Chapter 16
SIXTEEN
RYAN
EARLY JUNE
Time raced by too quickly, though every moment spent with my family and Nate was everything.
After talking with Nate again about my fear of coming out, some pressure had lifted from my shoulders. That didn’t make each day that I couldn’t touch him when not alone any less awful, but I felt safe, understood, and so grateful he didn’t pressure me.
The days Nate worked, I happily hung out with my sister, niece, and Gran.
They still remained weirdly quiet about me staying away.
While our conversations were nonstop about our time apart, not a single challenging question was asked, and any discussion about the future was related to the team and our hopes for next year.
The first Friday, we’d headed out of town and stayed in an Airbnb so we could enjoy our night out meeting with Nate’s friends.
That night I’d been all up in Nate’s business.
My hands had barely released the man, and my mouth only parted from his for polite conversation.
By the time we returned to Gran’s, I’d already been mulling over the advantages of coming out to my family.
The ridiculous thing was, they’d be nothing but supportive.
I knew this as well as I knew the grass was green.
That knowledge didn’t stop my heart from slamming against my chest. Nor did it prevent my mouth from drying up like the outback desert.
And all that led me to being confused as hell and spending too many hours arguing with myself.
I hated that I talked myself in circles. Detested my heart and head, and every emotion that sprouted legs and left me more confused and frustrated.
“Hey, you okay?” Nate lowered his voice.
I bobbed my head and shot him a reassuring smile.
With my sister in the back seat, it was necessary to sit on my hands to stop from reaching out to him.
It wasn’t that far to the Airbnb we were staying at, with thankfully separate rooms. That didn’t mean the thirty-five-minute journey wasn’t torturous.
Not with my inner turmoil playing on a loop.
“You have been unusually quiet,” my sister offered. “Not that I’m complaining, as every now and then, your accent gets weird.”
From over my shoulder, I flipped her off. “Whatever, traffic cone. You just struggle knowing how awesome I am.”
Amber snorted. “I haven’t missed your ridiculous nicknames. They’re lame.”
I grinned, easing into the familiarity of arguing with my sister. “Nate was the one who came up with ‘flasher.’”
“Hey, don’t bring me into this. I’m here, all grown-up and sensible-like, driving us to a bar so you can see your little sister pissed for the first time.” Humor laced his words.
I groaned. “Ugh. Don’t remind me.” I glanced back at a grinning Amber. She was so excited to be going out tonight that I couldn’t even be annoyed with her that I had to keep my hands to myself. “You behave. No accepting drinks from anyone but us. No leaving your drinks unattended.”
“It’s not the first time I’ve been out drinking,” she sassed.
“It’s the first time legally,” I shot back.
Nate snorted. “Your sister has been known to stumble home after drinking a few ciders with her friends. She’s even more mouthy when she’s tipsy.”
I groaned again, something I expected to be doing a fair bit of tonight. “Just don’t drink too much.”
Amber snorted. “Yes, Dad. I imagine I’ll have one cider and that’ll be enough. Between pregnancy and breastfeeding, I’ll be a serious lightweight.”
“Hmm... in that case, make sure if you go to the toilet, you let us know.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Nate’s shoulders shaking.
“Right...,” Amber dragged out. “Maybe I’m wrong here, but I can’t imagine too many straight men being there tonight, certainly none on the prowl for women. If any at all. That means I’m only likely to pull women, right, who’ll all be using the same bathroom as me, so….”
My sigh was loud and heavy, and both the assholes in the car laughed. “Just—”
“Ryan.” Nate stopped me short. “She’ll be fine. She’s not a kid, and we’re both there. Plus it’s a nice place. Safe. You saw that for yourself last weekend.”
A glance in his direction reassured me that despite the teasing, he was being serious. “Okay. You’re right.” When his hand twitched on the wheel, my heart rate kicked up, convinced he wanted to reach out to me as much as I wanted to touch him. I subtly sat back on my hands.
It didn’t take long before we reached the motel.
Once checked in, I regulated my breathing, trying to be as casual as possible about Nate and me sharing a room.
Amber didn’t even blink when we saw her to her room first. We agreed to meet in an hour, and I had a sneaky suspicion she planned to spend forty-five minutes of that napping.
Every night when Ivy woke, I’d not only heard her loud and clear, but tucked up in Nate’s room, I’d held my breath. The situation was far from ideal, but being the selfish git I was, no chance was I prepared to give up my nights with Nate.
