Chapter 20 #2
Nate startled, his color disappearing so quickly, a rush of concern hit me.
“I’m sorry, that’s not what I— Shit, Ryan, I didn’t mean you only wanted me as an easy fuck.
” A wash of green bled into his white, and for a moment, I thought he was going to hurl.
“That’s not what I meant.” Whisper-soft, his words found their mark.
Tension drained from my body, and I closed my eyes.
Why the fuck did everything have to be so complicated?
“I’m sorry I jumped all over you,” I whispered, flexing my hand, craving his touch.
His gaze caught my movement, and he reached out and clutched my hand.
“I love you, and I don’t know how to do that and be happy, and work, and be who you need me to be.
I’m a selfish fuck because I want it all.
I’m greedy, and I want the whole fucking cake. ”
Shit, I was going to cry.
Tears threatened, and I begged them not to fall. I hadn’t cried since the day Nate’s dad dropped me at the airport all those years ago. Even then, it was after he’d left me, and I’d raced to the restroom where I could snivel in private. But fuck if I didn’t want to bawl my eyes out now.
Nate’s finger brushing against my cheek created a damp path. Hell. He kissed me, barely a peck, but enough to remind me he was still here.
When he pulled back, his eyes glistened. “I want you to have it all. You deserve it all.”
With a calming breath, I leaned my forehead against his. “I have a second plan.”
A soft chuckle passed his lips. “Of course you do.”
The warmth in his voice eased some of the aches in my heart.
“You going to tell me about it?”
“I finish my season’s contract with Vegas, you visit me once a month to help keep us sane, I’ll fly back if my schedule ever allows it. Then I’m done. I’ll retire and come back to Australia. Make myself cozy in this house of yours and call your bed ours.”
The hitch of Nate’s breath grabbed my attention. Unsure what to expect—surprise, perhaps—my brows shot high at the fierce expression forming.
“What?”
“That’s a hard fucking hell no.”
So startled, I huffed out a short laugh. No lie, I was confused as fuck. “A hard no? What sort of agreement do you think we’re hashing out here?” Bewildered humor seemed like my only possible response.
“Giving up basketball isn’t okay. At least if you’re doing it just for me. We’ve already discussed this.”
Tilting my head, I managed a soft smile, despite us still being at an impasse. “I know this isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned to you about coming home,” I reminded him. “I mean before yesterday.”
With his gaze darting around my face, uncertainty registered.
“Even before I came back, before you made me fall head over heels in love with you”—that one earned me a sweet, pink-cheeked smile—“already I was considering my options.” I shook my head, feeling exhausted despite it only being midmorning.
“I love basketball, love my job. I’m also not a spring chicken anymore in the League.
But I also love you.” I shook my head when he opened his mouth as if to speak.
“I also love and miss my family. Miss the peace of the Sunny Coast.” I rubbed my thumb over his hand, enjoying the sensation.
It was a touch I didn’t think I’d ever tire of.
“Hell,” I chuckled, “I love the anonymity.” When I stopped talking, Nate remained staring at me, lips pursed. “I’ve finished. Your turn.”
At my smirk, he rolled his eyes. That simple gesture made me giddy. We’d figure this out. I knew it as surely as I knew Nate was a grower. I’d marveled, almost swallowing my tongue when I’d stared in awe at that transformation.
“I know you’ve mentioned it before,” he admitted, “but do you think you’ll be satisfied not playing professionally? Especially when you’re still doing so well? I’m not yanking your chain just because you give great head. On the court, you’re spectacular.”
Happiness broke free, and I tugged him toward me, capturing his lips and going to town on his mouth. I swallowed every groan and committed his taste to memory. When I pulled away, Nate’s eyes were closed, and he panted.
“I like to think I’m spectacular off the court too.”
Nate’s lids popped open so fast, my giddiness burst free with a loud, snorting laugh. Despite the narrowing of his eyes, his lips twitched.
“You want me to start adding not so complimentary descriptors to that list, wisearse?”
With a quick shake of my head, I sat back and took him in. “I don’t feel like I ever started really living again until we reconnected.” The heat of embarrassment rushed to my skin, but I hadn’t been lying to myself about sharing all of me with him.
“Fuck, Broadwater. You can’t say shit like that and not expect me to give you whatever you want.”
Hope, all light and floaty, sparked into existence, and this time it caught fire, refusing to extinguish.
As a kookaburra laughed its noisy ass off from its perch on the fence, I quirked my brow at Nate. “In that case, I’m calling it.” I leaned in and paused a hairsbreadth away from capturing his mouth. “No take backs.”