Chapter Nineteen
Zeppelin
Bernie came home today, and I haven’t seen Misty in hours. I had to head to the Seven Crows to stop myself from running over to her house with some excuse to spend time with her.
In the past week, we hadn’t gone more than thirty minutes apart, and I feel like I’m missing a limb or something.
Something I never felt with Chanel. She’d break my heart, but I didn’t feel like something was missing when she was gone. Yes, she was my first love, but I think Misty hit the nail on the head when she said Chanel is where I feel comfortable. Felt.
How the fuck did this happen so quickly?
Since she left in the morning to walk across the street, I haven’t been able to stop comparing how I feel with Misty compared to how I felt with Chanel. And the only thing Chanel wins out over is the fact we have over a decade of history together. That’s it.
And then it hit me. I’m not in love with Chanel.
I’m in love with what I thought we had. Of everything Dorian had that I couldn’t have.
Of the life I imagined we’d have together, but after my week with Misty, I honestly don’t think Chanel has anything to offer me.
She can’t give me what I truly want, but more than that, she can’t give me what I need.
But Misty can.
“I hear you’re threatening to kill me.”
Turning around at the bar, I glare at the only man I’ve ever hated for simply breathing. Butch fucking Ballard.
“That surprises you?”
“Boys,” Nancy warns.
I hold my hands up and turn back to face her. “Trust me, I’m not willing to risk my standing with you just to get a few punches in. He’s not worth the gum on the bottom of my boot.”
“Big words for a man going around talking about how he’s going to murder me,” Butch says and takes the seat right beside me.
The urge to punch him in his fat fucking face is almost too strong, but I hold back. “When I get what I need, you’ll be in pieces and tossed in the middle of the desert for coyotes.”
“And what exactly is it that you need?”
“Proof?”
“Of?”
Turning my head, I glare. “I know you’re not bright, but this dumb act is even too much for you.”
“What do you think it is I did to you, son?”
This makes my eyebrows lift high enough I think they might actually reach my hairline. “What the fuck did you just call me?”
“I know. It’s fucking weird, isn’t it? But I got the reaction I wanted.”
I fucking hate this man with every fiber of my being.
“Like I’d actually claim you. There’s a reason you don’t have my last name, Zeppelin.”
“Because Mama sobered up and realized the lapse in judgment she made the night she fucked you? Yeah, I already know that.”
He just smirks at me, and I grip my beer tight enough that I worry the neck might break. Only Ballard men can do this to me.
“Sure, we’ll go with that. So, what is the big bad thing you think I’ve done?”
“Know.”
“What the fuck?”
Sniffling, I turn my entire body toward him. “It’s not what I think you did. It’s what I know you did. You know it, too.”
“I do a lot of things, Zeppelin. And women. God, I do a lot of fucking women.”
The smile on his face as he looks up at the ceiling like he watches scenes of naked women he’s been with makes my stomach churn. I still can’t figure out how he’s married. How Wylie’s mom can put up with this shit.
Then again, she gave birth to Wylie and let Butch raise him. She’s not someone I’d consider to have a lot of common sense.
“You killed Johnny.”
“I did? That’s news to me. I heard it was an accident. Hit and run. Person was probably drunk or high. We have a problem with that around here, you know.”
I clench my jaw and turn back toward the bar. Looking at him makes it nearly impossible not to kill him. “You heard it was an accident because you pulled strings to have it listed as one. I know you’re paying the cops. And the problem with drugs around here is because of you, asshole.”
“Me, personally?”
“Your club makes and distributes Venom Dust in snake pits in the desert. Tell me, how do you not blow shit up? It’s pretty fucking dry out there. Must be risky.”
“Just gotta take precautions. Like hiring people I don’t give a shit about to make it. If they die, who gives a fuck?” he says. He leans in like we’re conspiring with each other and adds, “Heard you got a new lady friend.”
Straightening, I whip my legs around to face him on the bar stool. “Go near her, and I will kill you. I don’t care where we are or who’s around. You will never touch her.”
“Touchy. This is your mother’s doing. Don’t you realize that being too devoted to one woman makes you weak? Gives you a weakness to be exploited. Just look at Johnny.”
“Thought you said it was an accident.”
He shrugs. “And you said I rigged it. I’m not here to get into an argument with you.”
