was practically family, and she was demonstrative with Gabe and her dad. The glass wall around my office had remained transparent. Nothing had been happening.
But in the spirit of the law, my emotions would get us in incredible trouble.
"Yeah?" I asked Ryan, and hoped my voice seemed the same as usual.
"They're calling from Seattle. Can I put them through?"
"Yes. Give me a second. And please reach out to Vi's assistant and find a time for us to go out one of these mornings."
"For sure." Ryan left and put the call through; the red light on my phone told me they were on hold.
"Can we go to the one with the pretty outdoor space?" Vi picked her briefcase. "See if we can make the place better by the power of pretty venue makeup?"
I nodded. "I'll book it, though the Remington place still gets my vote."
She whispered. "Do better than me and explain we're not there to choose a venue for our wedding, okay?"
I smirked and gave her a serious nod; she wrinkled her nose and left me to deal with Seattle.
And yet, when I called the new venue later that day, they congratulated me on being a husband involved in planning his anniversary. I corrected them, of course. Even if for an instant I contemplated what would happen if I didn't, and I let them treat us like a couple renewing vows.
I had worked hard on self control. I took pride in it. I'd do better to remember why.
We visited the second venue later that week. Joanna was the person to show us the building; she was shorter than Vi but smiled just as much, and seemed to have a tendency to put her hair behind her ear and look at people from behind her eyelashes.
The building itself was mostly a big, plain box, with basic wainscotting on the walls to add minimal texture. The place branded itself as a blank canvas, which allowed you to play and make your party dreams come true. After the tour, Joanna led us to the large glass doors that showcased the garden outside.
"Do you have an idea for a party theme?" she said. "We offer some basic decorations like wall draping, depending on your color scheme."
Vi offered a neutral face and a small smile. "It's their fortieth, so we want the accent color to be ruby or burgundy, but we haven't decided on the full palette yet."
My eyes were on her. Something had dimmed her light. I often caught it, over the past two and a half years, where she'd be more reserved around me than others. But there was something different about it this time.
"I'll email you out options for you to consider." Joanna cast her eyes at me. "Can I send you the details?"
"Of course," I said. "We’ll look at them."
Joanna glanced between Vi and I. "Are you… siblings? You said it's your parents' anniversary and you grew up together?"
Vi's laughter was explosive. "Us? Siblings? No."
"No, we're… we are…" I frowned.
"We're in charge of the venue and decorations," Vi offered.
I pushed my lips to the side and tried to accept her words. They were wrapped in sandpaper, and it roughed my edges out on their way. While Vi's parents called me an adopted son sometimes, and I was a brother-friend to Gabe, I didn't know what that made me in relation to Vi.
Joanna smiled and took a couple of business cards out of her pocket, along with a pen. She wrote something on the back of one of them. "Well, I understand that planning these things takes time, and that you're on a tight schedule. I'd love to help out."
She gave me and Vi one card each. On the back of mine, it said personal number if you need it , and it listed her digits.
"Anything you want, just give me a call." She smiled my way.
"We will." I smiled back at her. "We will chat and let you know."
Vi shifted on her feet.
Joanna kept her smile. "You should go for a walk in the garden. It's beautiful, and maybe it will inspire you to have the party out there."
I thanked her and guided Vi out with a hand on her back. We took a stroll in the warm noon sun.
Large, old trees surrounded the property, all lined behind big and colorful flower bushes. A main paved path led us to the main terrace; from there it broke down into smaller trails leading to secondary outdoor spaces. Giant terracotta pots were placed strategically at the corners, with varied tones of green spilling out of them. Bushes I would never be able to name framed the different spaces.
"It's really beautiful out here." I walked side-by-side with Vi, taking in the place. "The flowers aren't in bloom yet, but they will be at their peak by the time of the party."
She crossed her arms with mild irritation.
"I don't know," she said. "The idea of organizing a big party outdoors makes me nervous. What if the weather doesn't cooperate? I'd hate having to rush inside because of rain, or have our guests sweating and swatting insects away."
I chuckled. "When you put it that way, the risk is too high."
We crossed the terrace onto a small, ornamental creek bridge. She stopped at the top and, with elbows on the railing, gazed down at the running water.
"Not this place, then?" I mirrored her. "You don't look like it's a winner."
