CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
“You’re up early,” Lee said when Zane crutched his way into the kitchen the next morning. It was just after seven o’clock, which was a time he rarely saw if he could help it.
“Couldn’t sleep.” Zane made it to the coffeemaker, got himself a mug from the mug tree, and filled it with coffee.
“Everything okay?” Lee asked as he leaned a hip against the counter. He lifted the mug he held to take a sip.
“Nope.” If there was one person Zane felt he could be mostly honest with, it was Lee. “Been awhile since I felt like anything was even remotely okay.”
Zane slid his mug along the counter, while using his crutches to get to a barstool. Lee reached out and picked the mug up, then set it in front of the seat Zane usually chose.
Sinking down onto the barstool, Zane said, “Thank you.”
“Want something to eat?”
“Not at the moment.”
“Anything in particular that’s bothering you?”
“Stuff with Kelsey,” he said. “I just don’t know how to navigate it.”
Lee nodded, but he didn’t say anything.
“I’m going to talk to Pastor Kennedy today, hopefully. I messaged him to ask if he’d have time for me.”
“That’s a good idea,” Lee said. “He’s a good one to talk to.”
“I just need some guidance and maybe some insight into how to handle everything.”
He heard the front door open, and a moment later, Kelsey appeared in the doorway. When their gazes met, her steps came to a halt. Just for a moment, however, then she walked further into the kitchen.
“Good morning,” Zane said.
“Good morning.” She gave him a brief smile. “You’re not usually up this early.”
“Yeah. Couldn’t sleep so decided to get up. How was work? Was the meeting okay?”
“It was fine. They just wanted to reinforce what they expect from the overnight shift. Apparently, some people think that since there’s not as much oversight that they don’t have to do as much work.”
“I’m sure that didn’t apply to you,” Zane said.
She turned from where she’d filled her glass with water. “No. I try to do my best, even if it’s not my favorite job.”
Zane could see that she looked tired, and he wondered if the weird hours were wearing her out. She’d said that their previous life had been lived with odd hours, but not this odd.
“Morning,” Rori said as she joined them in the kitchen. “Wow. You’re up early, Zane.”
“Decided to see what it was like in these early morning hours.”
“Well, now we’re busted,” Rori said. “Zane’s going to find out how exciting it is to be up this early. It’s just a party every day.”
While they’d been talking, Lee had gone to the stove and put a frying pan on a burner. As it heated, he went to the fridge and pulled out the eggs and butter.
Kelsey sat down beside Zane and took a drink of her water. Rori poured herself a cup of coffee, then watched as Lee cracked several eggs into the pan and salt and peppered them.
As the eggs cooked, Lee put a couple of English muffins into the four-slot toaster. When the eggs were done, Lee assembled them with the English muffins and put one on each plate and set one in front of Kelsey and one in front of Rori.
“Thank you,” Kelsey said. “I’m starving.”
Had Lee been feeding Kelsey every morning? If Zane had known she ate when she got home, he might have made more of an effort to get out of bed and make her some food. For some reason, he’d assumed she came home and went right to bed.
“Want an egg muffin, bro?” Lee asked as he went back to the pan and added a little more butter.
“Sure. That would be great.”
It wasn’t too long before he had an egg muffin of his own. “Thank you.”
As they ate, Lee and Rori chatted about the day ahead of them at the clinic. Zane wasn’t quite awake enough to contribute meaningfully to the conversation, and Kelsey seemed like she was too tired to talk very much.
Zane’s text alert went off as he took his last bite, and when he picked his phone up, he saw that Pastor Kennedy had replied to him.
P. Kennedy: I’d love to meet with you. Would ten work?
That would be fine.
P. Kennedy: Will you need a ride?
Nope. I can drive since my injured leg is my left leg.
P. Kennedy: Then I’ll see you at ten.
Looking forward to it.
As Zane lowered his phone, Kelsey got to her feet and took her plate and glass to the dishwasher.
“Want me to put yours in the dishwasher, Zane?” she asked.
“Sure. That would be great.”
Kelsey took his plate and mug and added them to the dishwasher, and Lee and Rori did the same with theirs.
“Well, we’re off,” Lee said as Rori retrieved their lunch bags from the fridge. “See you both later.
“Have a good day,” Kelsey told them.
Elsa trotted after them, but she returned pretty quickly when the door to the garage closed.
“I’m going to sleep,” Kelsey said once it was just the two of them. “I’m beat.”
“You’re still working tonight?”
“Yep. One more night.”
