Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
NATE
I sipped at the coffee I’d brought with me when I’d headed to the store.
For the past ten minutes I’d been telling Dad and Patrick a little about my visit to the States.
Still in awe of watching Ryan’s final game of the season, it was easy to waffle on about the whole experience and just how shit-hot Ryan was on the court.
“And his team didn’t make it to the playoffs?”
I shook my head at Dad’s question. “Honestly, I’m still not a hundred percent sure how the playoffs, let alone things like drafting, work, but I know his team didn’t do especially well over the year.
He said a heap of injuries or something didn’t help.
But the game I watched, I swear, Dad, he was magic.
” Just thinking about the injuries, though, reminded me Ryan still limped.
It wasn’t as noticeable as after the game—or the night of dancing—but it still wasn’t completely healed.
Dad bobbed his head. “Maybe with things how they are now, your mum and I can take a trip out there the next season. Take in a game.”
My smile was swift. “Yeah, I think he’d love that.” I swallowed back the rush of emotion, aware that in four short weeks he’d be leaving again.
This time would be different, though. The last couple of days pretty much confirmed that. Sure, it would be awful when he returned to Minnesota after everything we’d shared, but Ryan Broadwater belonged on the court.
“How’s everything been here?” I cast a cursory glance around the store, wanting to focus on something else.
Everything looked exactly as I’d left it.
I grinned, sure Dad would have itched to change a couple of things back to how they were when he’d run the place.
It seemed like he’d held himself back, though.
“All good. I’ve already told your mum I’ll be working more over the next month too.” He eyed me speculatively, and heat hit my cheeks.
Dad knowing I’d be eager for as much time as possible with Ryan shouldn’t have been surprising. If anything, I was grateful he’d anticipated my request and was confident that once Ryan and I were back together again, we’d be inseparable.
I wondered if I’d ever get the opportunity to say Ryan and I were more than friends. Fuck, I hoped so, but for the time being, I’d be patient.
“Thanks, Dad. I was going to talk to you about that today but wasn’t sure if I’d be pushing my luck or not.”
“Pfft. As if. Just enjoy him being here.”
I nodded and concentrated on my coffee as if it was the most interesting drink in the world. After the last couple of days, I worried I wouldn’t be able to hide my feelings for Ryan anymore.
“You want to sit down now and sort out a schedule with me before you head to see your mum?”
“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks.”
“Come on then, kiddo. Let’s get you sorted so you can get back to that hotshot friend of yours.”
I smirked as I followed Dad into my office, thinking how just last year I’d easily considered Ryan to be a hotshot with the ego to match.
Almost six months on, I knew different and figured the past eight years hadn’t always been easy for my friend.
It was crap that was the case. The knowledge sat heavily on my chest. Regardless, happiness vied for attention that we’d reconnected in a way I’d spent countless years dreaming about.
After catching up with Dad and then Mum, I was sent to Gran’s with cake and a message for Ryan and Gran that we were expected at a barbie around their place on Saturday afternoon.
Mum had gushed over the photos I’d shown her from my visit. On the flight over, I’d spent time putting all the holiday photos in an album on my phone, carefully filing away the few pictures of me and Ryan that would tell everyone that he was much more to me than my old best friend.
We sat around the table eating the chili Gran had made, chuckling about being kids and some events Ryan had missed out on.
The slight tension in Ryan’s shoulders that had been there this morning had entirely disappeared since I’d returned.
At ease, he laughed, joked, and spent time fussing over his niece.
We sat opposite each other, and despite the temptation to reach out and play footsy, I held myself back. Already there’d been too many lingering looks between us. At least till bedtime, I could wait, relieved I was still staying with Amber and Gran.
“Next time you go to that bar with the drag queen night, I’m so there.”
Amber’s statement pulled my wide-eyed stare at her.
“Uhm, okay,” I said, not risking a look at Ryan.
When Ryan and I did go, I’d hoped it would be a safe place for us to be together.
I swallowed my disappointment, knowing that Amber needed some time out too, and I expected going to a queer bar would offer her a safe place away from being hit on by blokes.