"It's not. As gorgeous as this is, I think Remington Estate is the winner."
"Claire will be thrilled. She got excited about your ideas."
"I'll call her and make the booking official."
We should have left it there and gone back to work, but she didn't move and neither did I.
I gazed at her profile. "Should we let Joanna know we made a decision?"
"You can call her later. She'll be thrilled."
I frowned. "Thrilled? She just lost our business."
Vi snorted and looked away. "Still. There's a reason why she gave you her number, Jake."
"What?" I drew back my head in surprise. "She was giving us good service."
A mild snort escaped her nose. She still didn't look at me. "You noticed she was flirting, didn't you?"
I frowned again. "She wasn't flirting."
Was she? Sure, I'd noticed the preening, and her phone was on my card, but…
Vi shook her head and straightened. "As soon as she heard we weren't here together but for my parents' party. Constantly playing with her hair and smiling. Giving you the one card with her number, while telling you that she's available for anything you need. You have to have noticed?"
"I guess she did those things. Doesn't mean she was flirting with me."
Her face turned disbelieving. "Yes, it does."
My frown deepened until the muscles involved hurt. I had dated. I had been flirted with. It happened often enough. But I had not seen it with Joanna.
Vi let out a sad chuckle. "In any case. You may choose to do something about it. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just in a bad mood because Andrew sent me an email."
She turned to walk away. Instinctually, I wrapped a hand around her forearm and held her back. She didn't turn to me, but didn't pull away either.
I frowned. "What's going on? What did Andrew want?"
She pulled her arm away and turned to me.
She crossed her arms. "He's trying to get back together. I'm deciding if I want to tell him again that I'm uninterested, or just block him."
"Block him. Fuck that guy. He should have heard you the first time."
She cocked her head, but there was no playfulness in her eyes. "You're jealous."
Vi studied me with something close to frustration twisting her mouth.
"It's not about jealousy," I said. "He's an ex who's not getting it in his head that you broke up with him."
"Good, because you shouldn't be jealous." She pursed her lips together. "And I shouldn't be either. There are rules I cannot break."
I hid the flinch that seized my shoulders. "You're jealous?"
The possibility spread through my chest with entwined cold and warm vines. I shouldn't have asked, either, but I had to know. Even if I couldn't do anything about it, a little burnt place inside of me would heal to know she felt that way. That she still had feelings for me.
She frowned. "We shouldn't talk about this."
My jaw ticked. I took a step closer without meaning to, and I stopped myself before I could keep going and going until I had her in my arms.
"Please." The word came out in a pleading whisper. "I'm asking. Not to do anything. Not to put you in a bad position. I just need to know."
She shook her head. "Technically, the fact that we're outside work doesn't change the fact that I'm still one of your bosses, and it's on me to stop this."
"I'm the one at a disadvantage. I know that, but our lives are too entwined to make surgical cuts between us. Would you answer the question if this were a month from now, when I'm VP?"
She crossed her arms. "Depends. Do you feel that the fact I am a billionaire changes how you see me?"
I snorted. "Of course not. All my friends have more zeroes in their bank accounts than letters in their name. It's never changed a thing. And I'm more than financially comfortable myself."
"What about my family? Do you still feel my family is more mine than yours? That whatever happens between us when you're a VP could make them push you away?"
My nostrils flared. My heart hammered in my chest. That was the biggest question of all.
She took my silence for an answer.
"Then I can't be jealous, Jake. Even when you're a VP." She looked at the ground for a moment, but then lifted sad, beautiful brown eyes my way. "We should go."
I tightened my jaw and spoke through clenched teeth. "Every time someone else gets to see your smile and kiss you for it. Every time you give your time and affection to someone else. Every damn flower that Andrew sent you. I've been jealous, too, Vi."
If she had to show me that piece of her, it was only fair that I showed it to her, too. Maybe I was rationalizing things, and finding ways to justify a way to get an inch closer to her. I told myself this actually leveled the field between us.
She watched me with sad eyes, and for a while I thought she wouldn't say anything and we'd go. I collected every bit of strength I had and, right before I could unglue my feet from the ground, she let out a soft, heavy laugh.
"I didn't sign up for an angsty romance, yet here we are."
It wasn't until I had looked up the terms later that I joined her with my own sad laugh.