CHAPTER 23
“It’s her,” I say to Murphy as soon as he answers the phone. I hear music and loud noises in the back, so I know he’s at the bar. Meanwhile, I’m sitting in my car in the parking lot at Atlantic, waiting for Zimyra’s shindig to be over.
“What are you talking about, Ax?”
“My father told me that he married my mother because she was the one woman he couldn’t walk away from. He said I would meet that woman, and I have.”
Murphy laughs. I’m not offended by it because he knows me better than anyone. This isn’t me. I don’t fall for chicks. I’ve never chased a woman – never thought about wife-ing a woman. Now, I’m thinking about all kinds of things because I’m falling for her. I’ve been chasing her. She’s on my mind constantly and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I tried. I failed. I’ll keep failing because everything in me wants her. I need her in my life, and that’s the truth.
Murphy says, “Man, you almost had me there for a minute. But for real, what’s up, Ax?”
“I’m not joking, Murphy. I’ve met that woman.”
“Who? The girl at the complex?” he asks in a way that I know he’s frowning.
“Yes.”
The line goes silent as he soaks this in, realizing I’m serious.
“Are you sure?” he asks.
“I am.”
“I mean, this is huge, man. How can you be so sure?”
“I don’t know.”
“So, you’re not sure?”
“I am, Murphy.”
“Then tell me how you know she’s the one.”
“I can feel it. I feel it in my body, in my bones, in my blood. I know for a fact it’s her. I think what happened last week made me realize that even more.”
“What happened?”
“She was attacked on the job while giving a tour. I’m glad I was there because I beat the crap out of the dude, but before I could get to her, he managed to put hands on her. The whole time I was punching him, in my mind I was telling myself he deserved every lick for putting his hands on my woman. That’s what I kept saying. My woman . I didn’t have time to process it then. I blanked. Later, I knew why.”
“Whoa. That’s crazy, man. I’m sorry that happened to you, but, hey, it probably wouldn’t hurt to take a step back so you can think clearly. You’re probably just acting purely off emotion instead of using your brain.”
“Murphy—”
“Wait. Listen to me. You like the girl, okay? I’ve seen you like many girls.”
“Not like this.”
“Wait…hear me out. You ain’t never in your life come out your mouth and say anything remotely close to this. This ain’t like you.”
“It’s not, but I know it’s her, and I don’t need to take a step back to think about anything. You know how I know for sure? I’ll tell you. I was sitting across from her in a café while she was studying. The entire time we were together, I had trouble taking my eyes off her. It was at that moment I decided she would be mine. That I wanted to give her the world. She’s working for me and doesn’t even know that. She’s not privy to the fact that I have what it takes to give her everything her heart desires. I smiled internally and that realization because I knew that, one day, she would.”
“Man, this is wild.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Does she know how you feel?”
“No. She’s angry with me right now, but I’m going to sort through all of that tonight. She’s a strong woman, but she’s no match for me. She thinks she is, but she has no idea.”
“Ha! No, she doesn’t.”
I see some of the tenants coming out of the building with their goodie bags and masterpieces. I glance at my watch. It’s 9:30. The party’s over.
“Ay, Murphy, I have to go. I’ll talk to you later, bruh.”
“Alright, man.”
With my seat reclined, I wait patiently for the moment Zimyra emerges.
Ten minutes go by. More people come out. Another ten minutes pass. Then fifteen. It’s after ten now.
Finally, Zimyra comes out with a huge bag and her purse. She locks the door and heads for her car. I’m parked right beside her, so I know she sees me.
She pretends she doesn’t.
She starts up her car.
I start mine.
She pulls off.
I pull off behind her and tail her to her apartment.
When we arrive, she parks in her designated space. I park in a space marked for visitors and follow her to her door, tailing her as close as I was to her on the road.
“Will you stop?”
“No.”
She sighs audibly as she ascends the stairs, stomping her way to her apartment.
She arrives, unlocks the door, and then turns to me and glares. She says, “I’m here. You can go now.”
“You’re going to shut the door in my face?”
“I’m telling you to go,” she says.
“I don’t want to go,” I say, stepping aside, making it clear that I’m not going anywhere.
As I close the door, I watch her take a step back. The fear I see in her eyes stabs me in the chest. The assault has done more to her than she leads on. Forget the barely noticeable bruise on her face that she’s hidden with makeup. It’s the bruise I can’t touch that I’m worried about.
“Zimyra, are you afraid of me now?”
“What do you want, Axel?” she asks, still backing away, putting space between us. “You don’t have to keep on bothering me like this.”
“I do when I ask you how you are and you lie to me.”
“Jeez. This again…”
I take a step forward.
She takes one backward.
I say, “I will never hurt you, Zimyra. You know that, don’t you?”
She doesn’t respond – just stands there with her arms crossed. Her guard is up.
I say, “The reason I’m bothering you is because when I look at you, when I look into your eyes, I don’t see you anymore. I see a woman who is scared. Who’s anxious. A woman living in fear, but trying her best to hide it from everyone else.”
Tears spill out of her eyes. They weaken me mentally and physically. But when she covers her face with her hands and all-out cries, I’m destroyed.
I take steps closer to her, wrap my hands around her dainty wrists, and move her hands from her face. I say, “Zimyra.”
She blinks, pushing tears out of her eyes. Her face is a mess. So is my heart.
I say, “I will never hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”
She nods. More tears fall as she buries her face against my chest and sobs, her body trembling as she releases everything she’s been hiding. Plentiful tears stain my shirt as she unravels. The strength of the strong woman I’ve come to know slips away as she unleashes her despair and crumbles in my arms. I wrap them around her tight so she knows I’m here – I’m her anchor. I’m her safe space.
“Breathe, Zimyra. It’s okay. You hear me?”
She nods against my chest.
“Can you talk to me?”
She takes a deep breath, sniffles, and says, “I haven’t been eating. Tonight was the first time I’ve eaten anything in days. And I haven’t been able to sleep. Um—I try—try to be strong and deal with it on my own, but it’s a lot. Every time I try to close my eyes to rest, I see his face. I don’t want to see his face.”
“Look at me.”
With her arms still around me, my arms still around her, she angles her head up to look into my eyes. I feel my entire being deteriorate as tears pour out of her eyes. I can’t say a word. Just let my actions do the talking. I pull her closer to my chest and hold her.
“I got you, sweetheart. You’re safe with me. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I promise you that.”
We stand right here in her living room for what seems like an eternity – until I sense that she’s stopped crying. I scoop her up into my arms and carry her to the sofa. I sit down with her on my lap, grab a piece of cover from the backrest of the sofa and spread it over her – over us – staring down at her beautiful yet sad face.
I tell her, “You can sleep tonight because I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t. I can’t close my eyes.”
“You can. I want you to stare at my face until you fall asleep. That’s the face you’ll see behind your eyelids, and while you’re drifting, I want you to know that you will wake up right here in my arms because I’m not going anywhere. No one will ever hurt you again. I can promise you that.”
I stare down at her as she stares up at me as I requested. It seems like an eternity passes as we look into each other’s souls, connecting us in a way we’ve never been connected. I watch as she drifts, her eyes sad and heavy, yet still beautiful. She doesn’t want to close them – I see her fighting it, but she finally caves until she’s sound asleep in my arms. I watch her – watch my forever. She’s it – there’s no question in my mind about it.