Wylie saunters in and frowns when he sees Butch talking to me.
Yeah, motherfucker, I didn’t ask for Daddy to come spend time with me, either. You can take him back now.
He says nothing as he walks past, looking over his shoulder in confusion before turning his attention to Lainey. “Hey, baby. Funny running into you here.”
“Fuck off, Wylie.”
“See? You’re a man. I think . You’re supposed to spread that seed around, Zep. Even to your enemies. Show them who’s boss,” Butch says. “Look at my son. Guarantee he’ll fuck your sister by the Fourth of July. Maybe even knock her up like I did your mom.”
“Guess he’ll be in the desert with you then,” I snap. “Lainey will never sleep with Wylie.”
“Never said it’d be voluntary.”
I jump off the bar stool, but Nancy beats me to it. “Ballards, get your asses out of here!”
“I didn’t do anything!” Wylie calls, his hands in the air.
“Your father did enough of that. Any threats of violence against any of my girls means I’m about thirty seconds away from breaking my own rule to beat your asses myself.”
This just makes Butch smile, and all I can imagine right now is bashing his face onto the bar top. Making him bleed and knocking out those implants he spent a fortune on.
Such a stereotype to have a drug dealer need implants, huh?
“Don’t do it, Zep,” Nancy warns. “I got this.”
“Shouldn’t he have to come, too?” Wylie asks as he walks up to us. “He’s got Ballard DNA in him whether he wants to accept it or not.”
“I’m not a Ballard, and I never will be,” I growl. “You may want to be just like Daddy, but I don’t. In fact, I’ll cut him groin to sternum given the right opportunity. Gut him like the fucking pig he is.”
Butch’s hands shake in the air. “So scared, son.”
“Don’t call him that,” Lainey calls. “You may have given some of your DNA to him, but you aren’t a father. To anyone, but especially him. He had a father. My father.”
“See what I’m talking about?” Butch says. “Weak. That’s all Johnny Sloan was known for. Being a weak fucking bitch. That’s why I don’t claim you. You don’t have the balls required to be my offspring.”
Snorting, I nod my head. “Yeah, sure.”
“I’m serious. I would’ve raised a real man. And you know what a real man wouldn’t need?”
“A conscience?” I offer.
“A reason.”
I shake my head. “What?”
“You see, the only reason you’re still alive is because I don’t want you dead. Wanting you dead is the only reason I need to take you off this fucking planet. If you were a real man, I’d be dead now. But you’re not. You’re weak. Just like Johnny.”
“Get the fuck out of here, Butch,” Nancy says, walking toward him with the bat. “I mean it.”
Rolling my shoulders, I sit back down and chug the rest of my beer. Lainey takes the seat Butch was just in and leans her elbow on the bar. “You okay?”
“I’ll never be okay,” I say. “Not as long as he’s still breathing.”
“One day.” She squeezes my arm until I look at her. “That’s what makes you different. Better. You don’t just go around hurting people for no reason. Dad would be proud of you, Zep. He’d want you to have the proof you’re looking for before taking that motherfucker out.”
“I don’t know if I believe that anymore.”
She tilts her head, her dark hair hanging over her shoulder from her ponytail. “Hey, Dad loved you like you were his own. Saw you as his, okay? And we will find out the truth.”
“I fucking hope so.”
“Where’s your new girl? Misty. I bet she can help get your mind off stuff like she did before.”
While she giggles, I feel a pain in my chest. “She wants space.”
“What’d you do?”
“Nothing!” I turn to glare at her. “Why would you assume I did something?”
“Because it’s usually the guy’s fault. You two looked like a real item when you were in here. What’s going on?”
I leave out the details of our sex life, but I tell her what Misty said. How she’s worried about Chanel.
“Fucking bitch.”
“No, she’s not,” I scold.
“No, not Misty. Chanel. I never liked her.”
Snorting, I take the beer Nancy hands me. “Yeah, no one really did.”
“I hope she really is out of your system for good. Misty seems like a good one. And I hear she’s a great mom. Just make sure you’re ready to take on a woman with a kid, Zep. It’s not always easy.”
If only she knew Misty and Bernie are all I want. The family I never thought I’d want. And now, I want nothing else in this world. Except Butch Ballard dead.