Chapter 13
Y vonne sat in the dining room for a long moment, waiting for Dennis. When he reappeared with two large cones, she gasped. “I guess I won’t need much dinner.”
“You will,” he stated cheerfully. “And, whenever you’re ready, don’t forget to ask Shane for permission to get into the pool.”
“I haven’t yet. I’m not quite there.”
“I get that, and I don’t even know with your incision whether you’re allowed into the pool yet, with all its chemicals.”
“No, I’m not, but I want to swim, as soon as I’m cleared for it,” she murmured. “I do remember that part last time. It was pretty nice. Do you go in often?”
He shook his head. “Nope, I don’t.”
“Not since, huh ?”
He looked over at her, gave her a gentle smile, and replied, “No, not since .”
Her shoulders sagged. “You used to love it.”
“Yep, I did, and then that changed.”
“Right,” she murmured, “because of me.”
“If it was because of you,” he noted, “it’s because I let that happen. You are not responsible for taking something away from me.”
She looked at him and then winced. “You figured that out already, huh ?”
“I did,” he confirmed, with a chuckle.
“Right.” She sighed. “I am looking forward to getting back into the pool when I get a chance.”
“And maybe I’ll join you,” he said, as he stared down at his ice cream. “Maybe I will. I’ll see. Not tonight though,” he murmured. “I’ve still got dinner to serve.”
“Hey, you promised me food,” she reminded him in a teasing voice.
“And I fully intend to honor that promise,” he declared, with a big smile in her direction. “But you can bet an awful lot of people are looking for food first.”
“Once they figure out that I got an ice cream to tide me over, how do you think they’ll feel?”
“They’ll feel the same way they always do, when they see somebody sneaking around the halls with ice cream. That they lost out.” Dennis chuckled. “And some days it’s just fun to give everybody something special,” he stated, with a smile. “Hathaway House is a very special place to work, and even to rehab in.”
“And after all these years you’re still happy here, aren’t you?”
He nodded. “Absolutely,” he stated, with a smile. “I can’t imagine being anyplace else.”
“And I guess that was the thing that I didn’t understand back then,” she admitted. “It seemed as if you had no ambition, and you had no need to go anywhere, as if you settled for less.” He stared at her in shock, and she shrugged. “That was the person I was back then.”
His grin flashed at her honest clarification.
“It’s not who I am now,” she added, “and I’m sorry that I was that person back then because I don’t think she understood very much about what was important to you.”
“A lot of things are important to me, but, five years ago, it was more about you getting what you needed out of this place,” he murmured. “And this time you seem to be seeking a completely different rehab experience.”
Yvonne laughed. “This time at Hathaway House is so very different for me. And I can also see what you do and how you do it makes you such a necessary part of Hathaway House. You’re really part of the heart and soul of this community,” she shared, “and I didn’t,… I didn’t see that before. I didn’t realize that the Dennis I knew and cared so much about was somebody everybody else cared about too.” She paused, frowning. “I couldn’t see that back then. I couldn’t see what you gave the community as a whole. How sad.”
“Not sad at all,” he countered. “I wasn’t there to,… to show off or to be a big conspicuous part of anything,” he explained. “I was—I was just being true to me.”
She looked over at him, her heart swelling, and she nodded. “You see? That’s the thing. You’re just being you, and, by being you, you have brought so much to the table, to the people here. Yet I just couldn’t see it before. I couldn’t see the value in that because it didn’t make you money, it didn’t make you a big name, it didn’t make you puff up every morning and look in the mirror and say, Yes, I’ve made it .”
“Why would I want to do that?” he asked in astonishment. She stared at him and then started to laugh. By the time she finally slowed down, he repeated his question. “Okay, so something was funny to you when I asked you why , but I do want to understand this. Why would I want to do that?”
She sighed, more serious now. “Because, in my case, I needed to do all that—make big money, make a big name for myself in my chosen industry, and declare in the mirror each morning how I had truly made it. Those were my external milestones that proved how I had created my new world to my standards, how I had succeeded. Yet you don’t need to do that because you already know on the inside that what you do brings so much value that it would break everybody’s heart here if you left.” She shrugged. “I didn’t have that sense of confidence, that sense of self.” She faced him and stated, “You did, and you do, and it’s perfect.”