Not only that, the drag nights at Bar QK were legit entertaining.
“I thought Ryan and I would perhaps head there this Friday night.”
The last time we’d danced was before everything between us had changed. The heat had been explosive, and I wanted the opportunity to do so again. This time without the restraints of watchful eyes.
Ryan’s gaze was full of heat when I peered at him. I flicked my attention away, saying to Amber, “There’s no drag show this weekend.” I’d already checked when I’d started planning some of my and Ryan’s time together. “The weekend after, on Saturday, Lady Bra Ga is on.”
The grin Amber shot my way was a relief. It meant she wasn’t put out by the lack of invite this weekend.
“Awesome. You said she’s great, right?” she asked.
“She’s funny as hell and was fun to watch when I saw her perform.” Aware Ryan had kept quiet, I turned to him. “That all sound okay?”
His nod came quickly. “Definitely, especially if I get to meet your friends.”
The people I’d met via Tallis were still new friends, but time meant nothing when you connected. And that’s how I felt about the group I’d met at Bar QK.
“You guys mind helping Gran with the dishes while I put Ivy to bed?” Standing, Amber reached over to her daughter, who appeared super tired. A quick glance at Gran showed she didn’t look much more awake.
Before I could respond, Ryan stood and started collecting the bowls. “Nate and I have got this. Gran, thanks for the meal. Why don’t you go and chill?”
Gran had been suspiciously quiet during the latter half of the meal. Earlier, she’d implied she’d been excited about her grandson’s return. No doubt that meant she’d barely had any sleep.
“We’ve definitely got this, and honestly, I expect I’ll be heading to bed straight after.” While jet lag hadn’t hit hard again, courtesy of awesome beds in business class, we’d had virtually a whole day of traveling with the two flights, plus the car journeys.
I was beat. I was also desperate for a moment alone with Ryan.
“Thanks, boys. I think I’ll get ready for bed and turn in, if that’s the case.
” Ryan’s gran stood, said goodnight to us all, making a fuss of Ryan in the process, which was super sweet, and then headed off.
Amber followed after a hug from us both, and finally, after a whole day, Ryan and I were alone.
I gathered the glasses, side-eyeing him. I smiled softly when I realized he was doing the same thing. He followed me to the kitchen, stepping directly behind me when I stopped at the sink. His chest brushed my back as he leaned around me and placed the bowls down.
The air seemed to suck from the room, making it hard to breathe.
“I’ve missed you.” The quiet rasp of his voice next to my ear caused goose bumps to erupt on my skin. Air finally rushed into my lungs when his lips pressed against my neck. A groan quickly followed. “It’s been so ridiculously hard not to touch you too. Fucking torturous.”
I closed my eyes and sighed as he followed up with another kiss.
“I think we need to load this damn dishwasher and take this to my room.” Having the guest room at the far side of the house had its merits.
While I heard Ivy’s loud cries at night, the room was far enough away to offer a semblance of privacy.
“You want me to sneak in at any particular time?”
I turned in Ryan’s arms and raised my brows at him.
“You think I can wait?” I snorted. “Hell no. Say goodnight again to your sister and get your arse in my room. It’ll be quicker for me to tidy the kitchen by myself.
” I eyed his mouth as I spoke. The temptation to lean up and kiss him was visceral, but stopping would pose one hell of a challenge if I gave in.
Feeling needy, I didn’t think I had the willpower to stop and not devour him. “Seriously, go. I can’t concentrate while you’re so close.”
The smirk Ryan shot my way was sinful and filled with so much promise I legit shooed him away. He left with a chuckle, and I raced around the kitchen, ensuring everything was clean and tidied away.
A kiss and hopefully some cock from Ryan was one hell of a motivator.
Fifteen minutes later, after just one glance at Ryan as he stepped out of my room’s en suite, I almost swallowed my tongue.
The man was perfection personified. All hard muscles, the ridges protruding and perfect for trailing my tongue over.
But it was the look in his eyes, the way they roamed over my face, my body, a small smile forming that made my heart beat double time.