“Have they offered you more hours yet?”
“No, but I’m okay with that.”
“That’s good.”
“Well, I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“Sleep well.”
She gave him a nod, then left the kitchen. Quiet settled over the large house, and Zane stayed in the kitchen for a few more minutes. He still hadn’t gotten into the habit of looking through social media, but he liked to check on the news.
There was a lot that had happened in the world during the years he no longer remembered. It had taken him awhile to get caught up on that.
After a few minutes, he got to his feet and grabbed his crutches to make his way upstairs. Though it was a pain, he took a shower before his meeting, since he had the time.
It took longer than it used to, specifically prepping for the shower, since he had to make sure that his cast stayed dry.
By the time nine-thirty rolled around, he was ready to go. Kelsey had taken to leaving the keys for her car in the bowl on the small table by the front door, so he made his way down the stairs and picked them up.
He had plenty of time, so he didn’t rush as he made his way to the car and then drove to the church. The sun was shining brightly, and it promised to be a warm day. Maybe he’d have time to enjoy it later.
Rather than go through the big doors that led to the foyer, he circled around and entered the door that led to the offices of the church. It was cool and quiet as he stepped inside, and the carpet muffled his steps as he used his crutches to move along the carpeted hall to where the pastor’s office was located.
“Hi, Mrs. Kennedy,” Zane said as he spotted Will’s mom behind the desk outside the pastor’s office.
“Zane!” The older woman got up and came around the desk to hug him. “How are you doing?”
“I’m doing alright. How are you?”
“Just great.” She pointed to the open door of the pastor’s office. “You can go on in. He’s waiting for you.”
“Thank you.”
As Zane approached the pastor’s office, the man appeared in the doorway and greeted Zane with a smile and a handshake.
“C’mon in.” He stepped back to allow Zane to enter his office, then gestured to a cluster of chairs near a large window.
Zane chose a comfortable-looking armchair and sank down onto it, then leaned his crutches against the chair beside him, while Pastor Kennedy took the seat opposite him.
“It’s good to see you, Zane,” the older man said. “I know you’re back under not the greatest of circumstances, but it’s been good to see you home in Serenity again.”
“It hasn’t been as bad as I’d thought it would be,” Zane said. “I never imagined that I’d be back for an extended period of time as an adult. But here I am.”
“Well, before we start, why don’t we pray?”
Zane nodded and bowed his head, listening as the pastor prayed for wisdom, clarity, and understanding for their conversation.
“So, how have things been going?”
Zane took a deep breath. He’d been thinking a lot about what to tell Pastor Kennedy, and he’d finally decided that if he wanted sound advice, he needed to tell him everything. So he did.
He told him what it was like waking up to discover that he’d forgotten several years of his life. Of how shocking it had been to learn he had a wife, and it wasn’t Sarah. Of the difficult situation he’d found himself in with regards to having feelings for a woman who wasn’t his wife. Of the physical challenges he faced with his mobility issues and the headaches that still plagued him.
It was a bit like throwing up all the emotions he’d gone through since first regaining consciousness in a world that differed from what he remembered. Emotions he hadn’t even known he was suppressing bubbled up and out, leaving him a mess. It was like lancing a boil.
Throughout all of it, Pastor Kennedy just listened. His expression was encouraging and sympathetic.
Zane was more honest with him than he’d been with anyone since waking up in the hospital. He knew that he could trust Pastor Kennedy with all of it.
“You’ve definitely been going through a lot,” Pastor Kennedy said when Zane finally fell silent. “What are you struggling with the most at the moment?”
His response came without hesitation. “My marriage.”
“I can see that it’s been tremendously hard for you to be married to a stranger, especially when your feelings are still caught up in Sarah.”
“I want to do what’s right, but I struggle with what that is.”
“Do you think the right thing is to divorce Kelsey?”
“No.” Once again, his response was quick. “If I regained my memory and learned I’d divorced the woman I loved, I would be devastated.”
“Then your decision is to love Kelsey and to respect your wedding vows.”
“I guess… yes. But I don’t know how to do that. The love part. I know how to respect my vows.”
“It might not be easy, but I believe that because this is the God-honoring thing to do, He will guide you and give you the wisdom and ability to love Kelsey.”
The pastor picked up his Bible from where it lay on a small table next to his chair. It was large, with a worn leather cover. When he flipped it open, Zane could see that passages were highlighted and there were scribbles in the margins.
“I’m sure you know the verses where God commands us to love, right?”
Zane nodded. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
“Yep. That one, but He also commands us to love our enemies.”