*
Dennis stared at her in shock. “Oh, wow. I can’t think of anybody ever saying anything so nice to me,” he murmured. “It’s,… it’s lovely that you said that, but don’t in any way think that it makes you less than who you are.”
She smiled. “I know who I am now. Five years ago I was somebody who thought I was so much less, and I needed to do so much more in order to build myself up,” she explained. “I’m not that person anymore. And, if ever I needed that reminder, it was to come here this time around.… I really did take a strange step to the left, and this really is a coming home moment for me. And, even though I know I have a good five, six months of grueling rehab ahead for me, it is so good to be here.” She looked up at him. “And honestly, of all the things that I missed the most, it was you.”
He stared at her, and then crouched in front of her, grabbed her hands with his, and whispered, “I missed you too, but I also knew that I had to let you go.”
She smiled. “That’s because you were wiser than I was.”
“No, I haven’t been through the trauma you have.” He shook his head. “I didn’t get knocked off my path. I didn’t get knocked off my feet, and I didn’t get jolted into finding another way to make a living or how to go forward in life. Life for me has been easy. It’s been smooth, and I could do my best at a job without too much stress because I didn’t have too much conflict. Being here is a joy, a gift, and I love it.” He shrugged.
“I understand that not everybody agrees with me, especially when we focus on my career path. I understand that, for some people, they want to be doctors and surgeons and firefighters and God-only-knows whatever else people want to do, but that’s good for them. It’s not for me though. It’s not what I want. It’s not who I am, and, for this point in time in my life, being here, helping all the patients, bringing them joy,” he described, “is one of the best things I can do.”
She nodded. “You’re right.”
He placed a finger against her lips. “I wish we had talked earlier, all those years ago, because I probably never told you,” he shared, “how much I admire everything that you have done, everything you have handled. It’s easy for people on the outside to tell you that you need to do more or to work harder or to change your exercises, but we aren’t the ones with the broken bodies. We aren’t the ones with shattered emotions, with nightmares that steal our sleep from us, that steal the dreams that you had for yourself,” he murmured, gently rubbing his thumb against her chin. “We haven’t been tested the way you have been, and not just once but now twice,” he added.
She felt the tears gather in her eyes as she whispered, “It’s been really tough.”
He nodded. “I could say, Yes, it’s been tough, and I understand , but, of course, I can’t understand,” he admitted. “I don’t know what it’s like to lose a leg, to lose an arm, to lose whatever body parts. I think all lost body parts probably require a grieving process. I haven’t had any of those trials. You’ve had a trial by fire over and over again. And you have handled it with aplomb. You’ve handled it with as much gumption as anybody I have met.
“However, this time in rehab, you say that you lost your chutzpa. Maybe. But maybe it’s more a case of an acceptance of life, an acceptance of where you’re at right now. And that’s okay too. Still, you do need to go easy on yourself and to realize that you have done so much, and you have done it all with your head high, and you’ve done it your way.
“So I’m not telling you to do anything my way. I don’t know what’s best for you. I can only tell you what I would like to see is what is best for the two of us, but I won’t push that. I won’t push anything.” He nodded. “You’re here for several months. I want you to enjoy it. I want you to find joy in your heart as much as you can and as long as you can, knowing that you’re on a pathway that works for you, knowing that you can do this.”
She smiled. “I do know I can do it because I have done it before. Yet I want you to know that my plans this time around are to do it in a very different way,” she began. “I plan to relax. I plan to rest. I plan to enjoy every day. I plan to wake up and to smile because I had a chance to wake up.… It felt last time as if I needed to make the most of every waking moment, and it was a frantic pace, but I,… I couldn’t for the life of me slow down.”
He nodded. “And we saw that. We knew that, but we couldn’t find a way to get you to understand that it needed to change.”
“Well, life found a way. I got stopped with that last accident. And this time, I want to listen to the warnings. I want to listen to the advice. I want to take my time to do it right. I didn’t want to come back here, and yet I love it here. It is home for me, and it’s a stupid thing to say, but it feels as if I’m coming home. It’s not just about the place. I know what it is. I know why it is. I just hadn’t expected it to happen again,” she murmured.
He frowned at her.
She smiled and shrugged. “We don’t have to talk about this now. I know you have to go to work, so we’ll postpone some of this discussion for later.”
