CHAPTER TWELVE
Kelsey watched as Alice Kennedy walked away, then said, “She seems really sweet.”
“She is,” Zane agreed. “That whole family is, really. Well, except for Reese. She’s more like kettle corn.”
“Kettle corn?” Kelsey asked as they made their way to the registers at the front.
“She can be sweet, but often, she’s salty. You never know which one you’re going to get, and it drives her brothers bonkers.”
Thankfully, they didn’t have to stand in line too long, and soon she was able to unload her items onto the conveyor belt. After all of her stuff was out of the cart, she set the divider down and started to work on Zane’s.
It pained her a bit to have their items separate, but he probably wouldn’t even think to pay for her things too. Even though they had kept most of their finances separate, whenever they went shopping together, he would pay for whatever they got. He’d also pay whenever they went out to eat. And that didn’t even include the just because items he’d buy for her like a new candle or a new set of cozy pajamas.
But that had been when she’d been first his girlfriend, and then his wife. However, he no longer viewed her as someone important to him.
That thought hurt her to her very core.
She shouldn’t have bought half of what she had. But it was that time of the month, so her emotions—which were already battered and bruised—were in upheaval. Ice cream and chocolate held a lot of appeal that day.
Once her items were through, she paid the bill, then transferred the bags to the cart. Zane took her place at the till, then paid for his stuff.
After it was all bagged and loaded into the cart, they left the store.
“Was there anywhere else you wanted to go before we head home?” Kelsey asked as she lifted the bags into the trunk of her car.
“Well, we can’t dawdle too much, or your ice cream will melt,” Zane said.
“Yeah. It is a bit warm for it to sit for too long in the car.”
“Let’s just head home.” Zane moved to the passenger door and opened it.
Kelsey took the cart to the cart return, then went back to the car and got in.
Though a part of her had enjoyed spending time with Zane, she was ready for a little bit of space. The toll it took on her to spend time with Zane when he didn’t have any emotional connection to her was intense.
“Thanks for letting me tag along,” Zane said after they were home and Kelsey had put away her groceries. “It was nice to get out of the house for a bit.”
“You’re welcome.” She picked up his bags. “I’ll carry these up for you.”
“It feels wrong to let you do that, but I don’t have much choice.”
“It’s fine. I’m going upstairs, anyway.”
They went up to the second floor, and Kelsey set the bags down just inside Zane’s door, then went to her own room. She’d left the ice cream for later, but she’d grabbed her favorite candy bar at the till, and it was in the bag with her shampoo and conditioner.
It had been awhile since she’d eaten her feelings the way she wanted to right then. But she figured that she was entitled to it.
Her life was anything but the happy and stable place it had been not that long ago.
Her husband had feeling for his ex, who he’d woken up thinking was still his girlfriend.
She still had no job, and her money was running out.
All of that combined to make her feel incredibly sad and like she’d never have love and joy in her life again.
Alice Kennedy’s words came to mind. We’ve been praying so much for the both of you. Would those prayers make any difference?
Kelsey went to put her newly purchased shampoo and conditioner bottles in the shower in her attached bathroom, then took her chocolate bar to the chair near the bay window. With a sigh, she sank into it and stared out the window.
Serenity was actually a nice little town, and in different circumstances, she might have loved to live there. She hadn’t really considered it because in all the time she’d known Zane, he’d always made it very clear he’d never live in his hometown.
Even now, she knew it was only a temporary home.
If Zane didn’t remember her and things didn’t work out between them, she’d be leaving on her own.
And if he did get his memory back, he wouldn’t want to stay there, so they’d both be leaving.
The second option was preferable, but she had a feeling that wasn’t going to be the one she got.
Unwrapping her candy bar, she broke off a piece and popped it into her mouth. The delicious melt of the chocolate gave her a momentary burst of pleasure. Her appetite still wasn’t what it had once been, but she always had room for chocolate.
There had been talk the evening before about some of the Halverson siblings coming over for a Friday night dinner. Kelsey wasn’t all that keen on hanging out with them. She felt very much like she was being tolerated, and she’d already had enough of that in her lifetime.
When she’d visited at Christmas time with Zane, she hadn’t really given much thought to whether they wanted her there or not. They’d been polite toward her, which seemed appropriate considering they were meeting her for the first time. It wasn’t until they’d gotten married that the family’s feelings about her had become more apparent.
Being in Serenity now, when her Zane wasn’t there to stand at her side and be a buffer, made being with the Halversons difficult. Rori was about the only person—well, and Lee—who made Kelsey feel welcome and like she belonged there.
