Chapter Eighteen
Misty
Bernie comes home tomorrow, and I miss my daughter. I miss her so much, but I love this time with Zeppelin.
Lying here, in his arms, the panic takes over. This can’t be happening. Not this fast.
My God, I’m falling in love with him.
“What’s wrong?” Zep asks, his voice heavy with sleep as his arms tighten around me.
His skin on mine feels better than I imagined it would. How I ever thought just one night—or one week—would be enough to move on from the desire I have for him, I don’t know. I just know I’m an idiot.
“Nothing,” I lie.
“Bullshit.”
His comment makes me smile as I nuzzle my face against his chest. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”
“I can hear your heart beating.”
Well, shit. “Just thinking.”
“About us?”
“Yes.”
He shifts to look down at me. “I know you have reservations, but I hate to break it to you, babe… you kind of make a statement around town by coming to the Seven Crows with me.”
It’s true. And I knew what it meant before I agreed. Part of me wants to be Zep’s girl. “I know.”
“We’ll do this your way. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do. But I’m here, Misty. If you want to do this and see where it goes, I’m all in.”
The words make me happy, but the voice in the back of my mind tells me I can’t fully trust them. Just weeks ago, Zep mourned losing the love of his life. The one he allowed to use him over and over again. Only a man in love would take on that amount of torture.
“I think when Bernie gets home tomorrow that we should take some space. Play it by ear.”
Licking his lips, Zep nods, and I see that same insecurity in his eyes that I did the first time we spent together. “Okay.”
“I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but…”
“You’re not ready to start something that could hurt Bernie.”
I could lie as I gaze into his brown eyes. It would be so easy, but I know he’s been lied to enough. And he’s more than honest with me. “It’s not just Bernie’s heart getting broken that I’m worried about.”
Frowning, he leans back. “You’re worried I’ll hurt you?”
“We’ve had an incredible week,” I say with a small smile. “Amazing, actually. Hell, I might even go as far as mind-blowing to describe our time together.”
This earns me a small smile, but it’s quickly replaced by the frown. “But?”
“But you just ended a… Relationship doesn’t seem appropriate, but I don’t know what to call what you were doing with Chanel. I know she hurt you, and I…” I take a deep breath, hoping he doesn’t take too much offense to this. “I don’t know if I can really trust you’re over her.”
“You think I’m lying?”
There’s a pain there that almost brings me to tears. A pain that makes me want to kiss him and never stop.
“I don’t. I think you believe you’re over her, but I’m… scared. I’m scared you’ll realize too late that it’s not that easy. That you’re still in love with her when she comes back. And we both know she will come back.”
“Misty—”
“When she comes back, I’m kind of terrified that you’ll choose her over Bernie and me.”
It’s as honest as I’ve ever been with anyone since Ben. My heart races, and I feel lightheaded as I wait for an answer, our eye contact never breaking.
“I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“We don’t have the history you have with her. And I come as a package deal. I don’t really understand how Chanel is still engaged, but if she decided to dump her fiancé, I think you might struggle with the decision about who to be with. And I’m not positive you’d choose us.”
He reaches up and runs his hand along my cheek before cupping it and rubbing my temple with his thumb. “I’d choose you and Bernie.”
“It’s easy to say that right now. Before it’s happened. But history repeats itself until someone stops it. And when it’s been repeated as much as yours has, it’s not as simple as it sounds. Especially because she’s where you’re comfortable, Zep.”
“It is easy, Misty. So fucking simple.”
I smile and sigh, kissing his lips gently. “It sounds like it, but I’ve been there. Walking away from your first love is never as easy when the time comes.”
“I don’t like that you don’t have faith that I mean what I say.”
Running my hand along his soft beard, I do my best to stop my lip from trembling. “I do, Zep. Believe me, I do, but I’ve been in your shoes. And I know you mean it right now. But in a few weeks, when she comes crawling back, you might not mean it anymore. By then, it’ll be too late.”
“Too late for what?”
I can’t look at him anymore, and my eyes drop to stare at his nipple ring. I’m surprised I like it. Men wearing jewelry outside of the staple of wedding ring and watch usually turns me off, but everything seems to be different with him.
“To stop myself from falling in love with you.”
“I don’t want you to be scared of that, Misty.”
“It’s not the falling I’m scared of. It’s having to watch you walk away after I’ve fallen. That’s what scares me. Of having to tell Bernie you chose someone else. That I don’t know if you’ll ever even think of me after that.”
He pulls me flush against him and wraps his arms around me. “I wish I could make you see it’s not like that. I won’t be.”
Holding him back, I know I have to put it all out there. To really make him understand. “I already pay for her mistakes because she’s such a part of you that you can’t separate it sometimes.”
“What are you talking about?”
“That’s why you need me to say it, isn’t it? That I want you every time we get together. It’s because Chanel makes you feel like you’re not worthy.”
He pauses and lets out a sigh. “I guess I didn’t realize I did that.”
“She’s a bigger part of you and your life than you want to acknowledge, and that’s what makes me terrified, Zep. It’s why I need us to have a little bit of space. Before I fall in love with you, I need you to really think about whether you’re over her. That you can be over her.”
Swallowing, he nods and kisses the top of my head. “I understand, Misty.”
This discussion has gotten far too heavy, and I need to lighten the mood. I don’t want our last night together to have this cloud hanging over us.
“I can’t blame her, you know.”
“What?”
“For always coming back,” I say and pull away from him. “I don’t understand how she stays away, though.”
He chuckles. “Is that right?”
“I’m actually really surprised there isn’t a line outside of all the women you’ve taken to bed begging for another turn. Might have to actually get into a fight for the first time in my life.”
“You like what I do, huh?”
Reaching underneath the sheets, I stroke him a few times until he’s hard and throbbing in my palm. “I think it’s a mutual appreciation.”
“Baby, I fucking love everything you do,” he whispers and uncovers us.
Bending down, I suck the tip as I continue moving my hand, and his breathing hitches. He looks at me like I’m remarkable whenever I go down on him, and I think there’s a lot more damage to this tough biker than meets the eye.
I’m forced to release him when he lifts me, but it’s not to pin me back and enter me like I expect. He sets me down with my legs parted over his face, his mouth hot and wet on my clit.
“Oh fuck,” I mutter as he eats my pussy.
His tongue moves from my clit to enter me and back again, and I arch my back as I continue to glide my hand along his length. Taking him into my mouth again, I meet his rhythm.
He wants to play, and I’m more than happy to participate. I want to make tonight as memorable as possible. Something to think back on and remember as the best time of my life.