“Kelsey’s not my enemy.”
“No, she’s not,” Pastor Kennedy agreed. “But most of us would struggle to love our enemies if it were not for God’s help. So if He can give us love for someone we would normally find unlovable, then surely He can give you love for your wife.”
“I’ve been praying for that, but it doesn’t seem to be working.”
“It might not happen overnight, but if you give it time and care, I believe that it will. God wants your marriage to succeed. Have you been taking steps to try to encourage that?”
“I’m trying to spend time with her,” Zane said. “So I can get to know her better.”
“That’s a good start. But I think you also need to begin to tell yourself that you love her. Because, with God’s help, you will.”
It was hard for Zane to imagine. It felt like a weird way to fall in love with someone, let alone his wife. Forcing himself to have feelings went against everything he’d ever thought about love.
“Let’s not forget that the Bible tells husbands to love their wives,” Pastor Kennedy said. “So you are honoring that command in seeking to love Kelsey.”
“I don’t think she’s a Christian,” Zane told him. “It seems that I had walked away from the Lord in the years I’ve forgotten.”
“That means, along with love for Kelsey, we need to pray for her to come to love the Lord.”
It seemed like a lot to pray for. A lot to expect God to do for him.
“You mustn’t be discouraged,” Pastor Kennedy said. “You’re not alone. We will be praying for you and Kelsey. Just remember that Satan will not want your desire to honor God in this way to succeed, but don’t give up.”
“What if she decides she doesn’t want to stay in the marriage?” She hadn’t said anything like that yet, but he knew it could still happen.
“I realize that’s a possibility, so we’ll just have to pray that God will grant her patience and a willingness to give you both time to adjust to your new normal.”
Zane had always had an unwavering faith in God and that He could answer prayer. His struggle at that moment, however, was to believe that God would answer these prayers. They seemed so lofty and unattainable.
“Don’t give up hope,” Pastor Kennedy said. “Commit this to the Lord and trust Him to guide you and Kelsey.”
Zane nodded. “Also, I could use some advice or insight with regards to my parents.”
Pastor Kennedy’s brows rose at that. “What’s happened?”
“They’re not happy about my marriage to Kelsey.”
“Ah.” Pastor Kennedy nodded. “I don’t think it’s that they’re unhappy. More that they’re concerned.”
“I feel like there’s a conflict within me because I never imagined they’d be upset about who I married. And from what I’ve seen, Kelsey seems to be a perfectly nice woman. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel like I have their support in trying to make this marriage with her work.”
“I think you do,” Pastor Kennedy said. “It’s natural for parents to be concerned, especially when they’re not sure what’s going on. Your marriage to Kelsey certainly took them off-guard.”
“But I brought her home to meet them,” Zane said. “Didn’t that show them I was serious about her?”
“I think they expected more notice before the wedding, and that they’d be included. Everything happened so quickly that it’s probably left them feeling a little unsettled. Give them time. I’m confident they’re praying for you and Kelsey.”
They talked for a bit longer, then Pastor Kennedy challenged him to find ways to share God’s love with Kelsey until he could also confidently show her his own.
Finally, they spent some time in prayer, both of them praying this time, and when their time together was over, Zane felt lighter and like he had a bit more clarity on how he should move forward.
Though it still felt a bit like he was walking in a dense fog, now he didn’t feel so alone.
“You know you’re always welcome to come back for another chat,” Pastor Kennedy said as he exited the office.
“Thank you. I appreciate that.”
Mrs. Kennedy got up and came to give him another hug. “You take care of yourself.”
“I’ll try.” He gave the couple a smile as Pastor Kennedy joined his wife, slipping an arm around her. “You take care of yourselves, too.”
After saying goodbye, Zane made his way out of the church and around to where he’d parked Kelsey’s car. Once behind the wheel, he let out a long sigh.
His plan had been to go back home, but Pastor Kennedy’s encouragement to find ways to show Kelsey love, even if he didn’t feel it yet, lingered in his mind.
Sarah had been his most serious girlfriend, so his romantic experience with women was rather limited. But didn’t all women like flowers and chocolate?
He tried to think about what else might appeal to Kelsey, but he didn’t know her well enough to have any ideas that would be specific to her. Well, he knew what flavor of ice cream she liked, and he’d seen her grab a chocolate bar when they’d gone to the store together, so he could buy her that.
It was nearly noon, so he still had time before Kelsey would be up. He planned to be home in time to make her coffee and some toast.
But first, he had a couple of stops to make.