No one went out of their way to snub her, but none of them really sought her out for conversation. It made her feel like they blamed her in some way for what had happened to Zane. Or worse, that they didn’t think he was going to remember her, so it wasn’t worth their time to get to know her since she’d be leaving, eventually.
Granted, she knew that his siblings were all busy with their careers and their families, so she didn’t expect them to take the time out of their schedule to spend with her. But it still hurt, especially since she was aware they’d known, and apparently liked, Zane’s Sarah.
When her chocolate bar was gone, Kelsey frowned down at the empty wrapper. She crumpled it in her hand, then got up and went to drop it into the garbage can. While she was up, she went to the small desk in the room and picked up her tablet.
She was still planning to take the nursing exam, so she’d looked up the nearest place offering it. Turned out, she’d likely have to go to Spokane, which was over an hour away.
Knowing that, she still tried to spend time each day studying. Thankfully, it was a good way to pass the time once she’d done her daily check for jobs in the area.
She had to keep some purpose in her life, or she was going to lose her mind. If she couldn’t have a relationship or a job, she’d at least continue on her path to becoming a nurse.
It might take a little longer, but if she ended up leaving Serenity, at least she’d be in a position of having what she needed to apply for nursing jobs. Hopefully.
From the moment she’d decided to pursue nursing, she’d kept her plans to herself, doing her best to juggle her classes and practicum with her shifts at the restaurant. She had only let Zane in on her plans after they’d been dating for around three months. When she’d asked him not to tell anyone about it until she’d passed the NCLEX, he’d agreed, though he’d thought his family would be supportive of her efforts.
Unfortunately, so often in her life, her attempts to strive for more than just the bare minimum had been dismissed and even discouraged. She’d learned to present things as a done deal, knowing that she’d have no support for the journey to her goals.
Zane had been supportive of her efforts, and he’d respected his promise not to share her news. But now he didn’t remember what she’d told him, so no one knew.
After a couple of hours of distracted studying, there was a knock on Kelsey’s door. Setting her tablet aside, she got to her feet and went to answer it.
“Hey, Kelsey,” Rori said with a big smile. “How was your day?”
Kelsey stepped back so Rori could come in. “It was fine. How was yours?”
“Someone dropped off another litter of cats today, so we had to deal with them. They are so cute.”
“Did you bring one home?” Kelsey asked.
“Nope. Lee still says absolutely not.” Rori glanced around. “You could have a cat here if you wanted.”
“Really?” Kelsey was surprised at that.
“As long as the cat stayed in your room, it would probably be okay.”
“I don’t think I should get any pets until things are a bit more settled.” Though there was something appealing about having something to cuddle with, that needed her care and attention.
“I guess that’s probably a good idea. But if you change your mind, you know who to come to.”
Kelsey smiled. “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”
“Anyway, I came up to let you know dinner will be in about an hour.”
“I’m not going to be there,” Kelsey said.
Rori’s brows rose, and she crossed her arms. “Why not?”
“To be honest, I don’t feel comfortable in a group setting with this family.”
Rori frowned. “I know it can be difficult to get to know so many people. It was a bit overwhelming for me, too.”
“But you had Lee,” Kelsey said.
Rori’s gaze dropped for a moment, then she looked back at Kelsey with a nod. “Yes. I did.”
“I don’t have that connection. A reason to be part of these gatherings.”
“I understand that, but you’ll never connect with them if you don’t try,” Rori said. “And I’ll be there too. I can be your connection. We’re friends, right?”
Kelsey didn’t mean to hesitate, but she did, and her hesitation brought a look of hurt to Rori’s face. “Yes. We’re friends.”
“Are you sure?”
“I am,” Kelsey said. “It’s just I don’t have a lot of friends, and my best friend got mad at me when Zane and I eloped and then decided to move to Tampa. I agreed to all of that without discussing it with her, and it made her mad, and she’s stopped talking to me.”
“I haven’t had a lot of friends either,” Rori said. “I’ve made a few good ones since coming here, but I know that friendship can be a tricky thing. Just know I’ve got your back.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. I’ve got your back too.”
“So come to dinner, and we’ll stick together. If you can’t be there as Zane’s wife, you can be there as my friend.”
Kelsey considered it. Going would give her the opportunity to spend more time around Zane. But if he ignored her, that would hurt. Every time she stepped foot into a situation where Zane was present, the potential for pain was high.
It had been fine earlier at the store, but that didn’t guarantee the evening would be as well.