“Only if you want to,” he replied, looking as if he wanted to say something more. And, indeed, he did. He wanted to say so much more, yet he didn’t want to push her.
“Why don’t we meet after dinner?” she asked. “And then we can talk some more.”
He nodded. “That sounds good to me. I have a meeting to discuss Dani’s wedding feast, but, as soon as that’s done, I’ll call you. How’s that?”
“Sounds good, and you might even find me sitting out on the deck anyway.”
“Good. I like the sound of that. Now let’s get you back up where you belong.” And, with her tucked back into her room, Dennis headed down to the dining area for the rest of his workday.
By the time dinner came and went, he was still on a high from his conversation with Yvonne. Nobody had mentioned anything about how he was beaming, but lots of discreet smiles had been shared among the staff, and Dennis was fine with that. He was so okay with that. It was way better than the commiserating looks of somebody whose love was not returned that he’d gone through last time. And, even back then, he’d known it wasn’t the end of the Chapter.
He’d just known that the Chapter with Yvonne had taken a turn he didn’t expect. And now here he was, hopeful that there would be some exchange that would make him absolutely ecstatic, but he was really hesitant to hurry down that pathway too far, just in case she still wasn’t ready. And he didn’t know what she was ready for at this stage either. Just because he wanted her to be ready for something more didn’t mean she would be.
Ilse asked, “You okay for the meeting tonight?”
He nodded. “Yeah, I’m hoping it doesn’t go too late though.”
“Why, you got a date?” she asked in a teasing voice.
“I do,” he stated. “I’m meeting Yvonne on the deck afterward.”
“Good. I gather things have improved?”
“Things have improved,” he declared. “Still not sure quite where we’re going yet. I think I have a really good idea, but I thought that the last time too,” he admitted. “And I don’t want to make a mistake again this time.”
She nodded. “I don’t think that will be an issue, but I get it. Let’s ensure everybody’s on the same page.”
He smiled and nodded. And, sure enough, as he walked into the meeting, quite a few people were here. Dani was tired, worn out, but getting excited about what was coming her way. By the time the meeting broke up a good hour and a half later, Dennis had cleaned up the table where they’d all been sitting and stepped out on the deck. And, sure enough, tucked into the corner was Yvonne. He walked over quickly. “Hey, I hope I’m not too late tonight.”
“You were as late as you needed to be,” she replied, waving her arms. “And that’s the way life is.”
He smiled. “That’s a really nice philosophical attitude to take right now. I’ll probably have lots of those wedding-related meetings until the big ceremony is over.”
“I’m really happy for her,” Yvonne said. “I mean, she’s done so much for everybody else in her life that it’s nice when we can give back.”
“Exactly,” Dennis agreed. “And what about you?” he asked. “How has your day been?”
“Crazy, chaotic, lovely,” she replied, “comfortable. I know that sounds odd to say, but I feel as if I’m back home again, back home in a whole different way. I guess I don’t really know how to explain it,” she conceded, “but it was good. It was a good day.”
“Great. Shane isn’t starting you off too hard with those rehab exercises?”
“No, Shane’s doing fine.” She gave him a smile. “Still, he’s certainly checking in on me afterward to ensure that everything I do is not too much.”
“Of course he is.” Dennis laughed. “I’m sure, in his mind, he doesn’t want to be responsible for another setback.”
“No, I’m certainly not expecting that in any way. And I’m really glad to hear that you’ve got the meeting over with and you have time for me tonight.”
“Yep, but do you want a cup of tea or something?”
She nodded. “Yeah, let’s do that.” She pushed her wheelchair toward the coffee station. He put on the teakettle, and she smiled. “A cuppa herbal tea would be good.” She noted a couple other people were still milling around in the dining room. “One of the tables has been confiscated for cards, I see.” She smiled, as she looked over.
“Yep, when we expanded, we all spelled out how we needed enough meeting room space for everybody to do what they envisioned. We’re still not exactly sure that we have the answer to fill all needs, but another expansion would be a problem. So we decided no on a future expansion, at least at this time.”
“It doesn’t look crowded at the moment,” Yvonne noted, as she looked around.
“No, at least for this moment. We may have to add a bigger and separate gathering area later, but, for right now, it’s all good.”