Once in our room and with the door locked, I pounced on Nate.
I needed his mouth and his touch. “Shower with me?” I asked breathily.
We only had an hour, and every minute counted.
Nate nodded, his mouth brushing over mine as we stumbled to the bathroom.
With our clothes discarded on the way, we were naked by the time our bare feet touched the tiled floor.
“You’re not getting farther than a meter from me in the next hour,” I muttered, only half serious.
I felt his smile against my mouth before making good on getting my Nate fix. Hopefully it would be enough to get me through the night.
A few hours later, I couldn’t remember laughing so hard. My cheeks ached from the first half of the show. Nate had not been exaggerating how epic Lady Bra Ga’s performance was.
It was more than that, though.
Amber and I snickered and joked in a way that took me by surprise. With our big age gap, I’d never had the opportunity to consider her more than a slightly annoying kid. Sure, I loved her and had tried to look out for her, even in my absence. But tonight, seeing her in a new light, blew my mind.
“I so did not break your weird CD thingie.”
I quirked my brow at Amber. “Uhm, hello, you drawing Dorothy the Dinosaur or whatever all over my DVDs, in biro no less, kinda destroyed them.”
The grin on her face reached megawatt level, and she nudged me with her elbow. “Thanks for letting me come hang tonight. I didn’t want to rain on your parade or anything and get between you and your mate time.”
Since I’d had four beers, rather than tensing, I redirected the conversation. “You’re not. I’m surprised you wanted your first night out to be with your old-fart brother, though.”
“Your farts do still smell like something crept up your butt and died.” She scrunched her face, and I laughed hard.
“Me, fart? I’m too much of a gentleman to do such things.”
“Yeah, right. Hell, I lost count of the farting competitions you and Nate had. Thanks for that, by the way.” The stink-eye she shot me lost its impact with the twitching of her lips. “One of my earliest memories is of you two idiots running into my room, farting, then not letting me out.”
My laughter was loud, raucous enough to draw Nate’s attention to me.
Sitting opposite me in the large booth, the seven bodies squeezed in tightly, Nate smiled. “Do I want to know?”
Amber leaned forward. “You two being dickheads and torturing me with farts.”
Amusement lit Nate’s face, his eyes twinkling in the low lighting and the occasional flashing of lights from the small dance floor. “It was an important learning experience for you,” he said.
“What, how boys stink?”
“Yup, and how they can be arseholes.” Nate followed up with a wink.
“Ooh, whose arsehole are we talking about, and is it pretty?”
Wide-eyed, I choked on air when Lenny’s question came out of nowhere. He wasn’t working tonight, so he was one of the seven people in our group.
“Wait,” Amber said, her voice carrying loudly over the chuckling group. “Buttholes are pretty? For real?”
Equally amused and mortified, I groaned. “Please don’t anyone answer my baby sister.”
“Hey, a woman needs to know these things,” she grouched.
“No, they don’t.” I glanced at Nate, silently pleading for help. The bastard laughed, looking far too delectable even when being unhelpful.
“Come on, Ryan, let’s head to the bar to save your delicate sensibilities,” he offered with a wide grin.
“Whatever, asshole.” I stood and eased out of the booth.
“I’ll have another cider. I’ll be fine here with my new teacher,” Amber threw out, high-fiving Lenny.
I shook my head, not-so-secretly happy she was having a great time. My happiness jumped a level or five when Nate led me to the far side of the bar, took hold of my hand, and urged me to the rear courtyard.
Grinning, I followed him eagerly as we wound around the tables and standing bodies. More than one appreciative glance was sent Nate’s way. I held on tighter, so damn lucky that we were here together.
As soon as we reached the far wall, Nate turned and backed toward it, allowing the wooden fence to support him. I stepped into his space without hesitation, not stopping until our bodies were flush and our mouths touched.
The kiss was fierce and all-encompassing and most definitely not appropriate for public viewing. Our tongues brushing against each other’s turned my brain to blissful mush. And I loved every single moment of it.
Nate pulled back first, his breathing heavy, pupils blown underneath the scattering of outdoor lighting. “You needed that about as much as I did, huh?” His gaze darted around my face, much like mine was his, drinking in his expression.
“And some,” I readily admitted.
Nate reached up and cupped my cheek, remaining silent. I swallowed hard, desperation threatening to crawl out of me. The words spilled out anyway. “How the fuck am I going to leave you in two weeks?”