“Please come, Kelsey,” Rori said. “You need to show the Halversons that you’re willing to endure awkward situations for Zane’s sake. For the sake of your marriage. I know it’s not easy, but I think it’s necessary.”
Kelsey knew that Rori was right. But after so much hurt, it was hard to keep putting herself out there. Plus, though she hadn’t mentioned it to Rori, it hurt to be around happy, affectionate couples. It was a painful reminder of what she’d had and lost, and what she might never have again.
“Okay. I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
Rori smiled broadly, then gave Kelsey a quick hug. “I’m happy you’re coming. See you in a few.”
Kelsey closed the door, then stood there for a moment, hoping she hadn’t made a mistake. But she couldn’t back out now, so she spent the time as she was getting ready psyching herself up for dinner with the in-laws.
After a brief debate with herself, Kelsey decided to change her clothes. She’d dressed for comfort earlier, but now it felt like she needed to dress to impress.
She took a few minutes to look through her clothes before settling on a sundress, since it was a warm day. It was a dress that she’d bought when Zane had gone shopping with her. He’d made comments on each of the outfits she’d tried on, and finally, he’d declared that one to be his favorite.
It was a light, flowy dress with a fitted bodice, a sweetheart neckline, and wide shoulder straps. The skirt floated just above her knees, and Zane had said that shade of light blue had looked good with her eyes.
Was she hoping to jog Zane’s memory by showing up in a dress he’d had a hand in choosing? Sure. But also, she had only ever had positive memories in this dress. Zane had complimented her every time she’d worn it, telling her how beautiful she looked.
After putting it on, she realized it was a little looser than the last time she’d worn it. However, if she kept eating chocolate bars and ice cream, she’d probably have the opposite problem soon.
But that was a problem for future Kelsey.
Brushing her hair up into a high ponytail, Kelsey left a sweep of her bangs across her forehead, then she chose a pair of earrings that Zane had given her, along with its matching necklace. She slid her feet into a pair of strappy flat sandals, then left the room.
As she reached the main floor, Kelsey heard muffled conversation and smelled the aroma of food cooking. Wanting to help with dinner like she’d said, Kelsey quickly made her way into the kitchen.
Rori and Lee were there, talking softly at the counter. They turned in her direction, and when Rori saw her, her face lit up.
“What can I help with?” Kelsey asked as she approached them.
“You and I can set the table,” Rori said. “Lee is in charge of the chicken.”
“What kind of chicken are we having?” Kelsey asked, taking a stack of plates from Rori.
“Marinated and then cooked on the barbecue,” Lee said. “Simple but tasty. I also did some baked. Chicken a couple of different ways, I guess.”
Rori loaded the silverware onto a tray. “The others are bringing the rest of the meal.”
Kelsey trailed Rori into the dining room. “Who all is coming?”
“This has turned out to be an evening for the childless couples.”
That still meant that there would be four Halverson siblings that evening—including Zane and Lee.
But there were ten plates to set out. “Who are the two other plates for?”
Rori glanced at her. “Oh, that’s for Jackson and Carisa.”
“Have I met them?” Kelsey asked.
“I don’t think so, though they might have been around at Christmas when you were here.”
“I don’t remember.”
“Well, Jackson is a good friend of Gareth’s. Carisa met him when she became friends with me and Lee. We went to her house to help her dog deliver her puppies.”
Kelsey wondered if Carisa’s presence would distract Rori since they were already friends. Well, it was too late to change her mind about attending.
Once the plates were set, Kelsey got the glasses. They had just finished setting the table when people started to arrive.
The first to show up were Wilder and Lexi. Kelsey had gotten to know Wilder a little while they’d been in Tampa, but she still didn’t feel entirely comfortable with him. Plus, his wife, Lexi, was a bit aloof. Rori had assured her that Lexi was that way with most people and to not take it personally.
“Hi, Kelsey,” Wilder said when he spotted her. “How’s it going?”
“Good. How about with you?”
“It’s going real good,” he said, then looked around. “Where’s Zane?”
“I assume he’s up in his room if he’s not down here.”
Wilder nodded. “I’m going to go check on him.”
Wilder didn’t wait for her response before he headed for the stairs, pausing only briefly to say something to Lexi. He also called out a greeting to someone in the foyer before disappearing in the direction of the stairs.
A couple Kelsey didn’t know appeared in the entryway to the kitchen. She assumed they were Jackson and Carisa, an assumption proven true when Lee called out a greeting to them by name.
Rori hurried over to give each of them a hug. Then she looped her arm through Carisa’s and guided her over to where Kelsey stood.
“Cari, I want you to meet Kelsey, Zane’s wife,” Rori said. “Kelsey, this is Carisa.”
