Chapter 26
CHAPTER
TWENTY-SIX
KENNEDY
“And where the hell have you been?” Hart asks, leaning against the side of the house, arms crossed over his favorite black tank top.
“Places.”
“With Ziggy?”
“Maybe.”
He swears and kicks at the dirt. “So I’ve lost you too?”
I turn his way, hand frozen on the car door that I haven’t pushed closed yet. “What?”
“First, Hudson ran off with Wilde, and now you’re all up in Zig-zag.”
Of course he’d know exactly what I was doing. I’m not a good liar, but Hart would let me get away with it if I tried, so I consider actually doing it.
But I don’t want to lie.
Lying isn’t going to help me get my brothers back.
I push the door closed with a thup and approach Hart slowly. He looks resigned to dealing with another one of my relationships, and I don’t want it to be that way this time. “I really like him.”
Hart doesn’t outwardly react, and I can’t blame him. He has heard all this before. So many goddamn times he could probably set a watch to my relationships.
“You couldn’t at least wait until he finished working for us? When shit blows up, who’s going to do our electricals then?”
“If,” I correct him. “If we break up.”
“Oh, come on, Kenny. You know how this goes.”
Yeah, and I’m terrified. Instead of arguing with him like I normally would, I bite that impulse back and admit it. “I do. Which is why I want your help.”
That takes some of the bite out of his bark. Hart looks me over, arms crossing tighter like he refuses to let down his guard. “With?”
“Where’s Hudson?”
“Inside.”
“Okay.” I can’t believe I’m going to do this. “Then let’s go. I need relationship advice from my brothers.”
For the first time ever.
Hart doesn’t respond, but I hear him on the stairs behind me as I head into house three. It’s in a similar state to two, but without any of the wiring done.
“You’re back,” Hudson says, the ziiip of the tape measure returning to its roll filling the room.
“Yup.”
“Where were you?”
“With Ziggy.”
“Right.” He tugs on the tape again. “Is he okay?”
“He’s fine.”
“Good. And we’re sorry. We should have passed on your message. I just didn’t realize it would cause issues.”
Before I can answer, Hart cuts in.
“That’s because neither of us knew they’re fucking.”
Hudson laughs and turns back to the wall. “Yeah, okay.”
“No. They’re actually fucking.”
The fact that my brother thought that was a joke can’t be a good sign. He pauses, then turns slowly, and I brace for the Hudson who explodes first and thinks later.
“Is that true?”
I drop my eyes to the ground, but after a moment, he’s still waiting. And it takes a moment after that for me to remember it’s because I didn’t actually answer him. At least not with words. “Yes. It’s true.”
“What the fu—” He cuts off and drags a loud inhale through his nose. “Right. How long?”
“First time was the night I spent in Wayward with him, but I think it’s been coming on for a while.” My heart gives this little blip as I think of him. “He’s really …”
“Silent?” Hart supplies.
“Fuck you.”
“What? How can he be anything when the guy literally doesn’t talk?”
“He does talk when he’s comfortable or wants to. He doesn’t talk around people who are assholes to him.”
Hart points at Hudson. “Exhibit A. A is for asshole.”
I wave my hands to cut through their shit. “This isn’t what I wanted to talk about. I really like him. A lot. And as Hart was so nice to point out, that means I’m doomed to mess this up.”
My brothers both fall quiet.
Hudson’s the first to break. “Mess things up is a little harsh.”
“Then what would you call it?”
“Coming on too strong?” He pinches his thumb and forefinger together. “Just a bit?”
“Stop lying to him,” Hart drawls. “Surprising someone you’ve been dating for two weeks with a couple’s holiday is messing things up. Telling a guy you’ve been on three dates with that you’re in love with him is messing things up.”
I slide down the wall to sit on the floor. “He’s going to dump me before I even get a chance to see him again.”
“Well, that’s not physically possible.” Hart lowers himself to sit beside my feet. “Unless he sends someone else to do it.”
Hudson kicks Hart’s thigh and joins us on the ground. “Don’t listen to him.”
“He’s right though.”
“He’s not. Ziggy is a whole new relationship. You can’t compare him to everyone else. First, that’s not fair. And second, because, well, he’s not like everyone else.”
Hart snickers. “Yeah. The good thing is if he doesn’t talk, it’ll probably take him longer to dump you.”
“Not helpful,” I point out.
“Are you sure? I’m almost certain that’s what they call a silver lining.”
“Ziggy’s special.”
They exchange a look, and yeah, yeah, they’ve heard it all before. But I haven’t felt this before.
“Look, believe me or don’t believe me,” I snap. “I still want your help. I want you to tell me what to do so that I won’t scare him off. I want a real chance this time.”
“In that case,” Hart says, “I recommend you do literally nothing that you want to do.”