With the bedroom door firmly closed behind me, the lock engaged for good measure, I leaned against the hard surface.
At my blatant perusal, Ryan’s cheeks turned pink.
That slight reaction reminded me of one of the many reasons why I’d been attracted to Ryan in the first place.
Sweet, soft edges of personality contrasted endearingly with the confidence he exuded. Both on and off the court.
We remained staring at each other for a beat. While I wanted to commit to memory every inch of this man, I couldn’t help but wonder what he thought, what he saw when he looked at me.
The question remained on the tip of my tongue as Ryan shifted his hands to the waistband of his package-hugging boxers. In one swift movement, he tugged them down and stepped out of them.
“Fuck.” The word tumbled out of me as a needy groan, earning me a confident smirk.
Ryan’s dick bobbed up and down, and he quirked his brow high. My laughter cut through the tension, and I latched on to the sensation rippling across my skin.
I loved I could laugh with this man. Loved how good he made me feel and in so many different ways—whether it was with his cock in my mouth, the words we shared, or the sweet care he offered.
It took but a beat before I stood before him, still smiling. Cupping his face, I swiped his bottom lip with the pad of my thumb. “Kissing you this morning seems like forever ago.”
His gaze darted around my face, and he nodded. “I don’t like not being able to touch you whenever I want.”
Pursing my lips, I worked hard at not sharing my immediate thoughts. You don’t have to hide.
When Ryan hesitated, I realized my expression was wide open to interpretation. “You know I can’t—”
I couldn’t help but cut him off. “You don’t owe me any more of an explanation for not being out.
” When the look in his eyes shifted to uncertainty, I couldn’t hold back, trying to ease the expression there.
“I’m happy to hear and hope you can confide in me if there’s more you want to share, but as to you feeling guilty or however you’re feeling, don’t. I want you to be happy.”
“You don’t think I’m a cowa—”
“Hell no, stop right there, and we’ve already been over this.
Being out or not, sharing your story has nothing to do with heroism or bravery.
And fuck, this life can be as shitty as it is awesome.
It’s hard enough, and throw in sexuality and identity into the mix, and we both know there’s plenty of hate in the world and people who can’t get their heads out of their arses. ”
He swallowed hard, and it became impossible to not reach out and touch him. Clutching the back of his neck, I stroked my fingers over the skin, dancing across his short hair there.
“You mean that?”
Hurt for Ryan and his fear, the way he possibly saw himself, spread through my chest. Emotion clung to my words when I said, “Since I was fifteen years old, I’ve wanted you.
Even after all this time, you’ve been this presence in my soul.
I couldn’t let you go, couldn’t shake off this feeling that something was missing in my life.
“I’ll be honest and say the thought of keeping this, what could be between us, a secret for a long time hurts, but that’s about me and my desire to touch you, kiss you when I want, hold you, and hug you in the street if I feel the need. But that’s on me. It’s my cross to bear.
“For now, Ryan.” I smiled softly at the man who had my heart. “I want to focus on the here and now and see where that takes us. And hopefully the first place will be to my seriously comfy bed.”
The chuckle that burst free from him filled the small space between us, relaxing his shoulders and bringing fresh emotion back into his eyes.
“Thank you.”
“For dragging you to my bed? Anytime,” I teased, wanting to keep hold of the ease to help smooth away the sharp edges of his struggles.
“Well that, but for everything else too.”
Not wanting any more distance between us, I stepped into him and brushed my lips against his. That he was naked and I was fully dressed didn’t escape my notice. It also gave me wicked ideas.
“Bed.” I encouraged him toward the mattress. His steps were willing, his mouth returning to mine as he moved closer. Once his legs connected with the bed, I angled away and peered up. “You want me to suck you off?”
Ryan’s nod was instant, his mouth smirk-free as his breath hitched. “Yeah, so much.” He gripped his cock, his knuckles pressing against my covered dick as he did so.
“Let me take care of you,” I whispered, easing him back, determined to make him pass out with a smile on his face and clear his mind from worrying about our future.