“Nice to meet you,” Kelsey said as she held out her hand.
“You, too.” Carisa’s smile was warm and friendly. “We’ve been praying for you and Zane.”
“Thank you.”
“So how are you finding Serenity?” Carisa asked as Rori moved off to talk to Lexi.
“It’s a nice town,” Kelsey said.
Carisa smiled. “It’s a nice small town.”
“Yeah. It’s a bit smaller than I’m used to,” Kelsey said. “I grew up in a big city.”
“So did I.”
“How did you end up here?”
“My dad brought my mom and I here when my mom was having some mental and physical health problems, and we ended up staying permanently. My mom is doing a lot better, and of course, I fell in love with Jackson, who was firmly entrenched in this place.”
“So you’re happy here?”
“Definitely. Even if I wasn’t married to the love of my life, I think I would have been happy to stay here with my parents.”
At that moment, Wilder reappeared, with Zane trailing behind him. For a heartbeat, Kelsey waited for him to search the room for her in the way he usually did.
Except he didn’t. His attention went to Jackson, who he greeted with a smile. Would there ever come a point where she didn’t anticipate Zane acting the way he had pre-accident? It would be great if she could reach that point soon and spare herself the pain she felt each time she expected something that didn’t happen.
“It must be difficult.”
Kelsey turned to see Carisa watching her with concern. She’d thought it would be pity, but that’s not what she got from the woman. “It is.”
“I wish I had some words of wisdom for you,” Carisa said as she slipped her arm around Kelsey’s shoulders and gave her a squeeze. “But all I can say is that I’m sorry this has happened to you.”
Carisa might be a gorgeous woman, but it appeared that she was also very kind.
“It’s not something you ever think you’re going to have to deal with,” Kelsey said. “Not in a million years.”
“Yes, that’s true. None of us start a relationship or get married imagining something like this happening. We’re praying very hard that Zane’s memory will return soon.”
Kayleigh and Hudson arrived then, and soon, they were putting the food on the table. When they all sat down, Kelsey was surprised that Zane actually ended up sitting beside her. Unfortunately, it hadn’t been because of his own actions, but rather the maneuvering of Rori, Lee, Jackson, and Carisa.
For a moment, though, Kelsey didn’t feel so alone. There were others who wanted things to work out between her and Zane.
Conversation was plentiful around the table, and Zane was the most talkative he’d been since the accident.
“How’s the house going?” Rori asked Carisa as they passed platters and bowls of food around.
“Pretty good. We’re in the home stretch now, so I’ve got more to do.”
“Carisa and Jackson flip houses, and Carisa also does staging for people who need to sell an empty house.”
“That sounds interesting,” Kelsey said. “Do you enjoy it?”
“I do.” Carisa picked up her knife to spread butter on her dinner roll. “It wasn’t what I intended to do when I completed college, but I discovered I had a bit of a knack for it after Jackson and I started dating.”
“Carisa is also pregnant,” Rori told her. “They just let us all know about a month ago.”
“Congratulations,” Kelsey told her. “How has the pregnancy been going?”
“Really well. I’ve had a few crazy cravings, but Jackson has been an absolute dream in dealing with them.”
“He’s so excited about becoming a dad.” Rori grinned. “You’re going to have two kids on your hands, I think.”
Carisa laughed. “Jackson’s youthful approach to life is one of the things I love about him. Makes our age difference not be so much of a big deal.”
Kelsey wondered if there was any chance of her and Zane ever having kids. They’d talked about it in passing. Just enough to know it was something they both wanted, but they’d agreed to wait a couple of years before talking seriously about it.
Now, however, kids seemed a far off possibility.
Zane focused most of his attention on Wilder, who was seated to his right, and had barely acknowledged Kelsey beyond a quick smile as they’d taken their seats.
It was a harsh reminder that her role in his life was not uppermost in his mind the way it had been pre-accident. Back then, if they’d been sitting next to each other—even if he was talking to someone else—they’d have still had physical contact. Whether it was them holding hands, Zach’s arm around her, or just a hand on a leg, there would have been some sort of contact.
Now, there was nothing. And Kelsey was at a complete loss as to how to help Zane regain his memory, or if not that, to help him fall in love with her again.
He’d fallen in love with her once, so one would think he could do it again. But unfortunately, he wasn’t in the same state of mind—or state of heart—as when he’d fallen in love with her the first time. Because of the memories he’d lost, this time around, another woman held his heart and mind.
Kelsey feared that despite her best efforts, there would be no way to overcome that.