“What?”
“All of your instincts, stamp them down. Want to see him? Don’t. Want to declare your every loving devotion? Walk away. Want to wear his blood in a vial around your neck?” He makes a buzzer sound. “Abort. Next.”
“When have I ever wanted to wear someone’s blood?”
“Just getting in before you do.”
Hart might be trying to sound like he doesn’t care, but he actually made a suggestion. One that, under the derision and sarcasm, he actually meant. He’s here. Supporting me.
Maybe we’re not as broken as I thought.
“What do you think?” I ask Hudson, who’s watching me carefully.
“I think …” He sighs and pats me on the knee. “I love you, Kenny, but I think Hart might be onto something.”
“With the blood?”
“With the playing it cool. Tone it down. Remember that you guys are only at the beginning of your relationship, and stop trying to jump to the end. Because once you’re there, what else do you have to look forward to?”
“Happiness?”
His lips droop. “You’re not happy?”
“With Ziggy, I am.”
“Yeah, but you can’t rely on someone else for that.”
I can’t believe he, of all people, is saying that. “Really? When are you ever happy?”
“Almost never. But I’m working on it. And that included walking away from Wilde when I didn’t think he could give me what I needed.”
That gives me the boost I need. Hudson has always been content to accept being treated like crap in relationships, and if he can draw the line and change, then maybe I can too. Maybe it’s possible for me not to smother Ziggy and actually get to keep him.
I really don’t want to hope and be disappointed, but optimism is as easy to me as breathing.
“I can do this.”
Hudson gives me a thumbs-up, and Hart’s expression closes down like he’s bored with us both, but before he can disappear on me, I reach over and pluck his sleeve.
“Thanks. Who knew my brother was a genius?”
“Yeah, well, out of the two of us, someone had to get the brains.”
“Thank you for giving me all the looks.”
He sneers and flips me off. “We’re identical, moron.”
“Then why am I the one who gets all the dates?”
“Oh, I dunno.” He pretends to think. “Maybe because you like people, and I like them anywhere other than near me?”
I swing my finger between me and Hudson. “I know of two people you’ll never get rid of.”
“Kill me now,” he mutters, standing up as I blow kisses his way. “I’m going into town.”
Some of my good mood fizzles. “You don’t want to stay and hang out here for a bit?”
“I’d rather stab myself through each individual finger than be in this town a second longer than I have to be.”
He leaves, and the bond I thought was feebly stitching back together between us snaps. Again.
I slump against the wall. “Think we’ll ever get through to him?” I expect Hudson to say he can go and fuck himself, but I’m surprised.
“I really hope so.”
My gaze catches his, unprepared to see the same wistfulness staring back at me. “Sometimes I miss what we used to have.”
“Well, there’s only one thing we can do then, isn’t there?” He taps the floor we’re sitting on. “We build something better.”
A lot of the time, I’m sure Hudson is only telling me what I want to hear, but there’s something about his words that feels different this time. Almost like he’s starting to let himself believe them too.
For the first time in … years, maybe? It really feels like healing things might be possible.
Hudson goes back to work, and I grab my phone, determined to start work on myself.
I’m going to be the coolest, calmest, most collected boyfriend that Ziggy could ever dream of.
Starting now, no more over-the-top Kennedy.
No more wanting sleepovers every night. No more craving to see him smile.
No more trying to make everything about his life perfect.
I will be chill.
I will be—
My Internet Explorer takes forever to load, but when it does, it opens to my last search.
And it’s not a search I made.
What is love?
Huh? I scratch my head as I scroll down through the options, noting that a few of them have been opened. This wasn’t an accidental search. It was on purpose.
But it wasn’t me.
I have more than enough experience with love, which is literally my whole problem.
So who was this?
Hudson? Is he falling for Wilde?
Hart? He’d be most likely since I don’t think he’s ever experienced a feeling in his life.
But they both have their own phones. Why would they use mine?
I search my brain, trying to pinpoint a time where I’ve left my phone around them and coming up blank. No one uses my phone, especially out here where the service is blood-boiling slow. We do most of our work in Wayward, but even then, I can’t think of a time when they would have used my phone.
Then it clicks.
The last time in Wayward.
Me on my computer, and a slim, pale hand sliding my phone face down on the table beside me.
Ziggy.
What is love?
Knowing it was him puts so much more weight behind the question. How could he not know? He’s mentioned a family before. If he has one, how doesn’t he know what love is? Even my dysfunctional, negligent one has had its moments. But not all of them do.
That thought trails off as I remember the guardedness in his eyes every time he talks. The way he flinches away from Hudson ever since they met and Hudson threw him into a wall.
Was it his family who did this to him?
Rage rushes through me so fast and hot that I can’t think straight.
What is love?
My heart breaks for him.